Mirage

by Alice Tribue

  “What do you want to do, Katie?”

  “I want to keep my baby, Victoria, but I just don’t see how.”

  “Well, you can’t work as an escort anymore, not while you’re pregnant and not afterward. I don’t employ women with children as escorts; it gets too complicated.”

  “But Victoria, please, you can’t… What will I do?”

  “Do you really think it’s appropriate for you to be screwing men for money when you have a child? Is that the type of mother you envisioned being?”

  “No, but…”

  “If you want to keep the baby, I will transfer you over to the spa. I need someone new in reception there anyway. It’s going to be a big pay cut, but at least you’ll have health benefits and a job to come back to. I’ll pay your tuition to learn massage, esthetics, or whatever you want, and you can move up in the company that way, but that’s the best I can do for you.”

  “I’ll have to give up my apartment and move back home if I do that. I could never pay my rent on a receptionist salary.”

  “A few of the girls in the office live in Brooklyn, and they make ends meet. The choice is yours. I can’t do much more for you. ”

  “I understand; it’s more than I deserve.”

  “Take a few days to think about it and get back to me. If you decide to terminate, do not go to him for the money. You come to me if you need it, you come to me if you need a ride, and you come to me if you need someone to take care of you. You do not, under any circumstance, call him ever again. Am I making myself clear?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good.”

  She gets up and walks out of my office, leaving me with the overwhelming urge to throw something. I try so hard to keep these girls safe. I do everything in my power to make sure that they are taken care of when employed by me, but when shit like this happens, it makes me feel like I have no control. And I hate it.

  The truth is that I’ve been doing this job longer than I ever wanted to, but I let the success sway me. I kept telling myself that I was the best option for these girls, better than a pimp or a street corner, but really, the money played just as big of a part in it. I’ve made myself a very rich woman, richer than I ever would have been with just owning a day spa alone. Even still, more and more, I’m starting to think that maybe it’s time to get out and focus on other ventures.

  I take a deep breath and pick up the phone, hitting the call button without even considering what I’m doing, not caring that it might make me appear too needy or desperate.

  “Hey, babe.”

  “Nathan?”

  “What’s wrong?”

  God, am I making it that obvious that I’m upset? Can he hear it in my voice? So much for being strong and independent. “Nothing, nothing, I was just wondering if maybe you could get away for lunch?”

  “Uhhh,” he hesitates, and I suddenly feel like a fool for having called him at all.

  “You know what, don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’re busy.”

  “No, it’s okay. I was just checking my calendar; I think things here are under control enough that I can get away for lunch. I’ll pick you up in twenty minutes.”

  “That’s okay, just meet me there. There’s this sushi place I’ve wanted to try on Gramercy.”

  “I think I know the place. I’ll see you soon, babe.”

  “See you soon.”

  I grab my purse, ignoring the fact that I just called Nathan because I was upset. I ignore the fact that I’ve been thinking about him more and more lately. I won’t let myself worry about it, not right now, at least. I text Parker to bring my car around and leave word with Ivy to monitor my phone calls and emails.

  It doesn’t take long to get to the restaurant, a miraculous feat considering that traffic on these streets is never light, but today I’m grateful for it. The sounds of the city amplify my already increasing anxiety, and for the first time in so long, I desperately want to get out of this city, go back home to Jersey, and sit by the beach. Just let the calm of the ocean soothe the tension in my body, and ease the stress that I deal with on a daily basis. I’m very aware of the fact that I bring it on myself, but it’s part of this life and until I leave it behind, there’s nothing I can do other than live with it.

  I spot Nathan around the same time that he spots me, reaching the car and opening the door for me as it pulls to the curb. My hand is in his before I can protest and I’m out of the car and in his arms, his lips on mine. I let myself go, let myself accept what he’s giving me, because it’s by far the best thing that’s happened to me all day. The anxiety begins to ebb out of my body, and the tension that holds onto me starts to release. My arms wrap around his neck, and I take what I need, just enough to bring me down from a place of pure panic. The sense of overwhelming peace I have, out here in the middle of this overcrowded, loud city, is consuming me.

  When he finally pulls away, I have no words. There are no words to explain what he just gave to me and why it’s so important. It wasn’t about him opening a car door, or a heated kiss, a public display of affection. It’s about him, about how he met me for lunch just because I asked. He didn’t hesitate. He just did it because he knew I needed it. And I don’t understand that part because I’ve never had it before. That’s the part that makes this so hard, the reason I can’t push him away even though I think I should.

  My eyes flutter open, bringing him into focus “Hi,” I greet him barely above a whisper.

  “Hi.” His expressive eyes tell me that he’s happy to see me. He gives me a final squeeze before moving us off the sidewalk and into the busy restaurant.

  “You going to tell me what’s wrong?” he probes after we place our orders.

  “Nothing’s wrong really. It’s just been a hectic day, and I needed to get the hell out of there.”

  “If you say so.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I tilt my head in question. “You don’t believe what I’m saying?”

  “No, I believe you. I also think there’s more to it than that.”

  “One of my employees just told me that she’s pregnant.”

  “And this is bad because…?”

  “It’s not bad. I’m happy for her. It’s just that she’s considering leaving now. She’s been with me a long time.”

  “I see.”

  “You can’t force her to stay, babe, but I guarantee that you’ll be fine even if she does leave.”

  I think about what he’s saying. Granted, he doesn’t know the depth of the problem and the drama behind it, but his words are still true. Things will be fine; they always have a way of working out in the end. Now I feel foolish for having stressed myself out about it like this.

  “You’re right; I guess I just needed someone else to tell me.”

  Reaching across the table, he takes hold of my hand and gives it a squeeze. “I’m glad you thought of me.”

  “You are?” God, I sound so unsure of myself. Is that how I feel when I’m around Nathan? Unsure? I guess a part of me does feel that way, like I don’t know if I can trust him even though I desperately want to.

  “Uh-huh, I have to admit I was shocked that you called me at all.”

  “Was that the first time I ever called you?”

  “Yes.”

  I think of it and realize he’s right. I have never picked up the phone on my own just to call or even text Nathan. He’s always the one who initiates our interactions with each other. I guess I have been more guarded than I thought.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be so…”

  “Challenging?” He finishes my sentence with a grin.

  “Sure, we’ll go with that.” I smile coyly at him.

  Our lunch is served, and we sit in silence for a bit. My mind runs a mile a minute thinking about Nathan and about what’s happening between us. We obviously like each other, and there’s ridiculous chemistry, that much is true. What do we really know about each other? I, for one, know very little about him. He hasn’t told me muc
h about his life, but I guess I haven’t exactly asked him either.

  “Are your parents still in Michigan?”

  “Yeah, they still live in the same house we grew up in. My little sister is back there, too. I’ve been trying to get them to come out for a visit, but the timing is always off. Actually, I think the idea of the city intimidates them.”

  “I guess I can understand why they’d be intimidated. It’s a big city; it can be kind of daunting.”

  “Yeah, but it’s not like I would throw them to the wolves and leave them to figure it out themselves.”

  “Are you very close to them?”

  “I am, but I’m closest to my mom.”

  “Momma’s boy?”

  “Not quite,” he responds with a chuckle.

  “Must have been hard for her when you joined the Marines,” I probe.

  “Hard is putting it mildly; I was concerned that she’d have a coronary.”

  “How old were you when you enlisted?”

  “Eighteen, right out of high school.”

  “Oh, wow.”

  “Yup.”

  “How long were you in?”

  “I did four years active duty and then got out, went to school, and then somehow got into security.”

  “That’s a lot of living.”

  “I wouldn’t have it any other way. I learned a lot, Tori, and more importantly, I became a man. Before joining the Marines, I found trouble just about everywhere I went. I mean, granted, I wasn’t a criminal or anything, but I was spending a lot of time with the wrong people, and it was only a matter of time until I was hurt or arrested. I was out of control, anyway, when the recruiter came to the school, and he made it sound like a great thing. My grades weren’t good enough for college, and I had no other plans, so I enrolled.”

  “Do you regret it?”

  “No. It wasn’t what I expected, and it took me a while to adjust, but it made me who I am. The Marines taught me structure and responsibility; it even taught me the meaning of fear. Who knows where I’d be right now if I hadn’t gotten that.”

  “You’re a pretty fascinating guy, you know that?”

  He lets out a low chuckle. “I’ve been called a lot of things in my life but fascinating is not one of them.”

  “First time for everything.”

  “Is it crazy that I want to kiss you right now?”

  “Is it crazy that I want you to kiss me right now?”

  “No, but I’m shocked that you’ve admitted it.”

  “I know I’m not easy to deal with.”

  “You’re perfect.”

  Far from it, I think to myself, but it’s a lovely thought. It’s a nice ideal to attain and try to live up to. If he knew how imperfect I really was, how far from perfect I was, he would run for the hills. Sometimes, I wonder what my life would look like had I followed a different path—used the education my father provided me with for a better purpose. A career that couldn’t land me behind bars if I made a single wrong move.

  “You’re either full of shit or a glutton for punishment.”

  “And you have a smart mouth.”

  “Want to try some of my sushi?” I wink, trying to be cute instead of smart.

  “I’ll try anything you want me to try,” he tosses back with a grin, making my heart flutter in response. I push that feeling aside, looking down at my plate and stabbing one of my shrimp tempura rolls with my fork. I dip it in the soy sauce and feed it to him. He nods his approval with a full mouth before reciprocating with one of his own.

  The rest of our lunch date passes by with a lot of talk and an effortless ease that makes me almost sad to see it come to an end. Hearing some about his family life, about his past, makes me feel a little bit better about what’s happening between us. All of the reasons I have for not getting involved with him are still there, but that’s never stopped me from getting involved before. If I’m being honest with myself, I think the problem with me starting up something with Nathan is that I have a deeper attraction to him than I’ve ever had to anyone else. From the very first night when I spotted him at that charity event, I felt something for him. A connection that I cannot easily explain and have not forgotten, and now I don’t want to do either. The only thing left to do is hope that I don’t regret it later.

  CHAPTER SIX

  “Victoria, thank you for meeting with me on such short notice.”

  “You’re welcome, Mr. Schilling. I happened to have a break in my schedule.”

  “I messengered your paperwork back to your office this morning, so you can feel free to speak openly with me,” he says, nonchalantly like he does this kind of thing every day. I glance down at my cell phone, which has now lit up with a text from Nathan.

  Nathan: Where are you?

  I bring my attention back to Mr. Schilling, ignoring Nathan’s text for the time being. It’s not like I can explain exactly where I am and what I’m doing anyway.

  “I received it. Thank you.” He’s referring to the non-disclosure agreement I have everyone fill out before I’ll so much as think about speaking with them regarding my business.

  “Word of mouth tells me that what you have is really special.”

  He’s right on both accounts. Word of mouth over the years has spread like wildfire, building my business up to a multimillion-dollar venture. What I do is special, it’s unique, and that’s something that I take pride in. I know how that must sound—to take pride in a business where you’re providing sex for money—but I run things with a touch of class.

  “I’d like to think so. It’s all very respectable, sir.”

  “It’s really a novel idea.”

  “If you don’t mind me asking, sir, what exactly are you looking to get out of this?”

  “I love my wife, Victoria, I honestly do- she’s given me the happiest twenty-five years of my life and three beautiful children. I couldn’t ask for more.”

  “But-” There’s always a fucking but.

  “But, since her cancer diagnosis last year, her sexual appetite has completely diminished.”

  Wow, asshole anyone? Let's kick your sick wife while she’s down by fucking pretty, healthy, younger women.

  “I completely understand what you’re saying.” Sometimes, I surprise myself with how easy it is for me to plant a fake smile on my face and make these assholes believe that I actually empathize with them. That I would feel bad for him because he’s not having sex on a regular basis when his poor wife, who is likely dealing with chemotherapy, radiation, and a possible death sentence, is too preoccupied to give it up to him. Fucking animal!

  “Thank you for being so kind about it.”

  “Of course. Is there a particular type of girl you’re looking for?”

  “Someone petite, maybe blond.”

  “That’s certainly doable. Anything else?”

  “Well, uh…”

  “I know this isn’t exactly the easiest conversation to have, but is there anything sexual in particular that you would like to explore with a woman? Keep in mind that the NDA works both ways, sir. Any information that you give me will only be used to match you with the right individual.”

  “Well, I was hoping for someone who isn’t shy, someone who might like to take control of the situation…if you get my drift.”

  “Someone who can take on the role of a dominatrix for you?”

  “I’ve never done it before, but it does interest me.”

  “So, you’d like to test your boundaries, try a few things, see what you like and don’t like. Give her control while you retain the power.”

  “You are very good at this.”

  “Thank you, sir. That’s my job.” His eyes travel up slightly having caught sight of something over my shoulder. My entire body freezes because I know that whatever it is isn’t good. I turn slowly only to come face to face with Nathan. A very angry looking Nathan, I might add.

  “Nathan? What are you doing here?”

  He frowns at me and speaks through gr
itted teeth.

  “There’s an emergency back at the office and you’re needed.”

  “What?” I force myself to remain calm when really I just want to rip his head off. I mean what the fuck is he doing?

  “Nothing serious, I hope?”

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Schilling. I’m sure it’s nothing too serious but would you mind if we cut this a little short?”

  “No, not at all. Go handle your issue and we’ll be in touch soon.”

  “Yes, sir, we will,” I say pushing my chair back and standing up. I have just barely gotten to my feet before Nathan’s snatched my hand and is dragging me out of the restaurant like an insane Neanderthal.

  “Nathan, what the hell are you doing?”

  “Saving you from making a mistake.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Do you know who that is?”

  I say nothing because anything I say will likely look bad. It is bad, it’s all bad, and there’s no way around that.

  “That man is Douglas Schilling, a known drug pusher.”

  “That man has a sick wife who needs my services.” I pat myself on the back for coming up with that on the spot.

  “He is a liar and a known criminal; there are some people who you should not be conducting business with under any circumstance.”

  “And how do you know he lied to me?”

  He glares at me, looking me over with stone cold features. “Get on the bike.”

  I cross my arms, returning the glare, “No.”

  “Get on the bike, Tori.”

  “I’m not going anywhere with you right now.”

  “Get on the fucking bike!” I jump, shocked at the sound of his booming voice. How dare he fucking yell at me? I open my mouth to protest, but he beats me to it.

  “Yes, I yelled at you, but do me a favor and get on the bike before I lose my shit completely.”

  I maneuver around him, giving him a wide berth before finally planting my ass on the back of his bike. Arguing with him, right around the corner from the restaurant, isn’t the best idea because I still have an image to uphold. He hands me the helmet and barely gives me enough time to fasten it before he’s taking off. I grab onto him tight and hold on for dear life using the time on the bike to clear my mind and calm down. The last thing I need is to be angry right now. Anger only makes me say and do things I’ll no doubt regret later. The moment the bike comes to a stop in front of my building, I jump off, wasting no time to gain distance from Nathan. I fumble with the strap of the helmet and toss it to him when I finally get it off.