You May Really Lose It
Only rarely will a mother admit to having been a bit rougher than necessary when putting her baby down because she was so irritated by the baby's screaming and crying. If this does happen, it is always a disturbing experience, especially because it seemed to be a gut reaction at the time.
"My daughter cried even more this week than she did last week. It drove me crazy. I had more than enough to do as it was. I had her in my arms, and on the spur of the moment, I threw her onto her changing mat on the dresser. Afterward, I was shocked by what I'd done, and at the same time I realized it hadn't helped the situation at all. She screamed even louder. After it happened, I understood what drives some parents to abuse their children during these 'colic fits,' but I never thought I'd do something like that myself."
Juliette's mom, 9th week
How Your Baby's New Skills Emerge
Because you are concerned about your baby's clinginess, you will automatically keep an extra close eye on her. At the back of your mind, you may have these nagging doubts: "What is the matter with her? Why is she being so troublesome? What can I do? Am I spoiling her? Should she be doing more at this age? Is she bored? Why is she unable to amuse herself?" Soon you'll realize what's really going on—your infant is attempting to master new skills.
Cuddle Care: The Best Way to Comfort
A baby of this age loves to be picked up, caressed, and cuddled. You can never give him too much of a good thing.
At approximately 8 weeks, you will notice that your baby is opening up to her new world: a world of observing and experimenting with simple patterns. She will be ready to acquire several pattern skills at this time, but your baby, with her unique inclinations, preferences, and temperament, will choose which discoveries she wants to make. You can help her do what she is ready to do.
Don't try to push her. While you may think she should be practicing holding a ball (for her future softball career), she may prefer to make her first attempts at talking by babbling to her toys. Let her go at her own pace and respect her preferences. It may be hard on you if you're tone deaf and your baby is keen on sounds. Don't worry. She doesn't need symphonies just yet—talking and humming will do very well.
About this age, your baby no longer experiences the world and himself as one universe. He will start to recognize recurring shapes, patterns, and structures. For instance, your baby may now discover that his hands belong to him. At this age, your son will look at them in wonder and wave them around. Once he realizes that they are his, your baby may also try to use his hands by closing them around a toy, for instance. Not only does he begin to see patterns in the world around him, at this time your baby may begin to distinguish patterns in sounds, smells, tastes, and textures, too. In other words, your little tyke now perceives patterns with all of his senses. This new awareness is not just confined to what is going on outside his body—it also includes an enhanced perception of what is happening inside his body. For instance, now your baby may realize that holding his arm in the air feels different than letting it hang down. At the same time, he may also gain more control from within. Your son may be able to maintain certain positions, not only with his head, body, arms and legs, but also with smaller areas of his body. For example, he may start to make all kinds of faces, now that he has more control over his facial muscles. He might make explosive sounds because he can keep his vocal cords in a certain position. He may focus more sharply on an object because he has more control over his eye muscles.
Many of the reflexes that your baby had at birth will start to disappear at this age. They will be replaced by something similar to a voluntary movement. He no longer needs the gripping reflex, for example, because your baby is now able to learn how to close his hand around a toy or other object. Your baby doesn't use the sucking reflex anymore because he is able to latch onto a nipple in one single movement, instead of finding it by what appears to be sheer coincidence after nuzzling for a while. By now, your infant is no longer completely dependent on reflexes. In general, babies will only resort to their old reflexes if they are hungry or upset.
Brain Changes
At approximately 7 to 8 weeks, a baby's head circumference dramatically increases. Researchers have recorded changes in the brain waves of babies 6 to 8 weeks old.
My Diary
How My Baby Explores the New World of Patterns
Check off the boxes below as you notice your baby changing. Stop filling this out once the next stormy period begins, heralding the coming of the next leap.
A new world of possibilities opens up to your baby when he's 8 weeks old. Your baby cannot possibly discover at once everything there is to explore in this new world—although some babies will try to sample everything. Exactly when your baby starts to do what will depend on his preferences and the opportunities offered to him.
Each chapter from now on will list behaviors that your baby may be doing that signal that he has entered his new world. Look for the sections like this one called "How My Baby Explores the New World. " Each list is divided up into activity areas, such as "body control" and "looking and seeing. " As you move through the book, you may notice a pattern emerging. Each baby has a completely distinctive profile and you should be aware that your baby will not demonstrate at this time many of the skills listed —some will appear later and some will be skipped altogether. Don't forget: All babies have different talents.
BODY CONTROL
Holds his head upright when he is very alert
Consciously turns his head toward something interesting
Consciously rolls from his side onto his stomach
Consciously rolls from his side onto his back
Kicks his legs and waves his arms
Kicks at plaything, with jerking movements
Allows himself to be pulled into a sitting position
Allows himself to be pulled into a standing position
Tries to lift his head and body when lying facedown
Shows an increased desire to sit
Is able to look left and right when lying on his stomach
Makes faces
* * *
HAND CONTROL
Swipes at toys
Attempts to grab objects within reach but does not succeed
Closes his hand around objects within easy reach
Holds plaything and moves it jerkily up and down
Touches and feels objects without holding them
* * *
LOOKING AND SEEING
Discovers hands
Discovers feet
Discovers knees
Watches people moving or working
Is fascinated by children playing close by
Enjoys watching fast-moving images on TV
Watches pets eating or moving
Is fascinated by waving curtains
Discovers luminous object, such as a flickering candle
Watches treetops outdoors and is particularly fascinated by movements such as rustling leaves
Looks at items on grocery store shelves
Looks at complex shapes and colors, such as abstract art, especially while being rocked
Is fascinated by shiny clothing or jewelry
Enjoys watching people chewing food
Enjoys watching and listening to people talk
Watches facial gestures
* * *
LISTENING AND CHATTING
Enjoys listening to voices, singing, and high-pitched sounds
Makes short bursts of sounds, such as ah, uh, eh, mmm, and listens to himself
Makes a series of sounds, mumbles, and gurgles, as if he is telling a story
Repeats these sounds if you encourage him
Sings along when you dance and sing with him
"Chats" to and smiles at cuddly toys
Consciously makes eh sounds to attract attention
Interrupts while others are talking
* * *
OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE
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* * *
Even so, your baby's first intentional movements are very different from those of an adult. His movements will be quite jerky, rigid, and stiff, like those of a puppet, and they will remain like this until the next big change occurs.
Your Baby's Choices: A Key to His Personality
Why are all babies unique? They have all undergone the same changes and entered the same new world with new discoveries to make and new skills to learn. But every baby decides for himself what he wants to learn, and when, and how. He will choose what he considers the most appealing. Some babies will try to learn a variety of new skills, using one or more of their senses. Some will seem particularly interested in exploring this new world with their eyes. Some will prefer to try out their talking and listening skills. Others will try to become more adept with their bodies. This explains why a friend's baby may be doing something that your baby can't, or doesn't enjoy, and vice versa. A baby's likes and dislikes are determined by his unique makeup—his build, weight, temperament, inclination, and interests.
Babies love anything new. It is so very important that you respond when you notice any new skills or interests. Your baby will enjoy it if you share these new discoveries with him, and his learning will progress more quickly.
The best way to help your baby make this leap is to encourage her to develop the skills that she finds most interesting. When you notice her working on a new skill, show her that you're enthusiastic about every attempt she makes to learn something new. If you praise her, you'll make her feel good, and this will encourage her to continue. Try to find a balance between providing enough challenges and demanding too much of her. Try to discover what she enjoys doing most. Most importantly, stop as soon as you feel she has had enough of a game or toy.
Your baby may want or need to practice some games or activities on her own. As long as you show some enthusiasm, this will be sufficient to reassure her that she is doing well.
Help Her Explore the New World through Sight
If your baby loves to explore her world with her eyes, you can help her by offering her all sorts of visual "patterns," for instance by showing her brightly colored objects. Make sure you move the object slowly across her line of vision, since this will draw her attention quicker and hold her interest longer. You can also try moving the object slowly backward and then forward, but make sure she is still able to see it move, otherwise she will lose interest.
When your baby is in a playful mood, she may become bored if she always sees, hears, or feels the same objects in the same old surroundings. It's very normal for babies of this age to show boredom, as their new awareness of patterns also means that they understand when things are repetitious. For the first time in her life, your baby may get fed up with the same plaything, the same view, the same sound, the same feel of an object, and the same taste. She will crave variety and learn from it. If she seems bored, keep her stimulated. Carry her around in your arms or provide her with some different objects to look at.
How to Tell When He's Had Enough
Practicing a new skill is fun, but it can also be tiring for a baby. When he's had enough for a while, he will usually let you know with some very clear body signals. For example, he may look away, or if he is physically strong enough, he may turn his body away from you
Stop the game or activity as soon as you notice that your baby has had enough. Sometimes he will only want a short break before resuming a game or activity with renewed enthusiasm, but don't push him. He needs time to let it all sink in. Always let your baby's responses guide you.
At this time, toys may not be as interesting to your baby as the myriad interesting "real things" in her world. Your home is full of items that may fascinate your baby, such as books, photographs, pets, cooking utensils, and even your eyeglasses. If your baby suddenly prefers the "real thing" to her toys, she will need your help. At this age, she cannot get close enough to objects on her own. She needs you to either take her to the object or pick it up and show it to her. If you notice that she likes looking at "real things," help her do this.
"My baby likes looking at everything: paintings, books on shelves, items in the kitchen cupboard. I have to take her everywhere. I even carry her in my arms when I go outside or when I go shopping."
Hannah's mom, 11th week
At this age, your baby may notice that familiar objects keep waving across her line of vision. If she investigates, she'll discover her hands or feet. She may gaze at them in wonder and begin to study them in detail. Every baby has her own way of investigating this new phenomenon. Some babies will need a lot of time to complete their investigations, while other babies won't. Most babies have a particular fondness for hands. Perhaps this happens because their tiny hands pass by more often.
Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Touch
Hands and arms can be in a myriad of different postures. Each posture is another pattern to be seen and felt. Allow your baby to study her hands as long and as often as she wants. A baby has to learn what her hands are for before she can learn to use them properly. Therefore, it is very important for her to get to know all about these "touching devices."
"My little darling studies every detail of how his hands move. He plays quite delicately with his fingers. When he's lying down, he holds his hand in the air then spreads his fingers. Sometimes he opens and closes his fingers, one at a time. Or he clasps his hands together or lets them touch. It's one continuous flowing movement."
Bob's mom, 9th week
Have you noticed your baby attempting to use her hands by trying to clasp a rattle, for instance? Also, in holding a plaything, a feeling pattern is involved of that hand position plus the object touching the palm of the hand. A baby's first attempts at grasping an object are generally far from successful. Show her that you are enthusiastic about the effort she is making and encourage each serious attempt. Praise from you will encourage her to continue.
"My son is trying to grab things! His little hand gropes in the direction of his rattle, or he tries to hit it. A moment later he tries to grab the rattle, using a proper clasping motion. He puts a lot of effort into it. When he thinks he's got it, he clenches his fist, but the rattle is still a few inches away. The poor darling realizes his mistake, gets frustrated, and starts to cry."
Paul's mom, 11th week
Try to bear in mind that at this age your baby is definitely not yet able to reach out and touch the things that she wants to grab. She is only capable of closing her hands around an object. Make sure that you always place easy-to-grab toys near her waving hands. Your baby will then be able to touch the object and practice closing and opening her hands whenever she wants.
Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Sound
A baby's greatest passion is the latest sounds that she makes herself. This is why you should try to respond to every sound your young infant makes. Your baby's greatest passion might be to make explosive sounds, because from this leap onward she can keep her vocal cords in a certain position. Just like a hand position, a vocal cord position is a feeling pattern. Try to imitate your baby's sounds so that she can hear them from someone else. Respond when she uses sounds to attract your attention. These "conversations" are essential for her learning process, and they will teach her to take turns, listen, and imitate—skills which form the basis of communication. These chats will also teach her that her voice is an important tool, just like her hands are.
"My baby chats away, trying to attract my attention all day long. She listens to my voice as well. It's wonderful."
Hannah's mom, 11th week
Every mother tries to encourage her baby to "chat." Some mothers talk to their babies throughout their waking hours as a matter of course, whereas other mothers do this only at certain times, such as when their babies are on their laps. The disadvantage of planned chat times is that the baby may not always be in the right mood to listen and respond. It appears that babies whose mothers "plan" chat times do not alw
ays understand what is expected of them, and their mothers become easily discouraged because they think their babies are not responding properly yet.
Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Body Postures
Your baby may be ready for pull-up games. A little bruiser who is able to lift his head on his own may love being pulled up by his arms from a half-sitting position to an upright position or being pulled from a sitting position to standing. Be careful to support his heavy head. If he is very strong, he may even actively participate. This game teaches the baby how different postures feel and how to maintain them. Each of those postures is another "pattern" that your baby can perceive inside his body. If he cooperates in the pull-up game, he will jerk rather unsteadily from one position to the next. Once he has jerked into a certain position, he will want to retain it for a moment. Although his movements are still far from supple, he will love being in a certain position for a short while. He may even become very upset when you decide it's time to end the game.
"Suddenly, my son is jerking all over the place when I pull him onto his feet. He also makes jerky, spastic movements when he's lying naked on his changing mat. I don't know if this is normal. It worries me a bit."
Kevin's mom, 11th week
"If my baby had her way, she'd be on her feet all day, listening to me telling her how strong she is. If I don't rush in with compliments, she starts complaining."
The Wonder Weeks Page 7
