“She was!” Dad’s voice reverberated throughout the room. “That girl spelled nothing but disaster for you. She was an airy-fairy dreamer who was leading you astray. I did what was necessary to protect you!”
“What?” Mom touched his arm, clearly oblivious to my father’s manipulation. “You never told me this.”
“It’s what you wanted, Gloria. You were distraught after Nixon told us their travel plans, petrified that we were going to lose him. I had to do something. I couldn’t see you suffer that way again.” Dad’s voice cracked.
My eyebrows dipped together, Dad’s wretched expression trying to tug at my sympathy, but I still couldn’t move past the fact that he’d interfered. “What did you say to Charlie? Did you threaten her?”
He looked to the floor like he’d just been busted. Mom blinked at me, still trying to process what was going on.
“You scared her off.” My voice was low and brittle. “You made up some bullshit story, weaving the perfect lies to drive her away from me!”
Dad smoothed a hand over his hair and patted the back of his head. “It wasn’t all lies. Your plans were going to pull the family apart. I told her what you both needed to understand, what you weren’t willing to hear!”
“What did you say, huh? What threat was the clincher?” My voice was deep with rage.
Dad closed his eyes, then shook his head like I was being a pain in the ass for asking. “I just laid out what your future might look like. You were young and immature, your plans barely thought through. You would have faced so many battles. It would have been too hard, so she left.”
“Because you told her to!”
“I didn’t tell her she had to go. She made that choice when she said she couldn’t look you in the eye and break it off. Come on, son, she was smart enough to know you two were a lost cause. You were the only one who didn’t get it.”
“Until Shayna.” Mom implored me with a look that could have broken the strongest man. But I’d seen it too many times before. I’d given into it…to my own detriment.
Enough was enough.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I fought for air as a new kind of rage brewed inside me. It was a thunderstorm, and I fed off its power.
Letting out a frustrated yell, I pointed at my parents and went for it. “You convinced me that she was too wild and that’s why she left! You made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of her!”
“We never!” Mom’s voice pitched high. “Honey, she left without saying goodbye. That was her choice. And I may not have known what your father did, but…” She glanced at Dad. “He said those things to her because he loves us. And she did leave without a word, which hurt you incredibly. She could have handled that so much better.”
“Don’t you dare!” I pointed at Mom. “Don’t you dare judge her when Dad was the one who crossed the line! We could have talked about it! We could have found a compromise, but you drove her away from me and then lied about it!” My voice boomed inside the room, the vein in my forehead no doubt bulging.
Mom blinked, her hand trembling as she covered her mouth.
“We just wanted to protect you.” Dad spoke calmly, ever the smooth and cool lawyer. “You’re so…important to us, and she had this hold on you. We were scared to lose you. We so want you to have a good life.”
“Yeah, a good life,” I spat. “One where I’m happy. And you stole that from me. I know you never really liked Charlie. She scared you. You just thought of her as a threat. But you never got it. You never saw how she brought me to life. After Reagan died, she was the first person to make me feel joy again. I was genuinely happy whenever I was with her. How could you take that from me?”
Mom and Dad didn’t answer right away, so I kept going.
“You go on and on about wanting me to have a safe, secure life.” I threw my arms up. “I could be whoever I wanted around her and she was going to love me anyway. That was the kind of security I had in her. The only security you’ve offered me is financial. That’s worthless if this is how I’m going to feel for the rest of my life!” I slapped my chest as I spoke. “I am unhappy! I am living a life I don’t want, to try and please all you people!”
The raw honesty in my voice shocked them both.
Mom’s hand fluttered over her chest as she tried to find her voice.
“How…how can you not be happy?” She trembled. “You have everything you need. We’ve given you everything!”
“Except love without expectation.” I leaned forward, begging her to understand. “Do you have any idea how exhausting it is? I have tried so hard to make you guys proud. To make up for the pain of losing your daughter.”
“And you have.” Dad went to squeeze my shoulder but I jerked away from him.
“I don’t need your pride anymore. I want your acceptance…and your love. But I need to choose my own life, and I need that to be okay with you.”
Mom’s mouth opened like she wanted to speak, but nothing came out.
Dad’s wounded expression made my heart sink.
Closing my eyes, I let out a soft sigh and shook my head. “It’s not going to be, is it?”
The only sound in the room was the ticking clock on the mantel. It had never sounded so frickin’ loud.
My jaw worked to the side as I shook my head and let out a heavy sigh.
“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint, but it’s time for me to do what I should have done years ago. I’ve strived my whole life to be the perfect son, but I can’t carry that responsibility anymore. I want Charlie. I love her. She’s the only girl I’m meant to be with. Now I don’t give a shit if you want me to or not, but I’m finding that girl and I’m telling her exactly how I feel. And I will frickin’ drop to my knees and beg if I have to, until she understands how much I never wanted to let her go.”
“What about graduation?” Mom whispered. “You’re still going to do that, right? And Columbia? Your future?”
I frowned at her, pissed off yet not surprised that she was of course worrying about fucking law school and not my tattered heart.
Dad’s pained expression deepened. “Please, please don’t give up this opportunity. You’ve worked so hard. Get your qualifications and then go wherever the hell you need to. Heck, take Charlie to New York with you if that helps. Please, son. Please don’t throw this opportunity away.”
I cringed, yet again feeling that pressure and struggling to stand up against it.
I didn’t love the idea of law school, but if Charlie came with me…
If Dad was saying they’d accept that…
At the end of the day she was all I wanted. If I could convince her to join me, then I could do it. And maybe I’d have a chance of keeping both parties happy.
Maybe I could make this work.
With a heavy sigh, I gave them both a stern glare. “If she agrees to come with me, then you will treat her like a queen, you understand me? You will accept the fact that we love each other and you will do nothing to break us apart again. Are we agreed?”
Dad’s expression was hard, but he relented with a stiff nod.
Mom was still staring at the floor, shock turning her face a stark white.
“Look, I’m sorry about the wedding, Mom. I’m sorry I didn’t find the courage to do this earlier. I should never have let it get this far.”
“Is Shayna okay?”
“I hope she will be.” My chest hurt. I hated that she had become a victim of this fight.
Mom sniffed delicately and tried for a smile. “She’s a strong woman. I’m sure she’ll be fine.”
“I know it’s awkward, but divorce would be worse. If you’d just let me follow my heart in the first place, all of this could have been avoided.”
She closed her eyes like she was going to throw up and pressed her hand into her stomach.
I wanted to apologize for letting them down, but I just couldn’t form the words.
They’d let me down.
If anyone had a right to be pissed off, it was
me.
Unable to keep looking at their forlorn faces, I made a beeline for my old room. I had no place else to go.
I took the stairs two at a time and shut myself away. I’d hoped to feel liberated by my outburst, but the heavy weight still sat inside me, a painful reminder that this was a bleak day for my family. The joy Mom and Dad had so desperately been waiting for was covered with another gray cloud. It was partly their doing. But it was also mine.
Chapter Thirty-One
Charlie
For some weird reason, it almost felt like the last day of my life. I couldn’t pinpoint why. Maybe because I’d been seeing Troy and Cassie’s wedding as my final chapter.
After that, I was off.
Charlie Watson. A new girl. A new life.
I was petrified yet motivated.
Checking my makeup in the mirror, I smoothed my finger under the purple lipstick on my bottom lip and then just sat there gazing at my reflection for a second. I’d bunched my hair into a messy knot to keep it out of my way while I worked, but tendrils of blue hair had fallen free and were framing my face. Fingering one of my curls, I couldn’t help a small smile. I really did love my blue-tipped hair.
Nixon had liked it too, I could tell. It was his favorite color. That’s why I’d chosen it. Even though I hadn’t seen him for years, I’d still tried to keep a part of him with me. Dyeing my hair had been a subtle attempt that only I understood.
I should have probably cut it off before I left, made a clean break.
But I just couldn’t do it.
No matter how far I traveled, Nixon would always be there in some way.
Maybe as time passed, my blue hair would come to stand for something else.
The thought was kind of depressing. My shoulders sagged, in sync with my lips.
“Stop it,” I whispered. “You can do this. It’s time to stop waiting and go. No matter what happens, you go. You go see the world.”
My reflection nodded, my purple lips twitching with a smile as a tendril of excitement flittered through me.
“Charlie! Time to get going, sweetie,” Dad called from the living room.
I rolled my eyes and grinned. Dad hated tardiness. He wasn’t even involved with the wedding, but he wasn’t about to let his daughter be late.
Smoothing down my glittery blue skinny pants, I grabbed my gear and headed for the door.
“You all set?”
“Yep.” I nodded, smiling when he kissed me on the cheek.
“Love you, my girl.”
“Love you too, Dad.” I winked and took the keys from his hand. “See you guys much later.”
“Okay, honey,” Mom called from her bedroom window.
I waved at her from the driveway.
“Try to have a little fun while you’re there.”
“Mom, I’m there to work.”
“I know, but have fun anyway.” She grinned and blew me a kiss.
I caught it and rubbed it into my cheek before getting into Dad’s car.
I’d sold my rust bucket on Craigslist two days before. It was a miracle I got anything for it, but a mechanic with a soft spot for Volkswagens bought it off me. It was a painful sale. Mom spent the whole time wiggling her eyebrows behind his back and mouthing about how hot he was.
Thank God I was leaving the country and she couldn’t keep trying to hook me up with random men.
My heart had always belonged to Nixon; I couldn’t imagine giving it to anyone else.
In the last few months, I’d come to terms with that and given my heart to a new dream—travel.
It was time for me to go and be Charlie without Nixon.
Chix would officially die on Nixon’s wedding day, and I’d be in Hawaii by then, discovering who I was without him…or even the hope of him.
It was kind of liberating in some ways.
But it still didn’t take that icy edge of pain away.
I was hoping that would melt in time.
“Please melt,” I whispered as I reversed out of the driveway and drove to my last LA job.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Nixon
I hadn’t seen or spoken to Charlie in three months. Turning up on her doorstep was a ballsy move, but I didn’t know what else to do.
Graduation the day before had been freaking painful. Having to explain to my college buddies and their families that I’d dumped my hot fiancée was hard work. My parents’ humiliation was impossible to miss. They put on brave smiles, but their silence in the car on the way home had been deafening.
I’d let them down.
I’d let them all down for a girl they didn’t even like.
And I’d never felt so justified.
Clearing my throat, I ran a hand through my hair and walked up the front steps.
“Please still be living here,” I whispered, suddenly aware that there was every chance Charlie may have left and moved in with that boyfriend she’d told me about, or moved back to Montana, or skipped the country altogether.
The possibilities were endless.
It sent a lightning bolt right through me and I ended up pounding on the door as soon as I reached it.
“Charlie?” I called when no one answered.
Rubbing my chin, I knocked again, my knuckles stinging in my desperation.
“Excuse me,” someone said. “Hey, excuse me!”
I spun around and found a short lady with gray curls and wrinkles around her eyes peering out her front door.
“Can I help you?” She frowned.
“Oh.” I pointed my thumb over my shoulder. “I was just looking for Charlie.”
The lady’s forehead wrinkled.
“Charlotte Watson. I thought she lived here.”
“Sorry, but she moved out about a week ago.”
“Oh.” I nodded, looking down to hide my searing disappointment. “Do you…do you know where I might be able to find her?”
“I’m pretty sure she’s at her wedding today.”
“Her wedding?” The words were like a broadsword slashing straight through me.
“Yeah, I heard them talking as they carried their stuff away. All wedding chatter. Excited for the big day. You should have seen the diamond on her finger. It’s beautiful.”
I couldn’t breathe.
It couldn’t be happening.
“Are you alright?” The screen door creaked as the lady opened it a little wider and stepped out to check on me.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I clipped, shooting down the stairs before she could reach me. “Thank you for your help.”
I tried to run to my car, but my legs felt like slugs. My hand shook as I unlocked the door and slipped into the driver’s seat.
“Shit.” I whispered, gripping the wheel and unleashing a shout. “SHIT!”
I banged the wheel until I was a puffing mess, then rested my forehead against it.
I was too late.
The love of my life was going off to marry some guy who had given her diamonds.
“She’s not even a diamond girl!” I yelled, hating that he didn’t know her well enough.
A diamond on Charlie was laughable. I couldn’t even picture it. If I ever had the chance to marry her, I’d slip a moonstone or an opal ring on her finger, something untraditional and perfect for her.
Why’d she say yes?
Was it a reaction to my engagement?
Did she do it because she thought I didn’t want her anymore?
“You can’t do this, Charlie. I want you. I want you!”
Snatching my phone, I started hunting for her number. After ten minutes, I finally found it on the All About the Bride and Groom website. I dialed the number and tapped my finger on the wheel…while it went straight to her voice mail message.
“Dammit!”
I gripped my phone and went to throw it on the seat when another idea hit me.
Pulling back up the website, I called Sarah, the girl who’d been working with us to plan Shayna’s big day. I dreaded spe
aking to her, but hopefully she’d have a good idea where I could find Charlie. Hell, if Charlie was getting married, she would have planned the damn thing.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Sarah. It’s Nixon. Nixon Holloway?”
“Hello?” She spoke a little louder.
“Sarah? Can you hear me? I’m looking for Charlie.”
“Charlie? She’s on her way to St. Patrick’s for the wedding. I’m sorry, I didn’t catch who this was.”
“St. Patrick’s in town?”
“Hello?”
I gritted my teeth, fighting the urge to scream into the phone.
“Hello? Sorry, I can’t really hear you.” She let out a disgusted huff. “Justin, my phone’s acting up again.”
There was a scuffle of noise, and then Justin was in my ear. “H-hello? Can you hear me?”
“Yes, can you hear me?” I shouted. “Is Charlie getting married?”
“Hello? It must be bad reception,” Justin mumbled. “My phone was acting up before too.”
“Shit,” I muttered, giving up and dropping the phone onto the passenger seat. I leaned my head back.
St. Patrick’s. If it was the place I was thinking of, it was a big-ass cathedral-like church.
“So not Charlie,” I muttered.
How could she do it?
I couldn’t let her do it.
I loved her too much to let her fall into the same trap as me. Even if she didn’t want me, I still had to stop the wedding. Or at least I had to see her face and know for sure that she wanted to marry this guy.
Lurching forward, I fired up the engine and nearly laughed when “Crashed the Wedding” blasted through my speakers.
There was that music again, telling me what to do.
Turning up the volume, I revved the engine and powered my way into town.
The map on my phone led me to St. Patrick’s easily. I parked up on the curb, not even bothering to lock the car as I sprinted up the wide concrete steps and busted into the church.
As soon as I reached the aisle and saw her standing there in a lavish white gown next to some tall guy in a penguin suit, I yelled, “Stop! Everyone stop!”
Rather Be (A Songbird Novel) Page 17
