The HolyPhone Confessional Crisis

by Charles Brett

  “An interesting collection,” remarked Nelson wryly.

  “Yes, and you don’t yet know the half of it. Next I want to try to assess motivations and benefits. For Severino we have no clue. For Weizmann it appears he is a supporter of the Settler Movement in Israel and was channelling his share, not so much for his own benefit but to fund their activities which promoted ever more Settlement activity.”

  “Ouch! That doesn’t sound good, especially for the church.”

  “Then we have Inma who tells us that she has never benefited personally and whose objective was to create an investment fund held by Opus Dei to support the Spanish Catholic Church for when it will be assailed by accusations of past malpractices, such as false fostering and child abuse. You’ll appreciate there is a dilemma here. She asserts, and we’re inclined to believe her, that the fund she’s grown is for and of the Catholic Church, albeit based on diverted Santofonino income. She can shape the fund but can’t take money out. She does seem to have been led into this by her Opus Dei mentor who died shortly after involving her. In effect she continued his mission and says she’s willing to show us to the best of her ability where the monies she received are invested.

  “The last member of this quarter is Miriam Smith. For making the connection to Weizmann she was rewarded with a relatively modest share of the diverted funds, which she used anonymously to support her father’s The Lord’s Church of the Second Coming with Our Redemption, which, as far as we can determine, is one of those nutty fundamentalist sects in the USA. She also says she hasn’t personally benefited and has offered to open her accounts to us to verify this.

  “To summarise, we have two Catholics who may or may not have been acting for your church, a reluctant supporter of a Protestant sect, and an Israeli who has been feeding monies to a group of people who are not recognised by the wider world as being legal.

  “From a financial viewpoint we’re still working on this but the percentage amounts involved are not big. This is why it went undetected. On the other hand, the success of the Santofonino means that the absolute amounts diverted in total still add up to a large amount of money, although not all is necessarily lost to the church if you accept that what remains within Opus Dei belongs to the church.”

  “The embarrassment factor is still there, Davide. Why oh why does it have to involve Opus Dei or the Israeli Settlers? These are two of the loudest political screamers the Vatican has to face. However, I accept that’s the way it is. Do you know how much we’ve lost?”

  “No, not yet, but we are trying to create an informed estimate. Conor and Caterina are already going through Miriam’s accounts and those of Opus Dei. They are hoping to start on Severino’s but he has to agree and we haven’t yet seen him. We don’t know what Weizmann redirected or where. What we do know is that Miriam received the least and we suppose that Opus Dei received an average amount. We can’t yet prove this though.”

  “All right. What do you think happens next?”

  “At this point I want to suggest something that Conor asked me to mention. I declined because that’s really for him or his boss. Nevertheless I think you need forewarning.

  “At the moment Weizmann remains in a no-man’s-land in Madrid Airport. Severino is under house arrest in Rome, thanks to your intervention. Inma and Miriam are cooperating, in the hope of receiving lenient treatment. They know a lot, but mostly about what happened after the diverted monies arrive in their accounts. Neither, as I have said, appears to have personally profited from the misappropriations.

  “Conor wants to offer Inma and Miriam immunity from prosecution if they turn over whatever funds they have to the Catholic Church and assist in understanding how this fraud works and afterwards keeping silent about what’s occurred. Nelson, the part that I may not have made clear is that while we know that Santofonino funds are being diverted, we still don’t know how this occurs. To ensure the Santofonino is clean we must understand this. Our suspicion is that Severino doesn’t fully know either. He may be the genius behind the financial arrangements but our suspicion is that it’s Weizmann who has the keys.

  “That said, we do have one possible opening. This is to try ourselves to work out where and what is happening in the processing, what we call in computer science ‘reverse engineering’. That’s why we’re borrowing the system destined for South America to see if we can work out what Weizmann’s been doing. According to Conor, and also the Spanish policeman who helped us in Madrid, the chances of ever obtaining Weizmann talk with us are minimal.”

  “What you’re saying is that you haven’t yet reached the stage where you can be confident about confirming the integrity of the Santofonino. To do this you need time and help from these ladies and Severino, which will be much assisted if they are offered assurances of no prosecution? In doing so would this keep the Vatican’s and Santofonino’s reputation clean?”

  “Almost, but not quite. You’re correct about the price for the involvement of Inma and Miriam. Severino is one of your people and presumably under your control. Where you‘re not correct, and I’m sorry to be blunt, is about re-establishing the integrity of the Santofonino processing. If what we understand so far is correct, it’s lacked integrity from the start. That was designed-in by Severino and Weizmann. It’s not so much about re-establishing integrity as about establishing it for the first time.”

  “You don’t mince words, do you, Davide? José Antonio, thank you for bringing in someone such a refreshingly honest viewpoint to me. I don’t like what Davide says but it is logical. What do you think?”

  “Nelson, I am way out of my depth. All I care about is our Church. If what Davide’s talking about will assist, then I think we should proceed. On the other hand, I’m uncomfortably aware that this was probably the justification used by our bishops when they tried hiding the child abuse scandals. You have to draw the balance. I can’t. That’s why you’re the cardinal and I’m a parish priest.”

  “As always you are wise and honest. You remind me of my sacred duties. Thank you, my brother in Christ.”

  To Davide’s mild embarrassment, Nelson blessed José Antonio.

  “Davide, you think you can do this reverse engineering and make it work?”

  “I can’t. But Caterina, Conor’s assistant, seems to be a genius with systems. Combined with Conor, who knows much and using what Inma and Miriam understand, I think there’s a reasonable chance of progress. But it’s not guaranteed.”

  “Fair enough. Please convey to Conor that I will talk with Paulino. I’m minded to do as he suggests with these ladies, if they cooperate and repay what they have to the church. What do we do about Severino?”

  “That’s been puzzling us too. My suggestion is do nothing until we know a little more, if you can spare him. His absence alone may provide us with clues.”

  “How so?”

  “There is an old adage in the financial and accounting world that Conor told us about. If someone does not take their holidays, send them on a prolonged holiday. Most financial frauds require active participation to prevent their discovery. Without the participation, mice may come out of the walls, if you see what I mean.”

  “I do, though the analogy is new to me too. Thank you, Davide. As before you are helpful and provide valuable insights. We have not eaten. I apologise. I hope you’ll not mind if I send you home now with José Antonio. I need to pray and reflect on all you have described.”

  Wednesday, Central Rome

  Inma and Miriam returned from dinner, with their guardians having eaten in the same trattoria but at a table nearer the door. The dinner had been decent without being special. They had had a little too much wine and were slightly drunk.

  At the hotel they hadn’t known what to do. They’d heard nothing more from Conor. They were in a mild frenzy of uncertainty. They sat in the suite’s salon, holding each other, trying to watch Italian television, which was its usual dismal self with facile game shows and moderately undressed contestants being asked to do impr
obable things which they did not understand.

  Inma rose to answer a knock on the door. There was a call from Conor. Inma passed the phone to Miriam.

  “Matters have been progressing throughout today. I asked if we might deliver on our implied assurances. I now have sufficient guidance to make you the following outline offer. Essentially it is this.

  “If you each return all Santofonino-related monies that you control to the church, cooperate fully to assist us in understanding how the diversions take place, you will not be charged with any crime. I must warn you; however, that full cooperation is required. Any failure will result in the offer of no criminal charges being withdrawn. Do you understand?”

  “I think so.”

  “You don’t need to decide now. We need to talk more formally but if you and Inma would be ready with your decisions tomorrow that would help.”

  “Fine.”

  “I will try to be with you for about eleven o’clock, if that suits.”

  “It does.

  “Davide said to say Hola to Inma and that their conversation yesterday was worthwhile. I hope you both sleep well.”

  Miriam gave the phone back to the guardian and shut the door.

  “What did he say?” asked a nervous Inma.

  “Inma, cariño, I think we may have done it.”

  “Done what?”

  “Escaped prison, to put it simply. The bet we made on vague reassurances seems to be paying off. If we return all that we still have from the Santofonino and cooperate so that they can work out how the diversions function we won’t be charged with any crime. It’s not yet guaranteed but tomorrow we may be able to relax and plan for the future.”

  “Are you serious? Can it be true? How did you manage it?”

  She charged over to sweep Miriam up in her arms.

  “Actually I think it was you who managed it in the car yesterday with Davide. I don’t have any hard proof but his touch is there somewhere, as you said. It certainly was not because of me and the nasty Australian policewoman.”

  “We need to celebrate. I don’t need more wine. Wait!” Inma left the salon for her bedroom. She came back with a gift-wrapped package. “This is for you.”

  “A present? When did you buy this? I was with you all morning.”

  “Almost all. Go on! Open it!”

  Miriam did as instructed.

  “Oh my god! What have you bought? This is …” She was speechless.

  “Try it on. I’ll wait here.”

  Inma made herself comfortable as Miriam went into the bedroom. Rather sooner than expected Miriam came back but as before and handed over a different but unwrapped package.

  “Snap!”

  “Snap? What do you mean? Oh! I don’t believe it! They’re not exactly the same but I agree they are similar. If you change in one bedroom I’ll do the same in the other. See you in a minute or two.”

  It didn’t take long for Miriam to change. It took longer for Inma. Miriam wondered if she needed some help like on Sunday. She did seem rather ignorant about how some clothes worked. Suddenly the other bedroom door opened and out she came.

  What they had bought each other, without realising, was startling. Inma was in a bodysuit designed for the gym. It accentuated her hips and bust in ways that made her look slender, which she was not, at the same time. It was in a smart silvery-grey that complemented her black hair and dark skin. In contrast Miriam was in powder-blue shorts and a top that revealed her runner’s shape with its delicately-muscled flat stomach. They looked each other up and down. Both liked what they saw.

  “Shall we go to the gym?” suggested Inma.

  “Like this? No way. We would have the male half of Rome lining up to stare, especially at you. You’re almost exotic. A little make-up and Rome would collapse chasing after you. One of your smiles and they’d be at your feet. No, that outfit is for when you and I are exercising together.”

  “I still don’t think in terms of what other people might say or do. You’re too generous. It makes me …”

  She paused, not quite sure what to add, but very tempted to suggest practising taking everything off.

  Miriam had other ideas: “I want you to introduce me to the exercises you do to keep yourself in that fantastic shape, especially those that give you such firm breasts. Come, show me. Another day you’re going to come running with me, though not in these clothes. I know you say you don’t like to run but let’s see if I can convert you.”

  “Miriam, cariño. I have a problem. No, not about showing you my personal exercises, which I have refined with practice over twenty years. My problem is more deep seated that that.”

  “I know. I have the same itch. But first we are going to start with one sort of exercise. Remember, no touching. Then, perhaps, we might still have enough energy to address the other itch.”

  She grinned and took Inma to the centre of the suite. They pushed furniture aside to create space. Inma started to demonstrate what she tried to do each day.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Thursday, Monteverde

  Davide again insisted that they have a decent breakfast, but measured by his standards. The previous evening he had only managed a quick pizza with José Antonio after leaving Nelson. It hadn’t been one of Italy’s best. They had parted by Santa Maria, with José Antonio thanking Davide for all that he was doing. Davide had replied that if he was able to help then he was happy. He then phoned Conor and suggested a drink at the bar down the road, as a result of which Conor had called ‘the ladies’, as he now referred to them, to offer the possible agreement.

  Over breakfast Davide had taken Conor and Caterina through what he had discussed with Nelson plus what they had broadly agreed. He told them that Nelson would be talking with Paulino and then more formal processes would take over.

  “Well, I’ve something for you, and a wonderful way to test their cooperation,” said Caterina.

  She was working hard to hide her dissatisfaction with how Davide and Nelson excluded her regarding what was being decided. She wondered if Conor felt the same. Davide was taking over. She didn’t like it or the air with which he recounted the conversation with Nelson.

  “What’s that?” asked Conor.

  “Inma has encrypted partitions on her tablet and laptop. If she doesn’t give us the password she won’t be cooperating.”

  Davide looked at her. Did she want Inma to fail? Did she want to see people go to jail? There was an implicit viciousness that did not warm the heart.

  Before he could say anything, Conor responded with, “That could indeed be interesting. My guess is that she will cooperate. I think they’ve worked out that they’ll be better off helping us and that if they can tell us more about how the Santofonino processes are misdirected that’ll save them. At the end of the day you’re now in the driving seat, Caterina. You’re the one who must strip apart the payment processes, not Davide or myself. But the ladies may make it easier, no?”

  “I guess so. But how do we handle the encrypted partitions?”

  “I suggest going over with you and Davide, and let’s see what happens and if there is any value in there. Then you and Davide can head for the VCCC. As it’s now ten shall we head over? I warn you it took me forty-five minutes yesterday by taxi.”

  “Then I suggest taking the number 8 tram to Largo Argentina and walk,” suggested Davide.

  They walked down to the tram. Before long one appeared. This proved much faster than the jammed traffic along the Viale di Trastevere. They were soon in the centre and walking to the hotel.

  Before going up to the suite, Conor proposed an approach with him starting and then Caterina following up about the encryption. Much might be resolved in the next few minutes.

  Miriam opened the door. She returned to sit beside Inma, waving the others to find a seat.

  “Have you decided what to do?” enquired Conor after the routine greetings, except that Davide insisted on kissing Inma hello and then Miriam, to the latter’s evident surpr
ise.

  Caterina unsuccessfully tried not to glower. She was astonished by Inma in sharply-cut, tight-fitting blue jeans with a simple white blouse. This made her feel the ill-shaped frumpy one.

  “Yes, we have. If you’ll confirm our immunity we’ll assist as best we can. Here are the numbers for my two key accounts and how to access them. If, however, you change the access password I‘ll no longer have control and must assume that you have taken responsibility for the monies therein. Thus I will have done all I need to,” said Miriam, quietly confident as she handed over a piece of prepared hotel notepaper.

  “Not so fast, Miriam. I accept your point about if we change the password so you can no longer access the accounts, but remember we also require your full cooperation and there must be no deceit or false leads.”

  “Fair enough. I’ll answer your questions as best I can.”

  “And you, Inma. What have you decided?”

  “I’m in agreement with Miriam. Here’s a list of relevant Opus Dei and related reinsurance accounts and how to access them. I will not give you the additional transfer codes but you will be able to see what has and is happening. If you change the passwords to prevent my access then I am with Miriam; you will have assumed responsibility. What you do with the information I leave to you and Opus Dei. I’ll answer your questions as best I can, given what you warn us.”

  Caterina jumped in: “Condesa, you have encrypted partitions on your tablet and laptop. Failing to give us access to these, I must warn you, would invalidate any agreement not to prosecute.”

  To her surprise Inma smiled broadly, saying, “Would you like access to them now? Let me get my laptop and tablet.” She brought them to Caterina. “The password is the same for both. It is the first forty letters of the Lord’s Prayer in Spanish, backwards, with twin dollar symbols in the middle.” She wrote this down. “Try it out yourself.”