Start a Fire: A Dark High School Bully Romance (The Savage Crew Book 1)

by Julia Wolf

  I still remember what you feel like from the inside. You were my first, you’ll always be special to me. Won’t I always be special to you?

  I deleted it without comment or reaction. That was what he wanted, and I refused to give it to him.

  “Are you going to the soccer game on Saturday?” he asked.

  “I don’t plan to, no.”

  “There’s a party after at Aiden’s. You should come. Aren’t you friends with his girl, Cassie?”

  Since I’d barely seen Bex’s bestie over the last couple weeks, I could safely say the answer was no. We weren’t friends, and to be honest, I kind of thought she was a shitty friend to Bex, all but abandoning her for her golden soccer boy.

  “I’m not coming to the party. You’re pretty brazen to ask.”

  He shrugged, falling back into his relaxed, don’t-give-a-shit posture. “I go for what I want.”

  “Good for you, but since I don’t have any interest in going to a party, you’ll have to be disappointed this time around.”

  “You used to be sweeter, Grace,” he remarked.

  “Well, I was fifteen when you knew me. A lot of life has happened between then and now.”

  A look of sympathy swept over him. “Sorry about your dad.” I almost believed that, but not quite.

  I gave him a sidelong glance. “Thank you. But honestly, I really don’t want to chat with you. We’re not going to be friends, so I don’t see a point in getting personal. The past is done.”

  He chuckled. “Wow. You’re a fucking cunt, huh?”

  I didn’t bother with giving him any kind of reply. I shot off our assignment to our teacher, then packed up my stuff in anticipation of the bell ringing.

  As soon as the signal trilled in the air, I was out of my seat, heading toward the door. I’d almost joined the flow of students buzzing with excitement for the weekend when two hands shoved my back. I stumbled forward, catching myself on the guy in front of me. He glanced over his shoulder, shaking his head at me as I righted myself and whirled around.

  Elena stood there parting the sea of bodies like the reincarnation of Moses. People just streamed around her without pause, though a few seemed interested in the drama about to unfold.

  “What did I tell you?” she hissed.

  “This is getting old. I’m not interested in your boyfriend, Elena.”

  Nate fucking Bergen leaned against the wall outside our English class, taking in the show. He seemed to be enjoying himself, judging by the smirk curling the corners of his mouth. This couldn’t have been the first time Elena had gone after a girl who’d looked in his direction. I doubted Nate discouraged any mildly attractive female from flirting with him...or more. He certainly wasn’t the honorable type.

  She came at me, pushing my shoulders. “I’m not blind. I saw you whispering to him.” Her finger jabbed at my face. “I’m done giving you passes. You’ve always wanted what was mine, and nothing’s changed. It’s pathetic, Grace. You reek of jealousy. I’d feel sorry for you if I didn’t know you were a snake.”

  She shoved at me again, making me slam into someone else. All I wanted was to get away from her. I wouldn’t hit her back. That wasn’t me. I saw no dishonor in running away from a fight. If it was cowardly, so be it. I was a coward who had no desire to get bitch-slapped by my ex-best friend.

  “Stop it, Elena. You’re going to get in trouble if a teacher sees you right now. Do you want to get kicked off cheer?”

  Her blue eyes rounded with outrage. “Was that a threat?”

  I shook my head, backing up a step or two. “It wasn’t. I’m reminding you where we are and what’s at stake.”

  She ate up the little distance I’d gained, jabbing her finger at me again. “Why did you have to come back? Everything was better without you. If only your dad could have hacked it, you’d still be across—”

  My hand stung from where it had connected with her cheek. Her mouth gaped as she clutched her face. For a second, we were both shocked into immobility. We’d been in this position once before, only in reverse.

  Elena’s shock wore off first. She started to charge me, but Nate scooped her up by the waist, holding her back.

  “Hey!” Helen came running toward us, fire in her eyes. “Get the fuck away from Grace.” She reached me, looping her arm around my shoulder.

  “You bitch,” Elena seethed, balling her fists at her sides. “I hate you.”

  Helen feigned a lunge at her, which made Elena flinch in Nate’s arms. Helen snickered. “Get your girl out of here, Bergen. She comes at Grace again, she’ll be walking away with more than a red cheek.”

  Nate dragged Elena away, but she’d already landed her mark, her words an almost physical punch to my gut. What she’d said about my dad...I couldn’t even think about it.

  The small crowd dispersed pretty quickly when it became obvious we weren’t going to be having a knock-down, drag-out fight in the middle of the hall. We’d come close, though.

  “I hit her,” I whispered in disbelief. I’d never hit anyone. My stomach clenched hard. Acid rose in the back of my throat. I’d slapped Elena across the face because she said my dad...my dad…

  How did she know, how did she know, how did she know?

  “Damn right. She deserved it.” Helen squeezed me gently. “I don’t even know what she said, but I do know she had that coming. Girls like Elena need a few slaps from time to time to remind them they’re not untouchable.”

  I sniffed a quiet laugh through the tears freely dripping down my cheeks. “I don’t...I don’t think that’s true, but I appreciate the sentiment. And you. I appreciate you being here.”

  “Told you Bash asked me to look out for you. I’m just glad I was coming to find you anyway. Let’s get outta here, Gracie.”

  She led me through the school and out a side entrance. By the time we were outside, I was trembling in earnest. I tripped over my own feet, but Helen held me upright.

  “Come on, baby girl. I’m gonna take you to Bash.”

  Helen loaded me into her mom’s car and tore out of the school parking lot, cutting off buses and other students. Normally, I would have been clutching the handle on the door for dear life, but I barely noticed her speed. My body folded in on itself, curling up in her front seat.

  Sometime later, she stopped. I opened my blurry eyes to a park but didn’t move.

  Hells rubbed my arm. “I’ll be right back. Don’t worry. Everything will be okay. Bash will know what to do.”

  Her door opened and clicked shut, and I closed my eyes again, laying my head on the window beside me. All my energy had been sapped. My limbs were heavy and weak, and the prospect of keeping my eyes open seemed like entirely too much work.

  The next thing I knew, my door was wrenched open, my seat belt unhooked, and my face was being cupped in gentle hands.

  “Grace...what the fuck, baby?” Sebastian’s nose brushed mine. “Tell me you’re okay.”

  “She’s not okay!” Helen yelled from somewhere behind him. “Do something, Bash!”

  I shook my head. “I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine.” My voice came out foreign and distant. Even I didn’t believe myself.

  He lifted me into his arms and fell back on the pavement with me cradled in his lap. “Grace.” He sounded rough and angry, but I wasn’t afraid. For once, I knew without a doubt his anger wasn’t directed at me. “What do I do?”

  “I want to go home and be alone,” I murmured. “I just need to sleep.”

  “No way. I’ll take you home, but you’re not going to be alone.” He touched his lips to my temple. “Can you stand?”

  “Of course I can. I’m upset, not an invalid.” I pushed off him, and Helen grabbed my hands, helping me the rest of the way up. Sebastian barely allowed any space between our bodies, warming me from behind with his chest.

  He pushed my hair aside and dipped his head so his mouth was beside my ear. “There’s my mouthy girl.” He kissed my jaw. “Can you ride on my bike?”

&n
bsp; I nodded, sinking back into him. “Yeah.”

  “I can drive her.” Helen tried to take my hand, her perfect brows pinched with concern.

  Bash all but growled at her, wrapping his arm around my middle. “I’ve got her, Hells. Leave it.”

  She looked at me, chewing her red lip. “Gracie? Do you want me to drive you or will you be okay?”

  I reached behind me, gripping Bash’s shirt. All of a sudden, I only wanted him. Big and scary and mean as hell, he seemed like the safest bet to ward off the heaviness of life. “No, thank you,” I rasped. “He’ll get me home.”

  Sebastian walked me to his parked bike and guided me onto the back, placing the helmet on me carefully. The way he touched me and looked at me was so unlike him, tears pricked at my eyes again. He climbed on in front of me, pulling my arms around him, and it felt so good to curl into him, I would have fallen asleep if I didn’t fear for my life.

  How can I feel safe with him when he still terrifies me sometimes?

  He took off, driving a little less recklessly than normal, but the irony of all ironies was I felt safer on the back of Sebastian Vega’s bike than I had in longer than I wanted to admit. It wouldn’t last, but I leaned into it and him because I desperately needed it.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  My mom wasn’t home, but I didn’t care. I should have. The last time I was alone with Sebastian in my apartment...well, I didn’t have the energy to think about it.

  I dropped my backpack by my door and headed to my bedroom. Sebastian followed me through the apartment, staying as close as humanly possible without touching me. I kicked off my shoes and climbed into my bed, scooting all the way against the wall.

  Sebastian kicked off his own shoes and sat on my bed beside me, propped up against the pillows and headboard. His palm came down on my head, stroking through the length of my hair.

  “Go to sleep,” he murmured.

  My eyelids were so heavy, it was torture keeping them open. “I shouldn’t trust you.”

  He stared down at me, unrelenting in his intensity. “Probably not.”

  At least he was honest.

  “You can go.”

  Knuckles dragged along my tear-stained cheek. “I can, but I won’t.”

  My eyes drifted shut. “Promise.”

  “Promise.”

  * * *

  I woke up gradually. My eyes were gritty, and my mouth felt like it had been stuffed with cotton. I became aware of the warm body stretched out beside mine, answering the first question that popped into my waking mind. Sebastian had stayed.

  My eyes lifted to look at him. He was in the same position, scrolling through his phone. Sensing me, he looked down, and our eyes met. His were unreadable in the dimming light of my room.

  “You’re here,” I rasped.

  He nodded once, then grabbed a bottle of water from my bedside table and handed it to me. I pushed up on my elbows, drinking gratefully.

  “What time is it?” I asked.

  “Almost five. You haven’t been out that long.” He sunk down, rolling to his side so we were face-to-face. “You sleep like you’re drowning.”

  Idly, I wondered if I was clawing to the surface or accepting my fate like my drawing, but I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to know.

  “You were watching me?”

  “Of course I was.”

  I nearly smiled at that, my own personal stalker. “Of course you were.”

  His black eyes hardened with determination. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

  I touched his face, the tight muscle in his jaw. How could this boy, who’d once acted like he hated me, be laying here with me now, taking care of me? How had we come this far?

  “Elena happened.” My fingertips traced his jaw, and I scooted closer, until my chest brushed his. “You asked me why we lived here, and I told you my dad died. Did you wonder about life insurance?”

  He caught my hand, pinning it between us. “I guess. I don’t know.”

  I shook my head against the pillow. “There isn’t any. Most life insurance is null and void if the insured commits suicide, and that’s what my dad did.”

  “Jesus,” he breathed. “I thought he was sick or something.”

  “He was. He was sick for so long, Bash. He had ALS. He got the diagnosis a few months before we moved to Switzerland. It’s a death sentence, but my mom researched and found a team of doctors in Europe who were conducting trials on patients early in their diagnosis, so we had to try. My parents were always honest with me. They told me he had five years, if we were lucky, but it would probably be less.”

  I leaned into him, his warmth, his solid strength, and he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me even closer.

  “We had one good year there. He was getting worse, and it was obvious he wouldn’t make it to five years, but that one year we had, we filled with all the memories and experiences we could. And then...our second year there…god, I don’t have words. Seeing what happened to my dad changed me forever. But we didn’t move to Switzerland just for the treatment. My mom and dad had plans in place for when it got bad—because it was always going to get bad. When the time came, when he was in constant, horrible pain and it just didn’t make sense to keep going, we went to a clinic, and they gave him a lethal combination of drugs that stopped his heart. My mom and I were with him, kissing him and telling him how much we loved him and that it was okay to let go—”

  I broke, sobbing quietly. It hadn’t even been two months. I wasn’t healed. Not even close. I’d been prepared for him to go, but the reality of it, the reality…

  “Grace.” Sebastian’s fingers tangled in the back of my hair, but instead of platitudes, he covered my mouth with his, kissing me hard and deep. I fell into his kiss, letting him pull me into his whirlwind, away from my sadness and devastation.

  I wanted to claw my way inside him. To escape the relentless ache in my bones. I writhed against him, raised my leg over his hip, and rocked my core against his erection. Sebastian’s palm rubbed my back, slipping under the band of my bra, and then back down to my butt, kneading me and tipping my hips so he could grind into me.

  His mouth moved to my neck, hot and greedy, sucking my skin between his lips, and I clung to him, whimpering from the swirl of pleasure and pain. His teeth raked over my collarbone, nipping at my shoulder, and I shook from the release of my discarded emotions, wanting to feel this, this out-of-control desire, more than the fiery sadness burning in my belly.

  I reached for his waistband, but he caught my wrist, stopping me. My head tipped back to look at him. The line between his eyebrows was a deep valley, jaw set and stubborn.

  “You don’t want me?” I asked, bewildered.

  “I want you so fucking bad, I can taste it. But I’m not going to fuck you when you’re crying for someone else. When I’m inside you, the only tears you’ll cry will be for me.”

  His mouth moved over mine again, slower this time, showing me he wanted me, like this, just like this.

  “Grace! Goddammit!”

  Our mouths ripped apart, and my eyes went wide and panicked. “My mom’s home.”

  Sebastian’s laugh was gruff. “If you would have had it your way, she would have gotten a perfect view of my bare ass.”

  “Oh god,” I groaned.

  “Grace!” she called again. “You almost took me out with your backpack by the door, girlfriend.”

  Her voice came from right outside my door. I leapt out of bed, meeting her in the hall.

  “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

  Mom peered over my shoulder, then raised an eyebrow at me. “Were you distracted by something...or someone?”

  “Mom…” I steered her down the hall to the living room. She’d switched on the lights, so it was much brighter out here. When she saw the state of my face, her hands came to my cheeks.

  “Have you been crying?”

  “Yeah.” I rubbed my thumbs under my eyes, coming away with black from my mascara. “
I had a fight with Elena at school. She said some nasty stuff to me. Have you…have you spoken to Mrs. Sanderson recently?”

  Mom nodded, her lips twisting to the side. “Yes, I did. We ran into each other at the grocery store Wednesday, but by the time you got home from work, it had slipped my mind, so I forgot to tell you.”

  My throat felt coated with cement, thick and heavy. “Did you tell her about Dad?”

  “I did. I didn’t go into detail, but I told her the basics. We were friends when we lived here before, and it was so nice to reconnect.” She gripped my shoulder. “Wait, did Elena say something?”

  “She said dad couldn’t hack it,” I whispered.

  “Oh.” Mom’s hands flew to her mouth. “Oh my. How could she say something so cruel?”

  “I don’t know.” I dipped my head to rest my forehead on my mom’s shoulder. “She hates me because of Nate, even though I don’t want anything to do with him. But, Mom, when she said it, I kind of went outside my body. I slapped her face.”

  My mom knew some of what had happened at the end of freshman year and what had led to my falling out with Elena. If we had stayed, I might not have told her, but with distance, it felt safe to give her the parent-approved version of events. No mother needed to hear the dirty details of their daughter’s alcohol-soaked first time with her best friend’s crush—especially not with everything that had been going on with my dad at the time.

  “Aw, Gracie.” She wrapped me in a tight hug. “If you get in trouble at school, you won’t be in trouble here. I can’t promise I wouldn’t have slapped her too. What a troubled girl. I should call her mom.”

  “No, no, no.” I pulled back from her embrace. “Please don’t. I just want this to die down. If you call Mrs. Sanderson, it’ll only stoke the flames.”

  She exhaled, stroking the back of my hair. “All right. But if anything else happens, you won’t be able to stop me.” She squeezed my shoulders. “Now, should we talk about the boy in your bed?”

  “Sebastian brought me home. I was really upset. I fell asleep, and he stayed, and—”