Until We Reach Home

by Lynn Austin

  "So you'll tell them that I'm not sick? I can go now?"

  "Not yet. The immigration officials wanted me to explain to you that a family aboard your ship became ill with typhus."

  Kirsten's skin prickled. Please, not Elin.

  "But I'm fine! I don't have that disease and neither does Elin."

  "That may be true, but the immigration officials need to be very cautious about letting any further typhus patients into the country. It is a very serious disease, and they don't want an epidemic on their hands. That's why they took your sister to the hospital building."

  "The hospital? Will she be all right?"

  "I'm sorry, but it's too soon to know."

  Kirsten's fear for Elin soared, but she told herself to remain calm. "I have another sister, Sofia. She's out in the waiting room and she's only sixteen and-"

  "Unless she became ill, too, she'll still be in the waiting room. I'll talk to her and explain what's going on when we're finished."

  "Why can't I go talk to her? I'm fine, really."

  "The nurse said that you fainted, Miss Carlson. Because of the threat of a typhus outbreak, they've decided to take you to the hospital, as well."

  Kirsten's panic soared. "No, no, please! They can't separate us!"

  "Just listen. Don't make yourself upset. The doctors will examine you in the hospital and keep you under observation, and if they discover that you are fine, you'll be brought back here to rejoin your sister."

  "Can't you convince them that I'm fine? I don't even have a fever-"

  "I'm so sorry, but it isn't up to me. All I can do is explain to you what's going to happen. There is nothing I can do to change the doctor's mind. I'm sorry."

  Kirsten covered her face. If only this nightmare would end and she would wake up. After a moment the woman touched Kirsten's shoulder.

  "I will go and talk to your other sister now."

  Kirsten wiped her cheeks. "Please, tell her that I'm fine.. . and tell her not to be scared."

  "I will."

  In spite of all her efforts, Kirsten couldn't stop crying. They wouldn't let her walk, carrying her instead down the stairs on a stretcher, out of the immigration building through a rear door, and across the tiny island to a smaller two-story building. Kirsten had never been inside a hospital before.

  This living nightmare was growing worse by the hour. Typhus? Kirsten had heard of the disease but didn't know anything about it. Did people die from it? She was frightened half to death for Elin.

  Once inside the hospital, Kirsten waited in a cubicle behind white curtains for a long time. A nurse made her undress and put on a nightgown. She waited some more, trying to convince herself to stop crying. It would only make her eyes puffy and her nose run, and they would think that she was sick.

  At last a doctor came in to examine her. She made up her mind to talk to him, whether he understood her or not.

  "There is really nothing wrong with me at all-as you'll soon see. I grew up on a farm, so I've always been strong and healthy. All of us are. I've never even been to a hospital before. We had a doctor in town, of course, and he would come out to the farm when we had the measles or something, but-"

  The doctor put his fingers to his lips to shush her, then listened to her chest with his stethoscope. The entire examination was humiliating, but Kirsten would willingly endure anything if only they would let her return to Sofia. When he finished, she looked around for her clothes. Someone had taken them away. She had no choice but to sit on the examination table and wait. It must be close to suppertime by now. Kirsten hadn't eaten all day. And what would Sofia do? Their food was in their trunk in the baggage room.

  Eventually, Kirsten heard a noise outside her cubicle that sounded like a very wobbly cart being wheeled down the hallway. It must be food, she decided, because the smell of boiled potatoes and meat grew stronger by the minute. She was very hungry. But when the curtain parted and a small dark-haired man offered her a tray of food, she took one whiff of it and her stomach tried to empty itself. The man called out and two nurses rushed into her room.

  "I'm not sick! I'm just upset and worried." Kirsten's protests were useless. She couldn't make them understand her, nor could she understand them. But she couldn't even look at the tray of food without wanting to vomit, much less take a bite of it.

  The nurses wheeled Kirsten out of the cubicle in a wheelchair and into a big ward with three rows of beds, all filled with sick women. "Elfin?" she called as they wheeled her down the aisle between the rows. "Elfin, are you in here?"

  The nurse shushed her.

  "I'm looking for my sister, Elfin Carlson. I think they brought her here." She spoke loudly enough for Elfin to hear if she was in the room, but no one replied.

  The nurses helped Kirsten climb into one of the white iron beds near a window. She could see from a small patch of sky outside that the sun was going down. They were going to keep her here all night. What in the world would happen to Sofia? What would she eat? Where would she sleep? Kirsten pictured her sister all alone and lost in that huge building with all of those strangers, and she burst into tears. Poor Sofia. She was so timid and shy, afraid of everyone and everything. She must be terrified by now. Elfin had entrusted Kirsten to take care of her, and she had let both of her sisters down.

  Oh, Lord, please let them see that I'm not sick, she prayed. It was the only thing she could think of to do. Please send someone to help Sofia ... and please, please let Elfin be all right. Please bring us all together again.

  Kirsten was sorry for giving Elin a hard time, sorry for running off to flirt with Eric and his cousin. She wished she could tell Elin that she had been right about not trusting Eric, but it was too late. What a horrible, horrible mess this had turned into.

  Poor Elin. What if she did have typhus?

  What if she died?

  OH, DEAR GOD, please don't do this to me.

  The very thing Sofia feared had happened. Everyone she loved had abandoned her and now she was alone. Alone. The fact that her sisters hadn't abandoned her on purpose made no difference at all. Mama hadn't died on purpose, either.

  How could God do this to her? How could He take away everyone she loved? Sofia's heart raced as she sat in the waiting room. She couldn't stop crying. What if Elin and Kirsten didn't get well? What if they died, too?

  Please, Jesus, please don't let Elin and Kirsten die. I don't know what I would do without them.

  Sofia shivered as if she stood naked in a snowstorm. She couldn't help it. She had never felt so alone. She had no idea where to go or what to do, no one to watch out for her, no one to talk to. She couldn't understand a word anyone said.

  She remembered a summer day back home when she had picked berries in the woods with her family. They had found dozens of bushes filled with berries, and without realizing it, Sofia had wandered farther and farther away from the others as she'd filled her pail. When she finally looked up, she was alone. No one was in sight. Only the forest and numberless trees surrounded her. The only sounds were the lonely cry of birds and the rustling of branches in the wind.

  And now the same numbing panic filled her. She was abandoned and alone in a strange place. Back home on that summer day she had cried out, "Mama! Mama, where are you?" and within minutes her mother had rescued her. But even though Sofia sat in a building filled with thousands of people, no one heard her cries this time. No one could understand her. No one could tell her what would happen next.

  As she waited in vain for Elin and Kirsten to return, the beasts of fear and sorrow that had hounded Sofia for most of her life circled her, waiting to tear her to pieces. She longed to run but had no place to go. They would follow her wherever she fled, just as they had followed her to America. She stood and peered out of the open doorway, looking for one of the nurses or a uniformed official she could talk to. When a nurse passed by in the hallway, Sofia called to her.

  "Excuse me ... I need to know where my sisters are. I need to know if they're all right. Won't
someone please help me?"

  The woman's blank expression told Sofia that she hadn't understood her. The nurse babbled an incomprehensible reply and steered Sofia back into the room, motioning to a chair, making it very clear that she wanted her to sit down and stay there.

  "Can't somebody please tell me what's going on?" she begged. "Please, I don't know where to go or what I'm supposed to do!"

  All she got for her pleas was another reply that clearly meant, Sit down and wait. Sofia didn't want to cry, but she couldn't help it. She wondered if she should pretend to be sick, too, so she could join her sisters. Or would that make matters worse? She remembered the woman and her six little children in the beds next to theirs on the boat. The doctors had carried them all away and the family had never returned. What if Elin and Kirsten vanished, too?

  Please, Jesus ... Please don't let anything happen to them! And please, please help me!

  For a moment, Sofia thought she heard Kirsten's voice calling to her from far away. Sofia sprang to her feet, shouting, "Kirsten? Kirsten, is that you? ... Where are you?" There was no reply. Sofia peered out of the door, looking in all directions, calling, "Kirsten?"

  Eventually, Sofia sat down again. She needed to remain calm. They couldn't leave her in this room forever, could they? They would have to do something with her when they found out she wasn't sick. But if her sisters never came back, would the officials make her go to Chicago without them? Sofia would much rather go home to Sweden. But where would she get the money for a ticket?

  Maybe if she just sat here and prayed as hard as she could, Jesus would help her. She pulled out her mother's Bible and held it on her lap, stroking the velvet cover for comfort. If only she could open it and hear God speaking to her, telling her what to do. But she was terrified to try. The last words she had read had spoken of death. She still remembered them:... we finally gave up all hope of being saved.

  Sofia had no idea how much time had passed when a nurse finally came to the doorway and beckoned to her. She gathered up all three satchels-Kirsten and Elin had left theirs behind-and followed the woman into a smaller room. A few minutes later the nurse returned with a doctor who began to examine Sofia, taking her temperature, listening to her heart, peering into her eyes and down her throat. She flushed with embarrassment when he made her unbutton her blouse so he could look at her chest, but she guessed that he was looking to see if she had a rash, like the family aboard the ship.

  She wished she would start to feel sick. Then they would take her to wherever they had taken her sisters. But when the doctor finished, the nurse took Sofia back to the waiting room and motioned for her to sit down again. An older woman with a small baby on her lap now waited there, too.

  The day dragged on as Sofia sat waiting and worrying, wondering what to do. She could hear the rumble of voices like the neverending roar of a waterfall in the huge main room beyond the door. She thought surely her tears would be exhausted by now, but they continued to fall.

  The waiting room filled and emptied countless times. One woman sat with her eyes closed, fingering rosary beads as her lips moved in prayer. Sofia tried to pray, too, but the only words she could think of were, Please, Jesus, Please. She repeated them over and over in her mind.

  Every time a nurse walked into the room, Sofia stood up. But each time, as the nurses brought in more worried-looking people or took them out again, they would shake their heads and motion for Sofia to sit down. Sofia studied the strangers waiting with her. The were dressed differently than she was and spoke different languages, but they were very much like her in their fear and solitude and silence. Did she look as fearful as they did? Did she sound like them, muttering words that no one could understand?

  After a while, Sofia's fear transformed into anger. She silently raged at her sisters for dragging her so far from her home, forcing her to endure this terrible journey, and then abandoning her. And why did Elin have to help that sick family in the first place? What business was it of hers if they were sick? Elin never should have interfered. She should have considered her own sisters' welfare first.

  But slowly the rage turned to sorrow again. It wasn't Elin's fault for getting sick. In fact, maybe it was Sofia's own fault that she was alone. Maybe God was punishing her for being so moody and disagreeable. "I'm sorry, Jesus . . ." she murmured, just in case He was still listening to her.

  She was sorry she had given Elin such a hard time, sorry for not speaking to her sisters for days and days. She would give anything to be able to talk to them now, anything to hear her own language spoken again. If only God would bring them back to her, safe and sound, she would be cheerful from now on. She still may not like it here in America, but she needed her sisters!

  Please, Jesus ... please ...

  Hours later, a fair-haired woman who looked as though she belonged in Sofia's village back home came into the waiting area. "Sofia Carlson?" she asked.

  Sofia sprang to her feet. "Yes? Yes, I'm Sofia."

  "I'm Mrs. Bjork from the Swedish Immigrant Aid Society. I just spoke with your sister Kirsten and she wanted you to know that she is concerned about you being in here all alone."

  The soothing sound of the woman's voice, speaking in a language Sofia could understand, made her start crying all over again. She had the urge to hug the woman.

  "Can I go see her?" Sofia begged. "Where is she? And where's Elin?"

  "Let's sit down, shall we? And take one question at a time?" Sofia sat on the very edge of her seat, bracing herself for bad news. "I'm afraid you can't see either one of your sisters at the moment, Miss Carlson. The immigration officials explained to me that there were some confirmed cases of typhus on your ship. They are worried that your sisters might have contracted the disease, and so they will have to be isolated."

  "Typhus?" Sofia repeated. She had heard of the disease, usually whispered in hushed tones, but she had no idea how serious it was. She was afraid to ask.

  "Both of your sisters have been admitted to the island's hospital. Once the doctors have had a chance to examine them, I will be able to give you more information about their condition. But for now, you will have to remain separated from one another."

  Sofia covered her face and wept. The woman waited, making no move to comfort her. Perhaps she was fearful of catching the disease, too.

  "What am I supposed to do?" Sofia asked when she finally looked up.

  "You will be detained here on Ellis Island for the next few days."

  "All alone?" The snarling beasts inched closer, threatening to devour Sofia.

  The woman smiled faintly. "There are always several hundred detainees here at any given time. You won't be alone."

  "I meant without my sisters. Could ... could you please ask the doctors if I may go over to the hospital and wait there with them? Please?"

  "I'm afraid not. Typhus is a very serious disease, and patients who have it must be isolated. If you'll come with me," she said, rising to her feet, "I'll show you where you will be staying."

  "Can't I talk to Kirsten first? Is she still in the next room?"

  "She is already on her way to the hospital where they took your other sister."

  Sofia picked up all three of their satchels and followed the woman out of the waiting area and down a long hall. She tried very hard to be brave, but it was nearly impossible, as fear dogged her heels. They climbed up a set of stairs and emerged on a narrow balcony that overlooked the main room. Below were rows and rows of people seated on wooden benches, waiting with their bundles strewn at their feet. A line of tall desks stood at one end of the room beneath an enormous American flag, and a uniformed man stood behind each desk. It could have been a picture of judgment Day, with the officials deciding who would be admitted to heaven and who would be kept out.

  Sofia and her sisters should be down there, waiting in line with everyone else. The inspection process was supposed to take only a few hours, and then they would be on their way to Chicago. Why was this happening? She felt another surge o
f anger at Elin. If only she hadn't helped those sick people on the boat.

  Mrs. Bjork halted in front of an open door and gestured for Sofia to go inside. "This is the women's dormitory, where you will be staying while you are detained," she explained.

  It was worse than their accommodations in steerage had been-a prison cell where she would be forced to sleep with a hundred strangers. The room was stacked with cots made of pipes and canvas, suspended by chains from the ceiling. The three tiers of bunks hung so close together that there was barely room for a person to lie down in the narrow space, much less sit up. The cots had no mattresses, only a piece of canvas stretched across the frame and one thin blanket. Sofia's blanket was in her trunk in the baggage room. So was most of their food. Three white porcelain sinks stood against one wall-three sinks, for all these beds.

  "It looks like a jail," she murmured.

  "Well, it is called a detention center, but no one here is being punished. It's simply a place to wait. You will be free to leave Ellis Island as soon as you and your sisters receive medical clearance. Now come this way and I'll show you the dining hall. You'll receive three meals a day while you're waiting."

  It was a large, sunny room with plenty of windows and row after row of long tables and benches. Workers passed up and down the rows, setting out china plates and bowls and cups. Sofia could smell food cooking somewhere and her stomach rumbled with hunger. She hadn't eaten anything since breakfast.

  "I believe that dinner will be served around six o'clock," Mrs. Bjork said.

  "H-how will I pay for all of this?"

  "Oh, you don't have to pay. Everything is provided for you, free of charge. In fact, the cost is billed to the shipping company that transported you here. It's up to them to make sure that all of the passengers they transport to America are in good health. If someone is refused admission to the country, then the steamship line has to pay for their transportation home."

  "Could that happen? Could they send us home again?"

  "If you or your sisters fail the health inspection, then yes. You will be sent home on the next available ship."