Never Far Away

by Anie Michaels

  “Um, ok, thanks again, Porter. I’ll call you,” she said over her shoulder as Tilly was pulling her across the bar towards what looked to be a mid-thirtyish man whose shirt was a size too small, and not in a good way.

  Porter slid back into the booth next to Ella and placed his arm around her shoulders.

  “Ella Sinclair, if I didn’t know any better, I would say that you were jealous just then.” Ella tried not to pout.

  “She was touching your arm, Porter. She’s lucky she still has all of her fingers attached. How many ex-girlfriends of yours are roaming around this town?”

  “You know I didn’t really date and I wouldn’t even call Amy an ex-girlfriend. We dated a few times. Nothing serious.”

  “But you slept with her?”

  Porter coughed suddenly, needing a drink of the water in front of him.

  “Well, this is uncomfortable,” he mumbled when she kept staring at him waiting for an answer.

  “Let’s grow up, Porter. We’re both adults here. We’ve both had sex before we met each other. Just tell me. What’s your number?”

  “My number?”

  “Yeah, like, how many women have you been with?”

  “At one time? Or like, all together?”

  “Shut up, Porter.” She sent him a withering look and he was laughing at his own joke. “Seriously, I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

  “I don’t want to know your number. Honestly. Let’s just assume we were both virgins when we met.”

  “That is ridiculous. Besides, you had to have learned your moves from somewhere,” she said, trying not to blush.

  “You think I have moves?” He leaned in closer, his lips nibbling on her earlobe.

  Ella groaned quietly.

  “Porter, when we first made love, you blew my mind. I had no idea sex with someone could be so, well, intimate.” He used his index finger to turn her chin so look at him. He brushed some hair behind her ear and cupped the side of her face.

  “It’s only ever been that way with you.” She sighed at his sweetness and leaned her forehead against his.

  “I missed your words, Porter.”

  “I think you took them with you. I’ve got no use for them unless I’ve got you to say them to.” She looked up at him again and leaned closer. Her lips came to rest upon his, not seeking heat or looking for instant passion, just a connection.

  “I don’t want to be without you anymore,” she said against his lips.

  “You’ll never be without me,” he countered and took their kiss deeper, using his hand on the back of her neck to pull her in to him. She let him kiss her and she gave as much as she got, but she pulled away eventually.

  “I want to have a serious conversation about this. Tonight.”

  “Whatever you want, Babe. Let’s just do it at home, without prying eyes or ears,” he nodded his head towards the bar where Tilly was serving drinks and spying on them simultaneously.

  “Deal,” she said and kissed him quickly one more time.

  Chapter Eight

  Ella

  Later that night, Ella found herself sifting through Porter’s closet searching for something comfortable to wear to bed. She found a pair of his boxers and a tee shirt and sighed in contentment, smelling his shirt, finding his scent soothing. She quickly shed her clothes and slipped into his. When she exited the closet, she found Porter sitting up in his bed reading a book. She smiled at the sight of him, doing something as normal as reading a book. She loved that she was here with him, able to see him just reading. She wanted this every night. She wanted to share a life with him. And she wanted to start now.

  “Baby? Can we talk?” Porter closed his book and set it down on the table next to the bed.

  “Of course.”

  She walked to the bed and climbed up, then got under the covers and snuggled up next to his side. He kissed her temple and she smiled into his chest.

  “Listen, Porter, I know that I’ve just gotten my memory back and we’ve just found each other again, but I am really serious about us being together. I don’t want us to be separated any more, in any way. I think we’ve been through enough and if we can make it through the last two months, we can make it through anything.”

  “Ok, so let’s talk specifics. What is it that you want?” He brushed his fingers through her loose hair, waiting for her response. Ella took in a deep breath, readying herself to lay everything on the line. She was going to put everything out there and it would go one of two ways.

  “Well,” she said, resting her head on his chest so she was looking right in his eyes, “I want to ask Megan to manage Poppy in Portland and to look into opening a new store in Salem. Even if Megan doesn’t want to do it, Brittany graduated and is looking for a job. I’m sure she’d take it if I offered. I want to move to Salem and I want you there with me.” She watched his face, hoping for any indication of what he was feeling or thinking. His brows furrowed a little, creating sexy wrinkled between them.

  “So, you want us both to move to Salem? Where would we live?”

  “Well, I don’t know. We could rent a house or an apartment. I hadn’t really thought too far into housing. It seems silly to think about it before we’ve decided what was happening.” She turned her head so her cheek was resting on his stomach, and she could feel it rising and falling with his breath. “If you don’t want to move to Salem, it’s fine. I am going to move there regardless. It’s time for me to branch out and expand; it makes sense for me. I understand if this is too soon for you, or if you’d rather just keep things the way they are, or the way we originally intended. Salem is a whole hour closer than Portland, so at least there’s that.” She rambled and she knew it. His silence unnerved her and she just wanted him to say something, one way or another.

  “Hey, don’t try and talk me out of it,” he said, pulling her chin back to look at him. “Let’s just think it through a little. I don’t want this to be impulsive; I want it to be right, for both of us.”

  “Ok,” she said quietly.

  “So, you want us to move to Salem together. You will open another store there and I will commute to Lincoln City? What will I do with my house?”

  “Well, I guess that’s up to you, but I wouldn’t want you to sell this house. I love this house. Do you mind the commute every day? That’s two hours in a car, every day. And you’d probably have to leave your boat here too.”

  “I don’t want to sell and I don’t need to. We could still come here on the weekends. I think I would rather rent a house, an apartment would probably be too small. But eventually I’ll want to build us a house.” Her heart stopped as her eyes caught his. She felt the breath burning in her lungs trying to get out.

  “You want to build us a house?” She whispered, a little unsure she’d heard him correctly.

  “Of course I want to build us a house, Baby. I want to give you everything.” He rolled over her and pressed a kiss on her lips. “Don’t doubt us, Ella. I want us to be together more than anything, but I just wanted to make sure that we’re doing it right.” He gently flicked his nose against hers. “I’ve never lived with someone before. Aren’t you worried you’ll have to break me in?” He smiled at her.

  “I’d love nothing more than to break you in,” she said with a sly grin. Then she realized what he’d said. “Wait, does this mean you’ll do it?”

  “Of course I’ll do it; that was never a question, Ella. I’d move anywhere to be with you.”

  “Well, you could have fooled me, I was really worried I was laying it all out there and that you were going to reject me,” she said, playfully slapping his chest.

  “Being with you is all I’ve ever wanted,” he said suddenly serious.

  “I know. I’m sorry it took a gunshot, a coma, and some amnesia to bring me around.”

  “Yeah, no more of that,” he said.

  “No problem.”

  The next morning was Monday and Ella called Dr. Andrews’ office. Once she told the nurse her situ
ation, she said the doctor would want to see her that day. To Ella’s delight, Porter called his second-in-command at his company and told him he wouldn’t be in that day. They both got ready to head to Portland to return to OHSU.

  “Are you nervous about seeing the doctor?” Porter asked her as the Portland skyline came into view. They had already dropped her car off at her apartment and were in his truck. He casually had his hand on her thigh and every time his thumb grazed over her skin gently, she could feel the sensation shoot directly to her core causing goose bumps on the back of her neck.

  “Not really,” she smiled at him. “I really feel like everything is going to be ok. Are you nervous?” She asked as she reached out to take his hand, anticipating his answer.

  “A little. I just need to hear him tell me that you won’t lose your memory again.” She kissed his hand, trying to offer him comfort even though she knew she couldn’t tell him what he needed to hear.

  They made it to the hospital and found their way through the maze, finally arriving at his office. His receptionist led them to an examination room and told them the doctor would be in shortly. Ella waited patiently on the examination table, while Porter paced the room. She could feel the anxiety coming off of him and it was starting to make her nervous, too. What if the doctor came in the room and told her it was likely she’d forget again? How could they make sure that if her memory went away she would still be a part of Porter’s life? The only thing she could think of was marriage. He’d still be a stranger to her if she forgot, but at least her family couldn’t keep him away again. Would he even want to marry her? Would she want to marry him? She smiled to herself, glad he wasn’t looking at her. Of course she would marry him. Right now if he asked. But the idea of marrying him just to safeguard against something that might not even happen didn’t sit well with her. She wanted to marry him because she loved him and when the time was right.

  The door opened and Dr. Andrews walked in with a smile.

  “Ella, so good to see you. I hear your memory has returned.” He shook her hand and then turned to shake Porter’s. “Mr. Masters, good to see you again too. And honestly, it’s good to see you together,” he smiled at them both. “Ella, why don’t you tell me about how your memory came back to you?”

  “Ok, well, Porter and I were out hiking and I started to get a little dizzy. We started to head home but I started to get a really bad headache. It was probably more like a migraine.” The doctor was listening to her and writing notes on his notepad. “The headache got really bad and all I could do was sleep.” She looked over at Porter, realizing that she hadn’t told him the next part yet.

  “I started having these really vivid dreams. Well, what I thought were dreams, turns out they were memories. They were all about Porter. And they were very real,” she coughed a little, embarrassed to remember the phantom orgasm she’d had. “Anyway, I woke up and my headache was even worse, but then I started to have what I would call a panic attack. It was like I knew something was happening, but I didn’t know what. Then, all of a sudden, I just remembered. Everything was back. The headache was gone.” She looked back at the doctor.

  “Well, it sounds pretty stressful. Have you had any problems with panic or anxiety in the past?”

  “No. Only during the attack at my apartment before the shooting,” at her words she saw Porter’s head snap towards her.

  “So, now you also remember the attack?” The doctor asked softly. She looked down at her hands.

  “Yes.”

  “Ok,” the doctor said and let out a loud sigh. “Here’s my doctor speech: The brain is still a mystery to the medical field. For every one fact we know about how the brain works, we don’t know a million things. So, the best I can give you is an educated guess. It seems as though whatever connection in your brain that was damaged when you hit your head has been repaired. That might have been the headache. The pain you felt could have been your brain making the final repairs to restore that connection, which would explain why the headache went away as soon as your memory returned.

  “There are very few cases of people having retro-grade amnesia. Short term memory loss is far more common. There are even fewer cases of patients with retro-grade amnesia having their memory restored. I, personally, have never treated anyone whose memory came back. You should consider yourself remarkably lucky, Ella.” His words caused Ella’s eyes to tear up. Even the doctor hadn’t had faith in the fact that she would remember. It became obvious to her in that moment that her love for Porter, and his for her, was the only thing that saved her. She looked up at Porter and his eyes mirrored her. He came to her side and wrapped his arms around her, rubbing his hand along her back, trying to sooth her.

  “It’s ok, Ella. I’m right here,” Porter whispered in her ear. She took a few deep breaths and then pulled away, looking back to the doctor.

  “Do you think I am ok, Dr. Andrews? Is there anything we should be worried about?”

  “Well, I would like to get another CT scan today, just to check everything out and be very sure everything looks normal, which I fully expect it to. But there really isn’t anything for you to worry about. Once I heard your memory had returned, having no experience with patients in your situation, I reached out to some colleagues around the region and from what I gathered, no one has ever dealt with a patient who regained their memory and then lost it again. It seems to be, as far as we can tell, a permanent fix.” He smiled at her. “The brain is a miraculous and wonderful thing. We should trust that it will be fine from here on out.”

  Ella laughed out loud with happiness and she heard Porter release a breath he must have been holding for weeks. She looked at him and had never seen such a joyful look on his face.

  “So, what I remember now, I should remember forever?”

  “That should be correct.” The doctor’s face went from smiling back to serious. “Now Ella, although I am convinced that your brain itself is healing nicely, I am a little concerned about your mental health. Dealing with all the memories returning, the good, the bad, and the panic that accompanied them, I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to a psychiatrist. I think it would be good for you to discuss your attack and the robbery with a professional. They can also prescribe something for the anxiety, if you would want them to.” Dr. Andrews took a business card out of his coat pocket and handed one to her and one to Porter. “It might not be a bad idea for you to talk to someone too.” Porter took the card and nodded.

  “Do either of you have any questions for me before we get you a CT scan?”

  “No,” Ella said, “I’ve heard everything I wanted to hear.”

  “Great, I will have my nurse get you all settled and I will call you tomorrow with the results. By the way, this man here,” he said, pointing to Porter, “he never left your side while you were in a coma. All the nurses were all in a flutter over him in the ICU. He impressed a lot of people with how devoted he was to you. I know as a doctor I might be overstepping my boundaries here, but as a father, I admire him for the way he took care of you. I wouldn’t want anything less for one of my daughters.”

  Ella was stunned by the doctor’s words. As he made his way out of the examination room, he shook Porter’s hand and thumped him on the shoulder, in less of a doctor way and more of a man-to-man way. Ella raised her eyebrows at Porter.

  “Well, you certainly made an impression on the good doctor,” she said with a smile. Then the nurse came in and took Ella to get a CT scan.

  After the CT scan, Ella wanted to go to the store to check in and make sure everything was running smoothly since she made the hasty retreat to the beach.

  When Porter’s truck turned onto the street of Poppy, Ella’s heartbeat thundered through her chest. As her store front came into view, she felt her body start to shake.

  “Ella, Baby, what’s wrong?” Porter pulled the truck over and scooted towards her, enveloping her in his arms. He stroked his hand down her hair, rocking her gently side to side. “Please, talk
to me.” Ella was still shaking, but with her face buried in his chest she tried to answer him.

  “I just haven’t been back to the store since I remembered the accident,” she said through shaky breaths. Porter pulled her in closer to him, tightening his hold on her.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about that,” he said gently. “Do you want to go?” She shook her head against his shirt.

  “No, it’s my store. I can’t avoid it. I just need a minute.” So they sat there as she focused on breathing and the sensation of Porter’s hand sifting through her hair.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure,” she said as she pulled back from him.

  “Do you remember who shot you?” He whispered, almost as if he was afraid his voice would break her.

  “I remember seeing the man who shot me, yes, but I never saw his face.”

  “Could it have been Kyle?” He asked gently. Ella looked in Porter’s eyes and saw the pain in them. She knew he wanted nothing more than for Kyle to be the bad guy so that he had someone tangible to blame all their heartache on.

  “No. It wasn’t Kyle,” she whispered.

  Porter placed his hand on the side of her face, stroking his thumb across her cheek.

  “You’re sure?”

  Ella silently nodded her head. He placed a kiss on her forehead and let out a loud sigh. She knew he was upset, even with her memory coming back they were no closer to knowing who had shot her than before. She almost felt disappointed in herself. She could only imagine the hope that had been hinged on her getting back her memory.

  “I’m sorry I don’t remember, Porter. I didn’t see his face, but I would have known if it were Kyle. I would have recognized him.”

  “I know, Baby. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” He paused for a moment. “Do you still want to go inside?”

  “Yes. I can’t let the memories stop me from going into my own store. Thank you for holding me,” she looked up at him.

  “Always,” he said and gave her a small kiss. He pulled away, got out of the truck, and came around to her side, ever the gentleman. He opened her door and linked his fingers with hers as they walked towards Poppy.