Road To Whatever (Perfect For Me Book 1)

by Blue Saffire

  Rage avoids me like the plague when necessary, but when we are on stage it is totally different. It is like we say everything we don’t say in real life. He finds ways to lock his grey eyes with mine when we sing together and it is amazing the way we get lost in a trance only broken when the music stops. There is so much sexual tension between us on the stage that I know the audience can feel it and it makes for an awesome show.

  Then there is nothing when the music stops. It’s like a bucket of ice water is thrown at the stage and I no longer exist to Rage, neither him to me. I give him the chemistry he so desperately wanted, so much so he led me on. I almost hate him for it but some of the best times in my life were during those weeks I spent with him.

  Mandy knows something is up, but she has been so busy with the tour and booking everything that she hasn’t put her finger on it. She is usually too drunk to notice the Rage thing. She has just noticed my bad attitude. I let her believe it has something to do with Linc.

  The last two weeks have just gotten worse. Rage has gotten into fights twice in the past two weeks. All one guy did was touch my arm and Rage flipped out. When I confronted him about the last time, he blew up at me. He told me I needed to dress more appropriately for the bar then he stormed out of the bar with yet another blonde with fake boobs.

  Chris has been the one saving grace that has kept me from leaving the band. I always know what I am going to get with Chris. He knows all about the Linc situation and he has really stepped up to be there for me. Something both he and Rage used to do. Now Rage is too busy being a complete jerk. When we finish a gig Chris checks with me before he finds the lucky girl he is taking home for the night, just to see if I am cool.

  If I look like I need someone to keep me company he blows off his groupies and takes me home to watch movies and talk about old times. Chris has helped me through a lot in the past months. The whole Rage thing kind of put me in a dark place I had thought I was finally making my way out of.

  It made a disappearing Linc hurt so much more. Once there was a time when the only place I felt safe was in Linc’s arms. I really hate that I can’t give Linc what he wants when I think about how much he has been there for me. He tried plenty of times to get me to go down to the studio and make music again but I just couldn’t, yet here came Rage and Crush and I felt safe to try. I wish Linc was a part of that.

  I hadn’t even thought about trying to perform again until Mandy came back into my life. She was so excited about managing her brothers and the great sound the band had. I am glad Mandy and Chris have come back into my life. I didn’t know how much I missed them.

  Chris even sat me down to talk about the whole kiss thing. He explained that he panicked the next day when he realized what he had done by kissing me and that he was embarrassed and afraid to mess up our friendship. By the time he was ready to own up to it I had pushed everyone away and so much other stuff was going on. He also told me he had a thing for me, he just knew he wasn’t right for me.

  I respected that and let him off the hook and we have been tight since. This somehow has been getting to Rage as well, Nolan can be a pain in the ass. He rides Chris all the time about us dating not being a good idea for the band and we continue to tell him we are not dating.

  “Crush, Kitty is off limits. Get your tongue out of her ear,” Rage growled one rehearsal while I sat at the drums working a new song out with Chris.

  Chris was only counting in my ear to show me the change he was thinking about while he wrote out the music. Rage even started to make all types of band rules that were driving everyone crazy. Mitch finally agreed to have a talk with him since we are getting ready for this tour and we’ll all be stuck on a bus together.

  I am excited about the tour. I think it will be good for the band to really start to come together more and I think I will be able to take my mind off the Linc and Rage thing. Well Linc at least. Hopefully Rage will get it together.

  It will be the five of us plus Mandy and that should be interesting as well as a good enough distraction. We all put in to rent the tour bus and Mitch had the awesome idea to rent a rig too, so that we could take our bikes and Rage wants to bring his Nova. Storm is a friend of my dad’s and was happy to let us rent his rig and drive for us. Tommy is another friend of my dad’s and he will be driving the tour bus with the guys offering to pitch in here and there.

  I passed both their information to Mandy asking her to keep it from the band that I had given her any contacts. Mandy did an awesome job booking us some great gigs and keeping us booked solid for the summer. Then she started working on my wardrobe. I had my bags ready for the trip, but Mandy ran through them throwing out anything she felt did not belong on this trip which included a pile of my sweats that are now in the corner of her room.

  I tried to tell her that those were for sleeping in and maybe to even ride in. Mandy wasn’t having any of this. So now I have shorts and tees to sleep in. I threw my running shoes and boots back in the bag this morning while she went out to run her last minute errands.

  I can’t believe we are going to be gone for two months. I have been sitting wrapped in a towel trying to figure out what to wear tonight for our kick off performance at the bar. Mandy will be meeting us there so she will be no help and I just feel so lost. I am so nervous. Chris and I finished the song I wrote for Linc, and I text him to ask him to come out.

  I don’t think he will come but I’m super nervous about playing the song and I am hoping the crowd likes it. I think it is more of the possibility of seeing my oldest best friend than not knowing what to wear that has me sitting here in a daze.

  “Hey Kitty, we gotta go,” Rage yells as he bursts through the door startling me. I jump from the bed and pull my towel closed. Rage’s eyes widen as he takes me in from head to toe. “Oh sorry, I should have knocked. Babe, you have got to get dressed. We are loading up and we have to go.”

  “Okay,” I murmur and push my hair behind my ear.

  Rage huffs and backs out of the room to leave closing the door after him. I decide on a pair of fishnet stockings with random gaping holes. Over those I shimmy on a pair of mini shorts that do little to cover my cheeks, a red and black satin corset to match my now red streaks. My spiked calf boots for some height, finishing it all off with a couple of bike chains hooked to my shorts. I slip on my charm bracelet that reminds me of the days when Rage was not a jerk. A knock at the door tells me I am still not moving fast enough.

  “Come in,” I call.

  “Hey Kitten,” Chris smiles. “Babe we can’t wait. They’re unloading your bike you can meet us at the bar. I just came to get your bags.”

  “Oh okay,” I reply, rushing over to my luggage to zip it all closed.

  “Is this everything?” Chris asks.

  “Yeah, I think so,” I muse looking around the room. “I’ll bring my backpack with me.”

  “Hey, you okay?” Chris asks looking my face over. He drops the bags he had and places his hands on my waist, pressing his forehead to mine, and then placing a hand gently at the nape of my neck. “Don’t do this to yourself Kitten. If he doesn’t come it’s his loss. You’ve tried for two months now.”

  “I know,” I say just above a whisper.

  “Can we please get the hell out of here,” Rage yells.

  I pull away from Chris to see Rage narrowing his eyes at us. I turn to the mirror to start on my hair. I can feel Rage’s eyes still on me but I will not turn to look at him.

  “Dude, stop staring at her and help me get her bags, geeze,” Chris chuckles.

  Rage snorts and grabs a few of my things before walking out. “Don’t be late for the show,” Rage calls back over his shoulder.

  So I guess Mitch’s talk was useless.

  ~B~

  I can’t believe I am going to be trapped on a bus with the sex kitten herself for two whole months, this is going to suck. She is all I think about, all I want and it has me feeling like I’m going to lose my mind. I have tried not to think about her, n
ot to want her. I haven’t been with another girl since I’ve met Kitty. Not that I haven’t tried twice and each time I ran from the girl like she was on fire.

  Sure I could have been an ass and pretended in my mind to be with Kitty just to get off, but if I am going to think about Kitty during sex I want it to be with Kitty. Those eyes, those lips, the way she feels when she is in my arms. I know I totally screwed up taking that first girl home. I noticed when Kitty started to look at me differently and that’s when I started being a total jerk.

  I was supposed to stay away from her for the sake of the band but things have just been so wrong since Kitty’s birthday. The first performance after was a disaster. Since then it has been great for the fans but the way Kitty teases me on stage shreds me to pieces and I’m no better because I play just as dirty flirting and singing every song with her in mind.

  Wanting her as bad as I do when she looks at me the way she does, is killing me. The night she lost it on me, over the guy I handed his ass for touching what belongs to me, was no better. I grabbed another groupie with a bigger rack and this time a nice ass too. Nothing change, Kitty was all I could think about.

  I’ve thought about kicking her out of the band so I can finally claim my girl but we have never sounded this great without her and she writes awesome music. Then there is the fact that the guys and Mandy love her, and we need her. They would all hang me by the balls.

  All I want is to make her happy. I know my crazy shit is not helping but it drives me insane that that douchebag hasn’t called her in two months and I had to abandon her too. Some best friend he is and some new friend I have become. He just ignores her for two months and I have been doing the same thing for a month. I just want to hug her and make her smile again.

  I came close many times until I remember the guys. Then I become a total dick, but I do it for the band, for my brothers. I won’t ruin the band because I have this crazy obsession.

  So here I sit on my fourth beer stewing because I want something so bad and I can’t have it. I almost lost my shit on my own brother tonight when I saw his hands on her. I know they have told me a ton of times that they are just friends and I see all the tail Crush bags but I still can’t see straight when it comes to Kitty.

  “Hey Nolan,” Mitch calls me out of my thoughts and nudges me. Ut-oh this is big if Mitch is calling me by my real name again. He was the one that started the nickname Rage. He always had my back in high school when I would lose it and end up in a blind rage.

  “Hey man, what now? Don’t tell me Kitty is going to be another hour,” I grumble and take a pull from my beer.

  “No,” Mitch chuckles, “but she is what I need to talk to you about.”

  “Yeah, what about her?”

  “Me and the guys were talking… she is really unhappy Nolan,” Mitch starts hesitantly.

  “I bet she is. She’s still waiting for that douche to call her back,” I rumble.

  “Dude, if you really think that is the only reason she is so unhappy right now you are further gone than I thought.”

  “What is that supposed to mean,” I turn on my stool to face him this time.

  “It means Nolan, we all know you have a thing for Kitty and you are going to drive us all crazy until you get her. The guys talked and she seems to like you too so we think maybe it would be better if you guys did hook up. I mean it can’t be worse than the crap you guys are putting each other through already.”

  “Well I am so glad we have your blessing,” I bite out.

  “Come on Rage you know what I mean. Talk to her see how things go and we can all relax for the next two months.”

  “Yeah, I got you man. Thanks.” I can feel my jaw working as Mitch’s words really sink in.

  I don’t want to make Kitty unhappy, if anything I want to make her happy again. Make her forget about that douche and put that pretty smile back on her face. I want her to smile at me the way I see her smile at Crush when no one else is paying attention to them. She doesn’t even notice the way she smiles at him. I want that so bad it hurts.

  “Hey Guys,” Kitty chimes just as my mind starts to fill with her. “Sorry I took so long. Storm is loading my bike now.” The guys raise their beers to her and nod.

  “You’re good babe,” Crushed smiles. “Want a beer?”

  “Sure,” she smiles back sending that pain through my chest once again.

  I hop off my stool and place a hand on her waist turning her to me. I lean down to push my forehead to hers just like I saw her with Crush wishing it was me. Kitty takes in a sharp breath in surprise. I step closer to her and pull her to me.

  “Kitty,” I say and lick my lips.

  “Yes,” she breathes.

  “Do you want Chris?” it was the only thing I could think of. I need to know. Before I make her mine I have to know.

  “No, he’s just my friend,” she answers exasperated and pushes out of my hold as if clearing her head. “Not that it is any of your business. Maybe you should slow down, get your head in the game, Rage.” She bites out, throwing my words from the first night I met her back in my face.

  I feel the sting in my chest. This is not going to be as simple as just talking to her. I can see in her face she has thrown up a wall when it comes to me. I am going to have to earn my girl’s trust again. Two months is more than enough to do so, I think to myself. You’ll have her on the bus all to yourself in no time.

  I smile to myself. Mitch is right anything has to be better than the way things have been between the two of us. Nothing can stop me now, I’ll have my Kitty. I can’t help the smug smirk on my face as I watch her ignore me while she talks to Sleep. She looks so hot tonight. I just want to bury my face in her neck and tell her what she means to me. But I will soon enough when I get her on that bus and she has nowhere to go. I am in Nirvana.

  “Hey, Kit,” and with that voice it all goes to shit.

  ~B~

  I stiffen at the sound of his voice. I was so busy stewing over Rage and his stupid accusation that I hadn’t notice him and Mandy come into the bar. But I would know that voice as it booms over the crowd and music anywhere. I almost sag in tears before turning around to look up at the most handsome face smiling down at me. The handsome face that I still can not feel more than friendship for.

  “Linc,” I gasp as a tear rolls down my cheek.

  “Hey babe,” he grins tightly. “Missed you.”

  I bite back a sob and lunge at him. Linc catches me in his arms and holds me tight to his chest. I hug him so tight I am sure I am cutting off his air supply but I am afraid if I let go he will disappear. I breathe him in and squeeze a little tighter.

  “So what took you so long you jerk,” I cry into his shoulder as he holds me tight to his chest.

  “I’m sorry baby,” he murmurs in my ear, he kisses my shoulder then sets me back down on my feet.

  The moment my heels touched the ground I feel a hard chest push up to my back. I shudder knowing it is Rage just by feeling the tension coming off of him. It occurs to me that Rage has tried to kill two guys for just touching my arm or my fingers. Just to think I have actually cried on his shoulder over Linc before.

  Linc has just had a lot more contact than a touch and I already know that Rage is in one of his over protective possessive moods that have been driving me crazy for the past month. This is not the best way to start an evening or a reunion.

  Instinctively Rage wraps me in his arms. I peek up at Linc to see a pained and angry look on his face as he stares at Rage’s arms locked around me. I am at a loss for words. I craned my neck to look up at Rage and he is staring right back at Linc with a murderous look of his own. Suddenly the space is getting really small.

  “You okay?” Rage asks against my ear.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I hiss and wiggle free of his hold.

  “Hey Linc, let’s go get a beer,” Mandy chimes in. “You guys better get to the stage Cindy is giving the signal.”

  Linc nods tight lipped at Mandy and t
urns for the bar. I watch them walk away but I can feel Rage still at my back staring down at me. What is his deal tonight? So much for hoping things would get better.

  I turn to look up at him and he is giving me a pained expression that I just don’t understand. Before I can ask him what the hell is wrong with him he reaches for a curl of my hair and lets it slip through his fingertips not once taking his eyes off my face. Too my surprise he reaches for my hand and leads me to the stage.

  I officially feel like I am in the twilight zone. I let him gently pull me toward the stage, totally confused on what he is doing or why. Rage hasn’t been this way with me in weeks. Not that I want him to be. Rage is not for me. I learned that the first night he took home that groupie. He is no better than Linc.

  I mean nothing more to him than an opportunity at having a shot for a deal for his band. Our time together was just to create chemistry. Just the thought makes me stop in my tracks to rip my hand free. I’ll give him his chemistry on stage, but his touch means nothing to me outside of the performance we put on for the crowd. At least that’s what I try to tell myself.

  CHAPTER Nine

  This is the most unreal night of my life. I finally get the go ahead to go after my girl and now I feel like she is slipping through my fingers. She totally forgot all about me just at the sight of that douchebag. I want to break his jaw and tell him to stay the hell away from my girl, but the way her face lit up and the way she held on to him like her world would fall apart without him crushed me.

  Now I’m so confused. I know I will be on tour with her and I can fix what I have done but I don’t know if she is going to have thoughts of him in the back of her mind for the next two months. I know she is still pissed at me. At first she responded to me completely when I touched her. I had her. I felt it. Then I asked about Crush. Then when I reached for her hand and led her toward the stage she was with me. It felt so right, but something changed in a split second. Could it be her feelings for him?