Starstruck

by Yuriko Hime

  “Those are your relatives?”

  She paused. “Uh-huh. Fudge Glace! I didn’t know what to do. I’ve been calling you all morning.”

  I groaned. “Sorry baby. I was caught up in playing the piano that I didn’t notice my phone die.” As Dulce passed in front of me, I grabbed her hand so she would stop walking. Her nervous vibe was contagious. "Whatever is happening, we’ll figure it out. I’ll talk to Andrea now.” I went out of the room in search for her mom.

  I caught sight of Andrea going down the stairs. "Excuse me," I said politely to the other guests so I could reach her. “Andrea,” I called. She went to the direction of the kitchen. “Andrea,” I called a little louder. Someone took my hand and dragged me up the stairs, inside a spare room.

  I snatched my hands from his grip. “What’s happening dad?”

  His smile was smug. “It doesn’t really concern you.”

  “Then why did you ask me to come here?” I bit my tongue to stop myself from cursing him. I had no respect left for this person. But my actions would reflect on me, not on him. I loved myself enough not to compromise my principles anymore.

  “I didn’t ask you to come here. I instructed you to do so,” he corrected. “I want you to stop your fantasies with Dulce. That’s why you’re in this very house now. And don’t even plan on ruining this day for me Glace.”

  “Or what?” I challenged.

  “Or you’ll never find out the truth about yourself and your mother.” He sneered.

  My hands turned cold, and even though there was no mirror in the room, I knew that I was pale. “What are you talking about?”

  “You’ll find out if you shut up in the corner and stop flirting with your future sister. The way you stare at each other is disgusting. Do you know why Dulce is hanging out with you? She hasn’t tasted a man yet, that's why. Once she goes to the real world and meet a nice guy, she’d leave you in the dirt.”

  “You’re the disgusting one,” I spat. “You don’t know what being a lesbian means.” I forgot who I was talking to in anger. “It means we love puss.” He slapped me hard on the face, halting my thought process. I stared daggers at him as I held my aching cheek. “That’s going to bruise. But hurting me doesn’t change the fact that I’m in love with Dulce. That I lust after her body even though she’s a woman and vice versa. And that I hate you from my core. I wish you weren’t my father.”

  “Aren’t you a smart-mouthed one?” he chided, looking like the evil villain he was. He glanced down on his wristwatch, ignoring my hatred for him. “It doesn’t matter. I have business to attend to. I’ll deal with you later.” He quickly walked out the door, shutting it with a bang.

  I counted to ten. It was all I could do to calm myself. Once I was sure that I wouldn’t chase my dad with a knife, I went to the door and turned the knob. It was locked. I tried prying it open again and again, but it wouldn’t budge. To cut the long story short, I was stuck inside. I snatched the phone in my pocket and stared at the dead screen. I should have charged it before leaving the house or in the car at least. Idiot. With no more option left, I began to call out for help.

  Dulce opened the door for me. “I was looking all over for you. Why are you here?”

  I moved past her. “I’ll tell you later. We need to talk to Andrea first.” Both of us ran to the stairs, only to see Andrea, Rick, and Dulce’s relatives gathered around the two. Fudge!

  Andrea raised her glass of white wine. “Everyone,” she said with a smile, glancing at Rick. “This is Rick. He’s my fiancé.” The guests talked amongst themselves, happy that Andrea was able to find a nice man again. He was a man alright. But nice he was not.

  I zoomed down the stairs and went in front of Andrea. Dulce's relatives looked curiously at me. My dad was another case. “We need to talk,” I said. Dad place a hand on my shoulder, as if warning me to shut up. I didn’t care anymore. This madness had to stop. It had to, or I would have gone insane with anger. I shook my dad’s hand away and stared pleadingly at Andrea. “I’m in love with your daughter.” There was nothing but sincerity in my voice. “Please don’t marry my dad. He lied about everything. I’m begging you Andrea. I want to be with Dulce, that’s all.”

  The guests gasped collectively. Andrea’s eyes darted to my dad in confusion. “Rick. . . What’s going on?”

  “I don’t know,” he denied. “This kid is out of line. She’s a spoiled brat who just wants my attention.” Andrea stared from my dad to me, bafflement on her face. She was deciding who was telling the truth. “See what you’ve done?” Dad said to me when Andrea turned to her heels and stormed to the kitchen. “You embarrassed us. You’re a worthless human being who shouldn’t have been born.”

  “How can you say that to your own daughter?” Dulce asked. She finally saw my dad's real color. She stepped beside me and squeezed my hand to show her support. “You’re a bastard. I’ll never allow you to marry my mom.”

  Dad laughed scornfully. “That bitch is not even mine. She’s the bastard. Literally,” he said with satisfaction.

  “What?” I heard myself speak. “But I thought you’re my dad?”

  “You thought wrong. How can I have a lesbian daughter like you? You’re not mine Glace. That’s why I never loved you.”

  Upon hearing those words, everything I’ve known to be true crumbled. It was the reason why he never gave me a second glance, even while I tried my best to be the perfect daughter for him. Peeling my hands from Dulce, I barged out of the house, away from the judgmental stares of everyone. Away from the man I once called father, and away from the havoc that was ripping me from skin to bone.

  Chapter 25. Mayhem

  Glace

  There were three reasons why I became an actress. One was to follow the legacy of my mother who was a star in her own generation. Two was because I wanted to become a person who was worthy of my first love. The last reason was so my father would finally notice me. After walking out of the party, my mind was full of questions. Who was my real father? Why did my mother lie to me before she died? And more importantly, would I ever become whole again?

  Plagued with these thoughts, I packed my bags and went to the cabin that my mother owned, deep in the forest. I haven’t been there in years. I needed the escape and comfort it could give. Dulce, Eris, and their friends kept on calling me. The problem was I wasn’t fit to talk to them. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I was emotionally and mentally unstable, and I would surely hurt them by saying or doing something unpleasant. That was the reason why I went to the cabin. To escape.

  My mobile phone rang for what seemed like the hundredth time. Burning it or tossing it in the trash bin crossed my mind, but my concern for my girlfriend prevented me from doing so. If an emergency happened, I wanted to be in the loop. For the moment though, I stared blankly at the lumber wall, ignoring the annoying buzzing sound of the phone. It didn’t take much to make me fall asleep to the white sound.

  As I awoke after a couple of hours, I decided to explore the small yet cozy cabin. My mother used to take me here. When I was six, I had a vague recollection of mom and me going on a trip to this place. It was just the two of us, and we had a blast. She made s’mores, ingeniously using the fireplace in the living room to heat the mallows. We sang the campfire song as we ate it together near the warmth of the fire.

  Mom was the complete opposite of Rick. She exuded warmth and gentleness, while Rick was always cold and harsh. I should have seen the signs earlier. If he was my real father, he wouldn’t have treated me like that. Why did he hate me so much? Lots of adoptive parents were good to their children. Maybe he saw something in me that didn’t go well with him. Or maybe he was just an ass.

  Going to one of the three rooms in the cabin, I saw the familiar wooden bed that my mother used to sleep on when we were here before. I placed my palm on top of the dust covered white sheet, gliding my hand smoothly, wanting to feel her presence somehow. Who was I kidding? No amount of wishing would bring her back. She has been dead a lon
g time ago. She couldn’t answer the question about my dad. The real one.

  I went to the closet. It was bare, save for a wooden chest that was intricately carved with swirling patterns. My mother used to open this chest. I sat crossed-leg on the floor, tugging the trunk to me. It was heavy. I dusted it off with my hands first, then yanked it open. Pictures and letters were inside, hundreds of it.

  A letter on the top caught my eye. It had my mother’s handwriting which I fondly remembered to this day. When she was busy with acting and wanted to pass me a message, she would write notes and stick it to the fridge so I'd see it easily. As for the other contents of the trunk, these were unsent letters that should have been mailed years ago. Mom must have written back to her fans but forgot to send it due to her schedule.

  A ring from my mobile phone jerked me away from my thoughts. The tone was different. It was the one I assigned specifically for Andrea. I hurried to the living room and grabbed the phone from the table. “Did something happen to Dulce?” was the first thing I blurted. My heart thumped wildly. Why else would she call?

  “She's safe,” Andrea said calmly. I breathed a sigh of relief. “But we need to talk Glace.” I expected her voice to sound more accusing. I did ruin her engagement party.

  “I can’t go to your house. I'm not ready to see her yet.”

  Andrea sighed. It felt like we were in the same room. “I understand. Let’s meet-up somewhere instead. A coffee shop perhaps? I know a hole-in-the wall one where you won’t get recognized. I’ll text you the address.”

  “Okay. See you in an hour.”

  She was there when I arrived, drinking her espresso in the corner. I sat in front of her in the booth without ordering my own coffee. “I can’t apologize enough for doing that in front of your relatives Andrea." I lowered my head in shame. "I had no choice. It was a misunderstanding that got out of control.”

  She sipped her coffee silently as she studied me. Her brown eyes eerily reminded me of her daughter’s. God, she looked so much like Dulce, especially when she was deep in thought. Although she was more of the wiser-looking one while my girlfriend was the smoking hot sexy version. She placed her cup on the table.

  “I know what happened. Dulce told me everything after everyone left.” I opened my mouth to speak but she cut me off. “I’m not mad at you. If anything, I’m angry at Rick. Not only did he make a fool out of me, he said those harsh things to you too.”

  I nodded numbly. “He’s a cruel guy. I really thought he was my dad.” I swallowed the lump at the back of my throat, silently praying that tears wouldn’t fall. Embarrassing myself in front of Andrea was not in my bucket list.

  She patted my hand sympathetically. “I can only imagine what you’re going through. He hurt me too. But I know that what he said to you was more unbearable. Tell me, do you want me to kick him in the nuts for you?”

  Despite my foul mood, her statement made me smile a little. Dulce got her wacky sense of humor from her mom. “No,” I mumbled. “I want to do that myself.”

  “Of course,” she said, leaning back to the chair. “Let me ask you another question. Why are you avoiding my daughter? She keeps on calling Eris to ask where you are, but your friend didn’t know either. Are you mad at her?”

  I placed my sunglasses on the table without speaking. Andrea was never the type to beat around the bush. “No I’m not," I said carefully. "I can’t talk to her yet. I have so many things in my mind right now.”

  “I get that.” She wrapped her hand on the cup. “She loves you. A chance to comfort you is all she wants.”

  “I need time to myself. I’ll talk to her when I’m ready."

  “Okay. And when are you planning to talk to Rick? If I were you, there's nothing more I'd like to do than hate the guy and avoid him." Her eyes twinkled. "But you need to learn about yourself. He's the only one who can tell you about it."

  I'd rather rot in a hole somewhere. “I’ll visit him after this.” And die, I thought darkly.

  “In that case, I don’t want to keep you here any longer.” Andrea stood from her chair. She handed me the sunglasses before ushering me to the front of the shop. “You should have told me about Rick earlier. Even if he was dear to me, I would have done everything for you and Dulce.” My heart melted. Something warm dropped from my eyes, going all the way to my cheek. I have always yearned for parental affection, and here she was giving it freely to me like my mom used to do.

  “Aww sweetie." She hugged me tightly. The people in the shop minded their own business, though waterfalls were dripping on my face. “I knew that you’d be perfect for Dulce the moment I saw you. That’s why I loved you as a daughter from the start. From now on, we’re your family. Don’t carry the burden by yourself. When you’re sad, tell us why so we can comfort you.” She wiped my tears with her thumbs. “I’d be very happy if you marry Dulce someday. And please call me mom.”

  I sniffed. “Thank you. I’m glad you’re a cool person.”

  “Yes I am.” Andrea nudged me to the door. “Go get em tiger.”

  The large house where I used to live was as foreboding as ever. I stared at it from my car, parked across the street. I didn't take a single thing with me except my dignity when I moved out. Back then, I was desperate to go because my dad was treating me awfully. He didn't shout or lay a hand on me. It was more like I was a ghost who didn't exist. With the savings I got from acting and TV commercials, I was finally able to buy a property. Eris played a huge role on it too.

  The maid gasped when I stepped through the door. “Miss Glace!” Her eyes were wide. Her hair that was tied in a bun bobbed up and down as she shook her head in disbelief. “I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

  “I missed you too Martha,” I said. She knew me by my real name because she was my nanny before I got famous. “Is dad home?”

  Martha nodded eagerly. After her initial shock, it became clear that she was pleased to see me. “He’s in his study.”

  “Thanks.”

  I knocked three times before entering the room. I cleared my throat to grab his attention. Truthfully, I had no idea what to call him. Dad? Rick? Jerk? He closed the book he was reading when he saw who it was. “So the prodigal daughter returns. What do you want?”

  “Can you tell me who my real father is?” I tucked my hand on my jeans pocket, waiting for his reply. Yeah, I know. I wasn’t one for small talks. He cocked his head to the side and considered. What it was he was considering, I simply didn’t know.

  “Why should I tell you?” he said after a while, his forehead forming into a deep frown. “You ruined everything. I was the laughing stock of our friends and her family when she canceled our engagement.”

  “Because it’s the right thing to do.” Rick was playing with me. He was enjoying my discomfort, the evil dog that he was.

  With a small smile, he placed his hand together and leaned down so his chin was right above his entwined fingers. He was more menacing that way. “I want you to do something for me first.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t know, maybe go to your knees and beg.”

  I stared incredulously at him. “You’re out of your mind if you think I’d do that.”

  Amazingly, his smile didn’t vanish. He got up from the leather chair and walked in front of me. He let the black oak table support his weight as he leaned on it. “How about you say the words, I’m not really a lesbian. I’m just a lonely girl waiting for a man.”

  “Fuck you!” I shouted in contempt. “My sexuality is none of your business. You know what? Forget this. I used to think that you were a person deserving of my respect, seeing that my mom loved you. You clearly aren’t. I didn’t know what she saw in you. You’re an ass Rick. I’m glad you’re not my father.”

  I turned around and stomped out of the room. He didn’t follow. It spoke volumes about how little he cared about me, which surprisingly hurt a lot despite my hate for him. “Where are you going Miss Glace? You just got here,” Martha said as I opened t
he front door and slammed it loudly behind me.

  Once in my car, I angrily whacked the steering wheel with my palm. “You sick, sick bastard!” Tears threatened to fall for the second time today. It wasn’t hopelessness I was feeling. It was hatred for the man that I once wished would love me. I placed my head on the steering wheel, trying to calm myself by thinking of Dulce’s face. She was the only real thing in this world of make believe. I needed her badly. So bad that it was hard not to breathe without her.

  I drove in circles, eventually ending up in the place that always gave me serenity, the cemetery. Following the familiar path, I soon saw the small hill where everything started. I climbed and reach the top. The wind fluttered my hair as I gazed down on the rows of tombstone that was lined neatly beneath. I sat on the hill. The tombstones in the distance was exactly as I remembered it, cold, silent, assuring. If only she was here with me. Everything would have been like the first time.

  “Glace,” she said. My eyes closed. I wanted to see her so much that I was imagining her here. But how could she have known this place when she has forgotten all about it? “Baby,” she said again. A hand stroked my back, prompting me to open my eyes and stare in her direction.

  “What are you doing here Dulce?” There was a look of hesitation in her eyes as she sat beside me and grabbed my arm. I have almost forgotten that she hated heights. Although this one was just several feet away from the ground and had an almost flat top.

  “I was worried about you.” Her voice had a slight tremble, showing her unease. “You didn’t answer my calls. Eris didn’t know where you were, so I thought something bad happened.” She paused. “I searched for you everywhere. When I couldn’t find you, I ended up here. Please don’t ask me why in this place. I don’t know. My feet took me here.”

  Her eyes darted downward before she glanced back to me. Her face paled. I put my arms around her. “Don’t be scared,” I assured her. “I’m here.”