ARe Indecent 5

by Stephanie Julian

  So they were both in avoidance mode. Great.

  What sucked was that Keegan didn’t know what to do about it.

  Sitting in his office, which he rarely used unless he wanted to make a phone call away from the noise and general chaos of the lab, he stared at the wall.

  He and Erik had hired the best people they could find for the jobs they’d created but they’d also hired people they could get along with. The three developers had come from Princeton, were a few years younger than he and Keegan and just as brilliant. To a degree, they all shared Keegan and Erik’s sensibilities and their slightly offbeat approach to science.

  They also had an additional five technicians and an office manager who kept them all on a short leash. They’d hired Sandra Keating five minutes into her interview when she’d told them she’d raised five boys with her Navy husband around the world and had never seen a group of people more in need of a drill sergeant than this building of misfits.

  When Erik had been in the hospital, she’d been one of the first people to visit. She’d sat by his bed, held his hand, and kept him informed of everything going on at the office. She’d never once cried in Erik’s presence, but Keegan had caught her sobbing in her husband’s arms when he’d come to pick her up.

  Keegan had still been in shock at that point, going from the hospital to the lab with absolutely no purpose or direction. Seeing Sandra, who always looked so calm and collected with her perfectly styled blond hair and polished nails, break down had knocked Keegan out of his free fall.

  The office had needed someone to step up and pull them all back together. Keegan had managed it. Barely.

  Now Sandra entered his office in her sensible shoes and her khaki pants and white blouse and stared at him with the same look in her eye she’d given Erik when he’d first come back to work and refused to go to a staff meeting. Erik had been there minutes later.

  “All right, I want to know what’s going on and what’s going to need to happen to fix it.”

  Keegan blinked before he could stop himself. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Sandra cocked her head at him, eyes wide, and Keegan braced for the snark attack. “Oh really? So you haven’t noticed that you and Erik haven’t been in the same room together at this entire week? Or that you haven’t spoken to him all week? Or that the staff is starting to wonder if they’re going to have jobs next month if you two don’t figure out your shit and kiss and make up or whatever the hell you need to do to fix whatever happened?”

  Her husband might’ve been the one in the service, but Sandra was the family’s commanding officer. And TinMan’s, too. He and Erik owned the business, but she kept it running like a well-oiled machine.

  Since Sandra appeared to want an answer and didn’t look like she was going anywhere until she got it, Keegan nodded. “We’ll figure it out. There’s nothing to worry about.”

  Sandra’s eyes widened even farther. “Okay, that was the lamest bullshit I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth, Keegan.” Her hands went to her hips and Keegan sat a little straighter in his chair. “What the hell is going on? And don’t tell me nothing. I certainly know that’s not true.”

  “It’s…complicated.”

  “Son, life’s complicated. Did you two have a lovers’ spat?”

  Keegan sighed, knowing Sandra didn’t mean her question literally. She’d asked point blank when she’d taken the job if he and Erik were a couple. She’d quickly pointed out she wasn’t homophobic. She made it clear she believed everyone had a right to love whoever they wanted, so long as it wasn’t a kid or livestock. She only wanted to know because working with a couple was a completely different dynamic than working with two friends.

  “We’ve had a…disagreement. I’m sure we’ll be able to work it out.”

  “You know your Irish comes out when you’re lying. Surefire tell, kid.”

  He grimaced before he could hide it. Sandra, of course, saw it. Turning, she shut the door behind her then sat in the chair opposite him.

  “Now, you want to tell me what’s really on your mind? You know I don’t blab and you both looked like you got kicked in the nuts this past week. I’m cracking you first because you’re easier but I’ll be going after Erik next. Now spill. I don’t like to see my guys bleed.”

  Keegan thought it over for barely a second. Sandra had worked with them for more than five years. She knew them almost as well as she knew her own children, and he trusted her implicitly.

  “We’ve been seeing a woman.”

  She barely batted an eye. “We? As in, you’re both seeing the same woman?”

  “Yes.”

  A pause. “At the same time.”

  That wasn’t a question but he nodded anyway.

  “And how’s that working out for you?”

  Sighing, he shoved a hand through his hair. “It was working fine until about a week ago. Or so I thought.”

  Now her eyebrows lifted. “Seems to me it wouldn’t work at all, but knowing how connected you two are… Maybe you want to walk me through what happened.”

  So he did, laying it all out for her.

  At first, he couldn’t hide the blush that flooded his cheeks. He never talked to anyone but Erik about relationship stuff. Hell, even he and Erik didn’t talk much. They just barreled ahead and damned the consequences.

  But the more he talked, the easier it got. He and Erik often relied on Sandra to see things they didn’t, especially things that dealt with interaction between multiple parties.

  Of course, for Sandra, that sometimes involved knocking heads together, figuratively and literally.

  When he finally finished, she cocked her head and looked at him for several long seconds. “So let me get this straight. You bribed this girl with half a million dollars to sleep with you and Erik. A girl who needed that money to pay for her sick mother’s hospital bills. A girl you knew couldn’t really say no.”

  He sucked in a sharp breath as her words slapped him. Every one of them was true. “Yes. We did.”

  “And when that night was over, what happened? Did you call her?”

  “No, I went to see her.”

  “You? Alone?”

  “Yes.”

  “And…?”

  “And we had sex.” He had to force the words from between his gritted teeth.

  Sandra sighed. “And after that?”

  “I left her. I fucking left her to deal.” Exploding to his feet, he began to pace. “I let Erik pick up the pieces with her, but when I walked in on them together… I was a total ass.”

  “And what did she do?”

  His turn to pause. And think. “She forgave me.”

  “And you and Erik have been, uh, dating her since then. And by date you mean actually taking her out and buying her dinner? Unless you’re using the word ‘date’ in a completely different way than I’m used to.”

  “No, Erik and I actually took her to dinner at Judy’s.”

  Sandra’s eyes widened in true surprise. “Erik went along? Actually went to the restaurant when other people were there?”

  “Yeah. I thought…”

  “You thought he was fixed.”

  Keegan grimaced. “No, not fixed. But maybe, just… Fuck, I don’t know.” He shoved a hand through his hair and yanked, letting his scalp burn. “Yeah, maybe I thought he was finally fixed.”

  “So this girl has some magical power to heal all of Erik’s wounds and fix your terminal case of the guilts?”

  “Shit. I know it sounds ridiculous. I’m not stupid. But I thought, maybe…”

  “He was starting to believe he could live again.” Sandra’s compassion bled through every word. “I get it, Keegan. Really, I do. And I’m encouraged to hear he actually went to the restaurant. Hell, I would’ve thrown a damn party if I’d known.”

  “Yeah, well, don’t throw that party just yet. After that night, he told me he wanted me to take her out by myself. His excuse was that he didn’t want people to talk a
bout her. He didn’t want her to have to deal with the gossip.”

  She made a face that indicated she agreed. “Sounds reasonable.”

  “No, it wasn’t. He only suggested it so he could go back in his safe little cave.”

  “Is that all?”

  He considered telling her about the explosion, but they hadn’t decided exactly what they were going to do with that information yet. Hell, they hadn’t talked period. It was stupid but talking about their three-way affair was easier than talking about the fact that the explosion had been rigged by one of their biggest competitors.

  Or maybe his priorities were just totally fucked up.

  “Keegan?”

  “Jesus, am I being a complete and total ass?”

  “No.” Sandra’s concise answer made him breathe an immediate sigh of relief. “But…for three years, Erik’s considered himself the monster in the closet. That’s not going to change overnight because he’s fallen in love or because you want him to be fixed.”

  “I know that. I do. I just…”

  “Don’t want him to be broken anymore. I get it, Keegan. I want the same thing. But Erik has to want it even more than you do. And I’m not sure he’s there yet. You pushing him might set him back.” She shrugged. “Then again, if you don’t push him, he might never move forward. You have to find a healthy balance.”

  “Yeah. And how the hell do I find that?”

  “Sometimes,” Sandra’s smile turned bittersweet, “sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you just have to barrel through and hope like hell that everything comes out for the best in the end.”

  “And what if it doesn’t? What if I fuck this all up by forcing him too far, too fast?”

  “Then you’ll know you at least tried something. But first, you need to apologize to this girl. It sounds like you really screwed her over.”

  They had. They’d both treated her like shit. He should’ve called, should’ve checked in on her. Instead, he’d avoided her like a coward.

  “I know. I have to call her, apologize. Beg for mercy, even. But…”

  Sandra’s eyebrows quirked. “Erik.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well now, that’s the trickier problem, isn’t it? You two haven’t talked at all?”

  She made it sound like they were teenage girls having a snit. And she probably wasn’t far off the mark. He did feel somewhat like a teenager, all raging hormones and out-of-control emotions.

  “Not since it happened. We’ve avoided each other this entire week and—”

  “Yeah, no shit, Keegan. Haven’t you noticed everyone’s been giving you two a wide berth? They figured it would pass in a few days. When it didn’t, they came to me, figured I’d have the guts to find out what’s going on.”

  Keegan’s lips twitched into a quirky grin. “Don’t you always know everything?”

  She raised an eyebrow at him. “Yes, I do. And don’t you forget it. Now. What are you going to do about your Erik problem? Because I think once you fix that, everything else might fall back into place. But I think you need to be prepared for when it doesn’t.”

  *

  Erik saw Sandra walk into Keegan’s room.

  They were talking about him. And Jules. And this whole fucking mess.

  He wanted to be pissed. He couldn’t help but envy Keegan for having someone to talk to.

  He also knew Sandra had approached Keegan first because she knew Keegan would give her the ammunition needed to approach him next.

  Sandra might not have been in the Navy herself, but she would’ve made one hell of a submarine commander. She worked better under tense circumstances.

  And it had been tense this past week.

  He and Keegan needed to talk. He knew that. He even knew a lot of this problem was his fault.

  Even though Keegan couldn’t—

  No.

  He had to stop that. Keegan had only been trying to help, although he’d gone about it totally the wrong way.

  Because I basically cut him off at the knees.

  And he hadn’t called Jules.

  Hell, that might be worse than any of the other shit he’d pulled the last time they’d been together.

  He should’ve stayed. They should’ve hashed this out together. Like adults.

  Christ, he’d been an idiot. Worse, he’d hurt two of the people he cared most about in the world.

  So now what did he do?

  “Hey, Erik, you okay? You’ve been standing here for a few minutes.”

  Erik turned to find one of his tech assistants standing behind him. Her expression held a little worry, a little apprehension, and a whole lot of “Damn, I really hope he’s not losing it again.”

  “I’m fine, Lynne. Did you need me for something?”

  Relief at his normal-sounding answer made her pretty face soften immediately.

  “Yes, actually, we think we may have found a way around that short in the circuitry panel.”

  He waved a hand in front of him to have her lead and Lynne smiled. Right at him. Looking him in the eyes, her gaze never sliding to his scars.

  He saw no sign of pity at all.

  When had their team stopped looking at him like he was a freak?

  Had he really been so blind?

  Following Lynne into the main lab, he found two more assistants and Tommy, another engineer, all grinning like kids on Christmas morning.

  It was infectious.

  He smiled for the first time that week. And hoped like hell that he and Keegan could repair their friendship as easily.

  *

  “Jules. Hi. It’s Erik. I know you probably don’t want to talk to me but I’d like to see you. If only to apologize.”

  He paused, tried to think of what else he could say to her answering machine that wouldn’t sound like so much whiny bullshit on Friday morning.

  He couldn’t, so he finished with, “Please call me back. I look forward to hearing from you.”

  The second he hung up, he wanted to erase that lame-ass message and start over.

  Hell, he should’ve pleaded and begged and messaged her a picture that had him on his knees begging her to talk to him.

  Then she’ll think you’re a nutcase.

  Tossing the phone on his desk, he leaned back into his chair, barely registering the low hum of voices from outside his office.

  Yesterday had been pretty much a whirlwind after he’d seen Sandra go into Keegan’s office. One of their engineers and his assistants had found a way to keep their new board from shorting out. If they hadn’t found the flaw, the board would’ve been useless.

  He and Keegan had actually smiled at each other across the room as they talked with their team, congratulating everyone. The day had ended with pizza and beer in the company common area.

  Somehow, he and Keegan had managed not to say a word to each other.

  Erik hadn’t wanted to make a scene, not at the office. He’d planned to talk to Keegan today. He’d figured the offices were neutral territory. He’d corner him in his office after he’d spoken to Jules and—

  His phone rang. The name on the screen read Jules and his heart began to pound.

  Taking a deep breath, he hit answer. “Hello, Jules. Thanks for calling me back.”

  “Hi, Erik. How are you?”

  Better now that I’m talking to you. “I’m fine. And you?”

  “I’m good, thanks. I’m glad you called. I was thinking maybe we could get together tonight. If you don’t have plans. I’d like to talk to you.”

  Just the two of them? Alone? “Sure. That’d be great.”

  She exhaled, as if she’d been holding her breath waiting for his answer. “I thought maybe I could come to your house. Would that be okay? I’d have you over for dinner but my mom has book club—”

  “No, really. My house is fine. How about seven?”

  “Great. I thought I would cook for you, if you wouldn’t mind?”

  Why would he mind? “Sure. Of course. That’s fine.”

/>   “Okay. I’ll see you then. And Erik?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Just so you know, I plan to see Keegan tomorrow night.”

  She didn’t want to see the two of them together. He took a deep breath. “No problem.”

  He swore he heard her sigh through the phone. “I just want to be upfront—”

  “Jules. It’s not a problem. I’d like the chance to talk to you alone as well.”

  She paused. “Okay. Then I’ll see you tonight. Bye.”

  She hung up before he could say anything else.

  Setting the phone back on the desk, his first instinct was to head for Keegan’s office. To talk about how they could work on her from opposite sides and get her back into bed between them.

  Which meant he and Keegan would actually have to speak to each other.

  Then again, maybe he’d wait until they’d talked to her separately, found out what she was thinking.

  If the only reason she wanted to see each of them was to tell them it was over… Well, that would be painful.

  If she was talking to them separately to tell them she only wanted to date one of them… What would he do?

  He knew what he would’ve done before the explosion. If she’d picked him, he would’ve taken her up on her offer then he would’ve used every skill at his disposal to get her back in bed with him and Keegan.

  Yeah, right.

  Damn conscience. But it was right. He would’ve told himself she’d made her decision and he was only abiding by what she wanted. He’d have taken what she offered.

  Could he do that to Keegan now? Could he stab him in the back over a woman? After everything they’d been through together?

  Shit.

  He didn’t think he could. Hell, he’d like to think he wouldn’t do it. Ever.

  He picked up the phone. Put it back down.

  And the damn thing rang.

  He snatched it up again. His sister.

  Well, hell. A visit and a phone call in the space of a week. What the hell was wrong now?

  For a brief second, he considered letting it go to voice mail.

  Selfish bastard.

  He answered.

  “Hello, Katrina.”

  “Erik. I’m so glad you picked up. I…I’d like to talk to you about something.”