Wallflowers: One Heart Remains

by CP Smith

  Reservations began to creep in and I bit my lip in thought. Could I allow myself to be happy this soon? What if when the newness wore off, we found we didn’t mesh? Were too different to last?

  I peeked out the bathroom door and saw Nate hadn’t come back, so headed to the kitchen looking for a coffeepot. I needed caffeine, not sleep, so I could sort out my head.

  It wasn’t sitting out in the open, so I started searching for it. It took me five minutes to realize the man didn’t have one. Or food. He barely had plates.

  How was that possible?

  I scanned his living room and realized it was barely furnished. No pictures, nary a book or magazine, and my heart rate picked up. He didn’t read? I scanned his apartment again and the hair on the back of my neck began to rise while the happy feelings I’d just experienced dissipated.

  I ran to his bedroom and opened the door. “Oh, God.” His bed was made. I couldn’t remember the last time I made my bed. I couldn’t remember the last time I swept, but Nate’s apartment was spotless.

  I fell to the floor and looked under his bed. Not a single dust bunny. Not even broom marks where he’d half-heartedly swept.

  Do I even own a broom?

  “This is why you don’t rush into things,” I mumbled as panic, my ever-present companion, began flooding my system.

  Nate was a neat freak. And I was Pigpen. We were the complete opposites.

  “I’ll run him off with my chaos,” I whispered, devastated.

  I ran back into the kitchen, grabbed my keys sitting on his counter, and then hightailed it to his side door. I needed to find the Wallflowers before I made a huge mistake and none of us had phones, thanks to me.

  Opening the door, I stepped through and made it five feet before I heard Cali and Sienna call out my name. I swung around and found them trudging up the sidewalk beside the bar. Thank you, Jesus! “In the car,” I shouted then ran to the driver’s side door. I didn’t wait to see if they followed. As expected, they climbed inside my car.

  “What’s going on?” Sienna asked.

  If she only knew. The end was possibly nigh for Nate and me if I didn’t figure this out.

  “Where’s Hot Cop and Dashing Detective?” I asked, referring to Bo and Devin’s YouTube names after being caught wrestling Fang Ken Yoo, a huge Asian woman involved in Maria Espinoza’s murder, the daughter of a friend of Nate’s who also cleaned the building we worked in.

  “They’re talkin’ to Nate about a case. We came to get you so we could have a late lunch.”

  “I need a phone. And advice. And coffee,” I explained, “And maybe copious amounts of green magic.”

  “We can do all those, but can we get food too?” Cali asked. “’Cause I’m ready to chew off my arm.”

  Traffic was heavy, per usual in the historic district, so I maneuvered onto Martin Luther King and headed toward the mall, so we could replace our cell phones and grab a Starbucks.

  “Why do you need green magic?” Sienna asked cautiously.

  I swung a hard left and pushed the pedal to the floor like a killer was on my tail. “First, do we need a reason for Midnight with the Gods, Sister?”

  “The devil’s in the details,” she answered.

  She wasn’t kidding.

  “Lucifer and I are on a first name basis, so he won’t mind. I’m pretty sure he encourages my drinkin’, actually.”

  “Oh, boy,” Cali mumbled from the back seat.

  She had no idea.

  “How about the details that go with coffee then?” Sienna pushed.

  “Cream, sugar, fake vanilla or mocha if your tastes run that way.”

  “Oh, boy,” Cali parroted, so I looked in the rearview.

  “Do you need a cracker?”

  “What?”

  “You sound like a cockatoo,” I informed.

  Five tense minutes later, I took another hard left and pulled into the Savannah Mall, parking in front of the entrance to Barnes and Noble. I bailed out of the car and headed inside my sanctuary. Books and coffee. The only evidence I needed to know there was a God. And He was a reader. With a caffeine addiction. And possibly a sick sense of humor for throwing a neat freak in my path. It was like dangling a carrot in front of a mule all over again. And I was tired of being the ass in this equation.

  We stepped through the doors of heaven on earth and paused, each taking a deep breath to allow the smell of ink, paper, and coffee to settle us unlike anything else in our lives could. Probably even sex. Though we’d lie under oath if hard-pressed by the male persuasion.

  “I feel better already,” I sighed.

  “Oh yeah, this is better than sex,” Sienna said.

  See?

  “Oh, the new release table,” Cali gasped and took off.

  “I need the new Helena Hunting,” Sienna called out, following. “It’s called The Good Luck Charm.”

  “I’m headin’ for coffee, I’ll look later.”

  I swear they both got whiplash when they looked back at me.

  “Oh, boy,” Cali said, yet again, turning back toward me, but I kept on walking to the Starbucks nestled in the corner.

  “They have medicine for that,” I called out.

  “Um, Sister?” Sienna called out.

  I shot a smile over my shoulder. “You’re finally catchin’ on to my name.”

  Maybe ADD was a family trait?

  And denial.

  I wonder if Knox reads?

  “Spill,” Cali said when she finally caught up.

  “Jump,” I answered.

  “Jump?”

  “I’ve already used that word, pick another.”

  “What?”

  “Where?”

  She was finally getting the hang of this game.

  “Is this like the alien thing from last night?” Sienna asked looking between us

  “You see aliens?”

  “No, you see aliens.”

  “I do? Are the gray with large eyes?”

  Sienna opened her mouth then looked at Cali. “Avoidance one-o’-one?”

  Well, that took them long enough.

  “Natalie?” Cali questioned.

  Ha. Natalie was ancient history. I was an island of one again because I doubted Nate and I would ever mesh.

  I turned and ordered my coffee from the nice barista then turned back and answered. “First, I need coffee so my brain is firing on half its cylinders before I explain that Nate and I are quite possibly, but most probably, Fin. Kaput. That we might not work.”

  A collective gasp fired behind me. “You’re so not done. Not even a little bit.” Cali laughed.

  “Are so.”

  “Are not,” Sienna argued.

  “So, so, so.”

  I thought my argument was solid, but I forgot Cali was Bernice’s niece. She laid some sage wisdom on me that I should have remembered.

  “Nate won’t let it be over, so you might as well give up. It’s what they do. They wear you down until you agree with everything they say and then your bell is rung, and you’re hooked.”

  And there it was. The one thing I’d forgotten.

  “I’ll explain it to him if I have to,” I said in a high-pitched voice, because my bell had been rung, admittedly by me, but Nate was the cause, and it had been awesome and wonderful and (deep breath in) I didn’t want to be done, but hello, he’s a neat freak.

  “How about explainin’ why you’re hedgin’ now?” Sienna sighed.

  “Why do you think we’re here?” I waved my hand around the most magical place in the world.

  Cali grabbed a table in the corner, and once we were all seated with our coffees, I explained in perfect detail my reservations.

  “He’s a neat freak.”

  “And?”

  “He doesn’t read.”

  “And.”

  “There’s no food in his house.”

  “And?”

  “I can’t trust bein’ happy only to get hurt.”

  “Duh! And?”


  “And? How much more do you need?”

  Sienna looked at Cali. “Has she gotten to the reason why she ran again? Because all I’m hearin’ are excuses to guard her heart.”

  Dangit. This sister thing blew. It was like she could read my thoughts.

  “I didn’t run,” I snapped. “I needed a phone and a friendly ear so I could figure all this out. If you can’t follow the ‘friend or foe code’ if I end this with Nate, then I want a Wallflower divorce.”

  They both raised a brow and Cali shook her head.

  “The stupid clause overrules that one,” Cali lied through her pearly whites. “And the ‘you’re just panickin’ because you’re scared you’ll lose him because you’re already in love with him’ clause supersedes ALL other clauses and codes where men are concerned.”

  Adrenaline dumped causing my heart to race. I wasn’t in love with Nate. I rolled that thought around in my head then started bouncing my foot to burn off the excess adrenaline, just like I had in school when I couldn’t get up and move around. “I’m not in love with him,” I argued, after determining they didn’t know diddly-squat.

  “Oh, you’re in love with him, and it scares the bejesus out of you,” Cali returned. “You’re just panickin’ and lookin’ for any excuse to end things to protect your heart.”

  I grabbed my coffee to avoid answering and proceeded to burn my tongue. That would teach me to avoid using heavy equipment or making life-altering decisions before mainlining a pint of black gold.

  “So, you’re saying I love Nate, and I panicked?”

  “Like a teenage boy askin’ a hot girl to the prom,” Sienna threw out.

  It couldn’t be that simple. “But he’s a neat freak, and I haven’t cleaned out my fridge in like a year.”

  Sienna shrugged. “Opposites attract.”

  I blinked. “You think the fact I have lab experiments growin’ in my fridge will be a turn-on?”

  “Poppy, you’re forgettin’ Carmella cleans for Nate,” Cali said. “He’s probably neat because she cleans up after him.”

  I relaxed a hair, but ever a dog with a bone, I reminded them of his worst offense. “There are no books anywhere in his house.”

  Cali pffted, rolled her eyes, then leaned forward and laid more sage advice on me. “You’ve created these excuses to guard your heart. You’ve had a ton of emotional baggage ripped open in the past day, leavin’ you exposed. Then in walks Nate vowin’ to fix everything. You’ve never had someone in your life whose entire focus was on you, and you don’t know what to make of it.”

  She made a good point. So good, it was sharp like a knife and cut deep. “So you think I’m makin’ up excuses to avoid heartache and the intimacy that comes with bein’ in a relationship because my father abandoned me, leavin’ me to fend for myself? That I’m afraid I’ll become too dependent on Nate, and if it doesn’t work out between us, it’ll break me into a trillion teeny tiny pieces? That I’m afraid I’ll never recover, because who could recover from a man like Nate since he’s perfect in every way?” I blinked when I finished and stared at Cali in awe.

  She was better than Bernice.

  Cali looked at Sienna with wide eyes. “Yeah, somethin’ like that.”

  “Poppy,” Sienna started, “life isn’t worth livin’ if you don’t take risks. Even if Nate isn’t the one for you, your life will be richer for havin’ tried. He’s a good man, no matter what Knox says. We both know that. So why wouldn’t you want someone like that in your life? Even if it ends, you’ll learn more about yourself and what kind of man you need.”

  She was right. For almost twenty-five years I’d lived in fear, but today I’d had a taste of happiness. Honest-to-goodness happiness while I was in Nate’s arms. I may not be a scholar like Cali, but I wasn’t stupid either. Nate had made me happy for a few blissful hours, because I felt safe with him for the first time in my life. And I wanted to feel that way again. I didn’t want to be scared anymore. I wanted to be that lion Nate said I was. I wanted to be Simba. No, wait, Nala since she was a girl. Yeah, I’d be Nala. The woman at Nate’s side driving him to kill Scar.

  “I think we lost her,” Cali mumbled.

  I stared at Sienna for a heartbeat longer, then stood suddenly. “We need to replace our phones then get back to the bar before they worry.” I turned to head to the mall entrance and caught a glimpse of the newest Brenda Novak romantic suspense. My head said to get to the phone store—but my feet knew me better—since they’d made this trek a million times. I was at the display grabbing Face Off, the newest release in The Evelyn Talbot Chronicles, without breaking my stride to the checkout line.

  “I think she found herself again,” Sienna giggled.

  I smiled over my shoulder. “I can read for the both of us,” I explained. “And he has coffee at the bar.”

  “And food,” Sienna added.

  “Right?” I wiped my hand across my brow, “Shoo wee. That’s a relief.”

  “I’m gonna grab Helena Hunting’s newest,” Sienna called out and dashed for the book aisles.

  I glanced at Cali. “None for you?”

  She looked sheepish. “A box arrived from Amazon yesterday, but,” looking over her shoulder she started to move, “a Wallflower can never have too many books.”

  I scanned the endcap she was headed for and felt my heart pick up speed. I ducked out of the checkout line and followed her. “That needs to be in the bylaws,” I shouted at Cali. “Or on a T-shirt.” I gasped with the brilliance of the idea. “We could sell them to support our addiction!”

  Six new books and a double espresso to top off my need for caffeine later, we walked into the cellular store and purchased three new phones. Within moments of them all being activated, the notifications went off like fireworks.

  Sienna swiped her phone first. “Where the F are you?” she mumbled.

  Cali swiped hers open and snorted. “I’m draggin’ the river in an hour. Call me.”

  I looked down at my phone and held my breath. This would be my first text message from Nate as a couple, and I couldn’t wait to read what he’d said.

  Scared?

  Oh, man, he knew me so well already.

  “What did he say?” Sienna asked.

  I held up my phone, so they could read it.

  Cali smiled. “He’s pegged you already. You’re in trouble now.”

  Yeah, I was in trouble, and I was kind of excited about it. It was better than after-school detention with the football team, and a used bookstore stuffed with nothing but romance novels all rolled into one.

  My fingers flew over the keyboard in response.

  Not anymore!

  Eight

  UNIQUE IN A GARDEN OF ORDINARY

  I SNIFFED MY SHIRT AS I drove back to the historic district. It smelled like sweat and anxiety rolled into one. I figured it wasn’t conducive to winning a man like Nate, so I hung a right on Oglethorpe and headed toward my apartment.

  “I need a shower and a fresh change of clothes,” I told the girls, “or I’ll send Nate runnin’ for the hills.”

  Sienna leaned over and sniffed me. “Good call, Sister. Ode de Toilet isn’t a good smell on you.”

  “More like Eau de Anxiety,” I informed her. “But the Brad Paisley song works too.”

  “I think you mean Eau de Toilette,” Cali mumbled from the back seat, ever the righter of bad grammar or misuse of phrases. She leaned over the seat and smelled me. “Yep, she’s right, Eau de Toilet. Maybe even Eau de Trash.”

  I pulled into my parking space and thanked the owner of my building that I had one. Parking in the historic district was nonexistent if you didn’t have your own space. It was one of the reasons I’d chosen my apartment. We trudged around to the side of the building where the stairs were, eyeing the street as we went. Nate had been worried about reporters camping out at my apartment, but the road was clear. Hopefully the fact that the girls and I didn’t see enough to help the sheriff in his investigation would send reporters off on a new
story by the end of the day.

  My apartment was on the top floor. A single bedroom and small living room were all I needed. Thankfully that’s all the space provided because a larger apartment would have required decorating. And cleaning would take more than the ten minutes I allotted for each week. I wasn’t kidding when I said I wasn’t sure I owned a broom. I did own a vacuum cleaner, however, with hoses. They did the trick when I was desperate, but I’d still hadn’t figured out how to use them to dust my books, so once a month I had to pull out a soft cloth and go to town on my collection. A collection that covered three of the four walls in my living room.

  Cali hadn’t been to my home since we’d met, so she scanned my space. I did the same, wondering what she thought. I had a drafting table set up on the remaining blank wall where I drew my art, and an iMac resting next to the drafting table on an old desk I’d found at the Salvation Army store. I’d painted the desk white, so it matched the rest of my furniture. Namely, a white, oversized, down-filled chair and ottoman I sat in while I read, with an old white end table for drinks. I’d paint the walls a light blue, so my white furniture popped against the color. Darker blue throw pillows on the chair for comfort and style, and a contrasting blue and purple area rug for more color. Since I didn’t watch TV, and I ate in my chair curled up with a good book, I’d fashioned my living room into a girlie library rather than a living room. The whole space was basically a bibliophile’s dream come true.

  “Holy shiznit,” Cali breathed, her lavender eyes darkening with unconcealed lust as she moved toward my books. “When can I come over and raid your shelves?” I smiled. Sienna had had the same reaction the first time she stepped foot inside my apartment. I was pretty proud of my space.

  “Any time. I alphabetize by the author’s last name if you’re lookin’ for somethin’ particular.”

  I snorted when a shiver ran through her body.

  “I think I just had a you know what.”

  I did know. Like I said, nothing excited a Wallflower more or calmed them quite as much as books did.

  When she turned her head toward my kitchen, she laughed. “You weren’t kiddin’ when you said you weren’t a neat freak.”