20 Years Later

by Emma Newman

  She swallowed again. “We need to tell Jay … and Luthor … if the Unders are sending people here they need to know.”

  He couldn’t bring himself to tell her that Jay had known for some time, and that the Red Lady had also found out about this before her. “Er, Titus is taking care of all that at the moment Mum … there’s more that I need to talk to you about.” He took a deep breath. “I need to know about Dad.”

  He saw her look away, watched her eyes become distant for a moment, and then when she looked back at him it was as if she was somehow closed off from him. “I don’t think it’s very worthwhile to think too much about the past,” she said quietly and began to get up to go and busy herself.

  Zane caught hold of her hand to stop her. “Mum, please. I need to know because the Giant was in his office.”

  She sat back down but her eyes wouldn’t meet his.

  Zane sighed and decided that he had to pursue this or she would never tell him. “I know he didn’t die when It happened.”

  Her eyes flicked to him, infused with guilt. She swallowed again but didn’t say anything.

  He shifted around so that he was facing her properly. “Why did you lie?”

  Her hands began to shake and she looked up at the ceiling, swallowing again as if something had caught in her throat. “I just thought it was the best thing to do. I didn’t want you to think about it all.”

  “Well, I am thinking about it, a lot!” Zane exclaimed. “He’s my dad, and …” He took a deep breath. “I want to know what happened to him.”

  He watched the muscle in her jaw work as she struggled to deal with the conversation. “I’m just not sure if it’s something that –”

  “Mum,” he said, cutting her off, and she blinked at him in surprise. “Tell me. Please.”

  She looked back at the rug, but he knew she didn’t really see it. She seemed to be looking at another time. “I met your father when I came here a couple of years after … after It happened.” She paused, trying to hold back her emotions that threatened to drown out her words. “Mum and Dad, your grandparents, used to work at the homeopathic hospital across the square and we used to have picnics in the garden here when I visited. But when I came back of course it was very different. I was very scared and alone and I didn’t really know what I was doing here. You see, I’d had this silly dream that they were still alive and it was so vivid that I walked here, just in case it was true. There wasn’t any other way to find out.”

  “You mean, you didn’t always live here?” Zane asked incredulously, finding it very hard to imagine a time when the square was different.

  She shook her head. “I moved away from London when I was eighteen, and when It happened I stayed in the country as it was safer where I was. It was such a long way away it took me months to walk back. And I had to be careful and avoid the other people here–most of them were very dangerous.” She paused, clearly recalling something unpleasant.

  Zane reached across and took her hand.

  “My parents were dead, of course, and I found myself here with nowhere to go, no plan or anything. I was beginning to regret it, but then I met James.” She smiled a little. “We nearly scared each other to death.”

  Zane mirrored the smile and leant forward.

  “I liked him straight away. He was so handsome, and he had a slight Irish accent which I just loved. It was really …” Remembering who she was talking to, she paused and cleared her throat. “Really nice. We were just so pleased to find someone else who was still normal and not in a gang. He was camped out in this house, he let me stay, and I never left.”

  “Did you love him?” Zane asked quietly.

  Miri got up and lifted the kettle of water up to hook it over the fire. She nodded, keeping her back to Zane for a moment. “Yes,” she whispered. “Very much.”

  She took a moment to compose herself and went back to sit on the sofa. “I cleared out the garden–it was horribly overgrown–and began to sort it out, to make a life for us. We were happy for a while. We made sure we kept out of every-one’s way. No-one else knew we were here for a long while.”

  She smiled to herself.

  “What was he like?”

  “He used to make me laugh. He was very kind and clever too.” Miri reached across and tucked a few strands of Zane’s hair behind his ear. “You look a lot like him. You’ve got my eyes, but the rest of you is definitely James.”

  Zane studied her face, saw the sadness. He felt relieved to hear so many good things about his father, but he found it difficult to see her so upset. He knew she was trying hard not to show it, but it was impossible.

  “He told funny stories,” she continued. “Lots about him and his best friend and what they used to get up to.”

  “The one I’m named after?”

  She nodded. “They were like brothers. He used to go into the office they shared at the hospital every day. He said he still felt close to him there. Sometimes he would get upset, be in a bad mood for a couple of days, but mostly he’d be fine.”

  She trailed off and Zane saw her try to stop the tears from forming. He took hold of her hand again, beginning to feel tearful himself, but tried to keep them at bay like Erin or Titus would if they were in his shoes.

  “Did … did the Gardners kill him?” he asked in a whisper.

  She shook her head and the tears spilt down her cheeks. “No, no, Zane. Nothing like that.” She fished her handkerchief from a pocket in her long skirt and wiped her cheeks. “I can remember that day perfectly. It was in the spring. I’d been feeling a bit strange for a while and that was the day I realised why. I was pregnant, with you.”

  Zane held her hand tight, trying to imagine her before he was born.

  “I was shocked, but pleased,” she continued. “I liked the idea of us having a little baby to look after. I thought it would make him happy. I came into the house and he was sitting in that chair.” She nodded over towards the armchair nearest the fire. “He looked at me, and I’ll never forget it. He said ‘You know, if I had a son, I’d call him Zane. I think he would’ve liked that.’ I was pleased, and I told him that maybe he’d have the chance. He didn’t quite get it, and I went over and kissed him and …”

  She started to cry. Zane wrapped his arms around her, feeling guilty that he’d made her talk about it. She managed to regain control and pulled back to continue.

  “I kissed him and told him that I was pregnant. I thought he’d be pleased, but he just stared at me, and he went so white. He said he had to get some air and walked out.”

  Zane thought of the diary entry and frowned to himself. Those words hadn’t been written by a man that wanted to have a son.

  “I thought he’d just had a shock, and that he’d come back and we’d talk about it. We’d find a way to get through and it would all be fine.” The tears ran freely down her cheeks as she stared at the rug, looking at that time again. “I waited for him the rest of the day and when he didn’t come in for supper, I was a bit concerned. But I just thought that he needed some space to think about it. I went to bed, and when he didn’t come back by the next morning I really started to get worried.”

  Zane remained silent, getting up to lift the kettle off the fire as the steam began to plume out of the spout. He returned to the sofa and took her hand again.

  “I looked for him everywhere I’d ever been with him. I even went into the hospitals.” She shivered. “But I couldn’t find him anywhere.”

  “Did the Bloomsbury Boys help you to look?” Zane asked, imagining her worry at that time.

  She shook her head. “No, Zane, there were no Blooms-bury Boys back then.”

  “You were all by yourself?” Zane gasped. “What about the Red Lady?”

  “I didn’t know anyone else at all,” Miri replied quietly.

  Zane was horrified. He tried to imagine what that would have been like, and even though he could only guess, he knew it would have been frightening. He couldn’t bear the thought of her being so alo
ne.

  “He never came back,” Miri said flatly. “Every day I thought he’d come through that door, but he never did.”

  Zane was aghast. “Never?” He watched her shake her head as she dried her eyes. “But why?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. I suppose he couldn’t cope with being a father. I wondered if he’d died. But I thought I’d know if that had happened, that I would feel it somehow. I know it’s silly, but I don’t think he died. I think he just ran away.”

  Zane thought of those words in the diary again. A new emotion began to bubble up in his stomach when he thought of his father. Contempt. “He just left you alone, when you were going to have a baby?” he asked, unable to conceive of how his father could do that.

  She nodded. “It was very hard, especially late on in the pregnancy. And the labour … that was hard too.”

  Zane saw his mother differently all of a sudden. He’d never thought of her as brave before. He’d only seen obvious acts of bravery, like the Boys facing off against men twice their size, but hadn’t appreciated how she had been courageous too, in her own quiet way.

  “You were all by yourself when I was born?”

  “Yes. I bit down on a stick so I wouldn’t scream … I was scared that the Gardners would hear me, or the Sweepers– they were quite close at the time.”

  “Who?”

  Zane watched his mother wrestle with her first instinct to brush the question aside, not wanting to fill his head with the terrible things outside of the garden. But with relief, he could see that recent weeks were forcing her to realise that she simply couldn’t do that anymore. “The Sweepers are one of the most dangerous gangs I know about. They haven’t been in London for years, but if you ever hear people singing loud songs about God or a holy fight, run away as fast as you can and hide.” She smiled sadly at Zane’s diligent nod. “Never mind about them.” Miri patted his hand. “What’s important is that you were a strong, beautiful baby.” She drew him close and they held each other tight for a few moments. “And you were a happy baby,” she said, kissing him on the forehead. “I was very lucky. You didn’t cry very much at all.”

  Zane had read about birth in the medical encyclopaedia that his mother kept. He imagined her having to cope with it all alone. The tears welled up in his eyes and she embraced him again.

  “I’m sorry, Mum,” he croaked. “I’m sorry Dad was so rubbish. I’ll never mention him again.”

  She nodded and wiped her eyes. She noticed that he’d lifted off the kettle. “I’ll make us some tea,” she said and went to get the mugs.

  He saw Titus walk past the window but he didn’t knock on the door. Zane briefly wondered where he was going but then Miri came back in with the teapot and mugs. After she’d poured the water into the pot to let it brew, he went over and hugged her tight.

  “I love you, Mum,” he said into her hair. “I’ll never leave you.”

  Chapter 22

  TITUS MAKES A CONNECTION

  Whilst Zane consoled his mother, Titus walked purposefully towards Jay’s square, the overheard conversation fuelling his determination. It didn’t even occur to him that listening at the open window had been a breach of privacy. After learning that about him, he knew that Zane would never allow anyone to speak to the Bloomsbury Boys about his father, not only because of not wanting to upset them, but now also because he was ashamed of him. Zane wouldn’t want anyone to know that his father could be involved, so Titus knew that if he wanted answers about how he was connected to the Giant, he’d have to find them out himself.

  For Titus, there was no moral quandary; it was simply a matter of getting answers without Zane finding out. Then his friend wouldn’t get upset, and he would be one step closer to finding Lyssa. Quite frankly, ending her suffering was much more important than whether his friend was upset or not. As he marched, he considered a flickering feeling of guilt at the back of his heart, realising that no-one other than his sister had made him feel this way before. But then he dismissed it as an irrelevance. How could he let his sister stay in that place he saw in the dream a minute longer than necessary? Her dying alone, in pain, was a far worse outcome than Zane being merely upset.

  He was challenged at the entrance to the square by Smudge who grudgingly agreed to ask Jay if Titus could speak with him. As he was admitted, Jay strode over from the steps of the Russell Hotel.

  Titus didn’t smile in greeting as Zane would have done, and Jay was too busy swaggering to worry about such things, so only a curt nod was exchanged when they met.

  “Titus.” He looked down the street. “You by yourself?”

  Titus nodded. “I wanted to ask you something.”

  Jay appraised the serious young man in front of him. “Alright, go on.”

  “I want to talk to the new Boy–Squeak.”

  Jay raised an eyebrow. “What about?”

  Titus paused, not wanting to disclose this, but realising that Jay wouldn’t let him without knowing why. “I wanted to see if I could help him. I think I might be able to.”

  Jay frowned deeply, searching Titus’ eyes. “Why’d ya wanna do that?”

  Titus maintained eye contact, unperturbed by Jay’s scrutiny. “Two reasons. The first is because it isn’t very nice when you’re having problems. The second is because it upsets Zane when he sees how scared Squeak is of him.”

  Jay considered this carefully. “Alright, but I stay with you the whole time.”

  Titus nodded after a beat. “Agreed.”

  Jay started to walk off, but Titus stopped him. “Jay, Zane isn’t to know about this, at all. I don’t want him to feel embarrassed.”

  Jay paused and then nodded in agreement. Satisfied, Titus followed the young leader across the square. Squeak soon came into sight, huddled in the doorway of one of the large Georgian houses that lined the square.

  Jay halted Titus and went to speak quietly to the Boy, who eyed Titus with open suspicion. The child gave a reluctant nod and Jay beckoned Titus over, standing back to allow him to sit opposite the small Boy.

  “Hello, I’m Titus. I just want to ask you a few questions.” The Boy looked at Jay and then nodded, chewing the sleeve of his jumper.

  “Good,” Titus said softly as he reached into his pocket. He pulled out something that he’d taken from the desk in the hospital office, a photo of Zane’s father. He steeled himself as he held it ready in his hand. This was going to be difficult.

  “Do you remember where you were before you came here?”

  Squeak shook his head rapidly. Titus frowned.

  “Are you sure?”

  The Boy nodded and glanced nervously at Jay.

  “I’ve asked him all this before,” Jay sighed. “He don’t remember anything.”

  “He’s lying,” Titus said back to him unemotionally.

  Jay’s eyebrows shot up. “You callin’ one of my Boys a liar?” he said, taking a step forward.

  Titus nodded. “Yes, because he is.” He ignored Jay’s threatening stance and turned back to Squeak, too set on his goal to be distracted by petty posturing. “There’s no need to lie, no-one will send you back there. Is that what you’re afraid of?”

  The Boy chewed furiously on his sleeve, making squelching sounds as he looked from Titus to Jay and back again. He finally nodded slowly.

  Jay knelt next to Titus. “I told ya, you’re one of us now, you don’t have to go anywhere else, and no-one’s gonna get ya.”

  Squeak looked down at his tattered trainers that were far too big for him. Jay sighed and looked at Titus, who was silent, considering his next question.

  He could see how intimidated the Boy was and how their proximity to him was making him nervous. He tried to think of a way to broach the subject of Zane’s father without being too obvious for fear of the Boy clamming up even more.

  “Do you remember anyone else being where you were before?” he finally settled on and the Boy shook his head.

  Titus’ keen mind latched onto the way the Boy’
s eyes looked away briefly as he nodded, the way his shoulders tensed just a little more. He was certain he was lying again.

  He turned to Jay. “His lying is not making this any easier.”

  Now intrigued by the questioning, Jay looked at Squeak sternly. “If he tells me you’re lyin’ once more, I’ll be pissed off. Have the others told you what happens when I’m pissed off?” Squeak nodded nervously. “Well then, stop messin’ us about and tell the truth.”

  Squeak pulled the sleeve from his mouth and swallowed hard. “Sorry,” he whispered.

  Titus smiled, but it was only to make the Boy feel more at ease. He read the Boy’s reactions carefully, noted how that smile didn’t seem to help much. If anything, it seemed to make him more nervous. He let it fade from his face. “What do you remember?”

  “Grey walls,” the Boy whispered after a few moments.

  Titus nodded in an effort to encourage him. “Good, that’s a start, carry on.”

  The Boy pointed up at the sky. “No blue, only grey, low down.”

  “We don’t think he was ever outside,” Jay added in a whisper. “He gets a bit freaked out about the weather and he don’t like being in the middle of the square. Come to think of it, quite a few of the Boys are like that when they first arrive.”

  Titus nodded, pushing back memories of the dream he’d had of Lyssa in an attempt to stay focused. He looked back at Squeak. “What else?” The Boy fidgeted nervously. “Were there any other people there?”

  The Boy stared off into space briefly and then nodded. Titus noted how he’d started to shake.

  “Bad people,” the Boy spoke in barely a whisper. “But sometimes Eve.” The deep lines of worry that were nestled between his eyebrows lifted when he spoke her name.

  “Who’s Eve?” Titus asked, intrigued.

  “Like me, in the bad place. Eve opens the doors, even after the bad people lock them.” He pressed a dirty forefinger to his lips. “But it’s a secret.” He took a deep breath and made a show of swallowing deliberately, then pointed at his stomach. “Keep it down, keep it quiet.”