The Quality of Mercy

by Ari McKay

“We can discuss it later,” he replied. “I need to tell Gil and Matt what happened. I need you to come with me to fill in the details I am unaware of.”

  “Me?” Jules frowned, then nodded in resignation. “Of course. I’ll do it.”

  “Then come along. We need to act swiftly before Caleb gets too far from the ranch,” Carlos said, and then he headed out of the stables to the big house.

  Part of him wondered if this would somehow change things between himself and Jules, but he tamped it down. He had the ranch to think about, and besides, he didn’t want to get his hopes up anew only to find himself stuck in the same rut he’d been in with Jules prior to their breakup.

  Focusing on his work had helped him get through the past few days, and it would help him get through this as well. Once Caleb was dealt with, he and Jules could talk—if Jules wanted to. If not, well, life at Bent Oak would go on, and somehow so would he.

  Chapter Nineteen

  JULES FOLLOWED Carlos out of the stables and up to the big house, doing his best to keep up with Carlos’s long legs. Carlos marched up the porch and right into the house without knocking, and Jules understood why; Matt and Gil needed to know what a viper they’d had in their nest, and things needed to be set in motion in case Caleb decided to whisper poison into certain ears on his way out of town.

  Fear and elation warred within him. He was glad that not only had Carlos rebuffed Caleb’s advances, but that Carlos had given the young man the comeuppance he deserved. But at the same time, he was afraid there might be consequences for all of them if Caleb stole a march before they could stop him. He was also afraid Carlos would be angry at him for hiding the truth and would refuse to forgive him for it. He’d never seen Carlos so angry, not ever, and he’d certainly never seen Carlos hit another person.

  Matt and Gil were in the kitchen, and they looked up as Carlos entered with Jules close behind him.

  “What’s going on?” Matt asked, looking between the two of them with concern. “Is everything all right?”

  “No,” Carlos replied grimly. “We have a problem. Caleb Moore threatened to cause trouble for Al and Tabitha and possibly the two of you as well. I told him there would be consequences for him if he tried it, and he is leaving the ranch, but I would feel more easy in my mind if we made certain he spoke to no one along the way.”

  Matt scooted his chair back and stood up. “What in the hell would he do that for?”

  Jules grimaced, but he knew it was time to come clean. “He came to me a few days ago, wanting me to break things off with Carlos. I told him no, but then he threatened to ruin Al’s chances with Tabitha by telling her father about my, um, unnatural inclinations. I hoped he was bluffing, and I told him I’d go to Carlos about it, and he threatened to expose not only me, but the two of you as well. I felt I had no choice in the matter. He seemed arrogant and determined enough to do as he said, and I didn’t know what else to do except capitulate.”

  Gil’s face turned white, and then his cheeks flushed red and his eyes glittered with anger. He rose from his chair and slammed his fist on the kitchen table. “I will not stand for such blatant manipulation,” he declared. “Matt, I want you to find someone to collar Moore and escort him to the train station. I want him given a one-way ticket to the farthest destination from Mercy as possible. I’m going to write a few letters. The right words in certain ears will ensure he is unwelcome at the most prosperous ranches in Texas, and I have no doubt word will spread from there.”

  Jules blinked in astonishment. This was a side of Gil he’d never seen before, and he was impressed at not only Gil’s decisiveness, but his determination to protect what mattered to him at any cost.

  “Right away.” Matt took a moment to press a kiss to the top of Gil’s head, unconcerned about Carlos or Jules witnessing the act. Then he snatched his hat off a hook near the door and grabbed his gun belt as well. “I ain’t gonna hesitate if he tries any more threats,” he said, his dark eyes glittering dangerously as he fastened the gun around his waist. “Varmints like that don’t deserve to live.”

  Gil hesitated, then nodded slowly. “But it should be the last resort,” he said. “We can thwart him without getting blood on our hands. He’s only a boy, after all.”

  “If he can make threats like a man, he can take the consequences like a man,” Matt said, but then he gave Gil an affectionate smile. “But you’re the boss, boss. I don’t want you so angry that you kick me outta our bed.” Then he was gone, the door closing firmly behind him.

  Gil watched him go, then turned back to Jules and Carlos with concern in his eyes. “Are you two all right? I can get you a stiff drink if you feel like you need it.”

  “Do you mind if I sit down?” Jules asked. “I think it’s all finally hitting me.”

  “Of course!” Gil skirted around the table and pulled out a chair for Jules, angling it so he could sit down without bumping his cast against the table legs. Then he got a glass and poured some water. “Here, start with this,” he said, offering the glass to Jules. “If you need something stronger, I’ll get that too.”

  “No, this is fine, thank you.” Jules sipped the water, leaning back in the chair and shuddering. “I’m so sorry for all of this trouble, Gil. I’m glad you can fight back.” He peeked up at Carlos, who had been quiet for a long time. “He had me backed into a corner. I tried everything to dissuade him, I promise you. I care about my reputation less than I do about Al’s happiness, and about this ranch, and the people on it. You’ve built something very special here. He shouldn’t be allowed to wreck it.”

  “He won’t,” Gil assured him, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “Matt and I know a number of ways to keep the ranch a safe haven for us—and anyone else who needs it,” he added with a pointed look at Carlos and Jules. “We’ll handle Caleb Moore, so don’t worry about him anymore. I think you have more personal matters to attend to, yes?”

  “Gil….” Carlos sounded aggrieved, but Gil ignored him.

  “I’ve got some letters to write, so I’ll be in my office with the door closed,” Gil continued blithely as he headed for the door. “You can talk freely in here.”

  Jules swallowed hard. “Thank you,” he murmured, then looked down at his hands for a moment before looking up at Carlos. He needed to explain, and he knew the fault was all his, so he didn’t back away from it.

  “Sorry seems totally inadequate for what I put you through,” he said softly. “I only hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. For what it’s worth, lying to you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I felt like I was cutting out my own heart in the process.”

  Carlos moved to the other side of the table and sat down across from Jules, his expression closed, almost grim. “I am sorry for what Caleb did to you, but you should have come to me, or if not to me, then to Gil or Matt. How could you not realize we have resources to deal with men such as him? No, you did not trust me enough to tell me the truth. That, or you wanted to use Caleb as a convenient excuse for ending things between us once and for all.”

  “No, I didn’t.” Jules felt his eyes stinging, and he told himself to hold it together. “I didn’t want to end things. I don’t want to end them. I realized after I’d talked to Al about Tabitha that morning, I had started imagining my future—a future with you in it.”

  “What exactly does that mean?” Carlos asked, still looking guarded.

  “I want to be with you, Carlos,” Jules replied. He drew a deep breath, knowing he had to lay everything out for Carlos to see without holding back if he was going to have a chance at earning Carlos’s forgiveness. “I love you. I never stopped. Not really. I wouldn’t blame you if you threw it back in my face, but I swear it’s the truth.”

  Carlos went still, gazing at Jules intently. “What about trust?” he asked softly.

  “That was the most bitter part of everything that happened with Caleb,” Jules said. “I wanted you back, and here Caleb was, threatening me to make me let you go. I was scared, I a
dmit it, but I was afraid of what would happen to Al, and to Matt and Gil. I wasn’t afraid of losing you, because I realized I did trust you. I trusted your love for me was strong enough for you to turn down Caleb, no matter what he tried. Caleb swore if you refused him, he’d give up and leave, and I was counting on you rejecting him. When he was gone and Al and Matt and Gil were safe, I’d beg your forgiveness for lying to you.”

  Carlos was silent for an agonizingly long moment, and then he pushed back his chair and stood up. “You think mere begging is enough to earn my forgiveness?” he asked as he moved around the table and stood over Jules. “I have been in agony since you broke my heart.”

  Jules looked up at Carlos, unable to read the expression on his face. “I’m so sorry,” he said, feeling his eyelids prickle again. “Pushing you away was so hard. That’s why I was crying. I didn’t want to do it. I hate Caleb and I hate myself for hurting you. But I didn’t see what other choice I had but to hope you’d be able to forgive me one day and let me make it up to you, if I could.”

  “Since your return, you have kept me at arm’s length. Now this.” Carlos knelt beside Jules’s chair and leaned in until they were almost nose to nose, and his breath was warm on Jules’s cheek. “You have a great deal to make up for, do you not?” He rested one hand on Jules’s knee. “How do you propose to do it?”

  Heart pounding, Jules looked into Carlos’s beautiful eyes and rested his palm against Carlos’s cheek. “By loving you more than my own life for the rest of our lives,” he said softly. “By giving you all of myself—my heart, my soul, all that I am and all that I have. By standing at your side, giving you my strength when you feel weak and my warmth when you are cold. By never leaving you until the day I die.”

  At last, Carlos’s expression softened into a smile, and he nuzzled his cheek against Jules’s palm. “That may well do it,” he murmured. “Is that what you imagined for our future together?”

  Relief made Jules sag in his seat, and he leaned forward to press his forehead to Carlos’s. “Yes. I want to stay here on the ranch, teaching the hands and supporting and helping with your work. I imagined us having Al’s and Tabitha’s children come to visit us too.” He felt his cheeks heat up. “I hope that’s not too silly a thing.”

  “Not at all,” Carlos assured him. “We can speak to Gil about having a house of our own on the ranch. Perhaps he will let us keep the foreman’s house. The foreman has no use for it, after all.”

  “Do you think we could?” Jules smiled, happiness bubbling up within him, and he rested his hands on Carlos’s shoulders. “It wouldn’t cause too much talk, after my leg is better?”

  “I am certain we can think of a plausible reason. You dislike living alone, and we have become such good friends that we agreed to share quarters so you will not be lonely when Al gets married,” Carlos said, widening his eyes innocently.

  That made Jules chuckle. “If you think it will work, why not?” he replied. “If Gil and Matt have managed to share the main house without causing comment, I’m certain the activities of a teacher and the man who breeds horses won’t even raise eyebrows, right?”

  “Especially since we are confirmed bachelors who are set in our ways,” Carlos said with a mischievous smile. “You also have the benefit of having been married. You may claim you will never love another woman the way you loved your wife.”

  “Which is true,” Jules said. “But then, as much as I loved Mary, I didn’t love her the way I love you.”

  “I have never loved anyone the way I love you, and I never will,” Carlos murmured before leaning in to brush his lips against Jules’s.

  The caress warmed Jules all over, and he parted his lips, wanting more of Carlos’s kisses—wanting what he’d spent the last ten years dreaming about. Carlos slid his arms around Jules’s waist as he deepened the kiss, claiming Jules’s mouth.

  Moaning, Jules surrendered and kissed Carlos back with rising hunger. It had been so long, and senses he’d thought nearly dead were coming alive again and clamoring for attention. His skin ached for Carlos’s touch, and he pressed as close as he could, wanting more—wanting everything.

  When Carlos drew back at last, his dark eyes were glittering with desire, and his cheeks were flushed. “Gil said we should attend to our personal matters, but I doubt he meant for us to do so on his kitchen table. Perhaps we should go elsewhere?”

  “Yes, I think we should.” Anticipation made Jules breathless. “I have a large bed and a bottle of oil in my room, if that works for you. Al won’t be home for hours—not that I’m worried about telling him. Not any longer.”

  “We can tell him tonight, perhaps, but today is for us.” Carlos stood up straight and held out both hands to Jules, smiling warmly.

  Jules accepted the help, rising to his feet and reaching for his crutches. “Then let us make haste. Before anyone decides they need our attention elsewhere.”

  Jules glanced around as they returned to the foreman’s house, anxious lest they be stopped by one of the hands wanting either Carlos or him for something, but they made it inside without being stopped. Once they were inside, Jules headed to his bedroom, eager to taste Carlos’s lips again. Jules closed the bedroom door and turned the key in the lock.

  “I don’t want anyone to disturb us,” he explained, smiling at Carlos. Now that they were in his room, he felt a bit shyer; Carlos hadn’t seen him completely nude, and his body was ten years older than it had been the last time they were together. He hoped Carlos, who was even more well muscled than he’d been before, wouldn’t be disappointed in what Jules had to offer.

  “Good, because I am not inclined to share you right now.” There was a growling undercurrent in Carlos’s voice as he slid one arm around Jules and pulled him close, capturing his lips in a deep, searing kiss.

  Jules’s crutches hit the floor with a clatter as he threw his arms around Carlos’s shoulders. He returned the kiss with equal hunger and pressed as close to Carlos as he could, feeling the hard strength of Carlos’s body molded against his own and loving how it felt. Cradling the back of Jules’s head in his palm, Carlos continued the kiss, slow and deep, and then slid his free hand from Jules’s waist to his ass, groping him playfully.

  Wriggling against Carlos’s hand, Jules broke away from the kiss, but only so that he could nibble his way across Carlos’s stubbled jaw to his ear. “Will you take me?” he asked, breathless with the need for Carlos to do exactly that.

  “That was my intention from the start.” Carlos nipped at Jules’s earlobe and pulled Jules closer against him so Jules could feel how aroused he was. “You are mine. You always have been, and you always will be.”

  “Always,” Jules agreed, shivering with delight at the evidence of how much Carlos wanted him. “I have had no other lover since you. There was no one whose touch I craved, only yours.”

  “I cannot say there has been no one else,” Carlos replied, his voice tinged with regret, and he offered an apologetic smile. “But none of them ever came close to capturing my heart. Only you did that.”

  “I don’t care who there was before, so long as I am the last,” Jules said softly. “If I have your heart, it’s a greater treasure than I ever thought to possess.”

  “You are my last, my only. I am yours until the end of my days.” Carlos wound both arms around Jules and clung tightly, a little shudder rippling through him.

  Jules ran his hands over Carlos’s back, as much to comfort as arouse. “Then I am the richest man in the world.” He nuzzled his cheek against Carlos’s. “I’m yours, and I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy.”

  Carlos bent his head and pressed his lips against Jules’s neck. “It would make me very happy to have you naked in my arms so I may take you at last,” he murmured against Jules’s skin.

  “Yes.” Jules drew back so he could shrug off his coat, letting it fall to the floor. Since coming to the ranch and especially given his injury, he’d started dressing more like the ranch hands, sin
ce his cast necessitated cutting the leg from his trousers. So he’d begun wearing old jeans donated by the hands and comfortable cotton shirts without a waistcoat or tie. He began unfastening the buttons of his shirt. “I’ll need your help to the bed to get my shoe and my jeans off.”

  Without hesitation, Carlos scooped Jules up in his arms, carried him to the bed, and settled him carefully on the mattress. Kneeling beside the bed, Carlos removed Jules’s shoe, then slid his hand along the length of Jules’s leg, stopping on Jules’s thigh.

  “I am happy to help,” he said huskily.

  Jules felt a surge of arousal at Carlos’s display of strength, and though he’d felt it before, he was happy not to have to hide his reaction any longer—especially since the warmth of Carlos’s hand seemed to burn him through his jeans. He moaned and wriggled on the mattress, urging Carlos’s hand higher.

  “There is no one who has ever made me feel as wanton and desirable as you do. You make me ache with wanting you.”

  “Good.” Carlos nudged Jules’s knees apart and moved to kneel between them, unfastening the fly of Jules’s jeans at a leisurely pace. “I want you to be wanton,” he said, looking up at Jules with need burning in his eyes. “You are safe with me, and I want to see your desire.”

  Licking his lips, Jules nodded, anticipation building swiftly as Carlos’s nimble fingers worked on his jeans. “I know I’m safe,” he murmured, then returned to unfastening his shirt buttons, letting the chambray garment fall down his arms and onto the bed. He was glad he hadn’t let himself overindulge as so many men his age did, and while he didn’t have a youthful body any longer, he’d gained some muscle from using the crutches, and his frame was lean with no hint of flab.

  Carlos rocked back on his heels and let his gaze roam over Jules’s bare chest, and then he reached out to splay his palm over Jules’s heart. “You are still so beautiful, querido,” he said, his voice low and rough. “Still so desirable.”

  Jules flushed, pleased with the praise. “I’m glad you find me so, but I could never hold a candle to you.” He put his hand over Carlos’s, then raised it to his lips, pressing them to Carlos’s palm. “The first time I saw you, I thought I’d found an angel fallen to earth.”