Sell Out

by Tammy L. Gray

  “Do you know I’ve only been to a public park one other time.”

  I stared at her beautiful profile. “How old were you?”

  “Ten.” A gloom settled over her features. “I didn’t know it, but the police had come to tell my father about my mother’s accident, and Ricky took me out for ice cream and then to a secluded park. Ricky’s the craziest person I know, so you can imagine how much fun we had.”

  “I read about your mother. I’m sorry.” The website had shown a picture of Skylar and her dad dressed in black as they ducked into their car at the funeral. The site said her mother was involved in a deadly accident on the German Autobahn. I couldn’t imagine having such an intimate moment plastered all over the Internet.

  “It was a long time ago.” Her voice was a whisper of acceptance.

  “I’m still sorry.”

  “Death is a funny thing, you know. I think about it a lot. Dying. I wonder what heaven is like and if my mom is happy up there.”

  My eyes flicked over to hers. “I’m sure she is. Who wouldn’t be?”

  “Yeah, I guess so. I suppose it’s pretty selfish to be angry when people die.”

  “I don’t think so. I’d be angry too if I lost either one of my parents.”

  She shifted to her side, allowing me to see a rare vulnerability. “You know who I am. And you seem to understand me. But I don’t get you at all.”

  I mimicked her position, and the two of us faced each other. We made a “V” with our bodies. Our faces were dangerously close, our chests separated only by the bar between us. Both our feet dangled off the side. “I’ve told you all about me. Haven’t you been listening to my songs?” In every verse, I exposed pieces of my soul.

  “Obscure lyrics aren’t enough.” She licked her lips. “Tell me what you’re thinking right now.”

  The merry-go-round stopped spinning, and suddenly the air felt charged between us. The ache in my chest was new and glorious. I could lean in, even with the bar, and cross an impossible line. A line that separated action from inaction. Freedom from bondage.

  I swallowed, fighting against every instinct. “I’m thinking how lucky I am to be here with you, and how I want to know everything about you.”

  She fidgeted with her necklace. “Because I’m Donnie Wyld’s daughter.”

  I sensed the hurt. She’d been used by others before.

  I stole her hand away; let my caress linger before setting it down. She seemed to touch the locket when she was anxious. I never wanted her to feel that way around me. “No. It’s because you have “Revolver” on your iTunes, and you know who The Velvet Underground is. It’s also because you’re kind and thoughtful and quite possibly the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

  Her responding smile invited me in. “What do you want to know?”

  “We’ll start easy. Why did your dad name you after the band?”

  She scraped at a fraying line of paint with her fingernail. “It was my great-grandmother’s family name. She’d given my dad his first guitar, and then fronted all the money for their first demo. When my parents found out I was a girl, my dad said he knew I should be her namesake. He loved that it also represented the band.”

  “You were smart to go by a different name at school. Skylar Wyld would have been a dead giveaway. But why your mom’s? You’re lucky no one else made the connection.”

  She opened her locket and showed me matching pictures. They looked very similar except Skylar had a softer face, while her mom was all sharp lines and high cheekbones.

  “You look a lot like her,” I offered. Skylar was prettier, but I kept that to myself.

  Those stunning green eyes met mine. “Brianna Da Lange was remarkable. Fearless. I guess I just wanted to channel some of that energy when I stepped through those doors.”

  “You didn’t seem nervous at all.”

  “Oh, but I was. Homeschooled, remember?”

  “I remember.” Heck, I remembered every word out of her mouth. My hand slid over, taking hers slowly, one finger at a time. I needed the contact. Needed her to know I was more than a fleeting presence. “Your turn for a question.”

  She studied our joined hands. “Do you like wrestling?”

  “Sometimes. When I wrestle with my trainer, Matt, I love it. The rush, the accomplishment. But the team? The expectations? I don’t know.”

  I was sure she could see right through me. See all the doubt and fear behind the façade. But she didn’t press for information I wasn’t ready to share. Instead she pulled her hand free and stood. “Show me.”

  “Show you what?”

  Skylar jumped off the platform and kicked off her shoes again. A wicked grin curved her beautiful mouth. “Your moves.”

  I eyed her willowy form, unsure if I could hold her without a physical reaction. “You’re too delicate. I’d snap you in half.”

  She crossed her arms. “I’m almost 5’7” and strong. Show me.”

  Unable to resist, I walked up behind her, and wrapped her in a bear hug, trapping her arms straight down. Dang it, she smells good.

  “How do you think you get out of this?” I kept my grip light, still concerned about her slight frame.

  She pushed against me and tried to slide down, but my grip tightened, keeping her immobile.

  “Nope, you just gave me a tighter hold.”

  She grunted and pushed against my locked arms, slamming her head back against my chest. I easily blocked her lame attempt at a head butt and tightened my grasp again.

  “Geez, you’re strong,” she conceded, slacking against my hold.

  My male pride satisfied, I leaned toward her ear, allowed a puff of air to come with my words. “No way you could break my hold with your own strength.”

  She shivered.

  At least I wasn’t the only one affected by our closeness. “Do exactly what I say. Turn and step back with your right leg so your knee is directly behind mine.”

  Her body shifted, following my directions.

  “Now, grab my right leg with your right hand, and push your knee into the back of mine.”

  She did, and my knee buckled, taking us both to the ground, my arms still locked around hers. I eyed my now vulnerable position. “Do you see where your elbow is?”

  Her mischievous giggle had me quickly releasing my hold and closing my legs. I wasn’t taking any chances. She was completely unpredictable.

  Scrambling to her feet, she looked ready for battle. “That was awesome. Show me another one.”

  I led her through three more defensive techniques. By the time we finished, the sun had set, and our conversation was light and easy. She had somehow managed to diffuse all my defenses.

  She ran to the slide and started climbing. “Come on, Cody!”

  Her hair whipped around and although Blake’s face filled my mind, I pushed it aside, refusing to consider my next move. Suddenly, taking down the elite wasn’t nearly as appealing as the free-spirited girl sliding with her hands high above her head.

  SKYLAR

  My feelings for Cody grew with each second we spent together. I’d managed to pull him out of his shell and even had him laughing and joking. This version of him matched the texts he’d sent, a complete contrast to the stoic guy who walked the halls of Madison High.

  His hands strong against my back, he pushed me on the swing set with a silence that was not only comfortable but also soothing.

  The cry of an electric guitar filled the air. My dad’s ringtone.

  “Is that your phone?” Cody gripped the chains, stopping the swing.

  I jumped off and ran to where it sat on the table. “Hey,” I said, trying to catch my breath.

  “It’s past eleven. Where are you?” His voice was weak, but still strong enough to create a pit in my stomach.

  Was it really that late?

  “I left you a note. I’m sorry. I didn’t notice the time. Are you feeling better?”

  “A note, Skylar, really? When has that ever been acceptable? Com
e home. Now.”

  “Yes, sir.” I pressed end on the phone and turned to tell Cody, but he was already walking toward me, keys in hand. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”

  “No problem.” His gentle smile sent a flush of heat into my cheeks, a reaction I’d had to him all night. Cody had been my obsession, the fantasy guy who took my emotions on a roller coaster. But tonight he showed me the man behind his façade of indifference. His soft spirit and touching compassion. Tonight, he stole my heart.

  We walked to my Mustang, side by side, and though we didn’t touch, I felt him over every inch of my body. I didn’t want the night to end. Didn’t want to go back to school where the real Cody might disappear.

  We stopped at my car door, staring at each other, the weird will-he-kiss-me-or-not moment vibrating between us. Electric tingles created a duet with the drumbeat in my chest. My lips parted, sending him a clear signal I wouldn’t flee this time.

  Cody dropped his head, not making eye contact. “If I’m standoffish at school on Monday…” He paused, kicking the dirt, and then looked back up. “Just know it’s not you.”

  Irritation, like ice water, doused my fantasy of a leg-popping moonlight kiss. “Why would you be different at school?”

  His eyes pleaded with mine. “It’s complicated.”

  Embarrassment, disappointment and irritation battled inside me. Zoe was right. The guy sucked you in and then refused to acknowledge anything. I shook my head and jerked open my door. “No, Cody, it’s not.”

  He reached out and lightly gripped my arm, pulling me back to him.

  My breath hitched, the combination of anger and anticipation turning our growing heat into a scorching fire. Heart pounding, I looked up, glanced at his mouth before staring into his tortured eyes.

  “Blake and I are teammates. There’s a code for these situations. If we go public, you have no idea what will happen at school.”

  “But I don’t like Blake. And he’s not even over Lindsay.”

  Though he seemed relieved by those words, it didn’t take the sadness out of his eyes.

  “It doesn’t matter. Blake expects absolute loyalty.”

  I was beginning to hate that word. It had been corrupted into something dark. An excuse to control others. “Then why are we here if you had no intention of taking it further?”

  He brushed a piece of hair off my face. “You were so sad today. I just wanted to make you smile again.”

  And yet, all he’d done was hurt me more.

  He dropped his hand and stepped back, a dark emptiness replacing his strong arms. “I like you a lot, but I need more time to figure out all the moving pieces.”

  Rejection and rage warred within me. “You still don’t trust me.” Cody was pushing me away just like my father had. When were they going to realize I was strong enough to share their burdens?

  His head recoiled as if I’d smashed it with a baseball bat. I kinda wish I had.

  “This isn’t about trust. It’s about me protecting you.”

  “From what?”

  “Madison preys on the weak, and if certain people saw how much I care about you, they would try to destroy us.”

  My spine went rigid. “They don’t need to. You already have.”

  I was halfway inside my car when strong arms tugged me back and spun me around. Hot lips pressed to mine. Everything came alive, my cheeks, my hands, my stomach that wouldn’t stop swirling. I touched his back, gripped his t-shirt. I wanted him everywhere. Wanted the moment to go on for eternity.

  When his lips no longer warmed my own, he put his forehead to mine, his voice husky and uneven. “Don’t walk away from me.”

  I pulled him closer, laid my head against his solid chest. His heart had a strong, steady rhythm, and I inhaled the scent I wanted on my pillow at night. “Then don’t play with my heart. I’m not like Jill or other girls who do this for fun.”

  “Rumors, Skylar. All rumors. I made one mistake last year, and I’ve hated myself for it. But there has been no one else since.”

  “My whole life is a secret, Cody. I don’t want this to be.” I felt the weight of his sigh. The tightness coiling through each muscle.

  “Then it won’t be. I’ll talk to Blake. I’ll tell him how I feel, and then no one will blame for you for any of it. Just give me the weekend to figure it all out.”

  Hope rose in my chest. “Thank you.”

  He cupped my cheek, and I could sense something in him changed. His eyes darkened into shadows, and his words felt like promises too heavy to grasp. “Know this. Whatever happens on Monday, you’re worth it.”

  *

  I set my purse on the counter, the flicker of the TV in the living room telling me my father was waiting.

  He paused the show as soon as I came in the room and turned to face me. “Skylar Anne, giving you a car was not granting you permission to trek around Asheville without a curfew.”

  My eyes drifted over him wrapped up in a blanket and weak with fatigue. The deep crevices under his eyes made me wonder how bad his night had really been.

  I sat next to him, careful not to pull off his coverings. “I’m sorry. I just lost track of time.” I hated that I’d worried him.

  He leaned over and picked up the note I left, scanning it with his eyes. “This ‘friend.’ Was it a guy or a girl?”

  I bit my lip nervously. Casting down my eyes, I slowly replied, “A guy.”

  My father’s head hit the top of the couch, and he looked like he was saying a silent prayer. Then he turned his pointed gaze to me. Seeing the disappointment there, I felt tears sting my eyes.

  “Sweetheart, I know tonight was a letdown. I’m so sorry we weren’t able to hang out. But, under no circumstances are you to go out with a boy I have never met.” He took my hand, giving me a second to acknowledge his reprimand.

  When I nodded, he continued, “This is a lot to get used to, us being here now, not having so many people around all the time. I’m sure it’s lonely. But, you still have boundaries very much in place.”

  “I’m not lonely, Dad.” He was the only person I missed, but it wasn’t fair to say so. He couldn’t control what was happening any more than I could.

  He pulled me in for a hug, and I snuggled up to his side, relishing the calming smell of the man who was my rock and my hero.

  “What’s his name?”

  I sat back up, allowing a sheepish smile. “Cody. He’s the captain of the wrestling team.”

  “Did he keep his hands where they belonged?”

  My mouth dropped open, my face flushing from embarrassment. “Dad!”

  “What? It’s a fair question. I don’t want your first kiss to be from some meathead in a public park. Sue me.”

  I glared at my father like he’d lost his mind. “I’m seventeen years old. I’ve already had my first kiss.”

  He furrowed his brow. “Who have you kissed?”

  “Whatever, Dad. Just play the movie.” I reached for the remote, but he grabbed it instead.

  “No ma’am. Who have you kissed? And why didn’t you tell me?” There was an edge to the words, even while his tone seemed playful. He wasn’t going to let this one go.

  “Fine. I was fifteen. Tyler and I were curious.” I shrugged my shoulders. “No big deal.”

  “No big deal?” My father’s voice went up an octave. “You kissed Ricky’s nephew? The kid is a menace, Skylar, a felony waiting to happen. Ugh. And here I thought you had taste.”

  I lightly pushed his arm and giggled. “Stop. It was just one time in a closet. Honestly, it felt like kissing a brother or something. No fireworks.”

  He shook his head, still looking stunned. “I’m a terrible father. My only daughter gets her first kiss in a closet from…” He scrunched his face. “Tyler Prescott.”

  Rolling my eyes, I reached for the remote again. He was starting to make me feel embarrassed, and I didn’t like it.

  Still holding the darn thing out of reach, he gripped my chin and pulled it around to
face him. “Now listen to me. A man who’s worth your time, energy and affections won’t want to kiss you in secret. He’ll want to kiss you in front of the world so everyone knows you are his. Don’t you dare settle for less.”

  I flung myself into his arms, forgetting for a second he was so fragile and squeezed him tightly. “I won’t, Daddy.”

  “I know I haven’t always been the best father. I drank too much. Partied too much. I took you and your mom for granted.”

  The ache in his voice tore at my heart. He must have been looking at old pictures. This was always the story he told when he missed her most. “You changed. I don’t even remember that person.”

  “That’s because Brianna took you away from me. Your mother forced me to face my demons and if she hadn’t…” He pulled me tighter, held on like he’d lose me if he didn’t. “I’m so sorry I let you down tonight.”

  I held his sad face in my hands. “You didn’t let me down.”

  The depression seemed to ease a little, but I still sensed he was trying to hold our crumbling world steady. He took my hands in his. “Will you do something for me?”

  “Sure, anything.”

  “Will you go to church tomorrow with Josie?”

  How could I say no when he looked so pathetic? “Why?”

  “Because I feel like I’ve left you stranded. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but I do know when tragedy strikes, it’s the people in your church family who surround you and lift you up. When your mother died, I wouldn’t have made it without their support.”

  “Stop saying that. You’re going to be just fine.”

  His pause highlighted his struggle to believe. “I hope you’re right, sweetheart.”

  “I am right. God wouldn’t be that cruel. I know it.”

  “God is never cruel, Skylar. We may not understand His ways, but it doesn’t change who He is.”

  I stretched out on the couch, laying my head across my father’s lap. His hands found my hair and began long rhythmic strokes as if he were strumming chords on his guitar. Soft music filled my head, and my body relaxed with its harmony.

  “Skylar, I need you to do this for me. For my peace of mind. Can you? Please?”