OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE
You May Feel Worried
It's normal to feel anxious when you notice that your once-lively infant has become more fussy, is crying more often, is sleeping poorly, or is not nursing well. You may be worried because it seems that your baby has suffered a setback in producing sounds and movements or seems to have lost the independence that he had so recently acquired. Mothers usually expect to see progress, and if this doesn't seem to be happening, even for just a short while, they get concerned. They feel insecure, and they wonder what's the matter. "Is something wrong with the baby? Can he be ill? Could he be abnormal after all?" are the most common worries. Most often, none of these is the case. (When in doubt, always consult your family doctor.) On the contrary, your baby is showing signs of progress. A whole new world is there for him to discover, but when this world reveals itself, the baby will first have to deal with the upheaval it brings. It is not easy for him, and he will need your support. You can do this by showing that you understand that he is going through a difficult time.
"When my baby is crying incessantly and wants to be carried around all the time, I feel pressured. I can't seem to accomplish even the simplest things. It makes me feel insecure, and it saps all my energy."
Juliette's mom, 12th week
"I'm trying to find out why my baby cries so much. I want to know what's troubling her so that I can fix it. Then I'll have some peace of mind again."
Laura's mom, 12th week
"There's no way I can cope with my son's crying. I just can't take it any more. I'd even prefer getting out of bed four times a night to deal with a baby who is not crying than twice a night to deal with a tiny screamer."
Paul's mom, 11th week
You May Become Irritated
During this period, many mothers grow annoyed with their babies' irregular eating and sleeping routines. They find it impossible to plan ahead. Their entire schedule is thrown off balance. They often feel under pressure from family or friends, too. The mothers' instincts tell them to focus all their attention on their unhappy infants, but other people often seem to disapprove of too much babying. Mother may feel trapped in the middle.
"I get irritated every time my son starts fretting, because he can't seem to amuse himself for even just a short while. He wants me to keep him occupied all day long. Of course, everybody loves giving me advice on how to deal with him, especially my husband."
Kevin's mom, 12th week
"I seem to cope better with my baby's erratic behavior if I don't make plans in advance. In the past, when my plans went completely haywire, I felt irritated. So I've changed my attitude. And would you believe it —I sometimes find I even have a few hours to spare!"
Laura's mom, 12th week
You May Reach Your Wit's End
Sometimes mothers are unable, or unwilling, to suppress their anger any longer, and they let their demanding little creatures know they're fed up.
"My boy was so fretful. I kept worrying about what the neighbors would think of the noise. Sunday afternoon was the last straw. I'd tried everything to make him settle, but nothing helped. At first I felt helpless, but then I became furious because I just couldn't cope, so I left him in his room. I had a good cry myself, which calmed me down a bit."
Bob's mom, 12th week
"We had company, and my son was being terribly trying. Everyone gave me their 2 cents' worth of advice, which always makes me really upset. When I went upstairs to put him to bed, I lost my self-control, grabbed him, and gave him a good shake."
Matt's mom, 11th week
Baby Care
Shaking Can Be Harmful
While it is normal to feel frustrated and angry with your baby at times, never shake a baby. Shaking a young child can easily cause internal bleeding just below the skull, which can result in brain damage that may lead to learning difficulties later on —or even death.
You May Feel Tremendous Pressure
If a mother worries too much about her noisy little grump, and if she is not given enough support from family and friends, she may become exhausted. If she is suffering from lack of sleep as well, she may easily lose control of the situation, both mentally and physically.
Unwelcome advice, on top of panic and exhaustion, could make any mother feel even more irritable and snappish—and her partner often becomes the target. At times, however, her distressed infant will bear the brunt of a mother's pent-up frustration, and she may be a little rougher with him than necessary. When a mother admits to having slapped her baby, this nearly always occurs during one of these fussy periods. It's certainly not because she dislikes the poor infant, but simply because she longs to see him happy, and she feels threatened by other people's criticism. She feels that she has no one to turn to with her problems; she feels alone. However understandable these feeling of frustration may be, one should never act on them. Slapping, and any other form of hurting, is not acceptable.
"Every time my baby stopped crying, I felt as if a load had been lifted from my shoulders. I hadn't noticed how tense I was until then."
Emily's mom, 11th week
"After my husband's coworkers told him that he and our son look like two peas in a pod, he stopped criticizing the amount of attention I give his grumpy mirror image. In fact, my husband wouldn't have it any other way now, whereas he used to feel that I was overreacting and spoiling the baby. Things are running a lot smoother now, and I'm not as tense as I used to be when the baby gets upset, and he seems to sense that, too. I feel a lot more comfortable now."
Matt's mom, 12th week
When it all gets to be too much, just remember: It can only get better. At this stage, some mothers fear that these dreadful crying fits may never stop. This is a logical assumption because until now the fussy periods followed each other in rapid succession with only 2 to 3 weeks in between. This barely left enough time for mothers to catch their breath. But don't despair—from now on, the intervals between the fussy periods will be longer. The fussy periods themselves will also seem less intense.
How Your Baby's New Skills Emerge
When your baby is upset, you will usually want to keep an extra close watch on him because you want to know what's wrong. In doing so, you may suddenly notice that your baby has actually mastered new skills or is trying to do so. In fact, you'll discover that your baby is making his next big leap—into the world of smooth transitions.
At approximately 12 weeks, your baby will be able to perceive the many subtle ways that things change around him, not abruptly but smoothly and gradually. He will be ready to experiment with making such smooth transitions himself.
Your baby will make many new discoveries in this new world. He will select the things that appeal to him and that he is ready physically and mentally to attempt. You should, as always, be careful not to push him but help him do what he shows he is ready for. In many ways, however, he will still rely on your help. He will need you to show him things in his world, to put his toys where he can see and reach for them, and to respond to his increasing attempts at communication.
Brain Changes
At approximately 10 to 11 weeks, the head circumference of babies dramatically increases.
As she enters the world of smooth transitions, for the first time your baby is able to recognize continuous changes in sights, sounds, tastes, smells, and touch. For example, she may now notice how a voice shifts from one tone to the next or how a body shifts from one position to another. Not only can she register these smooth transitions in the outside world, your infant is now able to learn to make them herself. This will enable your baby to work on several important skills.
You will see that now your baby's movements become much smoother, more flowing, and more like an adult's. This new control applies to her whole body as well as to the parts that she can move consciously—her hands, feet, head, eyes, and even her vocal cords. You will probably notice that when she stretches out toward a toy, the movement is smoother than it was just a few weeks ago. When she ben
ds her knees to sit or pulls herself to stand, the whole exercise looks more deliberate and mature.
Her head movements also become smoother, and she can now vary their speed. She can look around the room in the way that older children do and follow a continuous movement. Her eyes are able to focus more sharply on what they see, and her vision will soon be as good as an adult's.
When your baby was first born, she came ready equipped with a reflex that moved her gaze in the direction of any new sound. This disappeared somewhere between 4 and 8 weeks after birth, but now she can do the same thing consciously, and the response will be quicker. She will be able to follow something or somebody with her eyes in a controlled, well-coordinated manner. She may even begin to do this without turning her head. She will be able to follow people or objects approaching her or moving away. In fact, she will become capable of surveying the whole room. You may feel for the first time that she is really a part of the family as she notices everybody's comings and goings.
My Diary
How My Baby Explores the New World of Smooth Transitions
Check off the boxes below as you notice your baby changing.
BODY CONTROL
Barely needs support to keep his head upright
Smooth head movement when turning to one side
Smooth eye movement when following a moving object
Is generally more lively and energetic
Playfully lifts his bottom when his diaper is being changed
Rolls independently from back to stomach or vice versa while holding on to your fingers
Sticks his toes in his mouth and twists around
Sits up straight when leaning against you
Pulls himself into sitting position while holding on to your fingers
Is able to move into a standing position when seated on your lap, by holding on to two of your fingers
Uses both feet to push off when seated in a bouncing chair or lying in a playpen
* * *
HAND CONTROL
Grabs and clutches at objects with both hands
Shakes a rattle once or twice
Studies and plays with your hands
Studies and touches your face, eyes, mouth, and hair
Studies and plays with your clothes
Puts everything into his mouth
Strokes his head, from neck to eyes
Rubs a toy along his head or cheek
* * *
LISTENING AND TALKING
Discovers shrieking and gurgling; can easily shift between loud and soft tones, low notes and high ones
Produces new sounds that resemble the vowels of real speech: ee, ooh, ehh, oh, aah, ay
Uses these sounds to "chat"
Is able to blow saliva bubbles, and laughs as if he finds this very amusing
* * *
LOOKING AND SEEING
Turns hands over, studies both sides
Studies his own moving feet
Studies a face, eyes, mouth, and hair
Studies someone's clothing
* * *
OTHER SKILLS
Expresses enjoyment by watching, looking, listening, grabbing, or by "talking," then waiting for your response
Uses different behavior with different people
Expresses boredom if he sees, hears, tastes, feels, or does the same things too often; variety suddenly becomes important
* * *
OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE
This new responsiveness is enhanced by new vocal possibilities as she begins to recognize changes in pitch and in volume of sounds and to experiment with these by gurgling and shrieking. Her improved coordination even helps her to swallow more smoothly.
Although some remarkable developments have occurred in your baby's mind and body, what she cannot do is cope with quick changes in succession. Don't expect her to be able to follow an object that is moving up and down as well as from left to right or a toy that rapidly reverses its direction of movement. And when she moves her own hand, there will be a noticeable pause before any change of direction, almost like a tiny conductor waving a baton.
Parents are generally less concerned if their babies show a reluctance to amuse themselves at this stage. They are too proud of their babies' achievements and efforts in so many directions. There are so many new discoveries to be made and so many new things to be learned and practiced, and for the moment that is what matters the most.
Your Baby's Choices: A Key to Her Personality
If you watch your baby closely, you will be able to determine where her interests lie. As you mark off the things that she is showing you that she can do in this world, be aware of the uniqueness of your child.
Some babies are very aware of the world around them, and they prefer looking, listening, and experiencing sensations to being physically active themselves. Most of the time, professionals, as well as friends and family, assess a baby's development by looking at the physical milestones, such as grasping, rolling over, crawling, sitting, standing, and walking. This can give a one-sided view of progress as it makes the "watch-listen-feel" baby seem slower. These babies usually take longer to begin grasping objects, but once they start, they will examine them very closely. Given a new item, a watch-listen-feel baby will turn it around, look at it, listen to it, rub it, and even smell it. These babies actually are doing something very complicated that will give them a broad base for their later learning skills.
In contrast, babies who are more physically active often become engrossed in the action of grabbing itself, and once they have attained possession of the object, they quickly lose interest and drop it in favor of looking for another challenge. Babies love anything new, and it is important that you respond when you notice any new skills or interests. Your baby will enjoy it if you share these new discoveries, and her learning will progress more quickly.
The more your baby plays or experiments with a new skill, the more adept he will become. Practice makes perfect as far as babies are concerned, too. Your baby may want to try out a new skill over and over again. Although he will play and practice on his own, your participation and encouragement are vital. As well as cheering him on when he does well, you can help when the going gets tough and he feels like giving up. At this point, you can make the task easier for him—usually by rearranging the world so that it is a bit more accommodating. This might mean turning a toy around so that it's easier to grab, propping him up so that he can see the cat through the window, or maybe imitating the sounds he is trying to make.
You can also help to make an activity more complex or vary it a bit so that he stays with it longer and is challenged just a little more. Be careful to watch for signs that your baby has had enough. Remember that he will go at his own pace.
Just as babies are all different, so are their mothers. Some mothers have more imagination than others in certain areas. It may be a particular challenge for you if your baby is the physical type but you prefer talking, singing, and storytelling. Gather new ideas from books, your friends, and family members. The baby's father and older siblings can help—most children will be able to go on long after the baby's desire for repetition has exhausted you. But whatever type of baby you have and whatever type of mother you are, your child will always benefit from some help from you.
Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Sound
If your baby has a special love for sound, encourage him to use his voice. He may now begin to shriek, gurgle, or make vowel-like sounds himself. These may range from high- to low-pitched sounds and from soft to loud ones. If he also starts to blow saliva bubbles, don't discourage him. By doing these things, he is playing with "smooth transitions" and in the process he is exercising the muscles of his vocal cords, lips, tongue, and palate as well. Your baby may often practice when he is alone, sounding like somebody who is chattering away just for fun. He does this because the range of notes with all the high and low vowel sounds and little shrieks in between sound a lot like talking. Sometimes a baby will
even chuckle at his own sounds.
The Gender Gap
Baby boys seem to take up more of their mothers' time than baby girls do during the first months. This probably happens because boys cry more and don't sleep as well as girls.
Also, mothers of baby girls are much quicker to respond to the sounds produced by their daughters than are mothers of baby boys. Mothers also tend to "chat" more to their babies if they are girls
Most babies love to have cozy chats with their mommies. Of course, a baby has to be in the mood to do this. The best time to chat is when he attracts your attention with his voice. You will probably find yourself speaking in a slightly higher-pitched tone than usual, which is just right for your baby's ear. It is very important that you stick to the rules of conversation—your baby says something, then you say something back. Make sure you let him finish. Because if you don't give him time to reply, he will feel that you aren't listening to him, and he won't learn the rhythm of conversation. If that happens—if you do not give him enough time to reply—he may become despondent or confused that you are not listening to him. The subjects of your conversation don't matter very much at this age, but it is better to stick to familiar territory and shared experiences. Occasionally, try imitating the sounds he is making. Some babies find this so funny that they will break into laughter. This is all-important groundwork for later language skills.
It is very important to talk to your baby frequently. Voices on the radio or television, or people talking in the same room, are no substitute for a one-on-one conversation. Your baby is prompted to talk because there is someone who listens and responds to him. Your enthusiasm will play an important role here.
The Wonder Weeks Page 9
