Remy could tell it took everything in him to ask the question, that he absolutely detested the fact that he needed to know the answer. If he wanted it, he deserved to know, and she would tell him without being condescending or too nice about it. If he wanted the truth, he would get it.
“It has nothing to do with you as men,” Remy said. “One cannot compare the two of you because you are both so different. You saw me for me what I am – a spoiled little rich girl who needed saving so long ago. And you accepted me for who I was. Which, at the time, I did not deserve. James sees me for who I could be. He pushes me to be better and I’ve done so many things by myself, I’ve learned so much about myself, that I know I’d be able to survive on my own. It wouldn’t be for very long, of course. But I’d make it for a bit, when before, I wouldn’t have made it for a few hours. I need that. I need someone to see me for what I could be because I wouldn’t be able to see that. And I need a reminder.”
Nick took her words and let them sink in. He nodded as if to himself, as if accepting her words for what they were. Then, he looked over at her and nodded, now to her. He even forced a smile this time, but Remy knew it was just for her benefit.
“What now?” she asked him.
He opened his mouth, ready to respond when Pam interrupted the two of them.
“Ms. Cutler!” she exclaimed, her eyes wide with fright. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Where have you been? James sent me for you. The captain is worried sick about you. You weren’t in your room!”
“I slid out the window,” Remy said, turning to her. “My door was locked so I…” She let her voice trail off and her eyes narrowed at Pam, even though she knew it was not Pam’s fault. “You locked me in, didn’t you?”
“The captain” – Pam began, but Remy cut her off.
“He told me to lock you in your room,” Pam said, insistent. “He’s worried about you. He’s worried about your safety.”
“I know that,” Remy snapped. When she heard her tone, she stopped herself, pressed her lips together, tried to soften her edges. “I’m sorry. Pam, I’m sorry. I know it’s not your fault. You are just following orders. You say James wants me?”
Pam nodded. “When he realized you were not in your room, he sent me to find you,” she said. “He’s fighting right now or I’m sure he would have come for you himself. He cares about you.”
Remy smiled at Pam’s words. She knew Pam would not tell her that just to be nice. If Pam said it, it was true, and if it was true… She let that thought linger before teasing more of it out, and instead, her eyes involuntarily sought out Nick. She had not meant to react so thoughtlessly. He had all but told her he loved her, and she had rejected him. It wouldn’t be right to feel gleeful that the person she loved cared about her in return when Nick could not say the same thing.
But Nick was gone. Vanished. She tried looking for him, but it was almost as though he was never here at all. She might have found it odd, perhaps she might have felt guilt pool into her stomach, but Pam’s presence prevented her from doing anything about it.
“May I take you to him?” Pam asked. “Or did you want to take a moment? There’s a battle going on between both ships, you know.”
“I do know.” Remy furrowed her brow. Something did not sit well with her. Something was not right. They were on Peter’s ship, and Remy only managed to get here after sneaking her way over the plank and fighting a man to be here. Yet Pam did not seem to have a hair out of place. She was not breathing hard. In fact, she did not even seem afraid. “Do you?”
Pam smiled. And then, Remy knew. How could she have been so blind?
She had not been. Her suspicion of Pam had been justified.
“Pam,” Remy said, but Pam cut her off with a look.
“Oh, Ms. Cutler,” she said in a voice filled with an emotion Remy had never heard come from Pam’s mouth: Joy. “You are more intelligent than I initially gave you credit for. However, as you can see, it’s too late for you to do anything. Struggle, and I will injure you badly enough to mar your face. We’re required to bring you in alive, not pretty.”
Remy swallowed. She wanted to fight. She wanted to struggle. She wanted to show Pam she did not care about her face, about what she looked like. But she hesitated. The truth of the matter was that she did care. More than she was willing to admit.
Pam smirked. “That is exactly what I thought.” She grabbed Remy’s forearm and started to tug her to the bow of the ship. “Come. We’ve already wasted too much time. We need to leave.”
“Where are you taking me?” Remy asked. She started to pull against Pam, but Pam reminded her not to when she pulled out a pocketknife from the folds of her skirts.
“All in due time,” Pam said. “Before anything, I want to introduce you to someone. Someone important to me. Someone who rescued me from my life on earth and brought me here. I told you about him.”
“Peter Pan,” Remy said, and they reached the side of the ship where a rope ladder was thrown over and led down to a rowboat. The boat was not empty. A man in green sat down looking up, his copper hair in place, his dark eyes gleeful upon seeing Remy’s face.
“Peter Pan,” Pam agreed. “Climb over. Now.”
Remy shut her eyes and tried to think of some kind of escape plan. Perhaps if she yelled… But the battle was too consuming for its participants. No one would hear her, and even if they did, they could not come for her. Not when they were tied to other people where the smallest distraction could mean their life. For now, all Remy had was herself and her mind. She needed a plan and she needed one fast.
But she was scared. Her heart was beating too hard and too fast to concentrate on any one thing. She found it was difficult to breathe. Her fingers shook as she pulled herself over the ledge. She wanted to cry. Pan damaged her body and her soul, and now she was about to fall back into his clutches once more. He needed her alive, but that did not mean he wouldn’t hurt her. And she was afraid of that. She was afraid she would never get home now. She was afraid she would never see James or Nick or anyone else ever again.
You will be all right, her mother’s voice told her, her tone firm, her accent soothing. The familiar lilt slowed her heart back down to normal, and when she grabbed onto the rope, her fingers were not shaking anymore. Remember, you are stronger than you believe. You can handle anything and anyone that is thrown at you. That, I believe. And you should too.
Remy clenched her teeth and nodded. She descended the latter slowly, but each new rung gave her more and more confidence. She was scared, and that was not going to change. But she could hide it and she could sharpen her focus and formulate some kind of plan to get herself out of this mess.
James and Nick and anyone else weren’t coming for her. This time, she would have to save herself.
Chapter 26
Magdalena let the tears fall freely. If anyone saw them, she could blame it on the sulfur staining the air. But that was not the real reason why she was crying, and she knew it. The minute Nick disappeared, she knew it was all over. She knew her heart would break into a million tiny little pieces and scatter across the wind, never to be put back together the same way again ever. As such, she needed to remove herself from the situation as quickly as possible so the two lovers would not see her sadness and so she would not see their happiness. It was childish, to be sure, but once the lock was sprung free, she barreled out of there, nearly knocking Charlie over. After grabbing her weapons – the set of knives she carried on her person, and her personalized, hand-crafted cutlass James had given her for her birthday, she left without looking back.
Once she was on deck of The Punisher, she saw the chaos. Men died right in front of her, the screams the last things to leave their body, their very souls dissolving into the air, never to be seen again. The ship next to it was the Jolly Roger. She needed to get there, and fast. She had to get to James. Make sure he was okay.
As much as she wanted to jump into a fight and release the anger and hurt and frustrati
on that threatened to consume her because of her broken heart, she refrained. It would be the second dumbest thing she had ever partaken in; it would be akin to committing suicide without actually doing so. She’d be too distracted, too emotional to focus, and it would not be long before she was taken out.
Instead, she would get over to the Jolly Roger. If she got to James, perhaps he would help her shift focus and forget about Nick. At least for now.
It was not likely she would ever see him again. He had no loyalty to James or herself; there was no reason to fight a battle that he was not responsible for or did not have a stake in it. It would not surprise her in the least if he grabbed a boat and got off the ship now that he had Remy.
Her eyes burned again, and she had to blink them away. There was no time to feel sorry for herself. There was no time to feel sad. She needed to get a move on and she needed to do it now. Nick could wait. She would not think about the two of them running off together. She would not think about the first man she truly fell in love with loving someone else.
And how do you know you love him? a voice in her head asked, and the tone was doubtful. You’ve been around him for a couple of months, and while he is understandably pleasing to the idea, he has not done anything to warrant such strong emotions.
Magda stopped at the edge of the ship, stopped her thoughts just for the moment. Her eyes glanced all over, trying to find something to use to get over to the Jolly Roger. There were fights of every natural – verbal, physical, and with weapons – everywhere. No one seemed to pay any attention to her, however, which could very well turn out to be a good thing. She blocked out the yelling and the shouts. Instead, she tilted her head up and saw the sails. If she could get up the mast of The Punisher, she could get a hold of the sail and swing over to the mast of the Jolly Roger. It would be risky, potentially fatal. But she had practiced such feats as this one with James before. She was nimble and could balance well. Even without her wings, she was sure of foot and lingered in the air longer than any ordinary human.
She could do this.
She darted over to the mast and started using the ledges that led up to the watchtower as a way to ascend. She was fast and did not even glance down or to the surrounding battle below. All she could see was up. All she could see was what was before her.
When she reached the top, she threw her legs over the small watchtower. A dead body caused her to scream – something she never did if she could help it – and her heart jumped into her throat. She had to grip the edge of the mast to steady herself or she would have fallen straight to her death. Once she steadied her heart, she bent her knees and grabbed the body. Using all of her strength, she hoisted the man over the tower and onto the deck. She could hear the crunch from her position and it made her shudder.
The dead man was not one of James’s men. He wore a uniform, predominantly black in color with red flares. She quirked her brow at it. It wasn’t a uniform she had seen before, and she wondered just who Pan and his men were working for. It had to be someone important, someone powerful. There was no way he would be able to escape a life of servitude from The Other World by himself, and that was exactly where he ended up, thanks to the fact that he went back on his deal with James. Pan was captain, yes, but he was a puppet. Magda wanted to know just who was pulling the strings.
Perhaps she would get her answer on the other ship. Her eyes scanned across the way until they narrowed in on James. He was fighting with a uniformed man, a fierce look of vengeance on his face. Though it marred his delicate features, it did not take away from his attractiveness. If anything, it only enhanced it. It made him look hard and fierce, like nothing and no one could touch him. In fact, now that she could see a little more clearly, his hook was filled with blood. She smirked at the sight of it. Apparently, he could use that as a weapon, too.
Stop looking and start doing, a voice scolded her, and she nodded to herself. The voice was right. She needed to focus.
There was a thick, dangling rope that would allow her to toss herself off of, and she would land on the Jolly Roger’s thick sail. From there, she would be able to slide down until she reached the deck and, if she planned everything correctly, landed on her two feet. What she would have to do, however, was crawl out of the watchtower, further up the mast until she reached the top. Then, she needed to walk out onto the mast’s thick horizontal branch, keeping the mast in balance, and holding up the sail. If she had a good grip on the rope and was not afraid of running, she would get over there in no time.
Or you could have walked the plank to get to the other side, Magda thought to herself. The ships are close together, after all.
She reached up but something made her stop. At the back of The Punisher, she could see Nick and Remy, clearly discussing something. Nick kept gesturing behind him, probably at the spare boats the ship had in stock for quick travels.
“So it’s true,” Magda thought with bitterness tainting her tone. “He’s trying to run away with her.”
Even if that were the case, it did not appear as though Remy was having any of it. Her hands were balled into fists at her side, and she kept shaking her head. Nick looked upset too, and the only way for Nick to look upset was if Remy was refusing to leave with him. And if Remy was refusing to leave with him…
“She doesn’t love him,” she said to herself, and glee started trickling through the cracks of the defenses around her heart. “And he doesn’t love her. Which means, they don’t love each other.”
The rain fell hard on her person, but she smiled brightly. She even laughed. Thunder sounded in the distance, and she laughed harder, but she could not hear it due to the echoing thunder. Did it make her a bad person? Because she did not even feel bad about it. She kept laughing and laughing and tilted her head back so the rain could fall fully on her face. It washed away her shame and her emotions. It washed away her walls and her defenses. What was left was who she was: Magdalena, former fairy, current pirate, in love with another ferry – a different type. She did not want to be hard all the time anymore. She wanted to feel safe with someone, where she could relax and be herself and just be.
Myself, she thought. My wings were ripped out of my back and I was traded to the ruler of The Other World. I’ve been trained, taught, and built up to be the person I am now. But is it me?
Magda shook her head again, ridding herself of these thoughts. They were too distracting. If she did not move, she wouldn’t. The cold was creeping up on her. Her clothes were soaked, her hair was matted to her face. There was a good chance her grip would not hold the rope –
But she could not think on that. She refused to let it be part of her reality.
“What are you doing up here, Tink?”
Nick completely caught her off guard, and she nearly slipped off the mast branch. She threw her weight toward the mast, clutching it with her arms so she had something to hold onto.
“Don’t do that!” she exclaimed, raising her voice so he could hear her over the rain and thunder and screaming down below. “I nearly died!”
“I would not have let you,” he told her, crossing his arms over her chest.
Magda looked up to see Nick, really see him. His hair clung to his face, a darker shade of brown. He, like her, was soaked to the bone. His white tunic clung to his body, to his muscles, and his pants did the same thing to the bottom half of his body. God, he looked good wet. Beautiful, even.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. “And how did you get up here?”
“I don’t want to talk about that,” Nick said. “Not yet, anyway. I want to tell you why you ruined everything.”
“You came up here just to tell me that?” Magda asked, still clinging to the mast for her life. She was afraid that if she would let go, she would fall to her death. Right now, Magda did not trust the natural grace fairies were born with. Not when she was so close to Nick. Not when he looked the way he did. “Are you insane? Something could have happened to you, you fool!”
“You r
uined everything,” Nick said, ignoring her, “because it turns out, I don’t love Remy.”
Magda could barely see Nick through the rain, but everything stopped and all she noticed was the pirate captain in front of her. “W-what?” Her voice was shaky, but she did not care. She did not even know if Nick heard her.
“I care about her,” he went on, “and those feelings were romantic. But perhaps I was being too hasty with those feelings. I’ve thrown the word love around much more than I should, without really knowing what it means. But it’s okay, because I get it now. I know what it means.”
“And what does it mean?” Magda asked. Again, she did not know if Nick could hear her because her voice was low and her eyes were wide and the rain fell at an odd angle, but she refused to blink in case this would all disappear.
“You,” Nick stated simply. “It means you.”
Love in Neverland: Book 2 in The Neverland Trilogy Page 20
