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The Wonder Weeks

Page 6

by D van de Rijt


  Don't Overdo It

  Let your baby's responses guide you. Your baby has become more sensitive, so you need to be careful not to overstimuate him. Bear this in mind when you play with him, cuddle him, show him things, or let him listen to things. You have to adapt to him. Stop as soon as you notice something is getting to be too much for him

  Your baby is still unable to concentrate for a long period of time, so he'll need short rest breaks. You may think he's lost interest, but he hasn't. Be patient. Usually he'll be raring to go again if you let him rest for a short while.

  Let Her Know You Understand Her

  Your baby may use a greater range of crying and gurgling sounds than before, and she may produce these sounds more frequently at this age. She may have different sounds for different situations. Babies will often make a whimpering sound before falling asleep. If a baby is really upset, you'll be able to tell by the way she cries, because it's a totally different sound. It's telling you that something is wrong. Your baby may also make other noises, such as gurgling sounds to show she is happy, especially when she is looking at or listening to something. These sounds will help you to understand her better. If you understand what your baby is trying to tell you, let her know. Babies adore interaction.

  "I know exactly when my baby is gurgling with pleasure or grumbling because she's angry. Sometimes she gurgles with pleasure when she sees her mobile, and she loves it when I imitate the sounds she makes."

  Hannah's mom, 6th week

  At around 6 weeks, the leap has ended, and a period of comparative peace dawns. Babies are more cheerful, more alert, and more preoccupied with looking and listening at this time. Many mothers claim that their eyes seem brighter. Babies are also capable of expressing their likes and dislikes at this age. In short, life seems a little less complicated than before.

  "We communicate more now. Suddenly, the hours that my son is awake seem more interesting."

  Frankie's mom, 6th week

  I feel closer to my baby. Our bond is stronger.

  Bob's mom, 6th week

  Chapter 4

  Wonder Week 8:

  The World of Patterns

  Note: This leap into the perceptual world of "patterns" is age-linked and predictable. It sets in motion the development of a whole range of skills and activities. However, the age at which these skills and activities appear for the first time varies greatly and depends on your baby's preferences, experimentation and physical development. For example, the ability to perceive patterns emerges at about 8 weeks, and is a necessary precondition for "sitting with minimal support," but this skill normally appears anywhere from 2 to 6 months. Skills and activities are mentioned in this chapter at the earliest possible age they might appear so you can watch for and recognize them. (They may be rudimentary at first.) This way you can respond to and facilitate your baby's development.

  Sometime around 8 weeks, your baby will begin to experience the world in a new way. He will become able to recognize simple patterns in the world around him and in his own body. Although it may be hard for us to imagine at first, this happens in all the senses, not just vision. For example, he may discover his hands and feet and spend hours practicing his skill at controlling a certain posture of his arm or leg. He'll be endlessly fascinated with the way light displays shadows on the wall of his bedroom. You might notice him studying the detail of cans on the grocery store shelf or listening to himself making short bursts of sounds, such as ah, uh, ehh.

  Any of these things—and a whole lot more—signal a big change in your baby's mental development. This change will enable him to learn a new set of skills that he would have been incapable of learning at an earlier age, no matter how much help and encouragement you gave him. But just as in his previous developmental leap, adjusting to this new world will not come easily at first.

  The change in the way your baby perceives the world around him will initially make him feel puzzled, confused, and bewildered as his familiar world is turned upside down. He suddenly sees, hears, smells, tastes, and feels in a completely new way, and he will need time to adjust. To come to terms with what is happening to him, he needs to be somewhere safe and familiar. Until he begins to feel more comfortable in this new world, he will want to cling to his mommy for comfort. This time, the fussy phase could last anywhere from a few days to 2 weeks.

  If you notice your baby is more cranky than usual, watch him closely. It's likely he's attempting to master new skills.

  Once you're over the hump, however, you will probably experience this second leap as a real milestone in your child's development. As he begins to learn to control his body and use his senses to explore what interests him, he will start to express his own preferences. You'll learn what he likes and doesn't like, whether he listens more keenly to particular kinds of sounds, which colors he prefers, what kinds of toys or activities he enjoys, and whose face makes him light up most—beside yours, of course. These are the first signs of your baby's newly emerging personality.

  Sometime between 7 and 9 weeks of age, your baby may become more demanding. She may cry more often, as this is her way of expressing how stressful these changes are to her. At this age, crying is the most effective way to show she feels lost and needs attention. More sensitive babies will sob and scream even more now than they did before and drive their mothers and fathers to distraction. Even when everything possible is done to console these tiny screamers, they may still continue to wail.

  Most babies will calm down, however, when they experience close physical contact, although for some babies it can never be close enough. If such a tiny cuddler had her way, she would crawl right back into her mommy. She would like to be totally enveloped in her mother's arms, legs, and body. She may demand her mother's undivided attention and will protest as soon as it wanders.

  How You Know It's Time to Grow

  It's time to change again! Here are some clues that this leap is approaching.

  She May Demand More Attention

  Your baby may want you to spend more time amusing her. She may even want you to be totally absorbed in her, and only her. At this time, many babies no longer want to lie in their cribs or on blankets on the floor, even if they had always been happy to do so until now. They may not object to lying in baby chairs, just as long as their mothers are close by. But their ultimate goal is to be with their mommies. They want their mothers to look at them, talk to them, and play with them.

  "Suddenly, my baby doesn't like going to bed at night. She becomes restless and starts screaming and crying and refuses to settle down. But we need some peace and quiet, too. So we keep her with us on the couch, or hold and cuddle her, and then she's no trouble at all."

  Eve's mom, 8th week

  She May Become Shy with Strangers

  You may notice that your friendly bundle may not smile so easily at people she does not see often, or she may need more time to warm up to them. Occasionally, some babies will even start crying if other people try to get near them when they are lying contentedly snuggled up to their moms. Some mothers think this is a pity: "She always used to be so cheerful." Others are secretly pleased: "After all, I'm the one who's there for her all the time."

  "My daughter seems to smile more for me than anyone else. It takes her a little longer to loosen up with other people now."

  Ashley's mom, 9th week

  She May Lose Her Appetite

  At this time, it may seem that if your baby had her way, she'd be on the breast or bottle all day long. But although she is latched onto the nipple, you may notice that she hardly takes any milk at all. Many babies will do this now. As long as they feel a nipple in or against their mouths, they are content. But as soon as they are taken off the breast or the bottle, they start protesting and continue to cry until they feel the nipple again.

  This generally occurs only in babies who are allowed to decide for themselves when they want to nurse. Some mothers who breastfeed may begin to think that there is something wrong with their m
ilk supplies, while other mothers question whether the decision to breastfeed was the right one after all. It is not necessary to stop breastfeeding at this point; on the contrary, this would not be a very good time to choose to wean your baby. During this stormy period, the breast is serving as less of a nutritional purpose and more of a comfort to the baby. This explains why some babies will suck their thumbs or fingers more often during this period.

  "Sometimes I feel like a walking milk bottle, on standby 24 hours a day. It really irritates me. I wonder if other mothers who breastfeed go through the same thing."

  Matt's mom, 9th week

  She May Cling to You More Tightly

  Your baby may now hold on to you even tighter the moment she senses that she is about to be set down. Not only will she cling to you with her fingers, she may even cling to you with her toes! This show of devotion often makes it difficult for a mother to put her baby down, both literally and figuratively. You may find it touching and heart-wrenching at the same time.

  "When I bend over to put my infant down, she clutches at my hair and clothes as if she's terrified to lose contact. It's really sweet, but I wish she wouldn't do it, because it makes me feel so guilty about setting her down."

  Laura's mom, 9th week

  She May Sleep Poorly

  At a difficult time like this, your baby may not sleep as well as she did before. She may start crying the moment you carry her into her bedroom, which explains why parents sometimes think that their babies are afraid of their cribs. Various sleeping problems may affect your little one. Some babies have difficulty falling asleep, while others are easily disturbed and do not sleep for long periods. Whatever sleeping problems your baby may have, they all have the same result: lack of sleep for everybody in the house. Unfortunately, this also means that your baby is awake for longer periods, giving her more opportunities to cry.

  She May Just Cry and Cry

  At approximately 8 weeks, it's normal for your baby to have an urgent desire to go "back to mommy." Some infants, of course, will demonstrate this need more than others. Crying and clinging may become part of your everyday life around this age. It is a sign that your baby is making healthy progress, that she is reacting to the changes within her, and that she is taking a leap forward in her development.

  Your little one is upset simply because she hasn't yet had time to adjust to these changes and is still confused. This is why she needs to have you around. She wants to return "home," to her safe haven, where she can feel secure in familiar surroundings. With you, she will gain enough confidence to explore her new world.

  Imagine what it must be like to feel upset with no one around to comfort you. You'd feel the tension mounting and not know what to do. You'd need all your energy just to cope with the stress, and you'd have little strength left to solve your problems. Your baby is no different. To her, every time a big change in her mental development occurs, she feels as if she has woken up in a brand-new world. She will be confronted with more new impressions than she can handle. She cries, and she will continue to cry until she becomes accustomed enough to her new world to feel at ease. If she is not comforted, all her energy will be used just for crying, and she will be wasting valuable time that she could put to much better use discovering her new and puzzling world.

  My Diary

  Signs My Baby Is Growing Again

  Between 7 and 9 weeks, you may notice your baby starting to show some of the following behaviors. They are probably signs that he is ready to make the next leap, when the world of patterns will open up to him. Check off the boxes next to the behaviors your baby shows.

  Cries more often

  Wants you to keep him busy

  Loses appetite

  Is more shy with strangers

  Clings more

  Sleeps poorly

  Sucks his thumb, or more often than before

  * * *

  OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE:

  * * *

  * * *

  How the Leap May Affect You

  These major changes in your baby will have a tremendous impact on you as well. Here are some of the ways they may affect you.

  You May Feel Worried

  When a baby goes through an inexplicable crying fit, life can unravel for everyone around her. Babies who cry a lot more than they used to can wear down even the most confident of moms. If this is your situation, you may begin to wonder whether you're really fit for the job. But don't despair: Your experience is very normal. The average baby will cry noticeably more than usual and will also be a lot more difficult to comfort. Only a small number of mothers are lucky enough to not have any particular worries about their babies at this age. These mothers have infants who are unusually easygoing or quiet, who won't cry much more than usual, and who are generally easier to comfort.

  Temperamental, irritable babies are the most difficult ones to deal with. They will seem to cry 10 times louder and more frequently, and they will thrash around as if they were in boxing rings. Their mothers often worry that the whole family will fall apart.

  "It's a nightmare, the way my baby goes on and on. She cries all of the time and hardly sleeps at all at the moment. Our marriage is going to pieces. My husband comes home in the evening, dragging his feet, because he can't face another night of torment. We're having constant arguments about how to stop her awful crying."

  Jenny's mom, 7th week

  "When my son won't stop crying, I always go to him, although I've reached the stage where I could agree with statements such as 'Children just need to cry sometimes.' I feel so drained. But then I start thinking about how thin these apartments walls are, and so I end up going to him again, hoping I'll be able to get him to settle down this time."

  Steven's mom, 9th week

  "Sometimes, when my daughter cries and won't stop no matter what I do, I get so upset that I take it out on my poor husband. I often have a good cry myself, which does help to relieve the tension a bit."

  Emily's mom, 10th week

  "Some days when I'm at a low ebb, I wonder if I'm doing the right thing, if I'm giving my son enough attention or too much. It's so typical that it was on one of those difficult days that I read that babies smile at their mothers when they're 6 weeks old. Mine never did. He only smiled to himself, and that really undermined my confidence. Then suddenly, this evening, he grinned at me. Tears welled up in my eyes, it was so touching. I know this sounds ridiculous, but for a moment I felt like he was trying to tell me it was okay, that he was with me all the way."

  Bob's mom, 9th week

  At this time, when your baby cries more than usual, you may be desperate to figure out why. You may wonder, "Is my milk supply drying up? Is she ill? Am I doing something wrong? Does she have a wet diaper? When she's on my lap, she's fine—does this mean I'm spoiling her?"

  When every other avenue has been explored, some mothers finally decide it has to be colic that's upsetting their babies. Their tiny screamers do seem to be writhing around a lot, after all. Some mothers even have a good cry themselves. It is a particularly hard time for first-time moms, who tend to blame themselves. Occasionally, a mother will go to see her doctor, or she will bring the problem up with the pediatrician.

  "Normally my baby never cries. He's so easygoing, as easy as they come. But this week he had terrible problems: stomach cramps, I presume."

  John's mom, 9th week

  Whatever you do, don't despair—tell yourself it is not your fault! Try to remember that this is your young baby's way of telling you that she is now capable of learning new skills, which means that her mind is developing well. At this age, her crying is normal and only temporary.

  You May Be Irritated and Defensive

  As soon as you are convinced that your noisy little infant has no valid reason to keep crying and clinging to you, you may feel irritated. You may think that she's ungrateful and spoiled. You still have so much housework to do, and her crying is driving you mad. Plus, you're exhausted. Well, you're not alone. Mos
t mothers have these feelings. Many mothers worry that their babies' fathers, family, friends, or neighbors may regard "mommy's little sweetheart" as a "complete nuisance." They may become defensive when other people tell them to be more stern with their babies.

  "Is this what I gave my job up for—8 weeks of crying? I'm at my wit's end. I really don't know what more I can do."

  Jenny's mom, 8th week

  "It really drives me up the wall when I finally get my baby to sleep after comforting her for an hour, and she starts whimpering again the moment that I set her down. She's only happy when I'm holding her. This irritates me to no end. I don't get a chance to do anything else."

  Laura's mom, 8th week

  "I had to keep my son occupied all day long. Nothing really helped. I tried walking around, stroking him, and singing. At first I felt completely helpless and depressed, and then suddenly, I felt really frustrated. I sat down and just started sobbing. So I asked the day care center if they would have him for two afternoons a week, just to give me a few hours to recharge my batteries. His crying sometimes drains me completely. I'm so tired. I'd just like to know how much both of us can take."

  Bob's mom, 9th week

  Baby Care

  Shaking Can Be Harmful

  Having violent feelings about a demanding little screamer is not dangerous, but acting on those feelings is. Whatever you do, don't ever let yourself get into such a state that you might harm him. Never shake a baby. Shaking a young child is one of the worst things that you can do. It could easily cause internal bleeding just below the skull, which can result in brain damage that may lead to learning difficulties later on or even death.

 

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