Dreaming of Mr. Darcy

by Victoria Connelly

  His heart beat wildly when he reached Wentworth House, and his hand shook as he reached up to knock on the door. He was quite sure that the cast and crew had left by then and Kay would be on her own.

  ‘Please let her be in,’ he said to himself. ‘Please let her answer the door!’ He noticed the sign in the front window: No Vacancies. That was odd, he thought. He was sure that she didn’t have any bookings. Hadn’t she told him that day at Charmouth that there were no bookings yet? The cast and crew of Persuasion had been her first and had surprised her, because she hadn’t officially opened.

  A thought occurred to Adam—what if she’d decided not to run the bed and breakfast anymore? What if her brief time in Lyme Regis had been more than enough for her, and she was returning to Hertfordshire?

  Adam knocked on the door again. ‘Come on,’ he whispered. ‘Open the door.’

  His wish was granted a moment later, and he couldn’t hide his shock at the sight that greeted him.

  ‘Kay!’ he said as he saw her tear-drenched face. ‘What’s happened to you?’

  She took a moment to register who was standing on her doorstep. ‘Adam?’

  ‘Yes!’ he said. She didn’t invite him in but turned away from the door and half shuffled along the hallway. Adam followed. ‘Are you all right?’

  She stopped suddenly just ahead of him, and he almost crashed into the back of her.

  ‘You want to know what’s happened to me? I’ll tell you what’s happened to me. It’s what always happens to me. I fall in love, I give my heart away, and it gets broken. That’s what’s happened to me.’

  Adam blanched at her grief-laden words. ‘Gemma told me,’ he said quietly. ‘She was worried about you. Come and sit down,’ Adam said, aware that she was teetering slightly.

  ‘I need another drink,’ she said, making her way towards the kitchen.

  ‘It’s all right,’ Adam said. ‘I’ll get you a glass of water.’

  ‘No, Adam. I mean a proper drink.’

  ‘It’s a bit early, isn’t it?’ he said, looking at the hallway clock and seeing that it wasn’t even eleven.

  ‘Not today it isn’t,’ Kay said. ‘I’m going to get pickled, sizzled, and sloshed.’

  ‘I believe you,’ Adam said.

  ‘So don’t try to stop me.’

  ‘Okay,’ he said, thinking the best thing he could do would be to supervise her. He watched as she entered the kitchen and opened the fridge, reaching in for a bottle of white wine.

  ‘I had some whisky before,’ she said. ‘I bought it in case some of the cast might want it. It was disgusting.’

  ‘How much did you drink?’

  Kay shrugged. ‘About this much?’ she said, lifting her ‘I Love Darcy’ mug in the air.

  Adam winced and watched in horror as she poured a large measure of wine.

  ‘Come and sit down now,’ he said, and she meekly followed him through to the living room. He sat down next to her on the sofa, and it was all he could do to restrain himself from putting an arm around her shoulder.

  He watched her as she drank the wine from her mug. Well, that wasn’t quite the right word for what Kay was doing; guzzling seemed to be more appropriate.

  ‘I don’t think you should drink any more, Kay,’ he said, quietly taking the mug from her before she could protest. ‘You mustn’t let this get the better of you.’

  She nodded slowly, as if half recognising his words. ‘When everybody left yesterday, I realised that I was alone,’ she said. ‘For the first time since moving here, I was really alone. When I first came here, I was surrounded by builders and plumbers and decorators, and then the cast and crew of Persuasion arrived. But now I’m alone, and this house feels empty and quiet, and I hate it, and I don’t know anyone here.’

  ‘You know me, Kay.’

  She gave a little laugh. ‘But what am I doing here?’

  ‘You’re running a marvellous bed and breakfast,’ he said, ‘and making a living in one of the most beautiful towns in the country.’

  Kay didn’t seem to hear him, and he could see tears swimming in her eyes once more.

  ‘But I feel so—so alone.’ She shook her head and stared at the swirling pattern of the carpet that had yet to be replaced. ‘Why can’t I get things right? Just once—that’s all it takes. Even Jane Austen wasn’t as cruel as this. Marianne Dashwood had her heart broken only once, but mine gets broken over and over again.’ A tear escaped and rolled down her reddened cheek. ‘Just like my mother’s did.’

  ‘Kay—’

  ‘And he’s just forgotten me, hasn’t he?’ she said. ‘Hasn’t he read Persuasion properly? Or maybe that line didn’t make it into the script.’

  ‘Which line?’

  Kay flapped her hand in the air. ‘That bit where Anne’s talking about the difference between men and women and says, “We certainly do not forget you as soon as you forget us”.’

  ‘That’s certainly in the script,’ Adam said.

  Kay sniffed. ‘And I bet it won’t mean anything to him when he reads it.’

  ‘I wouldn’t be so sure.’

  She looked at him, desperation in her eyes. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I don’t think you’re the sort of woman men forget.’

  ‘Ha!’ she scoffed. ‘You think that? You really think that? Because I seem to have been forgotten by more men than there are pebbles on that beach out there.’ She flapped her hand and knocked Adam’s, and the contents of the mug slopped onto his trousers. ‘Oh, God! I’m so sorry.’ Kay leapt up off the sofa. ‘I’ll get a cloth.’

  ‘It’s okay,’ Adam said, but she’d already dashed to the kitchen, returning a moment later with a tea towel with which she rubbed Adam’s leg ineffectually. Adam let out an involuntary laugh and took the towel from her. ‘Perhaps it’s best if I do it,’ he said.

  Kay sat back down on the sofa, a scowl of gigantic proportions on her face.

  ‘You will get over this, Kay.’

  She nodded. ‘Yes, they’ll clean up okay in the wash, won’t they?’

  ‘I wasn’t talking about my trousers,’ Adam said.

  ‘I know.’

  ‘Listen to me,’ Adam said. ‘You’re very special, Kay.’

  ‘Special K!’ She laughed.

  Adam frowned. ‘You’re also very drunk.’

  ‘I’m not,’ she said. ‘I need to get drunker. I need to be the drunkest I’ve ever been, because everything is going wrong. Everything! I couldn’t even get you and Gemma right! Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t in love with each other? You should have told me, Adam.’

  ‘I don’t think you’d have believed us.’

  Kay swayed slightly, even though she was sitting down. ‘You’re probably right. But how could I have misread the signals? How could I have got everything so spectacularly wrong?’ Her eyes went wide and wild. ‘I’ve made such a fool of myself, haven’t I?’

  ‘No, you haven’t.’

  ‘And here I am. I’m doing it again, right now.’

  ‘You’re not making a fool of yourself.’

  Kay gave a gigantic sniff. ‘He didn’t love me. He didn’t even have the decency to explain things to me. He only left me a stupid note that didn’t say anything. He just left me, Adam. Just like my dad left me, and my mum and Peggy too. Everyone leaves me.’

  ‘I won’t leave you.’

  Kay looked at Adam. The space between them had closed imperceptibly.

  ‘Oh, you’ve cut yourself,’ Kay said, pulling his arm up for inspection.

  ‘It’s nothing.’

  ‘Have you bathed it? You must take care of yourself.’

  ‘Yes, I bathed it.’

  ‘Do you want a bandage? I should get you a bandage,’ Kay said, looking around her as if a bandage might be hanging around in the air somewhere.

  ‘It’s fine,’ Adam said. ‘It really doesn’t need a bandage.’

  She let go of his arm, patting it tenderly and then looking up at him. ‘Why can’t all
men be as nice as you, Adam? You’re so nice.’

  Adam swallowed hard. He could feel Kay’s warm breath on his face, and his skin still tingled from her touch.

  ‘Kay, I—’ He didn’t get a chance to finish what he was going to say, because she shushed him, pressing a finger to his lips, and before he could react, she leaned forward and kissed him. It was the sweetest, saddest kiss, but Adam couldn’t help responding to it, moving his body forward and folding his arms around her.

  ‘Adam!’ Kay said, her voice breathy.

  Adam kissed her, his fingers running through her beautiful hair and touching the soft skin of her cheek. He had dreamt of such a moment, although this wasn’t how he’d imagined it. This was wrong, and however much Kay thought she wanted him to kiss her, he knew that now wasn’t the right time.

  ‘Kay,’ he said, moving away from her and holding her hands in his.

  ‘What?’ she asked, startled.

  ‘This isn’t right.’

  ‘What do you mean? Don’t you want to kiss me?’

  He gave a little smile. ‘Of course I want to kiss you. I’ve been wanting to kiss you ever since I saw you that first day in Lyme Regis. You don’t remember, do you? I saw you outside the estate agents, and you turned and smiled at me.’

  Kay looked confused. ‘I saw you?’

  He nodded. ‘I think I fell in love with you that day.’

  ‘Oh, Adam!’

  ‘And that’s why we can’t do this.’

  ‘But that doesn’t make any sense.’

  ‘You’re a little bit drunk, Kay, and if anything is going to happen between us, then call me old fashioned, but I’d rather that you be completely sober.’

  ‘I am sober!’ Kay cried. ‘I’m totally sober.’

  Adam stood up, and Kay followed his lead, swaying alarmingly.

  ‘I’m just a bit—unstable, that’s all.’

  Adam took her hand in his and slowly led her upstairs. ‘Which is your room?’

  Kay nodded to the door that was hers. He opened it, and they entered the bedroom together.

  ‘Now,’ he said, ‘you’re going to bed. You’re going to sleep all that whisky off.’ He watched as she sat down on the bed, and then he knelt beside her, gently easing her feet out of her ballet-style shoes. ‘You need to sleep.’

  ‘But I’m not at all sleepy,’ Kay protested. Nevertheless, she swung her legs up onto the bed and rested her head on her pillow, looking up at Adam with big soulful eyes.

  ‘God, Kay!’ he said, wishing she wasn’t quite so beautiful and vulnerable. It was a potent, irresistible, and dangerous mix. ‘I have to go. You’ll give me a call if you need anything, won’t you?’

  ‘I need you,’ she said quietly. ‘Stay with me.’

  Adam sighed. ‘I’ll stay downstairs for a while—just to make sure you’re okay, all right?’

  She nodded and closed her eyes, and despite her earlier protestations, she fell fast asleep.

  Chapter 45

  By the time Kay awoke, the sky was beginning to darken. She stretched out an arm to reach her alarm clock and grimaced at the throbbing pain in her head. She had a hangover, and she hadn’t had one of those for years.

  Sitting upright in bed, she winced as she remembered the whisky. As somebody who didn’t normally drink much, her alcoholic abuse earlier that day was taking its toll. At least nobody had been there to witness it.

  She frowned. Fragments of the morning started to reassemble themselves. She hadn’t been alone, had she?

  ‘Adam!’ she said, the name filling the silence in the bedroom. Adam had been in her bedroom, hadn’t he? She tried desperately to remember what happened, and swinging her legs over the side of her bed, she recalled that he took off her shoes.

  So he’d helped her upstairs. He’d seen her at her most hopeless and helpless. She covered her face with her hands and groaned. Why had he turned up? Why was he always popping up when she least wanted to see him? And then she remembered something else.

  ‘I kissed him!’ Her eyes flew open at the recollection. What on earth must he think of her now? She’d been mourning one man and had flung herself at another. But then she remembered something else. Adam had kissed her right back!

  I’ve been wanting to kiss you ever since I saw you that first day in Lyme Regis.

  That’s what he’d said, wasn’t it? His words were clear in her mind. Adam Craig was in love with her, and she hadn’t known it. She’d been smart enough to realise that he was a man in love, but she’d had no idea that his feelings were directed towards her.

  ‘The rose!’ she said, remembering the beautiful flower he had brought with him to dinner. Kay had convinced herself that it was for Gemma, but Adam hadn’t even known that Gemma was joining him for dinner. But what about that day on the beach at Charmouth? Hadn’t he been about to tell her that he was in love with Gemma?

  ‘But I stopped him,’ Kay said, realising that she’d interrupted him. So what had he been about to say? That it was her he was in love with? Dear, sweet, kind Adam, who’d been such a good friend to her; she had barely noticed him, not with Oli Wade Owen around. She’d noticed he was attractive, of course, but she hadn’t been thinking of her own attraction to him, because she’d been too busy matchmaking him to somebody else.

  But then he’d kissed her and something happened. Kay felt something approaching happiness, and it was a totally different feeling from kissing Oli. When Oli kissed her, she’d been panicking about what she looked like, panicking about whether they were being watched and if she was doing things right. But none of those thoughts, none of those insecurities had mattered when she kissed Adam. She hadn’t been thinking at all. She realised part of it might have had to do with the alcohol, but she felt there was more to it than that.

  More than anything, Kay wanted to see him again, but she was in no condition to be seen. She had to do it the right way, and that began with a shower.

  The next hour was spent trying to make herself look half decent. Her hair had been tangled and knotted from a restless sleep, but a shower soon sorted that out, and as she battled with the comb, she remembered the feeling of Adam’s fingers as he stroked her hair. He’d been so tender with her, and there was nothing but love in his eyes. How hadn’t she seen it before?

  ‘Because you’ve been looking at another man,’ she told her reflection, which was beginning to look a little more human. She’d had eyes for only one man, and it hadn’t mattered that he’d been looking in a totally different direction; she’d been besotted, and nothing and nobody else existed.

  Pulling on a cream cotton dress sprigged with tiny lilac flowers, Kay at last felt ready to leave the house, but first she went into the kitchen and ate a couple of slices of toast. She hadn’t eaten anything all day, and the last thing she wanted was to swoon at Adam’s feet, after she’d practically collapsed at them already.

  She was just about to leave when it dawned on her that she had no idea where he lived. It was somewhere in the Marshwood Vale, but she didn’t have his address, and she’d never made it to his home, even though he’d been hoping to show it to her and introduce her to his cat, Sir Walter. She smiled at the memory. She should have gone to Adam’s house that day, but her head had been full of Oli, hadn’t it? Things seemed clearer. Her head was still throbbing, but her mind felt sharp and focused.

  Adam’s number. She had to find Adam’s number. He’d given her a card. Where was it? She searched through the kitchen drawer where all manner of things, from appliance instruction guides to colour charts for the bedrooms were housed, and there it was: a simple cream business card with a name and phone number embossed in black. She went through to the hall, picked up the phone, and dialed, but his mobile went straight to voice mail.

  ‘Damn!’ she said, hanging up. She noticed somebody had left a message on her answering machine. She pressed Play.

  ‘Kay?’ a voice said a little hesitantly. ‘It’s Adam. I wanted to make sure you were all right, but I guess you
’re still sleeping. Give me a call when you have a moment. All right? Bye.’

  Kay bit her lip and thought about trying to ring his number again, but she didn’t know what she wanted to say and felt quite certain that she couldn’t say it to a recording. She then remembered someone who knew where he lived, and without further delay, she grabbed her car keys and left Lyme Regis.

  Her head was still throbbing as she drove through the Marshwood Vale to Nana Craig’s. She hoped she could remember the way. It was the first time she’d driven around the little country lanes in the dark, and despite wanting to do things as quickly as possible, she kept her speed down, taking the bends in the road slowly and carefully and thanking her lucky stars that the worst of the flooding had drained away.

  Finally she recognized where she was, spotting the perfect little thatched cottage up ahead. It looked even sweeter in the evening with its windows all lit up. Kay parked her car at the side of the road and opened the little gate, walking up the little pathway before knocking on the door.

  It took a couple of minutes before there was a response.

  ‘Who is it?’ Nana Craig asked from the other side of the door.

  ‘It’s Kay. Adam’s friend. I’m sorry to call so late,’ she said. ‘May I talk to you? It’s important.’

  A key scraped in the lock and the door opened slowly. The face of Nana Craig appeared in the narrow gap. Intent on her mission, Kay barely noticed the fuchsia jumper and electric-blue slacks Nana Craig was wearing.

  ‘You’d better come in,’ Nana Craig said.

  Kay followed her into the living room and sat down on the red sofa.

  ‘I’ve got to speak to Adam,’ Kay said without any preamble.

  Nana Craig nodded as if she’d been expecting her to say it.

  ‘But I don’t know where he lives, and he isn’t answering his phone.’

  ‘No,’ Nana Craig said.

  ‘No—what?’ Kay asked, confused.

  ‘I don’t expect he’s answering his phone.’

  Kay frowned. ‘He’s told you, hasn’t he?’

  Nana Craig sighed. ‘He wouldn’t have volunteered the information, but I managed to winkle it out of him.’