Why Do I Still Love Him? (A Bad Boy Romance Collection)

by Vivien Vale

  I hear the worry in her voice, and I don’t want to cause any additional stress.

  “Amelia and I are fine, but we were involved in a landslide and rescued…by Boone Masters. We’re stuck here now at his cabin in the mountains until the roads get cleared.”

  I might as well tear the Band-Aid off as quickly as possible.

  She doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. I don’t expect her to be happy about the situation, but she should be really thankful. I know I am.

  “We’re up here on a camera shoot. Then, Amelia fell off the path, just as the landslide started. It was terrifying, mom! We are so fortunate that Boone showed up when he did.”

  Boone deserves all the credit, and I want her to know that. He’s solely responsible for us still being alive. Again.

  “Wow, honey, that’s just crazy! Is Amelia okay, then?”

  I’m not sure exactly how honest my mom is on that question. I haven’t even gotten Amelia checked out yet. I feel like a bad mom as it is.

  “Boone put a splint on her leg, and based on her pain, it appears that she’ll be okay. I can’t get out of here and to a doctor until they clear the road.”

  I’m sure she can hear the worry in my voice.

  “Well, there must be something we can do. Should I call the local authorities? Have they been notified?”

  Her questions make sense, and I make a mental note to talk to Boone about them. But I don’t want her worrying any more than necessary. I know she’s going to be worried just because we’re with Boone.

  I’m really torn. There’s a part of me that wants to stay here with Boone and introduce him to his daughter.

  Now that he knows, the cat is out of the bag. I can’t very well just walk away and tell him he can’t see her again. Not only do I think he wouldn’t go for that, but I wouldn’t want to do it to him either.

  Not telling him about Amelia was never because I thought he would be a bad father. He’s great. Honestly, I know he would be fabulous.

  I think on some level, I just didn’t want to fuck up his life by making him feel obligated.

  I know Boone Masters better than he realizes. As soon as he realized I was pregnant, he would have dropped everything and married me, or tried to, at least.

  And I don’t know that I would have said no, either.

  Now, I realize how wrong I was to keep our baby girl all to myself. I admit that I’m just selfish when it comes to her.

  “I’ll talk to Boone, mom, and make sure that the local authorities are in the loop, so the roads get cleared. Amelia seems fine, so I’m not going to panic. She’s treating it like an adventure and is having a great time.”

  “And how is it with Boone?”

  My mom’s carefully worded question is asking so much more than it sounds like.

  “It’s good. I didn’t even realize it was him when he saved us. He’s got a beard.”

  I’m trying valiantly to keep it light.

  “Mm-hm. So, he’s looking good?” Of course, she asks.

  Good enough to eat.

  It makes my heart ache just to think about him. I guess it always has.

  “Yes. He looks good. But I had no idea he was out here. This wasn’t intentional or anything.”

  She’s making me feel like a little girl caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

  Probably because I’m so attracted to him. He’s always inspired my hero worship. You’d have to be a nun not to be attracted to him.

  “No, honey. That’s not what I meant.”

  Her voice is cutting in and out again, but I can still understand her.

  “I’m just concerned about you. I know you had strong feelings for him, and I wondered how you were handling it?”

  Staring at the cabin that’s twenty feet away, I contemplate what to tell her.

  There is no way I want to tell her the truth. Because even if I want something more with Boone, what are the odds that he would want anything to do with me?

  After all, I hid his daughter from him for four to five years.

  That would be wishful thinking. He has to hate me now.

  “It’s been a long time, mom.”

  Swallowing hard, I back the tears that are springing into my eyes.

  “It’s been a long time, and we have both changed a lot.”

  There. That’s vague enough for the moment.

  “I just wanted to let you know that we won’t make brunch on Sunday.”

  Laughing lightly, I kicked the loose pebbles at my feet.

  “I’ll keep you updated though.”

  “That sounds good. And let me know if there’s anything you need. I’m sure we could figure something out. Worst case scenario, we could send in some guys to hike you out.”

  Her over-the-top suggestions make me feel loved.

  “No, no. It will be fine. We won’t starve, and we have a roof over our head.”

  And we’re with Boone. We have him, and I know he will take care of us, even if he hates me.

  “Do you think he knows?” As if I don’t know exactly what she’s referring to, she continues talking. “Do you think he realizes Amelia is his daughter?”

  This is the question I know she was dying to ask.

  “Yes. He specifically asked me how old she was, and I’m sure he knows.”

  My mother’s sigh of resignation echoes my own feelings.

  “We haven’t really talked about it yet, but I’m sure we will. It’s not the end of the world. We always knew this day would come.”

  I think saying the words out loud is more for me than for her.

  Now that this day has arrived, I wish I could just run away. Being trapped here with him is probably the only way this ever would’ve happened.

  “I know, honey.” My mother’s voice sounds resigned.

  Our fluctuating signal makes her sound like she’s in a tunnel.

  “There’s more to it, though. We’ll have to sit down with your father when you get back.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I don’t need to sit through more of their lecturers about Boone’s family. I got enough of that while I was pregnant.

  “There’s more to it than that. I wanted to warn you, but your father thought it was better…”

  Dammit! She’s really breaking up now.

  “Wait! Mom, you’re breaking up.”

  I start pacing in a circle moving further out, trying to hear her. But I’m only getting bits and pieces before the line disconnects with an annoying beep.

  What is she talking about?

  She made it sound a lot more ominous than anything we ever discussed before.

  I have to call her back!

  Circling again, I move further away from the cabin, trying to locate the best signal.

  As I start to dial, I hear a horrendous screech.

  “Aaaaaaahhhh!” The drawn-out scream raises in pitch on the end.

  My hair stands on end.

  It only takes two seconds for my mommy brain to identify the scream as Amelia’s.

  What the fuck?

  My heart, already in overdrive, is now pounding away at lightspeed. But it doesn’t stop me from sprinting towards the cabin.

  I’m going to kill Boone if he lets something happen to her. It’s only been five to ten minutes.

  What in the world could have happened already?

  I trip but catch myself going up the short flight of stairs before slamming my body into the door.

  I realize that I forgot to turn the knob.

  I struggle with the knob. It almost seems locked.

  I jiggle it furiously, then it finally clicks to the right, and the door opens.

  I just hope that I’m not too late.

  Chapter 13

  Boone

  I’m in the kitchen, elbow deep in warm water and soap bubbles as I do the dishes from lunch.

  Amelia is in the living room, playing with Crockett.

  Those two sure became best friends real quick.

>   Every few seconds, her squeals float through the cabin.

  The longer she plays with Crockett, the louder her squeals get.

  I chuckle to myself.

  She’s adorable. She’s full of light and life. My heart fills with love and joy to have her here.

  How can anyone not love Amelia or be completely charmed by her?

  I may be a little biased, but she’s perfect.

  Amelia gives the loudest squeal yet, and I drop the dish in my hand.

  I was so caught up in thinking about her that my surroundings faded away, and her squeal startled me.

  Suddenly, the front door crashes open.

  “Amelia!” Margot yells out in worry.

  I grab a towel to dry my hands off and walk into the living room.

  I knew from her squeal that Amelia was okay, but Margot didn’t.

  Looking at Margot, I see she’s worried.

  “She’s okay, Margot. Just a little overexcited in playing with Crockett.”

  Once Margot sees that Amelia is fine, she lets out a sigh of relief and her shoulders relax.

  “I thought something had happened,” she says. “I came running in here like an idiot.”

  “No. You came in here like a worried mother who is still on edge from experiencing a rockslide that caused harm to your child. It’s understandable you would jump when she screams loudly.”

  She just nods in agreement.

  I can still see she’s worried.

  It’s not obvious, but with a closer look, it’s easy to discern.

  I drop the towel in my hand and walk over to her, pulling her into my arms.

  She goes without hesitation. Her arms wrap around my waist.

  I shouldn’t…but I breathe in her scent.

  God, she smells amazing. Vanilla mixed with the smell of the mountains.

  “She’s fine, Margot. Nothing’s going to hurt her while she’s here. I’d even bet Crockett would jump to her defense. They seem to be two peas in a pod now.”

  Margot chuckles against my chest.

  “I’m not going to let anything happen to you or Amelia while you’re here,” I further assure her. “I promise.”

  My hands rub up and down her back.

  To have her in my arms again after so many years is like a drug. It’s an instant addiction. I don’t ever want to let her go.

  I’ve missed this for four years. I’m going to take it all in while I can.

  Her curves are pushed against me, and it takes everything in me not to groan in pleasure or claim her lips.

  One hand raises to thread her silky hair with my fingers.

  In that instance, I feel all the tension leave Margot’s body. Her body completely relaxes and she leans on me.

  I’m her support in this moment. When we’re together, I’m always her support. I would do anything for her.

  The longer she’s pressed against my body, the stronger my need for her grows. As much as I don’t want to, I need to let her go before I do something stupid.

  I kiss her forehead and lean back to look into her eyes.

  “Better?”

  “Yes,” she says. “Thank you. I needed that.”

  “Anytime, beautiful. I’m going to go finish washing the dishes now.”

  I leave her with Amelia and Crockett and head back to the kitchen.

  She hasn’t even been here for twenty-four hours, and I’m already struggling to keep my hands to myself.

  I’m not a damn horny teenage boy though, not anymore.

  Get yourself under control, Boone.

  She doesn’t need me jumping her bones so soon after the rock slide.

  That would be an asshole move.

  Later that night, I’m staring down at Amelia as she sleeps on my bed. She looks like an angel with all that blonde hair.

  I gave her one of my flannels to wear in place of pajamas.

  I reach into the closet to pull another flannel out for Margot.

  I find her just as she comes out of the bathroom.

  “Amelia is asleep in my bed,” I tell her. “I put her in one of my flannel shirts and grabbed one for you as well. It gets chilly here at night.”

  I hold out my hand that’s holding the shirt.

  She takes it.

  “Thank you,” she says. “If Amelia is in your bed, where are you going to sleep? Is there a guest room here?”

  I shake my head.

  “No. You girls can have the bed. I’ll camp out on the couch tonight.”

  “Boone, I can’t let you sleep on the couch in your own home. I can easily move Amelia to the couch so you can have your bed back.”

  “There is no room on the couch for the both of you. Even if you move Amelia, that still leaves you in my bed. Although…you already know I have no problem sharing the bed with you, Margot.”

  I smirk at her and give her a flirtatious look.

  She blushes.

  “And I did say it gets cold here,” I continue. “If we shared the bed, you could keep me warm. I catch colds at night easily.”

  She laughs a little.

  “I highly doubt that you get a cold with all those muscles to insulate you,” she states.

  She looks me up and down as she says that.

  Did she just check me out?

  Christ. She totally did.

  The air between us is again filled with the same sexual tension and intensity as before.

  “I can’t let you sleep on the couch, Boone,” she says to break the tension.

  “Yes, you can. This is my house, so what I say goes. Besides, I’m not letting you or Amelia sleep on the couch. Take the bed. I’ll be fine on the couch.”

  She seems like she wants to continue arguing with me, but realizes she isn’t going to win.

  “Fine,” she states. “Thank you for the flannel. Actually…thank you for everything today.”

  “You are more than welcome, Margot.”

  I move closer to her, lean down, and kiss her on the forehead.

  “Good night, Margot.”

  “Good night, Boone.”

  She turns and heads to the bedroom.

  I stand there for a few seconds.

  It’s tempting to join her in bed. To sleep next to both of my girls…I can’t even imagine how amazing that might feel.

  But it’s not going to happen.

  Not tonight, maybe not ever.

  Finally, I turn to go to the living room where my bed for the night resides.

  The couch is pretty damn comfortable. I’ve fallen asleep on it for many previous nights. I have no problem sleeping on it for the next couple of nights while Margot and Amelia wait for the rockslide to be cleared.

  I don’t even want to think about them leaving, when they just came crashing into my life.

  Margot and I need to sit down to talk about what’s going to happen once she’s free to leave.

  I’ll be damned if I’m not in Amelia’s life, now that I know she exists.

  I just have to figure out when is the right time to have that conversation.

  I sigh.

  That’s a problem for tomorrow.

  Right now, I need to get to some sleep.

  Chapter 14

  Margot

  For a moment, I think I’m dreaming.

  Boone gently shuts the bedroom door behind him, leaving Amelia and me in silence. I listen to his footsteps recede down the hallway.

  How many times have I dreamed about this? Well, not this exactly—but the three of us, back together again. Boone has already proved how good he can be with Amelia—just like a real father would with his daughter.

  Like we’re a real family.

  But we’re not a real family, not really.

  Or not yet, anyway.

  I can’t help but think about the phone call with my mother. She was so determined to tell me something. But what?

  The stupid cell reception dropped out, as if I needed another reminder that I’m in the middle of nowhere.

&nbs
p; The fir trees beyond the window are beautiful, and the mountains are majestic, but they’re all terrible for technology.

  I suppose that’s why Boone likes living out here so much—he’s out of the grasp of his parents. He didn’t have to live under their thumb like he did on Wall Street.

  I’ll admit: it is nice to be away from everyone. To be alone in the wilderness…with Boone Masters once again. A part of me is tempted to follow him to the couch—I know that Amelia is safe here in his bed—and try to discover if Boone thinks of me the same way that I think of him.

  The way he held me in his arms earlier and the flirtatious way he offered to sleep with me in his bed have to be signs that he’s still attracted to me, even after all this time. My heart flutters in my chest, begging me to go and see if any of the sparks that we had five years ago are still burning.

  But I don’t.

  Instead, I undress. Alone. I fold up my old clothes and pile them on the thick leather armchair in the corner of the room.

  As I walk back to the flannel on the bed, that’s when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

  I pause, looking over my nearly-naked form in the low lighting. I don’t look bad for a woman with a four-year-old daughter—but I’m also not the same college co-ed that Boone remembers me being.

  I run my hands down over my stomach, feeling the soft skin beneath my fingertips. I fill out bra a lot more than I ever used to, and these days I have more curves, my waist having only grown more accentuated over the years.

  But I’m really not the same girl that Boone knew all those years ago.

  Back then, I knew what I wanted—and I knew how to get it. After the night of his graduation, I knew that I wanted Boone Masters in my bed, and so I went to him.

  And I had him.

  Now look at me. Lost in my thoughts whilst the love of my life sleeps down the hall.

  It hits me that I’m afraid.

  Afraid of what others might think of me—what Boone might think of me.

  I’m worried that it won’t be the right choice. I’ve never been with another man. No one has seen me naked in five years.

  I wonder what Boone would think if he saw me now.

  The memory of our goodnight lingers in my mind. I can feel where his eyes raked over my skin and how it felt when he looked at me.

  I can’t be imagining the tension between us. Boone must feel it, too.

  If I walked out there now and presented myself to him like this, I bet that he’d take me. Just how I hoped he would for the past five years. He’d probably make me come so hard that we cause another rockslide…