“My baby always used to like walking when I would practice with her. Now, suddenly, she’s stopped. She seems scared. If she even suspects I might let go of one hand, she’ll sit down right away.”
Ashley’s mom, 46th week
“My son can’t stand being confined now. When he’s strapped into a car seat, he becomes absolutely hysterical.”
Paul’s mom, 40th week
Between 40 and 45 weeks, another relatively easy period sets in. For the following 1 to 3 weeks, many babies are admired for their progress, independence, and cheerfulness. A wide range of things is interesting to them now, from people on horseback to flowers, leaves, ants, and mosquitoes. Many children wish to spend more time outdoors now. Other people suddenly start to play a much more important part in their lives, as well. They make contact with them much more often and are sooner prepared to play games with them. In short, baby’s horizon is broader than ever.
“At the moment, my boy’s a doll. He laughs all day long. Sometimes, he’ll play by himself sweetly for an hour. He seems like a completely different child this past week. He doesn’t look as bloated anymore, and he feels very lithe. He was always a little unwieldy, but now he seems to have loosened up a lot more. He’s much livelier, energetic, and adventurous.”
Frankie’s mom, 42nd week
“My son understands much more, so he’s getting to a new place, somewhere with more possibilities. I have to make it easier to talk to him. He needs to be where he can communicate with everyone, at the table for instance. It’s important now. He’s focusing on other people much more outside of the house as well. He makes contact with them right away by blowing bubbles, making certain calling sounds, or by tilting his head questioningly.”
Bob’s mom, 40th week
Chapter 9
Wonder Week 46:
The World of Sequences
Note: The first phase (fussy period) of this leap into the perceptual world of "sequences" is age-linked and predictable, emerging between 40 and 44 weeks. Most babies start the second phase (see box "Quality Time: An Unnatural Whim" on page 17) of this leap 46 weeks after full-term birth. The initial perception of the world of sequences sets in motion the development of a whole range of skills and activities. However, the age at which these skills and activities appear for the first time varies greatly and depends on your baby's preferences, experimentation and physical development. For example, the ability to perceive sequences is a necessary precondition for "pulling a string to get a ring toy attached to it," but this skill normally appears anywhere from approximately 46 weeks to many weeks or even months later. Skills and activities are mentioned in this chapter at the earliest possible age they might appear so you can watch for and recognize them. (They may be rudimentary at first.) This way you can respond to and facilitate your baby's development.
Babies are natural mess makers. During the last leap in your baby’s mental development, this talent probably seemed at its peak. You may have marveled at your baby’s knack for destruction as he disassembled, tossed around, and squished everything in his path. If you are alert for newly developing skills in your baby, at around 46 weeks you may suddenly notice him doing things that are quite the opposite. He will begin, for the first time, to try to put things together.
Your baby is now ready to discover the world of sequences. From this age on, he can begin to realize that to reach many of his goals, he has to do things in a certain order to be successful. You may now see your baby looking first to see which things go together and how they go together before trying to put them in each other, pile them on top of each other, or piece them together. For instance, he may concentrate on aiming as well as he can before trying to pile one block on top of another. He may push a peg through a hole in a peg board only after he has compared the shape of the peg to the hole.
This world offers whole new areas of exploration for your baby. You will notice that for the first time, he really seems to be able to put two and two together. He is sometimes able to put one action after another quite spontaneously. It may become apparent that the baby is more conscious of his actions than ever before—that he is aware of what he is doing now.
The onset of this new leap in his mental development begins at around 42 weeks, or between 40 and 44 weeks. While he grows into his new skills and learns to be comfortable in this new world, your baby will tend to be fussy and demanding once again. After all, it’s a lot harder to figure out how things go together than to take them apart. The sudden alteration in his thinking can understandably be upsetting. This fussy period will often last for 5 weeks, but it may last anywhere from 3 to 7 weeks. If your baby is cranky, watch him closely to see if he is attempting to master new skills.
Your baby may cry more than he did during the past weeks. Most babies do. They may be fussy, cranky, whiny, weepy, grumpy, bad-tempered, unmanageable, and restless. They will do whatever they can to be able to be with their mothers. Some are preoccupied by this all day long. Some little clingers are more frantic at the prospect of separation than others. They will use every possible means they can think of to be able to stay with their mothers.
“Whenever my baby’s brother comes anywhere near him and touches him, he’ll start to cry immediately because he knows it will get a reaction out of me.”
Kevin’s mom, 41st week
Your baby may cry less when she is near you. Most fussy babies cry less when they are with their mothers. And they complain even less when they have their undivided attention.
“Because I want to keep my baby’s sniveling down to an absolute minimum, we do everything together. I do my housekeeping carrying her on my hip or my arm because otherwise I can’t move an inch with her clinging to my leg. I explain to her what I’m doing, for example, how I’m making tea or folding towels. We also usually go to the bathroom together. When I do go on my own, I leave the door open. I do this first so that I can see if she’s doing anything dangerous, but also because then she can see me and follow me to her heart’s content. And she always does. This way of going about things is the only way either of us will get any peace of mind.”
Emily’s mom, 43rd week
How You Know It’s Time to Grow
She May Cling to Your Clothes
Your baby may go to great lengths to be able to stay as close to you as possible. She may literally wrap himself around you, even when there are no strangers present. Some babies do not necessarily cling to their mothers but do want to stay remarkably close to them so that they can keep an eye on them at all times. And there are those who keep coming back to their mothers, as if they need a “mommy refill,” to be reassured when they leave her again.
“My son wants to sit on my lap, ride on my arm, crawl all over me, sit on top of me, or cling to my legs all day long, like a parasite clings to a fish. When I put him down, he bursts into tears.”
Bob’s mom, 41st week
“My daughter will sit on my shoe and wrap her little arms round my leg. Once she’s hanging on, she won’t let go if she can help it. I really need to think of some kind of diversion to get her to let go.”
Emily’s mom, 43rd week
“At the moment, my daughter tends to stay near, but she still does her own thing. It’s almost as if she’s circling around me like a satellite orbits the earth. If I’m in the living room, she’ll be doing something next to me, and when I go to the kitchen, she’ll be emptying a cupboard next to me there.”
Jenny’s mom, 47th week
“Often, my son comes to me to rub tummies, and then he runs off again. I tend to notice it particularly when I’m sitting somewhere doing something.”
Matt’s mom, 41st week
She May Be Shyer with Strangers
When there are strangers near her, looking at her, talking to her, or, worse still, reaching a hand out toward her, your little one may become even clingier with you than she already is. Many babies are shy now.
“My son is a little shy. When he sees new people, or if some
one suddenly enters the room, he’ll bury himself in my neck. It doesn’t last long, though. He just needs to get used to them.”
Matt’s mom, 42nd week
“My son is shyer than he ever was before. Even his grandfather isn’t allowed to look at him.”
Kevin’s mom, 43rd week
“I noticed this week that my baby was really starting to cling to me a lot. Now, whenever a stranger reaches out to embrace her, she’ll grab me. But if people give her some time, she often ends up going to them by herself in the end. They just have to make sure that they don’t pick her up too soon.”
Ashley’s mom, 47th week
She May Want Closer Physical Contact with You
Some little worriers hold on to their mothers as tightly as they can once they have a hold on them or when they are sitting on their laps, as if they do not want to give their mothers the chance to let go. Other babies react furiously when they are set down or when their mothers walk across the room.
“If we’re apart for even a moment, my daughter cries with rage. When I return, she’ll always hit, claw, pinch, and push me for a moment first. If the dog’s around, she’ll immediately go for him. Once, I came back to find her with a whisker in her hand.”
Emily’s mom, 43rd week
She May Want to Be Kept Busy
Most babies start asking for more attention now. Your baby may do the same. Even an easy little one usually prefers doing things with you. A demanding little person would, if she could have her way, keep you busy keeping her busy night and day. She is often not satisfied until she has her mother’s undivided attention. She can have eyes only for her and only be focused on her.
“My son keeps coming up to me to read a book. He sits with me much more patiently, too. It’s just what I’ve always wanted. He’s usually busy as a bee. So when he finally does want to spend some time with me, it makes up for all the arrears.”
Paul’s mom, 44th week
“My son is becoming less lively in general. His motor development is starting to grind to a halt. He’s paying less attention to it now. His toys aren’t particularly popular now either. Even when I play along, he has a very short attention span. He’d rather have me than his toys.”
Bob’s mom, 41st week
“When my son is nursing, if I do anything or talk to anyone, he wails. I have to look at him, fidget with him, or stroke him. As soon as I stop for a second, he’ll wriggle uncontrollably and kick furiously, as if to say: ‘I am here.’”
Matt’s mom, 43rd week
She May Be Jealous
Your little one can be extra cranky, naughty, or sweet when you pay attention to someone or something else. This change in behavior usually makes a mother wonder if her baby might be jealous. This discovery usually comes as a surprise.
“I babysit a 4-month-old baby. My son always finds it very interesting when I give her a bottle. But this week, he was impossible. He kept doing things he normally never does. He was really causing trouble, being obnoxious. I think he was a bit jealous.”
John’s mom, 44th week
She May Be Moody
Your baby might be cheerful one day and the total opposite the next. Her mood can also change suddenly. One moment, she may be busy and happy doing something, the next she could start whining and complaining. The mood swings come out of the blue for no apparent reason as far as her mother can tell. At times this can make a mother feel insecure.
“My baby would cling and cry her eyes out one moment and seem to be having the greatest fun the next—as if she could turn it on and off at the flick of a switch. I just don’t know what to do. I wonder if something could suddenly be hurting her.”
Nina’s mom, 43rd week
She May Sleep Poorly
Your baby may sleep less well. Most babies do now. They either refuse to go to bed, have more difficulty falling asleep, or wake up earlier. Some are particularly troublesome sleepers during the day. Others are worse at night. And still others are reluctant to go to bed at any time.
“My daughter doesn’t need much sleep. She stays up hours later in the evening, playing happily.”
Hannah’s mom, 43rd week
“My baby wakes up 2 or 3 times a night and doesn’t sleep well in the afternoon either. Sometimes it takes me 3 hours to get her to go to sleep.”
Jenny’s mom, 48th week
“My son is more restless now. When it’s time for bed, I have to force him to calm down. Then, he wakes up a few times during the night.”
Frankie’s mom, 45th week
“My son used to sleep in wonderfully long. Unfortunately, he doesn’t any more.”
Matt’s mom, 41st week
She May Have “Nightmares”
Your baby may turn into a restless sleeper. She could even toss and turn so much that you suspect that she is having a nightmare.
“My baby woke up screaming at the top of her lungs, like she does when she’s angry. I think she must have dreamed something she didn’t like.”
Emily’s mom, 45th week
She May Be Listless
Your baby may temporarily be a little apathetic. Sometimes babies are. They are less active or babble a little less. They may even stop all activity for a while and simply lie and stare. Mothers do not like to see this happen. They think that it is abnormal, and they may try to get the little tykes moving again.
“My daughter is not as active anymore. Often she just sits there, wideeyed, looking around.”
Hannah’s mom, 45th week
“Occasionally, my son will just sit there, gazing into thin air. This is a change because he always used to be doing something.”
Matt’s mom, 43rd week
“My son is more passive, quieter. Sometimes, he’ll sit there, staring off into the distance for a few moments. I don’t like it one bit. It’s as if he’s not normal.”
Bob’s mom, 41st week
She May Refuse to Have Her Diaper Changed
Your little one may become more impatient and unmanageable when she is being dressed, undressed, or changed. She may whine, scream, and writhe as soon as you touch her. Sometimes mothers become aggravated with or concerned about a troublesome squirmer.
“My son won’t stay still for a minute. Sometimes, getting his diaper off is like being in a wrestling match. I love the fact that he’s become more active, but I don’t see why he can’t lie still for a few seconds.”
Frankie’s mom, 43rd week
“Dressing, undressing, and changing are a nightmare. This happened a while ago as well. Back then, I thought the lower part of her little back might be troubling her. I started to worry more and more. So I took her to the pediatrician, but he said that her back was perfectly fine. He had no idea what could be causing it, either. But then, it cleared up by itself.”
Juliette’s mom, 46th week
She May Lose Her Appetite
Many babies seem less interested in food and drink at this time. Your baby may lose her appetite, or she may be very choosy, eating something only if, and when, she feels like it. Mothers are often worried and aggravated by poor appetites and fussy eating.
“My son is not eating well. But all of a sudden he does want to breast-feed in the middle of the day, and he’ll start whining and pulling at my blouse to get what he wants. He wakes up a lot during the night as well, wanting to breastfeed. I wonder whether he’s getting good nutrition this way.”
Matt’s mom, 43rd week
She May Behave More Babyish
Sometimes a babyish behavior that you thought was long gone suddenly reappears. Mothers do not appreciate such revivals. They see them as backward steps and would put a stop to them if they could. Yet a relapse during fussy periods is perfectly normal. It simply means that another huge leap forward is about to happen.
“My daughter relapsed into crawling this week. I just hope it’s nothing to do with her hips or because she started walking so early.”
Jenny’s mom, 44th week
“My s
on doesn’t want to hold his bottle himself anymore but prefers to lie back in my arms and be fed like a tiny baby. A while ago, however, he insisted on holding the bottle himself. His relapse is actually bothering me quite a bit. I kept thinking, ‘Cut it out, son, I know you can do it yourself.’ A few times I put his hands on the bottle, but he wouldn’t budge.”
Bob’s mom, 41st week
“Very often, I have to rock my son again before he will go to sleep.”
Steven’s mom, 41st week
“My son doesn’t want to stand anymore and immediately slumps to the floor. He’s also become a lot more sluggish.”
Bob’s mom, 41st week
She May Act Unusually Sweet
A fussy baby can now also find nicer ways of asking for more physical contact or attention. This happens more and more often and in increasingly sophisticated ways. She may bring her parents books or toys “asking” that they play with her. She may charm you into playing games with her with a variety of ploys, such as laying her little hand on your lap, snuggling up to you, or resting her head against you. Often, she may alternate between being troublesome and sweet, whichever works best at the time, to get the desired touch or attention.
Mothers of independent babies who don’t usually seek much physical contact are overjoyed at the prospect of finally being able to give them a cuddle again.
“My daughter would come up to me now and again for a cuddle. She was extremely charming this week.”
The Wonder Weeks Page 21
