The Quality of Mercy

by Ari McKay

  Carlos scooted the chair closer to the bed and sat down, and then he stroked the back of Jules’s hand gently with his thumb. He didn’t know how much of their conversation Jules would remember, but hopefully Jules wouldn’t be angry or embarrassed if he did remember. For his part, Carlos wasn’t certain how this would change anything. It could be the laudanum talking, after all. But for now, Jules was here, and Carlos intended to take care of him. What would happen once Jules’s leg was healed and he was well enough to return home…? Well, that was for the future to take care of. In the meantime, Carlos was content to sit and hold Jules’s hand, grateful the man he loved was still alive.

  Chapter Eight

  JULES OPENED his eyes, surprised to find himself in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room. His sleep had been full of strange and sometimes disturbing dreams, many of them featuring Carlos. When he turned his head, he was surprised to find Carlos sitting beside the bed, a book in his hands.

  “Where am I?” he asked, trying to pull himself into a sitting position. A flare of pain and a heavy weight on his right leg prevented him from moving much, and he fell back against the pillows with a gasp. The pain jogged his memory, however. “There was a fire at the school, and I was pinned.”

  Carlos glanced up and smiled when he saw Jules was awake. “You are at Bent Oak Ranch,” he said, closing the book and setting it aside so he could help Jules sit up. “Your leg was broken when the beam fell on you, but Dr. Carruthers says you are healing well so far.”

  As the cobwebs cleared from his mind, Jules realized Carlos had explained that before. He frowned as bits and pieces of the last time he’d woken came back to him, and his cheeks grew hot when he recalled speaking to Carlos with more affection and familiarity than he should have.

  “I remember.” He glanced at Carlos furtively. “Thank you for saving my life.”

  “You need not thank me,” Carlos replied, his eyes soft and warm. “I could not have done anything else. I only wish I had gotten inside sooner and spared you an injury.”

  Jules caught sight of his book on the table, reminding him of why he had gone back. “I suppose it’s what I deserve for going back inside.” He longed to reach out and pick up the book, but since he’d been far too talkative under the effects of the laudanum, he stopped himself.

  “You did not deserve anything of the kind.” Carlos flicked his gaze over Jules, concern visible in his eyes. “How do you feel? If your leg hurts, you may have more laudanum. Are you hungry or thirsty?”

  Apparently the kindness and compassion Jules remembered Carlos showing him hadn’t been a wishful product of the medication, but Jules was glad Carlos seemed willing to focus on practical matters—and he hoped he hadn’t really said all the things he seemed to remember confiding.

  And it was far better not to think about the fact that he’d let Carlos kiss him.

  “I would be grateful for some water,” he admitted. “My throat is very dry.”

  After making sure Jules was propped up with pillows, Carlos poured a glass of water from a pitcher on the bedside table. “I am happy to fetch anything else you need or want,” he said as he handed Jules the glass.

  Jules sipped the cool water, then gave the glass back to Carlos. “Thank you,” he murmured, looking up at Carlos through his lashes. In the morning light coming through the windows, he could see threads of silver in Carlos’s dark hair. Carlos looked weary, and he was not clean-shaven, as he usually was. “How long have I been here, Carlos? Have you been sitting with me the entire time?”

  “This is the morning of your third day here,” Carlos replied as he took his seat again. “Al and I have traded off sitting with you. He will be here when his work is finished for the day.”

  The mention of Al tickled a thought in the back of his mind, and Jules glanced around the room. “You said I’m at Bent Oak Ranch? Why was I brought here instead of to my house?” he asked. A horrible thought occurred to him, and his hands clenched in the bed sheets. “It didn’t burn down too, did it?”

  “No, your house is safe,” Carlos assured him. “This is the foreman’s house, which has stood empty since Jeanie married and Matt moved into the big house. Gil offered to let you recuperate here so you could be near Al, and he will not feel torn between his job and his concern for you.”

  “I see.” Jules relaxed fractionally; he’d had the horrible thought that he’d lost all his belongings, which would have made things even worse. He glanced at Carlos again. “Thank you for taking care of me. I’m sure you have more important things to do than watch over an invalid.”

  “Perhaps, were it anyone but you.” Carlos leaned back in his chair and stretched his long legs out in front of him, making it clear he wasn’t going anywhere. “For me, there is nothing more important than you.”

  Oh, how Jules wanted to believe Carlos spoke the truth! His heartbeat sped up, even as he told himself sternly that while he had forgiven Carlos, it didn’t mean he could trust Carlos again. Kisses and sweet words were no guarantee that Carlos wouldn’t tire of him as he had before and seek the arms of another.

  “But you have a job, and Mr. Porter barely knows me. This must be an awful inconvenience.” He moved restlessly, suppressing a wince when his leg twinged with pain. “I don’t want to be a burden on anyone.”

  “You are no burden,” Carlos said firmly. “My work keeps me close to the stables, and Gil has been generous to me and Al. The ranch has not suffered because our schedules have been shortened, and you needed someone to watch over you.”

  “I’m grateful, truly,” Jules said, starting to feel a bit trapped. “But I can’t expect you and Al to keep this up. Perhaps I can go back to my house and hire someone to help me.” It would be a horrible expense, but Jules had never liked feeling helpless or useless.

  “You would ask Al to ride back and forth to town to see you and cause him to worry about your well-being?” Carlos fixed Jules with a somber look. “I do not think you understand the seriousness of your injury. Had the beam been heavier or the break less clean, you might have lost your leg. You will not be able to manage on your own for some time, and here, Al can check on you anytime he wishes, and you have people who care about you and are willing to help you for free.”

  “But I can’t just lie around, not carrying my own weight!” Jules shook his head, feeling a sense of dread combined with a hint of guilt. “I’ve never imposed on anyone before. I don’t want Al to worry about me—and he doesn’t need to. I’m a grown man, Carlos. Other people have managed with far worse than a broken leg. I don’t want you thinking I’m weak!”

  Carlos’s shocked expression spoke volumes. “I would never think you weak. Everything I know of you speaks of your strength and determination to persevere no matter what hardships you face. No one here will think less of you for resting and healing as Dr. Carruthers said you should.” He folded his arms and gazed sternly at Jules. “But if you will not listen to me, then get up. If you can dress and walk to the door, I will take you back to town myself.”

  “All right.” Jules nodded tersely and pushed back the covers. Now that he could see his leg, he knew why it felt so heavy. It was encased in a plaster cast from just below his knee all the way down to his foot. “I’ll probably need some crutches,” he said, dismayed at the thought of having to ask for anything. But he wasn’t about to back down after Carlos had challenged him, so he maneuvered his legs over to the side of the bed. He put his left foot down, then used his hands to lift the heavy cast and lower it to the floor.

  The weight of the cast pulling downward on his leg made him want to moan in pain, but he bit the sound back. He could feel sweat gathering on his forehead despite the coolness of the room, and his heart beat faster. Still, he perched on the edge of the bed, then firmly grasped one of the bedposts and rose to his feet.

  The pain abruptly flared into agony, and he cried out. The world grayed out, and he felt himself wavering. In a flash, Carlos was beside Jules, grabbing him before he could fa
ll.

  “You are not weak,” Carlos murmured as he slid warm, strong arms around Jules’s waist to steady him. “You are injured, and you must take time to rest and heal.”

  Jules instinctively threw his arms around Carlos, clinging to him to keep himself upright. Despite the pain in his leg, he was aware of the security of Carlos’s arms, of the warmth of his body as they stood pressed together. He needed to let go, but he didn’t want to for reasons that were far too dangerous to bear thinking on.

  “Point made,” he said. “Would you please help me get back into bed?”

  Carlos bent and scooped Jules up in his arms, holding Jules close and tight against his chest as he searched Jules’s face, a flare of heat behind the worry in his eyes. “Are you all right?” he asked as he gently settled Jules back on the bed. “Do you need some laudanum?”

  The display of strength stole Jules’s breath, and he swallowed hard, careful not to meet Carlos’s gaze, lest Carlos discover Jules really did have a weakness. One that had nothing at all to do with his broken leg.

  “I’ll be fine,” he said, wishing his voice sounded firmer. He desperately wanted some laudanum to dull the pain, but he wasn’t going to take it. He might once again admit too much, and he didn’t want Carlos to realize how tempted Jules was to burrow into Carlos’s embrace and never let go.

  “Do not let pride goad you.” Carlos’s voice was as gentle as his hand as he sifted his fingers through Jules’s hair in a soothing caress. “There is not a ranch hand alive who has not known the pain of a broken bone. No one here will consider you weak if you need relief, especially not me.”

  The unexpected caress made Jules go still, a tingle of awareness running along his spine as Carlos’s fingers brushed along his scalp. It was so achingly familiar. Carlos had always loved Jules’s hair, stroking it and playing with it—and, in moments of passion, gripping it tightly. It was all Jules could do not to lean into the touch as he once would have done.

  He knew he should push Carlos away or point out that Carlos had no right to touch him, but after Carlos had risked his own life to save him, Jules couldn’t manage it. That was the only reason he didn’t do it, he told himself firmly. It wasn’t that the slide of Carlos’s fingers was awakening nerve endings Jules had thought dead forever.

  “I’ll be fine,” he repeated, looking up at Carlos through his lashes. “Besides, the laudanum gives me strange dreams. I would rather not wonder what is real and what is not.”

  “Very well.” Carlos withdrew his hand with what looked like reluctance. “But if the pain becomes too great, I hope you will change your mind. I do not like the thought of you suffering needlessly.”

  That wasn’t always true, Jules reminded himself, but for some reason he couldn’t summon up the proper ire that should have accompanied the thought. He turned his head away. “Thank you. I suppose I will have to stay here until I can walk, but I don’t want to take you or Al away from your work. I can write up an advertisement for a nurse, if someone would take it to town for me. I have some money put aside. It should suffice until I can manage on my own.”

  “Nonsense!” A new voice entered the conversation, and Jules glanced at the door to see Gil standing there. “The ranch will still function perfectly well even if Carlos and Al take a lighter workload for a few weeks. I’d much rather let them take turns here than force them out and have them fretful and distracted the whole time, worrying about you,” he said as he approached Jules’s bedside, offering a reassuring smile.

  “That’s very generous,” Jules said. “Please don’t think I’m not grateful for the offer, but it’s too much of an imposition. You hardly know me, and I would feel like a burden.” Certainly he’d gotten to know Matt and Gil socially, and he liked them a great deal, but this was going far beyond what one could ask of an acquaintance.

  “We take care of each other around here,” Gil said firmly. “That was one of the first lessons I learned when I arrived in Mercy, and I intend to continue the tradition. You’re a respected member of this community, and it would be an honor to attend to you. Besides,” he added with a warm smile, “I would like to count you as a friend one day soon.”

  “Thank you, but I do have to think about the children,” Jules said, seizing upon the reminder of his job. “I’m sure there are arrangements that need to be made for them, and I can do so more easily from my house in town.”

  Gil shifted awkwardly. “I’m afraid the schoolmaster’s house has been designated as a temporary school until a new one can be built. Miss Johnson will take over your classes until you are well enough to return to work.”

  Not having a house or a job put a different light on Jules’s options, and it would have taken a far more churlish man than Jules to continue to protest in the face of Gil’s kindness, so he swallowed his pride. “Thank you,” he said, knowing when he was beaten. “But I would like to do something to help, if I can. I’m good with ledgers, or I could write any letters you needed sent. I’m also a fair hand at mending things, peeling vegetables, and other tasks that take time and patience. Please let me do something of use to the ranch to repay all you’ve done for me.”

  “Dr. Carruthers will bring you a set of crutches once your leg has mended well enough,” Gil said. “When he says you may be more mobile, I’ll put you to work. I have an idea or two about what you could do here.”

  “I’m willing to do anything you’d find useful. I’m not used to lying around idle.” There was the work on his book, of course, but repaying Gil’s hospitality was more important to him than his own pursuits.

  “I understand completely.” Gil offered a sympathetic smile. “But it’s best if you follow Dr. Carruthers’s instructions to the letter so your recovery will be a swift one—which reminds me.” He turned to Carlos. “I think it’s best if you move in here temporarily. You have more experience dealing with injuries than Al, and I would prefer having someone here overnight in case Jules requires assistance.”

  “What?” Jules couldn’t contain his surprise, and he looked at Carlos in dismay.

  Oddly enough, his own shock was reflected in Carlos’s expression, and it was obvious Gil had caught him just as unaware as he had Jules. But Carlos’s shock swiftly shifted into a look of pleased satisfaction, and Carlos nodded.

  Jules tried to hold on to some bit of dignity. “Gil, I’m sure Carlos doesn’t want to be bothered with attending me. Maybe Al would be a better choice. He’s taken care of me when I’ve been ill in the past, as I have cared for him since childhood.”

  “But Carlos is stronger,” Gil pointed out. “Al is still growing, and he might struggle with helping you in ways Carlos would not.”

  “I am more than willing to move in and take care of Jules,” Carlos said. “It would be my pleasure.”

  Jules wanted to protest again, but he was tired of arguing, and he could see Gil had made up his mind. He wasn’t quite certain if this was Gil’s idea of matchmaking—since he seemed to know about Jules and Carlos’s affair—or if Gil was being pragmatic, but it was Gil’s ranch, and Jules felt like he was already being enough trouble without fighting Gil’s every decision.

  “All right,” he said, leaning back against the pillow and closing his eyes. It would only be for a few weeks, after all. He could stand living in close proximity to Carlos for that long. He could control the longings Carlos’s presence awakened in him. He hoped.

  “I’m glad that is settled.” Gil sounded quite pleased. “Why don’t you go and fetch what you’ll need? I will sit with Jules while you’re gone.”

  “Very well,” Carlos replied. “I will not be gone long.”

  “Take your time,” Gil said, and Jules heard the chair by the bed settling as Gil sat down, followed by Carlos’s footsteps heading to the door. “Is there anything you need, Jules?”

  “No, thank you.” Jules opened his eyes again and offered Gil a crooked smile. “I think you’ve done more than enough.”

  Gil inclined his head, a glint of amus
ement in his eyes. “Possibly.” He turned his gaze downward and looked at his open palms, which were scarred. Gil’s features softened, and when he spoke again, he sounded as if he were lost in memories. “But I believe Bent Oak has healing properties for the heart as well as the body. It will do you a great deal of good if you let it.”

  Jules remembered what he’d been told about Gil having been banished to Bent Oak as punishment, but having found a home and family instead. “I’m glad it helped you,” he said quietly. “But it’s too late for me, Gil.”

  “We shall see.” Gil’s answering smile was enigmatic as he settled comfortably into the chair.

  With a sigh, Jules closed his eyes again. He was grateful to Gil for letting him stay at the ranch, but having Carlos as his nursemaid was going to be a trial. Not because Jules hated the thought of Carlos being close to him and touching him. In fact, the problem was that he could see himself wanting it far too much.

  He just hoped his leg healed quickly, before he did something as foolish as believing he could trust Carlos… or worse, falling in love with Carlos all over again.

  Chapter Nine

  CARLOS LOOKED around the little cabin he’d called home ever since he started working at Bent Oak Ranch, debating about how much to take back to the foreman’s house. On the one hand, living there with Jules wasn’t a permanent situation. On the other, he intended to stretch it out as long as possible, so he might as well take everything so he wouldn’t have to go back and forth. He didn’t have that much to pack anyway. The furniture had come with the house, and he had always made a habit of traveling light.

  But he was ready to change that. Bent Oak was in a solid financial position, especially since Gil and Matt had decided to move away from relying exclusively on beef to turn a profit, and Carlos wasn’t worried about it going under as some of the other ranches he’d worked at had done. He could put down roots here, and he was ready to do so, especially if he could convince Jules to settle down with him.