It was that she had something to lose in Nick. And being stuck here in a cell with no weapon and no way to free them from their cell meant she had no way to protect him.
She loved him, she realized. It was the dumbest thing she had ever done in her entire life – fall for someone as unattainable and unreachable such as Nicholas Grey – but it had happened. She would deal with the consequences of those feelings later. In fact, it was the most inopportune time to realize something so poignant – she could not even react to it properly – but she could not help it now.
Now, she had to do something, or they would be stuck here. Another cannonball could fire through the brig at any time, and they might not be as lucky then.
“We need to get out of here,” Magda stated, facing the cell bars and wrapping her fingers around the metal. “Perhaps a bar is loose, and we can jerk it out of its socket.”
She continued searching for a way out. She jiggled each bar, craning her neck to see if anything was moving, if there was a chance she could use her weight and remove it. She'd be able to slide through the hole once one bar was gone, and once free, she could get the keys and release Nick before another cannonball fired through. She went to the next one, and then the next. It wasn't long until she made her way completely around the entire cell without any movement at all. Despite looking old and decrepit, the cell was sturdy and strong. It annoyed Magdalena, and she stretched out her fingers while catching her breath.
"We're not going to be able to get out of here," Nick said, and it frustrated Magda to no end just how casual he sounded about the whole thing. Like he did not care he was trapped. Like he did not care that he could die in this battle without putting up a fight.
Before she could stop herself, Magda all but stomped over to Nick and slapped him across the face. If circumstances had been different, she would have reveled in the complete look of shock on his face. Nicholas Grey rarely if ever was surprised by anything, but she managed to catch him off-guard twice. One, just now, and twice, with the kiss. His hand gripped his cheek and his head snapped back, his eyes narrowed with anger at what she had done. Magda was not afraid of him, nor did she blame him for that anger. She hit him; he had a right to feel upset at that.
"What is the matter with you?" she asked, her eyes focused on him. Even though she was not mad, she was still firm. He needed to understand the gravity of the situation because currently, he did not, and if they were to survive, that needed to change as soon as possible. "Why are you just sitting there, without doing anything. You just saw a cannonball fly through here."
"And?" Nick asked, raising his eyebrow along with his voice. "There's nothing we can do, Magdalena. We can't get out. Why stress over something we can't change?"
"Why did you call me that?" Magda asked. She started to feel herself lose her grip on her patience and she struggled but to lose it completely. "What happened to Tinker Bell? When did you get so formal with me?"
"I thought you didn't like when I called you that," Nick pointed out. "Now you're upset that I'm respecting your wishes and addressing you by Magdalena? Can I do nothing right with you?"
"Clearly, you do not understand," Magda said. "The only reason why you're calling me by my actual name is because you want to distance yourself from me. Something changed between because of that kiss, and I don't understand why."
"That kiss," Nick said, his eyes flashing, "changed everything."
Magda pushed her lips together. Opened her mouth. Looked away. Thought better on speaking. Shut it. Looked back at Nick. Shook her head. It was probably the worst thing he could have told her. She knew it was not his fault for not feeling the way he felt. She could not change a person’s feelings. She could not force him to feel something he didn’t, and she would not want to. She just did not think it would hurt as badly as it did.
More than that, she did not realize things would change so drastically between them. In fact, she hated herself for it. For not thinking through the consequences of her actions and what they would cost her.
The kiss meant everything to her. But it was not worth losing Nick as a friend.
The past two months had been unlike any she had ever experienced before. She had felt things she did not realize she could feel, and she was grateful for the opportunity to experience it. She laughed more than she ever had before, she had rolled her eyes so much she was surprised they were still in their sockets, and she had fallen in love. Perhaps her body doubted her heart because the feeling was new and unfamiliar. It was scary because now she had everything to lose –
And she did. Lose everything, because of it.
Tears burned her vision, and she tried so hard to blink them away but with absolute horror, she realized one or two slipped past their barrier and eclipsed her cheek. Immediately, she brushed them away with the back of her hand and hoped he did not see it, but of course, how could he not when they were so close in a brig, with nothing else to look at, no other way to grab their attention with. She was making a spectacle of herself, and she could not hate it.
“How?” she forced herself to ask and hated – absolutely hated – that her voice came out shaky. “What’s changed? We can simply ignore that anything transpired between us.”
“We can’t.” His voice was soft, and he had the decency to look away. “I can’t ignore what’s happened, and I won’t forget it.” He took a step forward and reached out to her, then hesitated, dropping his hand back to his side. “Why in the world would you kiss me?”
Magda swallowed, unsure where this conversation was going or what any of it meant. At least, when she spoke, her voice came out clearer than before. “Because I wanted to,” she told him.
It was such a simple answer, Nick looked flabbergasted. She wished she could help him understand, but she could not force him if he did not know.
"I'm in love with Remy," Nick said, and he blinked, almost as though he had not expected himself to admit that out loud. Once the words were out, once they came from him, they were true, they were real. He could not take them back. "I'm in love with Remy."
"Yes, I know." Magda made sure her voice sounded nonchalant, even a little flat. She did not want to come across as bitter or jealous. It was not his fault he loved Remy and it was not Remy's fault, either. She refused to be a bitter old hag about a love that did not work out the way she had hoped. There were other men out there, and while she was not keen on discovering just who those men were, she knew that Nick was not the only one. Even if he was the one she wanted. "I know that. That shouldn't change just because of a kiss."
Nick was about to respond. He opened his mouth, the words on the tip of his tongue, ready to pour out, when the door to the brig slammed open. In walked men Magda recognized, and she completely forgot about Nick and all her troubles regarding emotions.
"Charlie!" she exclaimed, her eyes sparkling as a smile formed on her lips. "My goodness, am I glad to see you. Can you get us out of here?"
"Magda." He gave her a lopsided smile, crossing his arms over his chest. Charlie had this knack to look completely at ease, even with the world falling apart around him. She envied his nonchalance, especially in times like this one. "How is it that you always seem to get yourself in messes such as this one?"
The second man, Brimstone, searches the desk and found a ring of keys. He walked to the brig and began sticking them in the hole, hoping to unlock one.
"You know me," Magda said with a grin of her own. When they came closer, she realized the men were wet, almost soaked to the bone. "Is it raining?"
"Nah," Brimstone said, shooting her a grin. "Charlie and I went for a dip before engaging in a battle with Pan."
When a key clicked the lock open, Brimstone stepped aside to let Magda pass. When Nick made a move to leave, both Charlie and Brimstone stepped in front of him. Both looked at Magda for instruction.
"Let him free," she told them. "He's not a threat to James. We're all on the same side when it comes to Pan."
Charlie nodded and opened up the door s
o Nick could step through. However, Magda did not watch him do so. She did not speak to him, did not look at him. If she was being honest, she wanted absolutely nothing to do with him at this moment. She was still hurt, angry, and confused. Instead, she gave her crewmates a smile, and without waiting, spun on the heel of her boot and headed out the door, leaving Nick to do whatever he wished without complication.
She needed to find James. James was here, and there was a good chance he could use her help. That, and he might genuinely want to see her. Because, as she emerged from the brig and on the deck of the ship, she realized she missed him. Really and truly missed him. Perhaps now he did not need her to watch Nick and distract him. If she were back with James, she did not need to worry about Nick. She could forget about him and her feelings, put them both behind her, and distract herself enough to the point where she could move on.
Nick, himself, was a distraction and one that very well could cost her her life. She loved him and she lost him though she knew she could not lose something she never had in the first place. All she knew was that she put her heart and her feelings on the line, and Nick returned them in pieces. She could spend time trying to mend the pieces together or she could set the pieces down and forget about everything for the time being. The best course of action for her right now was to forget.
She would fail. Miserably. She already knew this. But if she wanted to survive the night, it was something she needed to do. She could cry later.
"Magda!"
Charlie shook her out of her thoughts and pulled her into a hug.
"It's so good to see you again," he said, and she could not help but smile because Charlie was not the sort to be outwardly emotive. Actually, in that respect, they had been very much alike. Before her time with Nick. Before she had fallen in love. The hug was quick but the fact that it was a hug at all meant a lot to Magda, and she tucked the memory away to save for later. "We're in a bit of a bind."
"I can see that," she said. "Where's the captain?"
"Fighting and killing," Charlie said. "His usual."
Without warning, Nick pushed past them. He did not speak. He did not even shoot a glance at Magda. He kept his brown eyes focused, in front of him. He did not allow himself to give anything away. Magda almost hated him for it. How could he be so nonchalant when she was breaking inside?
"We need you over on the Jolly Roger," Charlie told her. "No one fights the same way you can. So elegant and graceful. Like you're dancing and not fighting."
Magda nodded, forcing her thoughts away. Charlie knew exactly what to say to take her mind off things - usually. Now was not one of those times. "Right," she said. "I'll meet you over there. I need to get my weapons."
They nodded and disappeared, leaving Magda alone. Which was exactly what Magda wanted.
Chapter 25
“Nick!” Remy exclaimed in a hushed whisper. Without thinking twice, she lowered her weapon and all but dashed to him, throwing her arms around his broad frame and burying her face in his chest. “It is so good to see you!”
“And you as well, love,” he said, and when she pulled back from him, her eyes found his warm brown ones and she immediately knew she was safe once more. “Come on, then.” He dropped her waist and grabbed her hand, pulling her to the back of the ship and away from the majority of the fighting.
“Wait,” she said, shaking her head. “Where are you going?”
“There’s a boat, a small one,” he explained, and gestured to it, a distance aways. “I plan to lower it into the water and get off this bloody ship before it takes me down with her.”
“But James” –
Nick tilted his head to the side so fast he almost pulled a muscle. “James?” he asked, dropping her hand altogether and taking a step back. Though his eyes look wounded, his tone came out aggressive. “I didn’t realize the two of you were on such familiar terms.”
Remy felt her face heat up at Nick’s words, even though it was none of his business and Nick had not known about their kiss – or Remy’s reaction to it. “Does it matter?” she asked. “I’m not going to leave him to fight against Pan’s crew. There’s no way he’ll win, and who knows what will happen to him if he does.”
“Why do you care?” Nick said. “He took you from me, remember? He forced you to go with him, to use you for one of his long, winded plans. Remember?”
“I do,” Remy said, nodding her head once. “Things have changed.”
Nick’s tan skin paled at her words, and he looked as though he had just gotten the wind knocked out of him. “Changed,” he said. His voice sounded void. Monotone. As though he was not really here. As though she had not said what she just said. “Changed how?”
“I do not think now is the best time for us to discuss it,” Remy said. “However, I do believe a discussion is necessary. Afterwards. After we finish off Pan’s men and get to the bottom of what’s going on and why this is happening at all.”
“Why do you care?” Nick asked again. “I thought you wanted to go home.”
“I do,” Remy insisted, “but” –
Nick held up a hand, silencing her. “I know,” he barked. “Things changed.” He put his hands on his hips, looked to the floor. Then, “Do you know what I’ve gone through to get you? Do you know the things I’ve done, the risks I’ve taken, the people I’ve hurt?” He opened his mouth, but shut it, and looked away. “I don’t have to tell you how I feel. I know you know. I have no loyalty to Hook. I have a loyalty to myself and my crew. I have a loyalty to my job and trying to figure out why there are so few souls now. I have a loyalty toward you, to making sure you are safe. Now, I’m asking you to please come with me, where I can get you safe, where we can leave together and never look back. Let them sort out their problems.” He paused, and even though he did not seem to want to do it, said, “Please.”
"Nick."
Remy paused, bit her lip. She knew what she had to do, but she still did not want to do it. It was the most inappropriate time, too. She wished it could have been different. She wished it was just the two of them and she could be more sensitive to his feelings.
He looked at her, and then – And then, he knew. It was like he could read her face and could see it clearly, like it was an open book in big, bold letters. It was in that moment where she saw what a broken heart looked like. She saw the precise moment it broke. Like his heart had been in the palm of her hand and she had squeezed it until there was nothing there except for dust.
“Nick,” she said again.
This time, Nick backed up. “No,” he said, shaking his head so his hair fell into his face and swished with the movement. “No, no, no, no. No. I can’t listen to you tell me things have changed. When we were together, I thought… You seemed…”
“Nick,” Remy said again. She was trying to be gentle but he was forcing her to be firm. “You need to hear this. Stop acting like a child.”
“A child?” he asked. “That’s rich, coming from you. Do you remember how you behaved when you got here initially? Shall I have Giselle and Adele recount how you acted and the number of tantrums you threw?”
“I’ve grown,” she said, feeling her cheeks heat up.
“In the couple of months that you’ve been with Hook?” Nick asked. “And how did you grow up? Mentally or physically? Perhaps both?”
Without warning, Remy slapped Nick across the face and had no remorse about it. There was no reason for Nick to be so crass with her. It was not like him, and more than unbecoming. He had never been mean to her before, just to be mean. This was not like him at all, and she was not going to put up with it just because his feelings were hurt that she did not want to run away with him. Remy was tired of doing what other people expected from her. She was tired of living up to the standards others had for her. She was tired of being tired. Life was different now, and she wanted to develop more of an independence than she had. As such, just because Nick – a man – did not like the path she decided to take in life did not give him the right
to insult her or her reputation.
“Well, you aren’t the first woman to slap me today,” Nick muttered to himself under his breath.
“You probably deserved it both times,” Remy said in that same tone. Her body was still tense, like she was preparing for a fight, even though she knew, without a doubt, Nick would never physically retaliate.
“May I ask you something?” Nick asked, still touching his cheek with his fingertips. His brown eyes had gone back to their normal color, a warm, soft brown that made her feel welcome always. He had friendly eyes.
Remy nodded her head, forcing her body to relax. “Of course,” she told him.
“Why…” He clenched his teeth together and shook his head. A light blush started crawling onto his face. “Why not me? Why Hook?”
“I do not” –
“Look, let’s not lie to ourselves, darling,” Nick said, locking eyes with her. “Please? I’m asking you a question. I’m not insulting you anymore. I just want to know why. If, of course, you would not mind telling me.” He ran his fingers through his hair and looked away again.
Love in Neverland: Book 2 in The Neverland Trilogy Page 19
