No End to Love: A Love in Spring Novel

by Roberta Capizzi

  “Fine. But stay right here where we can see you, okay? No wandering around the beach.” Adam put her down and ruffled her curls. “And don’t get too close to the water or you’ll get wet.”

  Sophie nodded and promised she wouldn’t, but Adam’s frown showed he didn’t trust his daughter to keep her promise. She trotted away toward a small mound of pebbles ten feet ahead of them and squatted down.

  Sammy tugged on Ellie’s hand, and she looked down. He had his hand held out toward her, fisting the kitchen paper that had been wrapped around the granola bar. Ellie took it and crouched down in front of him.

  “Thank you. You’re a very well-mannered little man.” Ellie smiled, but Sammy just stared at his feet. “So… did you like the seals?” Ellie pulled out a wet wipe from her backpack and removed the chocolate smeared around his mouth. He nodded.

  “Sammy, come! Let’s get some shells,” Sophie called from where she was crouched on the sand, picking up shells and pebbles. He looked up at Ellie, with wide eyes that seemed to ask for permission to go join his friend.

  “Are you having fun with Sophie? Would you like to go play with her now?”

  He nodded again, and this time the corners of his mouth lifted in what looked like a tentative smile. Ellie’s throat constricted, and she stood up, motioning for him to go join Sophie. He took off and ran toward his friend, while her vision blurred, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

  “Um, you… okay?” Adam stood to her right, looking a little uncomfortable with his hands tucked in the front pockets of his jeans and his eyebrows pulled together.

  She nodded, feeling silly for letting her emotions take over. She couldn’t help it, though. She always got too attached to her children, especially those who struggled the most.

  “He smiled,” she said, clearing her throat when her voice cracked. “I know it’s silly, and it was barely a twitch of his lips, but it’s such huge progress. I feel… I feel like I’m getting somewhere, that I’m getting through to him somehow.” She smiled, wiping the stray tear with the tips of her fingers.

  “You really love your job, don’t you?” When she nodded, his face softened. “I noticed the way you never mind when Sophie comes bothering you even after work, and now offering to babysit that little boy on your day off. I mean, it’s obvious you’d have to love kids to work with them all day long, but the way you truly care about them, even though they’re not your own… it’s amazing.”

  She shrugged, feeling a little self-conscious. “Well, I don’t really consider what I do a job. Besides, most of the time it’s them teaching me things more than the other way around.”

  “I can barely make it through the day with one kid of my own. I’m a little awed by the way you make it look so easy.”

  She laughed, the emotion Sammy’s smile had caused slowly fading. “You’ve gone through the toughest years. From now on, it’ll only be a downward ride.” Adam quirked an eyebrow and she laughed again. “Okay, not true. Adolescence will probably bring you to your knees, but there are still a few years before that. I can write down some notes and tips for you, if you’d like.”

  The grin that spread on his face made her heart stutter just a little. The dimple in his right cheek was barely visible underneath the stubble, but it was enough to wreak havoc in the swarm of butterflies in her chest.

  “How did you decide to become a preschool teacher? Was it your lifelong dream or something?” he asked a moment later, as they sat side by side on a flat rock, keeping their eyes on the children.

  “My father was in the Army, a commanding officer who got moved all over the country, wherever they needed him to train soldiers. We went with him—my mom, my brother and I—so it was hard to become really close friends with anyone.”

  “That must’ve been hard. I grew up in Spring, never moved anywhere until college. And even when I was in Seattle, I missed home all the time.”

  “You get used to it, when moving is all you’ve ever known.” She shrugged, fidgeting with the strap of her backpack sitting in her lap. Not entirely true, but she wasn’t going to admit it to him. “The longest we spent in one place was when I was fourteen and Dad got transferred to Camp Lejeune. We all moved to Jacksonville, North Carolina and stayed there for nearly three years, which was a record for us. While we were there, I became friends with a girl named Gwen. She was sort of an outcast like me, never got included in the cool kids’ cliques because she was quiet and shy. Most of the time the other kids picked on her, and it drove me insane.” She’d hated those kids, but she’d been too afraid to stand up for Gwen, or for herself. She knew Ethan would have helped her, but she didn’t want to get him into trouble, so she just ignored them, pretending they didn’t exist. “We sat next to each other in some classes, and we always had lunch together. She had a hard time fitting in and had trouble with most subjects, even though she was a smart girl. She leaned on me for help and I was happy to spend time after school with her, doing homework together, and just have someone I could call a friend.” She smiled, remembering those years as the best of her childhood and adolescence. Gwen had been so much fun to be with.

  “So you decided you wanted to be a teacher.”

  She shook her head. “Not right away, no. The thing that pushed me in that direction was way sadder.”

  He frowned, and she looked away, feeling tears pricking her eyes. He’d already seen her cry because Sammy had smiled; she didn’t want him to think she was one of those whiny, weepy girls. Especially since men were usually freaked out by crying women.

  “At the end of my junior year my father got transferred to California, and leaving Gwen behind nearly broke my heart. I was lucky I had my twin brother to lean on for support, but still… Ethan had warned me not to get attached to anyone, if I didn’t want to get hurt when we moved. Sure, he hung out with kids but never had trouble moving on to the next town. It was harder for me, maybe because I was a girl.”

  Ethan had always told her they should count on each other only, because nobody and nothing would ever keep them apart. His words sounded like a joke now that he was in Afghanistan and she never knew whether he’d show up for their weekly Skype call.

  “I kept in touch with Gwen after we moved, though. We talked on the phone and e-mailed. We even applied to the same colleges, so if we both got accepted we could share a room.” Her throat constricted a little at the memory of what had happened next. “A couple of weeks after spring break I got a call from her mother. Gwen had killed herself; she’d overdosed on pills she’d taken from her mother’s bathroom.”

  Adam let out a gasp, and his hand reached out as if to take hers. He dropped it just before his fingers grazed her skin, probably realizing it wouldn’t be appropriate. “That’s… awful. Dying at such a young age must be devastating for those left behind.”

  Ellie stared at the kids who were now busy throwing pebbles into the surf, as she took a moment to regain her composure. Even after ten years, it still hurt like it had happened the day before.

  “It was like an ice-cold bucket of water had been poured over my head. Her mother told me that after I left, things got worse at school. She struggled a lot, kids made fun of her, and she was alone to cope with it. A new teacher who’d been trained in dyslexia spotted the signs and told her parents. She did her best to help, but it was too late. Gwen left a letter for her parents and one for me. She told me I’d been her only true friend, the only one who hadn’t pushed her away because she was different, because letters blurred and danced in front of her eyes when she tried to read.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, still as big as it had been back then, when she’d read Gwen’s letter. “I kept torturing myself for months afterward. If only I’d noticed the small signs, if only I’d listened more closely, if only I’d helped her open up with me, I might have understood, I could’ve saved her. Instead, I left her on her own, scared and alone, and she took her life because she felt inadequate, she felt different.”

  “You didn’t leave her intent
ionally. You had to follow your family, it wasn’t your fault.” Adam’s voice was soft and a little gravelly, and stupid as it was, it reached deep down to her heart, warming it from the inside out.

  “It was then I decided to contact the Department of Child and Adolescent Development at San Francisco State University. I hadn’t been able to help Gwen, but I could help other kids—I could save them from themselves, from the rest of the world. I’d help them build the confidence they’d need to withstand bullies and become strong adults.”

  “Wow, that’s quite honorable. And pretty amazing, too.” Adam’s smile was a mix of awe and admiration, and she couldn’t help the flush that crept up her neck. She was proud of what she did—even if she wasn’t risking her own life to keep her country safe, like Ethan was, in her own small way she felt what she did was something worthwhile, something that could change kids’ lives and help them grow into good adults. Seeing the emotion on another person’s face, especially on Adam’s, made her a little self-conscious, though.

  “I wish the reasons behind my career choice were half as honorable as yours,” he said. “I feel a little ashamed now.” He hung his head and chuckled.

  “Don’t be too hard on yourself. Being an officer of the law is respectable enough—keeping the bad guys at bay and all that.” She patted his back in a friendly way, before she remembered they weren’t supposed to get friendly at all. Even with his denim jacket and shirt between her fingers and his skin, she felt a jolt shoot up her arm. This silly business had to end—he just couldn’t be her one. First of all because he was still hung up on his wife, and secondly because he could very well be the cause of her unemployment. She couldn’t risk it.

  “Daddy, I have to pee.” Sophie interrupted Ellie’s musing, as she came barreling toward them. Adam scooped her up and looked around for the restrooms.

  “I saw a toilet sign back there.” Ellie pointed to the way they’d come, grateful for the distraction the little girl had unintentionally provided. “We’ll go with you. Come on, Sammy.” She stuck out her hand, and Sammy took it without hesitation. She loved that he’d come to trust her so much; it was small progress, but it was something.

  “Daddy, it’s weally urgent now. I weally weally have to pee.”

  Adam laughed and squeezed Sophie to his chest. “Hold on, baby girl. Don’t leak on me.”

  Ellie took Sammy’s hand and they hurried toward the building where the restrooms were located. When they got there, Adam reached for the men’s door, and Ellie stopped him just before he opened it.

  “You can’t take her into the men’s.”

  Adam frowned and seemed to think for a beat, before her words sank in. “Ah, you’re right. This is our first real trip; I hadn’t really considered the logistics. I can’t go into the ladies’ either, though, can I?”

  “I’ll take her. Maybe you could take Sammy.” She crouched next to the boy and asked if he needed to go, too. When he nodded, she told him Sophie’s daddy would go with him, because they were both boys, while she would go with Sophie. He nodded again, clutching his dinosaur closer to his chest, then reluctantly followed Adam into the men’s, while she took Sophie’s hand and led her into the ladies’. Once again she couldn’t stop herself from thinking this felt a lot like a family day trip—and wished she didn’t like it so much.

  * * *

  They left the park shortly after noon. Sophie had pointed out rather strongly that she wanted fish and chips for her lunch; apparently, the snacks Adam had brought along had merely tamed her appetite an hour before. Sometimes he wondered if he’d ever stop succumbing to her every wish and start putting his foot down for real. Then again, he still had a few years to practice before she reached adolescence. Hopefully, he’d learn something by then.

  Thirty minutes later, they stopped in Banton, a nearby town he remembered stopping at with his parents, whenever they made the drive up north, and found a nice, quaint fish restaurant where they ate delicious fish and chips. Sophie kept chattering even while she was eating, and Adam had to fight a smile as he told her she shouldn’t talk with her mouth full.

  Ellie laughed when Sophie told her dad she had important things to say and couldn’t wait until she was finished chewing, in case she forgot what she wanted to say.

  “I’m hopeless, aren’t I?” he asked Ellie, hanging his head in defeat.

  “Don’t get discouraged, you’re doing a better job than most dads. She’s just going through a chatty phase—she’ll outgrow it. Wait ’til she’s a sulky teenager who’ll barely say hello to you in the mornings, then you’ll miss these days.”

  She winked, and he widened his eyes in terror. When she laughed, the sound made his stomach feel… weird. Maybe he’d simply eaten too much and the feeling had nothing to do with how comfortable he was feeling, having lunch with his neighbor and two kids, like a happy family on a field trip. Or how he’d started looking at her in a different way after she’d told him the reason why she’d become a teacher. Or the fact that, with her cheeks glowing from spending the morning in the sun and her eyes looking greener when they’d stood on the beach, she was… well, pretty adorable.

  He shook his head as they left the restaurant, hating himself for even noticing how pretty his neighbor, and his daughter’s teacher, was today. He wasn’t a teenager anymore. He was a single parent who had a little daughter to take care of, not to mention a criminal to find. He’d better remember that, the next time he entertained stupid thoughts about Ellie or any other woman. He didn’t have time nor did he want a woman in his life—no matter what he’d promised Hannah.

  They were nearly at the car when Sophie spotted a playground and squealed with delight, begging him to let them play for a while. After what he’d just been thinking, the last thing he wanted was to spend more time around Ellie. He just wanted to go home, back to the place where Hannah would be staring at him from the pictures scattered around the rooms, back to where he felt safe and knew what his place in the world was.

  But after all they’d eaten, he was likely to fall into a food-induced coma once he was behind the wheel, and that wouldn’t be a safe move. So he just nodded and followed Sophie toward the entrance, with Ellie and Sammy walking up beside him.

  “Daddy, hold Buzz. He doesn’t like the slide.” Sophie handed her precious stuffed bunny to him as soon as they entered the playground. “Buzz, stay here. Daddy will look after you.” She kissed the bunny and patted its head before running away toward the play set.

  “Do you want me to look after your dinosaur, too, Sammy?” Adam asked, extending his hand. The little guy stood in front of Ellie, digging the toe of his shoe in the sand, looking unsure as to whether he should follow Sophie or stay close to Ellie. After a couple of seconds, the boy looked up at Ellie, and she extended her hand.

  “I can take care of Freddie for you while you play with Sophie. Would that be okay?”

  Sammy nodded in that almost imperceptible way of his and handed the purple dinosaur to Ellie. He looked briefly at Adam, then ran toward Sophie, who was calling his name and yelling at him to hurry up.

  “What did I do wrong?” Adam asked, as soon as the boy left.

  “Nothing. He just… he doesn’t warm up to other people easily.” Ellie smiled, her eyes never leaving the little boy. “I still have a long way to go to help him open up, but he’s been making a lot of progress lately. Sophie’s been helping me a lot.”

  Adam frowned. “Has she?”

  “I think she’s sort of taken Sammy under her wing, and he understands he can trust her. The other kids got annoyed by the fact he doesn’t reply to them when they ask him something, and in a matter of days they left him on his own, even though I tried to make them include him in their activities. Sophie is the only one who doesn’t seem to mind.” A veil of sadness marred her soft features, and her brow furrowed.

  “Bet she’s happy to do all the talking and let him tag along,” Adam said, eliciting a smile from her, just like he’d hoped. He didn’t like se
eing her sad. “She can be kinda bossy; in a way, she’s a lot like her mother. Hannah used to boss me and our younger siblings around, when we were kids. I didn’t mind, but my brother Kyle usually rebelled against her, pulling Lauren along. Hannah hated that, and I always ended up in the middle of it all.”

  Ellie laughed, and Adam’s heart lifted a little. He enjoyed hearing her laugh—a little too much for his own peace of mind.

  “I know Sammy doesn’t mind tagging along, and truth be told, I’m hoping Sophie’s enthusiasm will help him get out of his shell.”

  “What’s the matter with him? Is he, uh… autistic or something? If you’re allowed to say it, that is.”

  Ellie inhaled deeply, staring at the kids playing on the slide. “No, medically speaking he’s perfectly fine. Mrs. Saunders took him to several doctors, and they all agreed there was nothing wrong with him. He’d been talking like all toddlers before his mom died, but he’s never said a word after they found him lying on the floor next to his mother’s body.”

  Adam let out a gasp. He’d heard the story about Mrs. Saunder’s daughter dying, everybody in town had, but he hadn’t known that the little boy had been with her when it happened.

  “He’s an adorable little boy, and I want to help him get better. I’ll help him to have a normal life, to enjoy his childhood like all the other kids, if it’s the last thing I do.”

  “You’re a real badass teacher who takes her job seriously.” Adam grinned, and his mind conjured an image of Ellie dressed in a Wonder Woman costume saving kids from a big, bad monster. His blood froze. Where had that image come from?

  “Well, so do you. You’re the deputy sheriff who keeps us all safe.”

  “I’m hardly a hero.” He shrugged. Ever since taking on the job with Glen, he’d never thought much of what he did. Back when he was in Seattle he was a cop in a big city full of people who needed protection from crimes—even though he hadn’t been able to protect his wife, when it had come to it. Now that he was in Spring, the crime rate in the whole county was so low that he’d been wondering why Glen bothered having three deputies at all. He didn’t feel like a hero at all, especially not after letting Hannah down.