Start a Fire: A Dark High School Bully Romance (The Savage Crew Book 1)

by Julia Wolf

  Nothing good lasts. I knew that. I’d been waiting for a moment like this, but now that it was here, I couldn’t believe it was happening.

  Sebastian’s attention finally fell on me, and instead of the horror I’d hoped to see there, his features were filled with anger.

  “Bash…” My mouth had formed his name, but I wasn’t sure I’d actually said it.

  Elena whirled around, seemingly stupefied to find me there. “What do you want?” she sneered.

  “Shut up, Elena,” Sebastian gritted. “Get outta here. I can’t be any more clear.”

  “Wait.” She took a step toward me, then twisted back to look at Sebastian. “Wait, are you two together? Is Grace your girlfriend? I thought you were kidding. This is even funnier than I imagined.”

  “There’s nothing funny about it.” Sebastian came toward me, but I closed my arms around my middle. “Grace, baby…”

  Elena threw her head back and cackled. “Oh, fuck me. I am dying here. This is poetry in motion.”

  “Just tell me,” I said to her. “You’ve wanted to break me for so long, so do it. Get it over with.”

  Her lips curled in wicked pleasure as she stepped close enough to me, I’d be sure to hear her every word. “Well, you see, you took my boyfriend’s virginity, and I took yours. I guess we’ve come full circle, huh?”

  My mind raced to catch up, but it was like trudging through muddy betrayal. “Just once?” I whispered, but she heard.

  “No, Gracie. We’ve been hooking up off and on for the last year.”

  Sebastian came between us, shielding me from Elena, but I didn’t want his protection. I wanted the truth. All of it. Not his watered-down version. I needed every last dirty detail, and Elena was the only one who’d give it to me.

  “Don’t listen to her. She doesn’t care about you. Anything she says will be twisted to hurt you,” Sebastian murmured.

  “And anything you say will be to make you look better. You’re both serving your own best interests, not mine. Let me talk to her.” My nostrils flared with rage. This boy, this boy I’d forgiven and given a second chance to, had been lying to me the whole time. I had to know how deep he’d cut me.

  “You want the truth? I’ll tell it to you.” He gripped the side of my neck, keeping my gaze on him when he was the last person I wanted to look at. “Yes, I’ve fucked her. The last time was the first week of school. The second I knew I wanted you, I cut her off. I told her it would never happen again, and it hasn’t. I haven’t even spoken to her since then. That’s it, Grace. It’s ugly, and I wish I could scrub the memory of her out of my brain, but that’s the fucking truth.”

  My chin trembled, but I refused to cry. Not in front of the two people who’d hurt me more than anyone else in the world.

  “She was touching you. You were touching her.” I jerked from his hold, backing away. Elena came into my sight again, still smirking like she’d won the battle. The trouble was, I hadn’t even known we were fighting.

  “Grace,” Sebastian boomed, drawing eyes our way, including Bex, who looked horrified, and Gabe and Helen, who didn’t seem the least bit surprised. “You’re not doing this.”

  “You did this.” I turned and ran, bumping into dozens of shoulders and backs. I’d be bruised tomorrow, but I couldn’t think about that now. Escape was my only instinct.

  Of course he caught me. I’d made it outside, but that was as far as he’d let me go. His arms banded around my middle, and he hauled me back against his chest, holding me so tight, my air was constricted.

  “We’re not done,” he growled. “You’re not running. Not over this.”

  “Let me go!” I kicked and clawed, feral with the need to be away from this boy. “I can’t look at you.”

  “Jesus, Grace. Calm down. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

  “You’re hurting me,” I cried. “Let me go!”

  “Never,” he growled. “This isn’t something we’re ending over. Not her.”

  I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself enough for him to release his hold on me, but I couldn’t draw enough air into my lungs. Deep wheezing sounds rattled my chest as I panted, hyperventilating.

  “Baby,” he spun me around, tipping my chin up with his knuckle, “you gotta calm down. You’re gonna pass out if you don’t. I need you to breathe.”

  “Stop touching me,” I stammered. “Stop.”

  “If I stop, you’ll run, and then we start all over again. I’m not doing that. I’m keeping you.”

  “No.” I shook my head hard. “We’re done.”

  His gaze hardened, but his hands were still light and careful. “You don’t get to decide that on your own. We’re never fucking done.”

  I squeezed my eyes closed and found it was easier to take in deeper breaths when I didn’t have to look at Sebastian. I was betrayed and hurt, but on top of that, I was humiliated.

  “I will never be able to let you touch me again. You can force it, I know you can, but you’ll have to.” I sucked in another shaky breath. “You knew this would break me. That’s why Gabe tried to stop me from seeing you with her.”

  “Grace—” He cupped my cheeks, but I reared back like his touch physically hurt. “She has never meant anything to me. You once said you didn’t want to be used as a warm hole, but that’s all she ever was—a means to an end.”

  My lip curled in disgust, and my eyes flew open. “Why would I want to hear that? What is wrong with you?”

  “Grace!” Bex flew out of the gym, concern and anger etched deep on her features. She jabbed a finger at Sebastian. “Get away from her, asshole. We’re leaving.”

  She took my hand in hers, and though she was half a foot shorter than me, I felt the fierceness in her protection.

  “The hell you are. Grace is mine!” Sebastian bellowed.

  Bex ignored him entirely, but her hand in mine trembled. “Our Uber is here. We can go if you’re ready.”

  I swiped a finger under my eye. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

  Sebastian grabbed my arm, yanking me against him. I’d be bruised there too, but what was one more? I’d already taken a beating tonight, inside and out. At this point, I barely felt it.

  “I do not accept this. We’re going to talk.” He was vibrating all over, a rattling alarm clock signaling the end of sanity.

  “No.” I poked him hard in the chest. “No, no, no. I’m saying no this time. Does it mean anything? Will it make you stop?”

  Sebastian staggered, his grip falling loose. “Grace,” he said hoarsely, “don’t do this.”

  “No,” I hissed. Then I walked away from him with Bex by my side. He didn’t chase me, but I guessed I wasn’t running. I was limping, crawling, slithering on my belly—anything to leave this place, this night, this boy.

  In the car, Bex kept my hand. “Do you want to go to my house? You can sleepover.”

  Since my mom wasn’t expecting me home tonight, and I really didn’t want to explain what had gone down between Sebastian and me, I said yes.

  Once we got to Bex’s house, she loaned me a pair of pajamas. I almost ripped my dress in half, but she jumped in, saving it from my raving hands. I put on my borrowed leggings and T-shirt, scrubbed my face raw, and climbed into Bex’s queen-size bed. She joined me a couple minutes later after she’d changed.

  “I don’t think he cheated.” It needed to be said out loud, but I didn’t think it mattered. He’d promised me honesty, and he hadn’t followed through. How could I trust any of his other promises?

  “He hurt you,” she said.

  I nodded. “Keeping that from me…”

  “When everyone else knew. Well, I didn’t know. I sure as hell would have told you.” She sounded so adamant, I had no doubt she was telling the truth.

  “I’m so embarrassed. I knew better than to be with a boy like him.” I buried my face in her soft pillow, wishing this day away.

  “He’s the one who should be embarrassed. You know you did nothing wrong.”

 
; “I know, but I am,” I groaned, slapping the mattress. “I’m sorry your homecoming got ruined.”

  “It wasn’t ruined. I got pretty pictures and danced with a cute boy. This part sucks, but I got to have the whole experience.”

  I sputtered a laugh. A small one, but it was a laugh. “In that case, I guess I got the whole experience too.”

  “Mmmhmmm. What’s a high school dance without the drama?”

  I stilled, suddenly so tired, I could barely keep my eyes open. It was probably the surge of adrenaline draining from my body. “Thanks for rescuing me, Bex.”

  When I yawned, she patted my shoulder under her blankets. “Go to sleep. I’ll rescue you in the morning with a fat stack of pancakes.”

  Ravaged from the day, from feelings I couldn’t quite wrap my head around, I sank into the soft bedding beneath me and pushed it all away. It would still be there tomorrow. My heart would still be shattered when the sun rose. But for now, I slept.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  My mom hadn’t asked why I looked like I’d been plowed down by a tractor when I got home, but I suspected she assumed I was hungover. For now, I’d let her assume. It was a new day, but I still wasn’t ready to explain everything.

  I spent Sunday in my room. Instead of sketching or wasting time on TikTok, I emailed Mr. Klaski, requesting he send me my next few assignments in advance. He surprised me by replying within an hour with several attachments and the instructions to go along with the work. My guess was he was a new enough teacher, he didn’t think it was a little crazy one of his students was requesting a week’s worth of work in advance so she could spend time in the library instead of class. Or maybe he’d been more aware of the tension between Sebastian and me than I’d given him credit for.

  My mom peeked her head in my room around six and demanded I eat pizza with her. Then she demanded to know what the hell had gone down at homecoming to turn me into a walking zombie. I gave her a watered-down version of events, but only because she was a dog with a bone and wouldn’t drop it until I did.

  “No. Sebastian and Elena?” She slumped over the table. Her jaw dropped.

  “It was before us...but I just can’t go there. He didn’t tell me, he purposely hid it from me, and he knew what she did to me.”

  “I know, I know. I get where you’re coming from. It’s just going to take me a second to wrap my head around it. When I saw you guys all dressed up yesterday, you were so happy…”

  That was the moment I broke. I finally let the tears flow, sobbing as my mom wrapped me in her arms. We had been happy. I’d been falling in love with him, healing my broken heart, and just feeling like a normal teenager. I’d let myself get caught up, forgetting what kind of person Sebastian truly was, allowing myself to believe he was the boy who’d fight off dragons for me. Stupid me, voluntarily walking straight into the real dragon’s nest.

  “We were really happy.” I clung to her tiny frame. “But I can’t, Mom. I couldn’t even look at him. I don’t know how I’m going to bear sitting in class with Elena tomorrow while she gloats. It’s all just so stupid. I wish I never met him.”

  “Shhh.” She stroked my hair like she’d done my whole life. “One thing I’ve learned over my years is the human heart is resilient. It hurts, and it breaks, but as long as it’s beating, you have a chance to heal. Your heart is young and strong as hell. Even though you feel like you’re ruined, you aren’t. High school is a way station before real life begins. Those awkward moments sharing a class with Elena are a blip in your life. Don’t give them more importance than they deserve.”

  “Mama, I’m sorry.” Tears poured from my eyes and my chest ached so bad, it felt like I was being stabbed. “I can’t believe I’m complaining to you about this after Daddy—” I couldn’t say it, but she knew.

  “Babe, my heartache doesn’t mean you can’t have your own. I’m your mom. It’s part of my job to take care of you no matter what. I hate that you were already hurting from losing Daddy and another layer has been added. You poor, sweet girl. I love you so, so much. I’d take this from you if I could.”

  She held me until I was cried out. By the time I crawled into bed at nine, I was a dried-out husk. It was way too early, but I didn’t want to stay awake a second longer.

  * * *

  I became aware of his presence in increments. First, the dip of my bed pulled me out of a dream, but I was so tired, I refused to open my eyes. The body pressed against my side jolted my consciousness, but it was the hand on my bare back that finally got my eyelids to spring open.

  I didn’t scream. I wasn’t all that surprised to be face-to-face with Sebastian Vega in the dark. A cool breeze from my window reminded me I’d had it cracked while I was studying and had been too out of it to close it before I fell asleep. I’d given the monster a key.

  “You lied.” His voice came out low and gravelly, startling in the quiet of my room.

  “Did I?”

  “You promised me Sundays. I endured today without you.”

  “Elena is right next door. She seemed willing to endure Sundays with you.”

  His hand stroked up and down my back in a hypnotizing rhythm. “Don’t want her. I’ve only ever wanted you. You know that.”

  “You need to go.”

  “No.” He pulled me closer. “No, I’m not going. This is bullshit. I would never touch another girl. No one else exists for me. That shit with Elena is history.”

  “It hurts me now. In the present. I get sick when I think about you touching her. Was she your Sunday girl before me? Did you get lost in her? I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s in my head, in my brain, and I want it out.”

  “Grace, baby, you can’t hold something I did before we were together against me. I don’t accept it.”

  “I don’t care who you slept with before me. This has nothing to do with that. It’s you lying because you knew this would be a deal breaker. You kept this important piece of information from me so you could barrel over me and take my choices from me once again.”

  He grimaced, but didn’t back down. “You told me you didn’t want to talk about our pasts. That was you.”

  “We were already together then, Bash. You should have told me well before that. We never should have gotten to that point.”

  “Exactly why I didn’t tell you. This isn’t worth us ending over. You’re never going to get me to agree to that.” He pushed me flat on the bed, hovering over me. “I’m not going away. I’ve done bad shit in my life, bad shit to you. If you can forgive me for that, there’s no reason you can’t forgive me for this.”

  I shook my head, my heart hammering wildly in my chest. “Have you even apologized?”

  “I’m sorry.” He dipped his head, kissing the corner of my mouth. “I’m sorry I ever touched her.” He kissed my temple. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” His lips dragged down my cheek. “I need you to forgive me because I can’t fucking get over you, Grace. This thing I feel for you is permanent.”

  “Then you might understand why I can’t get over this.”

  “I’ll never understand that. I refuse to believe it’s true.”

  I touched his sweet lips with my fingertips, a ball of regret twisting in my chest. “You know this, but I’m going to remind you. Elena Sanderson was my best friend since we were little. She had a mean streak a mile wide, but I loved her, and she loved me. Our freshman year, we both had a crush on the same boy, but she called him as hers. One night at a party, I made a stupid mistake and slept with him. I wouldn’t have been surprised if she got mad and didn’t speak to me for a while. She went beyond that. By Monday, all our friends were calling me a slut. I was shunned by everyone. I couldn’t enter the cafeteria. They physically barred me. Every person I thought was my friend turned their back on me. All of this happened a few months after I found out my dad was dying. Elena knew that. She knew I was sick with grief over the life I was losing. She’d held my hand as I cried. That didn’t stop her from completely destroying me, a
ll for a boy who wasn’t even hers. A boy who had hurt me. But she hurt me worse than Nate Bergen ever could have. Which is hilarious, since you beat the shit out of him, but Elena Sanderson was always the real villain. And what did you do? You fucked her.”

  A deep resounding spike of turmoil echoed in my small room. Sebastian rolled off me onto the side of my bed and cradled his head in his hands, breathing heavy.

  “I never thought I’d have you,” he croaked. “I’ve made a lot of fucked-up decisions throughout my life that I never would have had I known one day you’d be mine. Grace. Jesus, I can’t…”

  “Fine. I believe that.” I sat up, moving next to him. I wanted to take his pain away, but I was too loaded down with my own. “The thing is, by not telling me about Elena, you left me open. What happened last night was inevitable because you lied. You didn’t protect me by arming me with knowledge. She was able to strike me in a vulnerable place, and that’s because you put yourself before me. You let me stand there and look stupid. You allowed that girl to touch you, in full sight of your friends, and then humiliate me. And that was all because you wanted what you wanted, the cost be damned.”

  He turned to me, leveling his dark eyes on me. “So, that’s it?”

  I sucked in a breath. I didn’t want this to be over. I loved him. I was in love with him. But I couldn’t see a way forward from here. How could I ever move on from this and still love him?

  “Falling for you has been like drowning. In the beginning, I fought it tooth and nail, but you kept pulling me down until I reached the euphoric stage where I accepted it. It felt so good, I let myself go deeper with you. But no matter how good being with you feels, I’m still drowning.”

  Sebastian held my gaze for a long, drawn out moment. His nostrils flared as he breathed in deep breaths. Then he stood, his hand twitching by his side, and strode to the door. There, he paused, the muscles in his back tight with tension as he gripped the doorknob.