The Wonder Weeks
Page 18
“My daughter’s becoming very impatient. She wants to have it all, and she gets furious if she can’t reach something and I tell her ‘no.’ Then she’ll really start screaming. It irritates me and makes me think she’s only doing it because I work. She’s much sweeter with the babysitter.”
Laura’s mom, 31st week
“I put my baby to bed this past week because she was carrying on something awful and screaming during supper. She feels it isn’t going fast enough, so she starts yelling, twisting, and wriggling after every bite. Once I got over my anger, about 5 minutes later, we continued. Both of us had calmed down by then.”
Ashley’s mom, 28th week
Between 30 and 35 weeks, another comparatively easy period begins. For anywhere from 1 to 3 weeks, the baby is admired for her cheerfulness, independence, and progress.
“My girl is becoming less and less shy. She laughs a lot. And she’s good at keeping herself occupied. She has become very agile and active again. Actually, I started to see this change last week, but it seems to be progressing.”
Nina’s mom, 33rd week
“Because she was so sweet, my baby seemed like a totally different child. She used to cry and whine a lot. The way she tells stories is also delightful. She’s actually already like a little toddler, the way she trots through the room.”
Jenny’s mom, 35th week
“My son was extremely cheerful, so it wasn’t hard to have fun with him. It also pleases me to see him a little more active and lively in the physical sense. But he’s at his best when he can observe people. He’s very talkative, too, a great kid.”
Frankie’s mom, 30th week
“My daughter’s obviously gotten bigger and older. She reacts to everything we do. She watches everything. And she wants to have whatever we have. I’d almost say that she wants to be a part of it.”
Ashley’s mom, 34th week
“Finally, some rest after a long period of constant changes. A wonderful week. He’s gone through another change. He cries less, sleeps more. I can see a certain pattern starting to develop again, for the umpteenth time. I talk to him much more. I’ve noticed myself explaining everything I do. When I go to prepare his bottle, I tell him. When it’s time for him to go to bed, I tell him. I explain why he has to take a nap. And these talks seem to do me good. The day care center is going well now, too.”
Bob’s mom, 30th week
“We seem to have a different kind of contact now. It’s as if the umbilical cord has finally been cut. The feeling of complete dependency is also gone. I’m quicker to rely on a babysitter. I also notice that I’ve been giving my son a lot more freedom. I don’t have to be on top of him all the time.”
Bob’s mom, 31st week
“This was a really nice week. My baby is cheerful, and he can occupy himself pretty well on his own with his toys. Everything’s still going fine at day care. He reacts in a friendly way to other children. He is a cute little guy, and he’s much more his own little person.”
Bob’s mom, 32nd week
Chapter 8
Wonder Week 37:
The World of Categories
Note: The first phase (fussy period) of this leap into the perceptual world of "categories" is age-linked and predictable, emerging at about 34 weeks. Most babies start the second phase (see box "Quality Time: An Unnatural Whim" on page 17) of this leap 37 weeks after full-term birth. The initial perception of the world of categories sets in motion the development of a whole range of global concepts such as "animal," for instance. However, the first categories are acquired through real-time, feedback-corrected, trial and error experience in comparing things and learning the within-category similarities and the between-category differences. Consequently, there may be a difference of many weeks or even months between two babies in mastering a particular concept. Skills and activities are mentioned in this chapter at the earliest possible age they might appear so you can watch for and recognize them. (They may be rudimentary at first.) This way you can respond to and facilitate your baby's development.
At about 37 (or between 36 and 40) weeks, you may notice your baby attempting to do new things. At this age, a baby’s explorations can often seem very methodical. For example, you may notice your little tyke picking up specks from the floor and examining them studiously between his thumb and forefinger. Or a budding little chef may rearrange the food on his plate by testing the way a banana squashes or spinach squishes through tiny fingers. He will assume the most serious, absorbed expression while carrying out these investigations. In fact, that is just what they are—investigations that will help the little researcher begin to categorize his world.
Your baby is now able to recognize that certain objects, sensations, animals, and people belong together in groups or categories. For example, a banana looks, feels, and tastes different than spinach, but they are both food. These are important distinctions and similarities to sort out. The leap into the world of categories will affect every sense—sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch. Your baby will learn more about other people and his own emotions, too. Language skills will be developing. Your baby may not yet use words himself, but he will understand much more.
Like all of the previous worlds, the arrival of these new perceptions begins by turning your baby’s world inside out. Babies’ brain waves show drastic changes again around this time. These changes will begin to alter the way your baby perceives his world, which will be disturbing to him at first. You can expect a fussy period to begin around 34 weeks, or be- tween 32 and 37 weeks. This fussy period will often last for 4 weeks, but it may last anywhere from 3 to 6 weeks. As your baby enters this fussy phase, play close attention to see if he is attempting to master new skills.
As they prepare to leap into the world of categories, all babies will cry more easily than they did during the past few weeks. To their mothers, they may seem cranky, whiny, fidgety, grumpy, bad-tempered, discontented, unmanageable, restless, or impatient. All of this is very understandable.
Your little one is now under extra pressure because from her last leap she knows that you can go away from her whenever you please and leave her behind. At first, most babies were temporarily distressed by this discovery, but over the past few weeks they have learned to deal with it in their own ways. It all seemed to be going much more smoothly—and then the next big change came along and ruined everything. Now the little worrier wants to stay with her mommy again, while at the same time she realizes perfectly well that her mother can walk away whenever she chooses. This makes the baby feel even more insecure and increases her tension.
“These past few days, my daughter insists on sitting on my lap constantly. For no apparent reason, I might add. When I don’t carry her around, she screams. When I take her for walks in her stroller, the moment she even thinks I’ve stopped, she demands to be lifted out.”
Ashley’s mom, 34th week
“My baby acts cranky and seems to be bored. She picks up everything and just tosses it away again.
Laura’s mom, 35th week
“Everything’s fine, as long as my little girl can sit on someone’s lap. Otherwise, she whimpers and wails. I’m not used to this behavior from her. She seems to grow bored quickly wherever she is—in the playpen, in her high chair, or on the floor.”
Eve’s mom, 34th week
A fussy baby will usually cry less when she is with her mother, especially when she has her mother all to herself.
“My son kept screaming and grumping and acting horribly. Everything was fine as long as I stayed with him or took him on my lap. I put him to bed several times when I got fed up with his demands.”
Frankie’s mom, 36th week
How You Know It’s Time to Grow
Here are some giveaways that your little one is about to make another developmental leap.
She May Cling to Your Clothes
Your baby may become anxious when you walk around. Non-crawlers can do nothing but cry. For some, every step her mommy takes
is reason for genuine panic. Crawling babies are able to follow their mothers, and sometimes they cling to them so tightly that they can hardly move.
“It was another difficult week with a lot of crying. My son literally clings to my skirt. When I leave the room, he starts crying and crawling after me. When I’m cooking, he’ll crawl behind me, grab hold of my legs, and hold on in such a way that I can’t move. He’ll only play if I play with him. A few times, it just got to be too much. Putting him to bed is a struggle all over again. He falls asleep very late.”
Bob’s mom, 38th week
“At the moment, my daughter is a real little mommy’s girl. As long as she can see me, everything’s okay. Otherwise she howls.”
Jenny’s mom, 38th week
“I call my baby my little leech. She persists in holding on to my trousers. Once again, she wants to be around, with, and on me constantly.”
Emily’s mom, 36th week
She May Be Shy
Your baby may want to keep other people at a greater distance now than she usually does. The desire to be close to you may become even more apparent in the presence of other people—sometimes even when that other person is the father or a brother or sister. Often, mother is the only one allowed to look at her and talk to her. And she is almost always the only one allowed to touch her.
“My daughter is shyer with strangers again.”
Hannah’s mom, 34th week
“When strangers talk to my son or pick him up, he starts yelling, immediately.”
Paul’s mom, 34th week
“When visitors arrive, my son will race to me, climb on my lap, tummy-to-tummy, cling to me, and only then look to see who’s here.”
Kevin’s mom, 34th week
“My girl’s shy around strangers again. She becomes very frightened when someone wants to touch her or lift her up.”
Emily’s mom, 36th week
She May Tightly Hold On to You
When she is sitting on your lap or being carried, your baby may hold on to you as tightly as she can. She may even react furiously if you dare to put her down unexpectedly.
“My baby gets mad if I put her down even for a second. Then, when I lift her up again, she always pinches me. When our poor old dog happens to be within the reach of her hand, she’ll pinch him even before I can lift her up.”
Emily’s mom, 35th week
“My son wants to be carried all of the time, and he clings to my neck or hair really tightly in the process.”
Matt’s mom, 36th week
“It’s almost as if there’s something about my baby’s bed. I’ll take her upstairs, sound asleep, and as soon as she feels the mattress, her eyes pop open. And boy, does she start screaming!”
Laura’s mom, 33rd week
She May Demand Attention
Most babies start asking for more attention, and even easy ones are not always content at being left alone. Some demanding little persons are not satisfied until their mothers’ attention is completely focused on them. Some may become super troublesome as soon as their mothers dare to shift their attention to someone or something else, as if they are jealous.
“When I’m talking to other people, my son always starts screaming really loudly for attention.”
Paul’s mom, 36th week
“My baby is having more difficulty staying in the playpen on his own. He’s clearly starting to demand attention. He likes having us close.”
Frankie’s mom, 34th week
She May Sleep Poorly
Your baby may start sleeping less well. Most babies do. She may refuse to go to bed, fall asleep less easily, and wake up sooner. Some are especially hard to get to sleep during the day. Others at night. And some stay up longer both during the day and at night.
“My son keeps waking up at night. Sometimes, he’ll be up playing in his crib for an hour and a half at 3:00 A.M.”
Matt’s mom, 33rd week
“My daughter stays up late in the evenings and doesn’t want to go to bed. She doesn’t sleep much.”
Hannah’s mom, 35th week
“My baby cries herself to sleep.”
Juliette’s mom, 33rd week
She May Have “Nightmares”
A fussy baby can also be a very restless sleeper. Sometimes, she may yell, toss, and turn so much that you think she is having a nightmare.
“My son wakes up often during the night. One time, he seemed to be dreaming.”
Paul’s mom, 37th week
“My daughter keeps waking up in the middle of the night screaming. When I lift her from her crib, she quiets down again. Then, I put her back, and she’ll go back to sleep.”
Emily’s mom, 35th week
She May Act Unusually Sweet
At this age, your baby may employ entirely new tactics to stay close to you. Instead of whining and complaining, she may opt for something entirely different and kiss and cuddle up to you. Often, she will switch back and forth between troublesome and sweet behavior, trying out what works best to get the most attention. A mother of an independent baby is often pleasantly surprised when her baby finally starts cuddling up to her!
“Sometimes, my baby didn’t want anything. At other times, she became very cuddly.”
Ashley’s mom, 36th week
“My son is more affectionate than he’s ever been. Whenever I get near him, he grabs and hugs me tightly. My neck is full of red blotches from nuzzling and snuggling. He’s also not as quick to push me away any more. Sometimes, he’ll sit still so I can read a book with him. I love it! He finally wants to play with me, too.”
Matt’s mom, 35th week
“My baby expresses his clinginess by acting sweeter and more affectionate, coming to lie down with me and snuggling up against me. I enjoy being with him.”
Steven’s mom, 36th week
She May Be Listless
Your baby may become altogether more quiet. You may hear her babbling less often, or you may see her moving around and playing less. At other times, she might briefly stop doing anything and just lie there, gazing into the distance. Don’t worry, it is only temporary.
“My son’s quieter and often lies there staring into nothingness. I wonder if something’s bothering him or he’s starting to get sick.”
Steven’s mom, 36th week
She May Refuse to Have Her Diaper Changed
When you set your baby down to be dressed, undressed, or changed, she may protest, scream, wriggle, act impatient, and be unmanageable. Most babies do now.
My Diary
Signs My Baby Is Growing Again
Between 32 and 37 weeks, you may notice your baby starting to show any of these behaviors. They may be signs that he is ready to make the next leap. Check off the signs that your baby shows below.
Cries more often and is frequently bad-tempered or cranky
Is cheerful one moment and cries the next
Wants you to keep him busy, or does so more often than before
Clings to your clothes, or clings more often than before
Acts unusually sweet
Throws temper tantrums, or does so more often than before
Is more shy
Wants physical contact to be tighter or closer
Sleeps poorly
Seems to have nightmares, or does so more often than before
Loses appetite
Babbles less
Is less lively
Sometimes just sits there, quietly daydreaming
Refuses to have diaper changed
Sucks his thumb, or does so more often than before
Reaches for a cuddly toy, or does so more often than before
Is more babyish
* * *
OTHER CHANGES YOU NOTICE
“Dressing, undressing, and changing diapers is a nightmare. My baby screams the moment I put her down. It drives me crazy.”
Juliette’s mom, 35th week
“My daughter has started to hate getting dressed and undressed. She usually
carries on like there’s no tomorrow.”
Emily’s mom, 36th week
She May Seem More Babyish
For the first time, some mothers will notice the recurrence of infantile behavior that they thought had been left behind. Setbacks have probably been experienced before, but the older the baby gets, the more obvious they become. Mothers dislike seeing setbacks. It makes them feel insecure, but they really are perfectly normal. They promise you that something new is on the verge of breaking through. Try to find out what it is. Brief setbacks may happen during every fussy phase. Be happy with them; your baby is doing well.
“My baby has difficulty falling asleep. She starts crying the same sort of cries as she did when she’d just been born.”
Juliette’s mom, 32nd week
“I have to rock and sing my son to sleep again every night, just like I used to.”
Steven’s mom, 35th week
She May Lose Her Appetite