Broken Fairytale

by Nikola Jensen

  “We grew apart Izzy, that’s what happened. The travelling, we wanted to see different things. Once I started the exchange placement, I met a fun group of people who I’d go out with at night to shows and clubs. Taylor stayed home more times than not or he’d go to the bar across the road from our apartment. I guess this is where he met the slapper who later blew him.”

  “Oh Sofia love, where is he now?” I ask her.

  “He stayed, he couldn’t get out of his teaching contract so he’s finishing his year abroad, then coming back to London to find a job here.” She runs her fingers through her long hair. Her curls bouncing right back.

  “Are you in trouble for coming back?” I ask, feeling so sorry for her that her dream was cut short. She starts to pick at the lino cloth covering the table making the already small hole in it even bigger.

  “Yeah, I kind of am. I lost my position at the school I was going to work in, so I need to get my applications out soon before I run out of money. And before all the vacancies are gone.” She face plants on the table again.

  Her muffled words break my heart. “What am I going to do Izzy? I have nowhere to stay, we gave up the lease on our apartment before we left, thinking we would find something together when we came back next year. Such a bloody mess.” Her shoulders rise and I know she’s trying not to cry. Trying to stay strong.

  I put my arms around her and she hugs me back fiercely. Poor Sofia. She survived one a hell of a year before Taylor got her out of the black hole she was in. She was fifteen when her year of hell started and if it wasn’t for Taylor, I think I would have lost my best friend. This is why I can’t believe that he would’ve done this to her. Well obviously I believe her, but there has to be more to this story. As we sit here, I can hear Declan move around upstairs and I suddenly worry whether he’s upset I wasn’t there when he woke up. I can hear him coming down the stairs and then I see him in the hallway walking into the kitchen, in just his boxers. My body immediately reacts and I feel my face heat up.

  “Hey I was wondering where you went. Oh shit, let me go stick some clothes on,” he laughs, as he spots Sofia.

  I laugh as he runs upstairs; Sofia joins in shouting up to him, “Don’t get dressed on my account.” She turns to me, “Didn’t we used to Google blokes like him?”

  “Yeah we did,” I smile at her and stand to go make Declan a coffee. Sofia catches me up on everything I’ve missed from her time away and it feels as if she never left me. I missed her so much and even though she’s been through hell, selfishly, I’m so glad she’s back. I offer her the couch in the living room until she finds somewhere of her own. I don’t think the lads will mind too much. Sofia is hilarious and oh so gorgeous they’ll love having her here I’m sure.

  “I’m just going to have a quick word with Declan, why don’t you go sort yourself out and I’ll be right back.”

  “Sure thing Izzy. Man, I’m so glad to be back and here with you again.”

  She gives me another hug and I run up the stairs to find Declan. I stop and stare…he’s sitting on my bed with my note pad looking through the visual diary of my past. He looks up at me with an expression that tells me nothing, as if he’s trying not to show me how he’s feeling. I’m counting up the years in that book as I stand rooted to the spot. I have no idea if he’ll make the connections on the pages. I wonder if he can see what I see in there. He doesn’t know the truth so maybe he won’t. I hope that’s true.

  “Come here sweetheart,” he finally says holding his hand out for me to take.

  I hear him but I can’t move. He puts the book on the bed, stands up and walks over to me. I’m caught like a deer in headlights. I flinch at his touch when his hand cradles my face. His eyes like melted dark chocolate with gold flecks in them, look at me with such affection? Or is it compassion? Pity even? But not love…at least I don’t think that look is love.

  “Izzy we need to talk about this. But before we do I want, no I need you to know that I’m serious about us. About trying to…fuck…” he sighs, and runs his hand through his hair while looking up at the ceiling, closing his eyes. He looks like he’s in pain so I say nothing. He looks back down at me and holds my head in both his hands, his thumbs stroking my cheeks.

  “Please don’t let me run,” I whisper in fear. “I always do the running…and you…please don’t you run anywhere either, please stay. Please make me stay.” I’m not even sure that makes any sense, but before I can even try to explain myself, I feel Declan’s lips crush down on mine as he pushes me up against the door. Slowing down our passionate kiss, he starts to speak, his lips never leaving mine.

  “I’m not running anywhere Izzy and I promise you I will not let you run either, never. Not now I’ve got you.”

  A fire builds in me and I can’t get enough of him, my hands, my mouth eagerly, furiously seeking contact with him everywhere and I’m not the only one. I feel Declan everywhere as he moves me to the bed and literally throws me on it following me down. I relax my legs and he fits in between them as if he was made to be there. He pulls off his shirt that I’m wearing and immediately my breast is in his mouth as his hand slides into my knickers, his amazing fingers making me feel dizzy and lost in the overwhelming sensation. It doesn’t take long for me to reach the pure bliss I’ve only ever experienced with him and I cry out his name.

  “That’s it Izzy, let me make you feel good, feel wanted. I’ve never wanted anyone more than you sweetheart.” He sounds desperate, his voice laced with pure want. I push off his boxers with my foot as he flips me over pulling me onto my knees. For about a second I feel vulnerable and exposed because I know what he’ll see. But that feeling doesn’t last long when his hands move across my back, gently over my scars. He bends over and places open mouthed kisses all over my back.

  “Declan…” I moan needing him inside me so badly, the moment overpowering my voice.

  “Right here Izzy…right here.”

  I hear the rip of a foil packet and he enters me in one fluid hard thrust. Leaning over me, I hear him whisper words of love but I can barely make him out, I’m so lost in the hazy passion. It’s frantic and rough and there’s no mistaking what this is. This is desperation. I can’t have him hard or deep enough. I need him to take me in a way that’ll keep me at his side, marking me. I’m pretty sure he feels the same because this feels like he’s marking me as his. Making sure I know that I’m his and he’s mine.

  “You are mine Izzy,” he growls as he comes with me, one last push for declaration of who we are, where I belong. Where he belongs. I’m not sure I can explain how I feel right now. But I know I feel safe. The one thing I haven’t felt in a long time and it makes me shiver.

  “I didn’t hurt you did I Izzy?” His eyes suddenly searching my face are worried, thinking he has.

  “No, no you really didn’t Declan, it was perfect,” I smile up at him and reach up to find his lips with mine. We are interrupted by an impatient Sofia.

  “Izzy stop fucking about and get your arse down here right now,” Sofia yells from downstairs.

  “Oh no I forgot, how could I forget Sofia’s downstairs?” Mortified I try to push Declan off me. He starts to laugh and pulls me up by my hand and smacks my bum.

  “You look thoroughly fucked so you might want to go freshen up babe. Actually don’t, I want to see you like this knowing I did that to you,” he winks at me as he swaggers into the bathroom. I shout down to Sofia that I’ll be back down in five minutes and follow Declan in.

  “Don’t even think about it buddy,” I tell him as I step under the hot shower he started. He laughs as he leans against the wall with his arms crossed watching me shampoo my hair and wash the remnants of our morning off me. As I step out the shower he hands me a towel, gives me a quick peck on the cheek and steps into the shower.

  I quickly put on my knickers, jeans and a Black Stone Cherry concert t-shirt, my lucky t-shirt that I got at their last gig in London and I rush down the stairs.

  “Seriously Izzy, I co
me back and you leave me after like an hour for a quick shag?” Sofia pouts at me, then she grins and sticks her hand out for a fist bump. Yes very mature, I know, but Sofia and I will never grow up, not in true sense of the word.

  The front door opens and I hear Aiden shout from the front door, “Honey I’m home.”

  I look over at Sofia and smile at her, “That’s Aiden, remember I told you about him?”

  “Hey Izzy, I haven’t seen you to tell you how sorry I am about your Mum. Declan told me she was in hospital. Are you okay?” he asks me coming into the room. Sofia’s eyes immediately dart to mine with that God-awful knowing look. She’s pissed off I’m sure for not telling her earlier. I quickly go for a diversion.

  “Aiden this is my best mate Sofia…Sofia this is the lovely Aiden,” I say, avoiding her eyes.

  Aiden squeezes past me on the couch and gives her a hug, which she returns; Sofia is a hugger just like him. He then turns around and gives me a quick hug too and whispers, “You and I need to talk about what happened.” I nod at him and plaster a fake smile on my face.

  “So aren’t you guys playing in the pub tonight?” I ask him.

  “Yeah we are; will you girls be popping over?”

  “Sure we will, oh and I said to Sofia she can stay on the couch till she finds a place to stay, I hope that’s okay…long story but she’s homeless so...”

  Sofia interrupts me and shrugs looking over at Aiden. “Yeah a skanky whore tripped and fell on my man’s cock,” she explains and I have to cover my mouth or I’ll burst out laughing, which would be totally inappropriate right now.

  “Right,” Aiden’s trying not to laugh too, his lips looking pinched as he looks over at me. “Yeah that’s no problem Sofia. But I’m sure we can sort something out so you don’t have to sleep on the couch. Let me have a think on that,” he says to a smiling Sofia.

  “Izzy can sleep with me in my room,” Declan says, as he comes walking into the room. “Then Sofia can go into Izzy’s room….and there you have it, problem solved.” I look over at Declan who’s looking rather chuffed with himself, and I can’t help feeling cornered and shocked at how fast he’s moving us along. He still kind of gives me whiplash.

  Aiden looks at Declan and I with a surprised look on his face but quickly composes himself. “Right Dec, whatever you decide is fine with me. Are you ready to go get our stuff together for tonight?”

  “Sure man, just let me have a quick word with Izzy, then I’m good to go.” Declan takes my hand and we walk into the kitchen away from Sofia and Aiden. “Too fast Izzy?” he asks looking at me questioningly whilst rubbing his hand up and down my arms in a comforting gesture.

  “No...I just…you want me to stay with you?” I mumble looking up at him.

  “Yeah. If we’re going to try and do this I want you in my bed, where you belong. You’re mine Izzy. I have a second chance with you here so I’m not going to waste it following rules that are nothing but bollocks.”

  “Okay,” I whisper, stunned by this turn of events but there’s no escaping that warm feeling spreading in my stomach.

  “Okay,” he replies, kissing me gently. “Now, I’ve got to go get our stuff together for tonight. I’ll see you at the pub later okay?”

  I nod but don’t get a chance to respond as he gives me a deep lingering slow kiss, winks at me and then he’s gone.

  As Aiden and Declan drive off Sofia pins me to the spot with her eyes. She has the most expressive eyes I’ve ever known. She leaves you in no doubt as to what she’s feeling. And right now she’s feeling pissed off and worried.

  “Right missus, no escaping, just give it to me…all of it, uncensored.” Her face is full of concern. I sigh with a deep breath as we sit down on the bed in my room, actually her room now.

  “Sof, I don’t even know where to start.”

  “Does Declan know about what happened?”

  “No, he’s seen my scars and he saw Mum in the hospital, but he doesn’t know the ‘what’ and the ‘why’.”

  “Is your Mum okay?” she asks taking my hand in hers.

  “Yeah, she will be…well as okay as she ever is.” I close my eyes; this defeated emotional feeling so familiar now.

  “Oh Izzy, I’m so sorry that it’s started up again. And I’m sorry that when trying to escape, you still end up being dragged back into it,” she shakes her head in frustration.

  “It was always going to happen Sofia, I just know I’m not ready to tell anyone yet. Especially not about Zack,” I shudder.

  “I know hun,” she says. “Listen, why don’t you go downstairs and get a bottle of wine, catch me up on everything else and we’ll get dolled up and ready to go get bladdered down the pub?” She smiles at me wanting to do what she does best. Make me forget.

  “I can’t think of anything I’d rather do Sof, I’m so glad you’re back, I missed you so much, I’m just sorry for the reasons why I got you back.”

  I hug her within an inch of her life as I hear her whisper, “Me too girlie.”

  Over a bottle, I fill Sofia in on everything that’s happened since she left and I started Uni. I tell her about Connor which is hard because re-telling our brief story makes me tear up as I feel like a right bitch.

  “Izzy, he must’ve known all along, he pretty much admitted to it. But he sounds like a keeper, so if you can stay friends, he’s one for life, I’m pretty sure of that. Oh and he sounds hot so maybe I’ll have a crack at him,” she laughs, re-filling our wine glasses.

  I look at her mortified. “Umm not there yet Sof.” Though saying that, I can totally see them together and the thought actually makes me smile.

  “Fine, just saying though that it sounds like you’re with who you were meant to be with. And yeah it doesn’t sound like it’ll be easy, but from what you’re saying you and Declan are like two peas in a pod. So go for it hun, it sure sounds like you both need each other.” She smiles at me and heads off to take a shower. I begin to clear a space for her clothes in my wardrobe and help her sort all her stuff out, thinking about what she said.

  While she’s still in the shower, I decide to try and ring Mum. The phone rings for ages until the answering machine kicks in, so I leave a message for her to ring me back. She should be home by now and I’m regretting not going to make sure she got home okay. But she was adamant…fiercely so, that she wanted some space. Sofia comes back into the bedroom in just her towel.

  “Bloody hell Sof you finally got yourself a tattoo,” I excitedly get up close to inspect it. It’s a beautifully scripted ‘Semper Fidelis’ on her right shoulder blade.

  “Yeah, well at least I didn’t get arsehole’s name on there huh,” she frowns over her shoulder.

  “How bad did it hurt Sofia? You know I’ve always wanted to get one to cover my scars, I need to make something ugly into something beautiful.” I can’t stop looking at the beautiful script on her shoulder.

  “Yeah I know Iz, now that I’m back why don’t I come with you and we can go have a look. But you need to be sure. Make it mean something.”

  I know exactly what I want, I’ve had it planned for ages but I’ve been too much of a wimp so far to go get them done. I sigh as I look through my clothes wondering what to wear. Sofia hands me my glass of wine and cranks the music up high and starts dancing round the room. God I’ve missed her. Sofia and I are the same size and she’s as short as me so she lends me a pair of her gorgeous new black skinny jeans and an awesome halter neck top made up of roughly sewn together patches of different coloured and brightly patterned material. It’s absolutely gorgeous. People always say we could’ve been sisters. We’re both tiny, have blue eyes and blond hair. Only difference is where my hair is long and straight, Sofia has the most beautiful long white blond curls and her eyes are a lighter shade of blue than mine.

  We are almost half-way to being pissed and we look like we’re off clubbing rather than just down the pub, but who cares. This is what we used to do, this is what I’ve missed.

  We get to
the pub late and as we open the door we can hear the sound of ‘The Standards’, the pounding beat reverberating in my chest, the sound of Declan’s voice surrounding me, giving me chills every-bloody-where.

  “Wow, they’re alright aren’t they Iz,” Sofia says as she looks at the stage gobsmacked.

  “Yeah,” I sigh lost in the sight of Declan up on the stage.

  “Shit girl you’ve got it bad,” she laughs at me and takes my hand promptly dragging me up to the bar. We get our drinks and walk towards the stage in the corner of the pub. We can’t get too close as it’s really busy already. Sofia sees two bar stools free by the side, next to the bar. We go sit down and luckily we have an unobstructed view.

  “So tell me Izzy, how come they just play in pubs, did they ever try and take it further?” she asks me. Downing half her drink and clearly eyeing up the talent.

  “Apparently back when they were eighteen they went to some dive in Camden and cut a demo but it never really came to anything. So they decided, rather than giving up completely, they’d stick to doing gigs round London pubs and clubs whilst going to Uni at the same time.”

  “So I can see Aiden and Declan, who’s the stunning hottie on the drums?”

  I burst out laughing. “That’s Max he’s a couple of years older than them at twenty-six. He’s Declan’s older brother’s friend. He’s beautiful isn’t he?” I smile at her.

  “Yeah he really is, though I doubt it’s something he wants to hear when he is in the throes of passion,” she laughs back at me.

  Sofia pops off to the ladies and I sit here, unable to stop smiling as I look up at the stage and lock eyes with Declan. The intensity in his eyes as he looks at me gives me chills and it’s as if I can feel his hands all over me. If I could, I’d jump up on that stage and rip his clothes off. I seriously would, because right now I need him between my legs. My naughty thoughts are interrupted by a warm hand on my shoulder.

  “Hey Izzy.” Bloody hell it’s Connor, where did he come from?

  “Hey yourself, I thought you went up North for that footie camp?” I ask him confused.