The Wonder Weeks

by D van de Rijt

  "I always talk back whenever my son makes sounds. Then he waits a little, realizes it's his turn, and replies with a smile or by wriggling around. If he's in the right mood, he'll gurgle back at me again. If I reply once more, he gets so excited that he waves his arms and legs all over the place and sometimes shrieks with laughter as well. When he's had enough, he turns away and looks at something else."

  John's mom, 13th week

  Your baby may use one of his latest sounds when he wants something. This is often a special "attention!" shriek. If he does this, always answer him. This is important since it will give him the sense that you understand what he is trying to communicate, even if you don't have time to stop and play with him at that moment. He will begin to use his voice to attract your attention. That's a significant step toward language.

  When he's happy, a baby will often use a special "cry for joy" sound. He will use it when he notices something he finds amusing. It's natural to respond to these cries for joy with a kiss, a cuddle, or words of encouragement. The more you are able to do this, the better. It shows your baby that you share his pleasure and that you understand him.

  "When my son saw that I was about to feed him, he shrieked with excitement and grabbed my breast, while my blouse was still only half undone."

  Matt's mom, 13th week

  Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Touch

  As your baby now lives in the world of smooth transitions, you may notice that he stretches out toward a toy more smoothly. Help him. He just entered this new world and reaching is still very difficult. Hold a toy within easy reach of your baby's hands and watch him to see if he is able to reach out for it. Hold the object right in front of him, keeping in mind that at this age he is only able to make a controlled movement with his arm in one direction at a time. Now pay close attention to what he does. If he is only just starting to master this skill, he will probably react something like this baby.

  When Your Baby Laughs, She's on Top of the World

  When you make your baby laugh, you have struck the right chord with her. You have stimulated her in exactly the right way. Don't overdo it because you may intimidate her. On the other hand, half-hearted attempts on your part could lead to boredom on hers. You must find the comfortable middle ground for your baby.

  "My son is really starting to reach out to grab things! He reached for a toy dangling in front of him with both hands. He put out his right hand on one side of the toy and his left hand on the other side of the toy. Then, when both hands were just in front of the toy, he clasped them together. . . and missed! He'd tried really hard, so it wasn't at all surprising that he got very upset when he found himself empty-handed."

  Paul's mom, 12th week

  If your child reaches for objects and misses, encourage him to try again, or make the game a little easier for him so that he gets a taste of success. At this age, he is not yet able to make an accurate estimate of the distance between his hands and the plaything he is trying to grab. He will not be able to learn this properly until he is between 23 and 26 weeks old.

  As your baby becomes more adept at grabbing objects, he will want to play the "grabbing game" more often. Because he can turn his head smoothly and look around the room, he can choose what he wants from the entire world of things that is now waiting for him to grab, feel, and touch. After the last developmental leap, most babies spent about one-third of their waking hours playing and experimenting with their hands. After about 12 weeks, this suddenly doubles to two-thirds of their waking hours.

  If you notice that your baby enjoys stroking things with his hands, encourage this activity as much as you can. Not only the stroking movement involves a "smooth transition," but also the feeling in his hand caused by the moving contact with the object. Carry your baby around the house and garden, letting him feel all kinds of objects and experience their properties —hard, soft, rough, smooth, sticky, firm, flexible, prickly, cold, wet, and warm. Tell him what the items are, and describe the sensations. Help to get your meaning across by using your tone of voice to express the feeling an object or surface arouses. He really will be able to understand more than he is able to tell you.

  Top Games for This Wonder Week

  Here are some games and activities that work for babies at this point in their development. At this age, your baby will particularly enjoy games where you move her whole body around. Try to do this gently, with slow and even movements, remembering that these are the only kind that your baby can properly understand. It is better to play several different games in a row, rather than continue the same game for too long.

  THE AIRPLANE

  Lift your baby up slowly, while making a sound that increases in volume or changes from a low-pitched to a high-pitched sound. She will stretch out her body automatically as you raise her above your head. Then start the descent, making the appropriate airplane sounds. When she is in line with your face, welcome her by burying your face in her neck and giving her a nibble with your lips. You will soon notice that your baby expects you to do this and will open her mouth and nibble back. You will also see your baby opening her mouth again, as if anticipating the nibble, when she wants you to repeat this flying game.

  THE SLIDE

  Sit down on the floor or a sofa, lean back, and make your body as straight as possible. Place your baby as high up on your chest as you can and let her slide gently down to the floor, while you make the appropriate sliding sound.

  THE PENDULUM

  Place the baby on your knees so that she is facing you and slowly sway her from side to side. Try to make all kinds of clock sounds, such as a high-pitched, fast tick-tock, or a low-pitched, slow bong-bong. Try to make sounds that range from high to low and from fast to slow, or whatever clock sound you notice that your baby enjoys the most. Make sure that you hold her firmly and that her head and neck muscles are strong enough to move with the rhythm

  THE ROCKING HORSE

  Place the baby on your knees so that she is facing you and make stepping movements with your legs, so your baby sways up and down as if she were sitting on a horse. You can also make the accompanying clip-clop noises or "schlupping" sounds that babies love at this age.

  THE NIBBLING GAME

  Sit in front of your baby and make sure that she is looking at you. Move your face slowly toward her tummy or nose. Meanwhile, make a drawn-out sound, increasing in volume, or changing in tone, for instance "chooooomp" or "aaaaaah-boom" or sounds similar to those the baby makes herself.

  FEELING FABRICS

  Here's a way to play and get chores done! Fold your laundry with your baby nearby, and let her feel different types of fabrics, such as wool, cotton, terry cloth, or nylon. Run her hand over the fabrics to allow her to feel the different textures, too. Babies like touching materials with their fingers and mouths. Try something unusual such as chamois, leather, or felt.

  JUMPING AND BOUNCING

  A physically active baby loves repeating the same flowing movements over and over again when she is on your lap. Let her stand up and sit down again at her own pace. She will want to repeat this "stand up, sit down, stand up, sit down" game endlessly. It will probably make her laugh, too, but, again, hold her tightly and watch her head.

  "I washed my baby's hands under running water, which made her laugh out loud. She couldn't seem to get enough of it."

  Jenny's mom, 15th week

  Many babies like to examine their mothers' faces. As your little one runs his hands over your face, he may linger slightly longer by your eyes, nose, and mouth. He might tug on your hair or pull at your nose, simply because they are easy to grasp. Items of clothing are interesting as well. Babies like to stroke and feel fabrics. Watch out for your earrings, too!

  Some babies are interested in their mothers' hands. They will study, touch, and stroke them. If your baby enjoys playing with your hands, help him to do this. Slowly turn your hand over, and show him the palm and back of your hand. Let him watch while you move your hand or pick up a toy
. Try not to make your movements too fast or to change direction too quickly, or you will lose his attention. Simple movements are all he can cope with in this world. Your baby won't be able to deal with more complicated movements until after another big change in his nervous system, which is the start of the next developmental leap.

  Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Body Movement

  At this age, all babies are getting livelier. They are playing with smooth transitions felt inside their bodies, while they kick and wave their arms about. Some babies perform acrobatics; for example, they might stuff their toes in their mouths and almost spin around on their backs in the process. Obviously, some babies are much livelier and stronger than others. Some babies are not really interested in gymnastic feats, while others will be frustrated if their physical strengths are not yet up to the task.

  "My son moves his body, arms, and legs around like mad, grunting and groaning in the process. He's obviously trying to do something, but whatever it is he's not succeeding because he usually ends up having an angry screaming fit."

  Frankie's mom, 14th week

  Whatever your baby's temperament, he will benefit from a little time spent without his clothes in a warm environment. You may already have noticed that he is lively when you are changing him, enjoying the opportunity to move freely without being hampered by diaper and clothes. It's easier to bend the little limbs, to wave, kick, and roll over naked. Success comes more easily, and the baby will get to know his body better and control it more precisely.

  Some babies attempt to roll over at this age, but nearly all of them will need a bit of help in doing so. If your little squirmer tries to roll over, let him hold on to one of your fingers as he practices. A very persistent baby who is also physically strong may manage to roll from tummy to back. Some can do it the other way around and go from back to tummy. However persistent the infant, he won't manage it unless his physical development is far enough along. So give help and support, but also be ready to help your baby deal with his frustration if he just can't manage something that he would clearly like to do.

  Top Toys for This Wonder Week

  Here are some toys and things that babies like best as they explore the world of smooth transitions:

  Wobbly toys that bounce back when the baby swipes them

  The clapper inside a bell

  A rocking chair

  Toys that emit a slow squeak, chime, or other simple sound

  Rattles

  Dolls with realistic faces

  Many babies love pushing themselves up with their legs. If your baby enjoys doing this, he will practice pushing off in his playpen, in his bouncing chair, on his changing table (watch out for this one!), or while sitting on your lap. You need to hold on tight to an active squirmer. If your baby is able to do these push-ups unaided, give him lots of opportunities to practice.

  If your baby is physically strong, he may also try to pull himself up into a sitting position when he is on your lap. If he likes to do this, you can help him by making a game out of it.

  Between 12 and 13 weeks, another period of comparative calm settles in. Parents, family, and friends will notice what a cheerful little person your baby has become and admire the wonderful progress she has made. You may find your baby much smarter now. When she is carried around or sits on your lap, she acts like a little person. She turns her head immediately in the direction of something she wants to see or hear. She laughs at everyone, and answers them when she is talked to. She shifts her position to get a better look at something she wants to see, and she keeps an eye on everything going on around her. She is cheerful and active. It may strike you that other family members show a lot more interest in her as a person now. It appears that she has gained her own place in the family. She belongs!

  "My daughter is developing an interest in a whole variety of things now. She talks or shrieks at different objects, and when we watch her more closely, we think, 'My goodness, can you do that already?' Or 'Aren't you clever noticing all of those things?'"

  Jenny's mom, 13th week

  "My little one is definitely wiser. She's all eyes these days. She responds to everything and immediately turns her little head in response to sounds. She's suddenly gained her own little place in the family."

  Hannah's mom, 14th week

  "It's wonderful watching my baby enjoying herself so much and chatting affectionately to her cuddly toys and to people."

  Juliette's mom, 14th week

  "We have a lot more interaction with my child now because she responds to everything. After I've played a game with her, I can tell when she's waiting for me to play again. She also 'replies' a lot more now."

  Ashley's mom, 13th week

  "My daughter used to be so easygoing and quiet, but she's turned into a real little chatterbox now. She laughs and gurgles a lot more often. I really enjoy getting her out of bed to see what she'll do next."

  Eve's mom, 14th week

  "My son is much more interesting to watch now because the progress he's made is so obvious. He responds immediately with a smile or a gurgle, and he can turn his head in the right direction, too. I love giving him a good cuddle because he's so soft and chubby now."

  Frankie's mom, 14th week

  Chapter 6

  Wonder Week 19:

  The World of Events

  Note: The first phase (fussy period) of this leap into the perceptual world of "events" is age-linked and predictable, and starts between 14 and 17 weeks. Most babies start the second phase (see box "Quality Time: An Unnatural Whim" on page 17) of this leap 19 weeks after full-term birth. The first perception of the world of events sets in motion the development of a whole range of skills and activities. However, the age at which these skills and activities appear for the first time varies greatly and depends on your baby's preferences, experimentation and physical development. For example, the ability to perceive events is a necessary precondition for "grasping a cube with partial opposition of the thumb," but this skill normally appears anywhere from 4 to 8 months. Skills and activities are mentioned in this chapter at the earliest possible age they might appear so you can watch for and recognize them. (They may be rudimentary at first.) This way you can respond to and facilitate your baby's development.

  The realization that our experience is split up into familiar events is something that we as adults take for granted. For example, if we see someone drop a rubber ball, we know that it will bounce back up and will probably continue to bounce several times. If someone jumps up into the air, we know that she is bound to come down. We recognize the initial movements of a golf swing and a tennis serve, and we know what follows. But to your baby, everything is new, and nothing is predictable.

  After the last leap forward, your baby was able to perceive smooth transitions in sound, movement, light, taste, smell, and texture. But all of these transitions had to be simple. As soon as they became more complicated, he was no longer able to follow them.

  At around 19 weeks (or between 18 and 20 weeks), his ability to understand the world around him becomes far more developed and a little more like our own. He will begin to experiment with events. The word "event" has a special meaning here and has nothing to do with special occasions. In fact, here it means a short, familiar sequence of smooth transitions from one pattern to the next. Sound like a mouthful? Let's try to explain what it means.

  While at 12 weeks it may have taken all your baby's cross-eyed concentration simply to grasp an object with both hands that you held in front of him, he'll now begin to understand that he can reach out to a toy, grab it with one hand, shake it, turn it around to inspect it, and put it in his mouth. This kind of physical activity is much more complicated than it seems and far more than just the physical mastery of his arms and hands. It actually depends upon a high degree of neurological development. This change will enable your baby to develop a whole new set of skills.

  Although the subtleties of these skills may escape you at first, they will gradually
become more obvious. The sounds your infant emits may still just seem like baby babble to you for a while, but they are actually becoming much more complicated. No doubt you'll notice when he strings his consonants and vowels together to say "mommy" and "dada." You also will be very aware of his attempts to roll over and his first attempts to crawl. In all of these activities, he is now capable of learning how single patterns and transitions string together like beads to become what we as adults recognize as events.

  This process is also vital for your baby to understand something that adults take completely for granted—that the world is made up of objects that continue to exist, whether or not we can completely see them at the time. You can see just how hard your baby is working in this first year of life to make sense of his world.

  Your baby's awareness of the new changes that accompany this leap in his development actually begins at approximately 15 weeks (or between 14 and 17 weeks). These changes affect the way he sees, hears, smells, tastes, and feels. He needs time to come to terms with all of these new impressions, preferably in a place where he feels safe and secure. He will once again show a pronounced need to be with his mommy, cling to her for comfort, and grow into his new world at his own pace. From this age on, the fussy periods will last longer than before. This particular one will often last 5 weeks, although it may be as short as 1 week or as long as 6. If your baby is fussy, watch him closely to see if he is attempting to master new skills.