The Wonder Weeks

by D van de Rijt

  Ashley’s mom, 76th week, or approaching 17½ months

  “I can keep him occupied with stories while changing his diaper.”

  Luke’s mom, 76th week, or approaching 17½ months

  “He uses a lot of words. He repeats them or starts them himself. He says the first syllable and that is usually good. He doesn’t really try sentences. He jabbers on sometimes.”

  Bob’s mom, 76th week, or approaching 17½ months

  “This week it was interesting to witness his desire to give everything a name. What an endless desire to learn a language is buried inside such a little person. Another gem is how he can communicate so well. He literally uses his hands and feet to get his message across. He is a mimic. Even when I am talking with other people, he chimes in. He mimes his part.”

  Luke’s mom, 76th week, or approaching 17½ months

  “She is interested in repeating words and practicing with me more than before.”

  Ashley’s mom, 77th week, or 17½ months

  “He uses a lot of words, especially the first syllable. More and more words I don’t have to cue. The joy he gets from speaking is touching.”

  Bob’s mom, 77th week, or 17½ months

  “Communicating about what he does and wants to do and about what he has done is central. He is very creative in saying what he wants with body language that he cannot say yet in words. He enunciates much better. Words are not trimmed at the root. He is starting to use words that have not been cued. From memory.”

  Kevin’s mom, 78th week, or approaching 18 months

  “She knows new words: ‘horse,’ ‘cow,’ and ‘melon.’ She also knows the name of the children with whom she has played. ‘Nina’ she can pronounce best.”

  Ashley’s mom, 80th week, or a good 18 months

  “I think that he basically can repeat everything I say first. It depends on his mood if he will or not.”

  Taylor’s mom, 81st week, or 18½ months

  “She uses many words now. She starts them with the proper letters but puts them in the wrong order, like ‘flower’ becomes ‘fowler.’ Every day brings new words. She practices for a while until she has the letters right. With some letters that is very difficult, like the ‘h’ and the ‘r’.”

  Ashley’s mom, 82nd week, or approaching 19 months

  “The way he expresses himself is very creative. He points to his eyes if he wants to peek in the diaper that I whisk away.”

  Kevin’s mom, 82nd week, or approaching 19 months

  “If I don’t understand him and he doesn’t know the word, he refers back to words that have been used in that context before. Usually we are able to figure it out.”

  Luke’s mom, 82nd week, or approaching 19 months

  “He now uses the word ‘nice.’ He comes with a book in his hand, points to the cover and says: ‘Nice.’”

  Taylor’s mom, 83rd week, or 19 months

  “He comes up to me with his index finger pressed to his thumb and that means ‘money.’”

  Taylor’s mom, 84th week, or a good 19 months

  “All of a sudden he gets an idea and says words completely. When I praise him, he’s proud as can be. He still doesn’t take the trouble to make sentences. He prefers body language. It happens a hundred times a day that he wants to see something I’m doing or something I prohibit. He points to his eyes. That means ‘I just want to have a look.’ His other sensory needs he broadcasts in the same way, by pointing to the relative sense.”

  Kevin’s mom, 83rd -86th week, or 19 to almost 20 months

  “He says something if he is scared. Whether or not he understands the word ‘scary’ I’m not sure, but things he doesn’t like or that are overwhelming, such as loud noises or being physically held down, he calls scary. He finds some animals scary, and some dangerous situations, like if he almost falls down. ‘Scary’ doesn’t always mean ‘run away.’ He tries to overcome his fears by confronting what’s scary.”

  Luke’s mom, 83rd – 86th week, or 19 to almost 20 months

  “He doesn’t enjoy repeating words anymore. But he is still improving. There are more and more words he repeats as well as more and more words with more than one syllable.”

  Luke’s mom, 83rd -86th week, or 19 to almost 20 months

  Understands All, Many Words, and Sentences, Too

  “She is starting to sing. For instance, when I sing ‘Kitty Meow,’ I sing ‘kitty’ and she sings ‘meow.’”

  Jenny’s mom, 73rd week, or approaching 17 months

  “She really ‘reads’ books now. She tells a story while she looks at the pictures. Can’t understand a word, but very touching. Moreover, she can speak in intelligible sentences, too.”

  Victoria’s mom, 75th week, or 17 months

  “If she wants the cat to come to her she calls: ‘Wittie, come here.’”

  Jenny’s mom, 75th week, or 17 months

  “She repeats every word we say and knows exactly what is what. She doesn’t repeat it unless she knows what she is saying.”

  Emily’s mom, 76th week, or a good 17 months

  “Recently he’s been having some nightmares. Towards the end of his REM sleep, he uttered many new words. I think he is very frustrated because he really wants to talk. He dreams now out loud. After his visit to the petting zoo, he imitated all the animals.”

  Thomas’ mom, 80th week, or a good 18 months

  “She says several things together, like ‘that’s good,’ ‘not now’ or ‘mommy and daddy.’”

  Emily’s mom, 81st week, or 18½ months

  “He wanted the soap. But I didn’t feel like reacting to ‘eh, eh’ and said: ‘Tell me what you want?’ Then he said: ‘Yes, that that, me.’”

  Thomas’ mom, 82nd week, or approaching 19 months

  “In the garden center, he had another nice sentence: ‘That....nice.’”

  Thomas’ mom, 82nd week, or approaching 19 months

  “She now puts two and three words together.”

  Emily’s mom, 83rd week, or 19 months

  “She keeps making headway with speaking. She sometimes puts three words together. For instance: ‘Daddy sit me.’”

  Jenny’s mom, 84th week, or a good 19 months

  “He loves his books. Now he listens to and reads fairy tales. Those are little books with very short stories that he got when he visited the amusement park. When I read to him, I always let Prince Thomas play the lead role. He listens all the way to the end of the tale.”

  Thomas’ mom, 86th week, or approaching 20 months

  “She already speaks in complete sentences, one after the other.”

  Emily’s mom, 87th week, or 20 months

  Show Understanding for Irrational Fears

  When your toddler is busy exploring his new world and elaborating his newfound ability, he will encounter things and situations that are new and foreign to him. He is actually discovering new dangers, dangers that until now did not exist for him. Only after he comes to understand things more fully will his fears disappear. Show sympathy.

  “She is afraid of thunder and lightning. She says: ‘scary, boom.’”

  Maria’s mom, 71st week, or a good 16 months

  “He really disliked the vacuum cleaner and a running tap. They had to stop.”

  Paul’s mom, 72nd week, or 16½ months

  “He is scared of balloons. He also won’t go between the sheep and goat at the petting zoo. He wants to be picked up then. Nor does he like sitting on an animal at the carousel. He does like to watch though.”

  Matt’s mom, 73rd week, or approaching 17 months

  “She is afraid of loud noises (trains, airplanes, drills) and of the dark.”

  Nina’s mom, week 75th- 76th week, or a good 17 months

  “He found vomiting nasty. He had vomited in his bed and kept saying ‘bah,’ even after it had been cleaned up.”

  Jim’s mom, 80th week, or a good 18 months

  “The crow of the rooster, as well as spiders, horses, dogs. It was
new. I think that this is part of his newfound autonomy.”

  Gregory’s mom, 80th -81st week, or approaching 18½ months

  “After his bath he always goes and sits down to pee. He tried so hard that this time a turd came out. He found that odd.”

  Robin’s mom, 82nd week, or approaching 19 months

  “She has a wind-up Bert for her bath, but Bert’s nose is loose and if the nose is lying in the water or Bert is lying there without a nose, then she is really scared and pulls herself back in a corner.”

  Josie’s mom, 83rd week, or 19 months

  “He’s been frightened of the vacuum cleaner for a while. He used to get on top of it when I turned it on. Now, he gets well out of the way in a corner until the cleaning is done.”

  Steven’s mom, 85th week, or 19½ months

  “He keeps showing his father the ‘troll king’ he saw at the amusement park. Dad has to tell him a story about him. At the amusement park he was a bit frightened of the ‘troll king.’”

  Thomas’ mom, 86th week, or approaching 20 months

  “He was afraid of a goat that came toward him at the petting zoo.”

  Frankie’s mom, 87th week, or 20 months

  “Flies, mosquitoes and wasps scare her.”

  Eve’s mom, 87th week, or 20 months

  “He was afraid of a spider in the garden and of flies.”

  Harry’s mom, 88th week, or a good 20 months

  After 79 weeks or a good 18 months most toddlers become a little less troublesome than they were, although their budding notion of self and a tendency to want get their own way and the struggle for power are not making it any easier. However, those behaviors make them troublesome in a different way. They are not difficult in the sense of the three C’s: CRYING, CLINGINESS and CRANKINESS. They are occasionally just plain irritating. The trick is to place yourself above it all. Stop and count to ten, remember that your little darling is progressing and do your best to manage the situation. After all, this is a very good opportunity to phase in some rules of conduct for your toddler so he learns that the world doesn’t revolve around him, and that he must take others into account as well.

  Top Games for This Wonder Week

  Here are games and activities that most 17-20 months old toddlers like best now and that help elaborate the new ability into many new skills:

  Playing silly together by pronouncing words differently and making silly movements

  Play wrestling

  Recognizing people

  Standing on his head, scrambling about, practicing balance

  Drawing

  Blowing bubbles

  Jumping and balancing on walls (up to 5 feet)

  Playing the fool

  Tickling and physical play

  Playing physical with Dad and joking around

  Playing outside

  Playing with other children

  Playing ball games

  Feeding the dog

  Ghost games

  Twirling around getting dizzy

  Playing circus Riding horse game

  Tag

  Hide and seek

  Reading stories

  Tongue games: Mother pushes her tongue against the inside of her cheek. Your toddler pushes your cheek in, whereby you stick your tongue out.

  Top Toys for This Wonder Week

  Here are toys and things that most 17-20 months old toddlers like best now and that help elaborate the new ability into many new skills:

  Cars

  Clay

  Children’s TV

  Children’s books

  Small trinkets, things that belong together

  Garage with cars

  Toy airport

  Drawing on paper

  Bucket with sand and water

  Push car

  Plastic chair

  Ball

  Bicycle

  Stuffed animals, bears and dolls

  Stickers

  Sandbox

  Digging in the yard

  Sesame Street music

  Slide

  Coloring pencils

  Tractor trailer trucks

  Blowing bubbles

  Pinocchio

  Trains

  Swings

  Rocking horse

  Puzzles (up to 20 pieces)

  Clicker for the bike

  Be careful with the following:

  The toilet

  The garbage cans

  It is good to know that for adults, thinking and reasoning or logic are not the highest attainable goals, as some people like to think. Logic belongs in the world of programs and is subordinate to the worlds of principles and systems. If you really want to make a change, you will have to change your principles, and in order to change your principles, you will first have to change the accompanying system.

  The problem is that concepts at system level are not easily changed in adults. That is in part due to the fact that every change at the system level has far reaching effects for all levels under the world of systems. And that doesn’t happen without a struggle. History has taught us that such upheaval often brings with it revolution or war using words and even arms. A scientist will not quickly become a mystic nor will a Muslim quickly become a Christian.

  Concepts at the system and principle level are more easily formed than that they are changed. Children learn them by observing their surroundings and then start to use them themselves. Sometimes adults place emphasis on certain system concepts. This is a textbook example of socialization and upbringing.

  Your toddler is, of course, new to the show. His world is still very small and close to home. It will be many years, until after his childhood, before he has developed what we adults call an outlook on life, but a tender start has been made.

  However tender this start may be, it is important and has far-reaching consequences. Among other things, a beginning is made with forming a conscience and learning norms and values. If a poor start is made here, the negative consequences will be most noticeable a few years down the road. If you give it all your attention, it will be a very good in-depth investment. It will save you, your child and everyone around him a lot of misery.

  The importance of this early start applies, of course, to all the other areas in the world of systems. Whether your tyke likes music, likes to build, talk, play with physical phenomena or practice body control, give this rising star a chance. You will be amazed at the pleasure you will have together.

  Postscript

  Countless Wonders

  By now you know that every mom will, at some time, have to deal with a baby who is tearful, cranky, or fussy; a baby who is difficult to please; a baby who, in fact, just needs to touch base.

  It’s our hope that when you find yourself coping with behaviors like these from your baby, you will now understand that you are not alone. Every mother is facing problems like these. All mothers experience worries and irritations when their infants reach certain ages. All mothers forget— or would like to forget—these trying times as soon as possible; as soon as the difficult period is over, in fact. It’s human nature to play down the misery we have to go through, once the dark clouds have parted.

  Now that you understand that your child’s difficult behaviors and your own anxieties and irritability are all part of a healthy and normal development as your infant struggles towards independence, you can feel more secure and confident. You know what you’re doing.

  Even without an instruction manual, you know that your baby will explore each “new world” in her own individual way. You know that the best thing you can do is to “listen” to your baby, in order to help him on his way. You know how to have fun with him. You also know that you are the person who understands him best, and the person who can really help him unlike any other. We hope that the information and findings we’ve shared with you about the Wonder Weeks that mark developmental stages will make it easier for you to understand and support your baby during these traumatic times. In a research project our Dutch p
arental support and education program “Hordenlopen” [“Leaping Hurdles”] was evaluated. That program was based on “The Wonder Weeks.” It was shown that understanding and supporting your baby in this way makes a huge, positive difference for the parents themselves and for the later development of their babies. So your baby’s development is in your hands, and not in those of your family, neighbors, or friends. Their babies may have been completely different. We have made this abundantly clear in this book and we hope that we have empowered parents to be immune to unwelcome and conflicting advice from others.

  We have shown that every baby is “reborn” ten times in the first twenty months, or the so-called sensorimotor period. Ten times her world was turned upside down by a “big change” in her brain. Ten times she was bewildered and did everything in her power to cling to mommy. Ten times she touched base. And ten times she made a “mommy refill” before making the next leap in her development. Obviously, your toddler still has a long way to go.

  More Wonders Await

  Research of the development of brain waves (EEG) of children aged one-and-a-half to sixteen years has shown that major changes occur at the transition between well known stages in their mental development. The beginning of puberty is one such leap at a later age. For a long time it was common knowledge that the onset of puberty was triggered by surging hormones. But recent discoveries have shown that big changes in the brain also co-occur with the onset of puberty. These are not only changes in brain waves (EEG), but also sudden and extremely rapid increases in the volume of certain parts of the brain. For the umpteenth time these youth enter a new perceptual world, enabling them to gain a new insight that they could not possibly have developed at an earlier age. Teenagers are not keen to admit this, because they think they are on top of the world already. As parents we cannot help but smile at the thought that babies are of the same opinion.

  Even teenagers still have a long way to go. Further leaps occur several more times before they become fully independent. There are even indications that adults experience these phases, too.