She scoffed and slashed a tear off her cheek. “Your dad told me all about it. She was some reckless girl who wanted to pull you away from your family. Your mother was so upset, but you were so blinded by her influence.”
“That’s…that’s not true, actually.”
“Whatever. She was destroying your family, okay? If your dad hadn’t intervened, she—”
“What?” I cut her off.
Shayna frowned at my interruption. “They knew she was going to break your heart, so he stepped in to save you guys and keep the family together. And she did exactly what he thought she would. She just took off without a word, breaking your heart.” She waved her hand in the air then slapped it down on her knee. “That’s the girl you’d rather be with?”
“Protect me?” I shot off the bed and spun to face her. “What did he do? Did he say something to her?”
Her right eyebrow arched, but then she averted her gaze to the floor. “I don’t know all the details. He just told me that she was leading you astray and he had a quiet word with her to make sure she wasn’t going to ruin your life. But then she did. She just left! And that’s why he’s so grateful to me, and why he’s so happy we’re together. Because he knows I would never do something like that to you.”
My heart pounded, my head reeling as I tried to take in what she was saying.
Dad had intervened.
Anger bubbled. No wonder she took off.
He convinced her she wasn’t good enough for me!
And then Mom sold me on the fact that Charlie was some impulsive, flighty chick who wasn’t right for me.
Did she know about Dad’s quiet word?
I squeezed my head, breathing hard as I tried to rein in the heated emotions.
“Do you even know where she is?” Shayna spat. “You haven’t seen her in like four years. Unless you’ve secretly been having an affair with her this whole time.”
“No.” I shook my head, distracted.
“So, why now? Why on the brink of our wedding is this all coming to a head? You’re going to hurt a lot of people with this decision.”
“I know,” I croaked, finally looking her in the eye. “But all this time I’ve been ignoring the problem because I didn’t want to hurt you. I thought if I just tried hard enough, I could…” My shoulders deflated with a sigh. “I know I’ve said this already, but you need to marry a guy who can give you all the things you want. Someone who’ll be devoted and adoring. Someone you can be yourself around.”
“I am myself around you.”
“But I’m not me around you.” I sighed. “I can never fully relax because I’m always worried I’ll do something you don’t like. I go with the flow because it’s peaceful and easy, and you like it that way. But it’s not what I want.”
She gave me an incredulous look. I’d apparently hidden things pretty damn well, because my big confession was obviously coming out of left field. Her jaw worked to the side as she shook her head. She was clearly annoyed that I’d been living a lie this whole time.
“What…what do you want, then?”
“I want Charlie,” I whispered. “I want to be with Charlie.”
Shayna’s expression crumpled. Tears built on her lashes and quickly slid free.
I brushed them away with my thumb. “How do I make this better?”
She sniffed and pulled herself straight, gently flicking my hand away from her. “You leave. You take your stuff and you walk out that door. And don’t even think about contacting me again.”
Her voice was soft yet commanding. I almost felt wounded, but I knew survival mode when I saw it.
“I need the clean break.” She raised her chin. “I can’t drag this out and torture myself with the idea that maybe you’ll change your mind. Even if you do, I don’t want you back. This is it for us, so just go. The faster the better.”
Her hard line was pure defense. So Shayna. She’d never been one to mess around.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and asked in a husky voice, “Are you going to be okay?”
“Harper will be home soon. We’ll get drunk and curse your name.” Her glare was a mixture of pain and mourning.
I stood and moved away from it, opening my mouth to apologize again.
“Don’t.” She shook her head. “It’d be so much worse if you were saying this in five years.”
Dipping her head, she stood and walked out of the room.
The front door slammed shut behind her, and I was left alone to pack my stuff and leave.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Charlie
“So you’re all packed?” Mom passed me a cup of peach iced tea and took a seat beside me.
We were in her cluttered little kitchen, at the round wooden table that had been sitting in the corner ever since they’d moved in five years ago.
Five years. That was a record for them.
Mom and Dad had saved for years to be able to afford their own place. We’d jumped from one rental property to another, until finally in my senior year of high school, they’d found this place and had enough deposit to secure it. They’d be paying off the mortgage for at least another twenty years, but they owned a tiny slice of LA, and they couldn’t be more house-proud if they tried.
Dad was out in the garden, singing off-key while he weeded and pruned. It’d taken Mom all of five minutes to roll her eyes and turn the radio on.
“Comeback Kid” by Against the Current was keeping us company as I answered Mom’s question.
“I’ve got everything organized. The apartment needs cleaning, but I’ll meet Fliss there this afternoon to do that. And then we hand over the keys.”
“I bet she’s excited.” Mom wiggled her eyebrows.
I laughed and shook my head. “She’ll go crazy living in that Chaos zoo with everyone, but she’s in love.” I shrugged. “And you do crazy stuff when you’re in love.”
Mom gave me a meaningful smile and patted my hand. “Well, I’m glad you’re here for a few nights before leaving. It’s nice to spend some time with my girl.”
Emotion rose up and choked me. All I could do was blink and fight the tears.
My ever perceptive mother gave me a wink and changed the subject.
“So, you all set for the wedding on Saturday?”
“Uh-huh.” I swallowed and rubbed my eyes. “My last one. It feels weird. I’ve been doing so many lately.”
“You’ve been working yourself to the bone. I’m glad it’s coming to an end. It’s high time you started doing what you’ve been wanting to all along.”
“Yeah, well, I probably should have done it a couple of years ago.” I sipped my tea. The icy sweetness was delicious, the perfect partner on a hot day.
“You had to save your pennies first.” Mom’s salt-and-pepper curls shook as she nodded.
I tipped my head back and looked to the ceiling. “Aw, come on, we both know it was fear that held me back.”
“And hope.” Mom’s hand was back on top of mine, giving it a little rub and forcing more tears to pop onto my lashes.
My jaw trembled. “Fruitless hope. Just because I never moved on or slept with anybody else didn’t mean he wouldn’t. I can’t believe I expected it to be the same for him. I hurt him. I don’t deserve him, Mom.”
She disagreed with me on that point, but we’d argued enough and she knew better than to try again. Although my parents didn’t really want me with someone whose family would cause me stress, they did want me to be happy. When I told Mom about my road trip and confessed all my long-buried hope, she’d held me while I cried and maybe changed her tune on the whole me and Nixon thing.
Maybe if she’d realized just how much I’d loved him back in high school she wouldn’t have encouraged me to move to Montana.
But I couldn’t change the past…and neither could she.
Running her finger around the lip of her glass, she spoke softly, like I was five years old and she was coaxing me to my first day of school. “Sometimes we make m
istakes and we can’t fix them. No one’s ever said life would be fair. But when something is meant to be, it does have an amazing way of working out. Look at Troy and Cassie. They got engaged years ago and one thing after another has held up the wedding.”
I let out a soft snort. It was true. First there was Felix’s skateboard accident. Two broken wrists, surgery, and months of recovery. The wedding was postponed until he was able to play guitar again. He was set on performing at their wedding, and they were happy to wait.
But then attempt number two was thwarted by that massive storm that flooded the wedding venue two days before the big event. Cassie figured it must be a sign and canceled everything. Troy wouldn’t let her back out completely and tried to convince her to get married in a courthouse. Apparently Felix went nuts, saying his aunt deserved the most beautiful wedding in the world. And so they were attempting a third time. They’d pulled out all the stops for this one. Everybody was praying and crossing their fingers that this would be it.
“Saturday is going to be a perfect day, because they’ve overcome the odds and stuck it out. They’re meant to be together.”
I gave my mom a watery smile. “So, who I am meant to be with, then?”
“I wish I could tell you.” Mom’s eyes gleamed along with mine. Blinking, she sniffed and sat up, resting her elbows on the table and leaning toward me with a confident smile. “I don’t know if it’s Nixon or not, but one thing I do know is that you have wanted to travel the world since you were a tiny tot. You were always dreaming about seeing every color and every country. That’s what you’re meant to be doing. And on Sunday, you will. You’ll fly, and you’ll find yourself all over again. This is going to be the making of you.”
“I just wish I wasn’t going alone.” I finally admitted the truth.
“But you’re strong enough to go alone. You can handle it, Charlotte.”
My nose wrinkled at the use of my full name.
Mom laughed and shook her head. “I would have put Charlie on the birth certificate if your father would have let me. From the second I laid eyes on you, I knew you were going to be different from all the other girls out there. You’re like a rainbow, and you’ve made our lives brilliant. You’re going to light up the lives of everyone you come in contact with. Make that your goal, sweet girl. You go light up the world.”
Chapter Thirty
Nixon
I drove to my parents’ house in agitated silence. My fingers tapped the wheel as I sped around a corner and onto the next road.
Part of me was still livid that Dad had ‘intervened’ and ruined my chances with Charlie. But another part was scared to tell them that I’d finally found my balls and was ready to fight for the girl I’d wanted all along.
They were going to go apeshit.
And their apeshit was scarier than my wrath. I knew that already.
Shit, everyone was going to go crazy when they heard what I’d done.
I dumped Shayna.
From the outside, me walking away from that gorgeous, lovable girl was certifiably insane.
And maybe I was a little crazy.
But I’d go out of mind if I entered the life everyone was planning for me.
If I didn’t break free, I’d spend the rest of my pathetic years wondering.
The back of my mind warned me that I could be making a massive mistake. But something in my chest told me to keep fighting.
I braked and punched in the gate code. The gate ground open and I zoomed in the second it was wide enough. My nerves pulsated like a freaking strobe light as I pulled up beside the house.
Shutting off the engine, I gripped the wheel for a minute, clenching my jaw and willing my anger not to fade. I needed it to get me through.
A slice of fear sizzled through me, the impending battle nearly making me back out.
“Stop being so fucking pathetic,” I whispered as I hitched my jeans and walked to the door.
Twenty-two years old and still afraid to defy my parents. It was ridiculous.
Thoughts of Reagan tortured me when I reached the door.
“Leave me alone,” I gritted between clenched teeth.
It wasn’t fair. I couldn’t live on a guilt trip anymore.
My shoes echoed on the polished floor as I walked into the house. “Hey, Mom and Dad. It’s me,” I called into the cavernous entrance.
Memories of the first time I’d brought Charlie over suddenly assaulted me. She’d looked so small in the big entrance, her vibrant color slightly dimmed by the austere surroundings. Then my mother had walked in, adding another shade of gray as she so eloquently demeaned my precious friend. Charlie had been wearing bright red shoes, yellow shorts and a shirt that looked like a paint pallet had thrown up on it. I loved that shirt.
Mom? Not so much.
She’d cast her eyes down Charlie’s body like the girl had mental problems.
The woman had never understood the unique rainbow that Charlie was. It’d always been lost on her.
Charlie had stood up to my mother’s cold reception with her spunky flair, but the politely veiled insults had obviously eaten at her more than she let on.
My shoulders tensed with anger. I still couldn’t stomach the fact that Charlie had been cornered by my dad, no doubt fed a nasty diatribe about how unworthy she was, and then believed it.
She’d believed it.
The thought made me sick.
I should have gone after her. I should have driven to Montana and begged her to reconsider, convinced her that we could overcome the odds together.
“Nixon.” Mom’s delighted greeting was punctured by her heels on the floor. Even on a Friday evening in, she was still dressed up like she was going out. The woman was all class and elegance. She felt most comfortable when she looked great, and probably didn’t even understand the beauty of sweatpants or the awesomeness of ripped jeans and a sloppy, oversized T-shirt.
“What are you doing here?” She smiled. “Are you all set for graduation?”
“Yeah. My robe’s in the car.”
“Wonderful. I can’t wait.” She kissed my cheek and gave me a hug. “My amazing boy. I’m so proud. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
My smile was tight as I gazed down at her.
“So, what can we do for you? Or are you just here to visit?” Her eyes were dancing, bright with hope and expectation. First my engagement, then my acceptance to Columbia. The next day I’d be graduating, and then I was getting married and moving to New York to eventually become a high-flying lawyer. My mother was going for the triple win—everything she wanted.
Shit. She’ll take losing the wedding hard.
But I couldn’t keep up the facade anymore.
And maybe she deserved a little hurt after everything she’d inflicted on me. Scheming behind my back. Manipulating me.
Anger made my jaw clench.
Oblivious, Mom flicked her hand and led me into the library. A glass of malt whiskey was next to Dad’s red armchair while a bulbous glass of merlot was beside the couch next to Mom’s open book.
“I don’t know where your father’s disappeared to, but I’m sure he’ll be back in a second.”
Tucking her skirt beneath her legs, she sat down on the couch and crossed her ankles before smiling up at me.
“Can I get you a drink, sweetheart?”
“No, I’m good.” Sliding my hands into my pockets, I gazed down at the cream rug and fought a wave of nausea.
“Well, take a seat. Tell me about your day.”
I had to get it over with. Pressing my lips together, I counted to three and then blurted, “Shayna and I broke up.”
My voice was quiet but the words still exploded into the room, shocking the hell out of my mother.
She blinked, then laughed and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you correctly because you just said you and Shayna broke up, and that can’t be right.”
“Why? Because it doesn’t fit into your plan for me?�
�� I looked her in the eye, my tone sharp and defiant.
Her head jerked back like I’d just slapped her. “Where is this coming from?”
“I’m sorry, Mom, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m my own man. I officially resign from beneath your care…and manipulation.”
My words were spiky and hard, but she acted like they were balls of cotton wool.
Running her finger down her sleek hairline, she fought for control with a polite smile, then brushed her hand through the air. “It’s okay, we can sort this out. Let me call Shayna’s mother. We’ll get you two together, have some mediation. It’ll be fine. Let me get my phone.” Standing tall, she brushed past me and out the door just as Dad stepped into the room.
He grinned at me, his eyes lighting the way they always did. “Hey, son.”
I ignored him and called into the hallway. “I don’t want you to sort it out, Mom.”
“Yes you do, honey. It’ll be okay.”
“No! Get back in here!” I shouted.
Dad’s frown was sharp, distorting his long handsome face. “What are you thinking talking to your mother that way? What’s going on?”
I sighed and admitted in a heavy voice, “I broke up with Shayna.”
“You broke it off?” Mom stormed back into the room. “Are you out of your mind? What is wrong with you? You have a gorgeous woman who is perfect for you and you dump her just before the wedding?”
“I did have a woman who was perfect for me, and you drove her away!”
Mom and Dad both gaped at me like I’d gone crazy.
Then the lightbulb came on.
Mom’s eyes popped wide and then she let out an aggravated groan. “Oh, good grief! Please do not say this is about Charlie Watson! She broke your heart, Nixon. How can you still be hung up on that girl?”
“She didn’t want to break up with me,” I retorted.
Mom’s face flickered with confusion as I pointed a finger at Dad. “You went and saw her, telling her she was going to ruin my life and destroy the family. You said she wasn’t good enough for me. And she believed it! She walked away because she thought she was doing me a favor.”
Rather Be (A Songbird Novel) Page 16
