Pure Hearts

by Jeannine Allison

  Her eyes snapped to mine and her mouth fell open. “What?” she whispered, her hand flying to her chest.

  “There’s a difference between being a bad man and a man who did a bad thing. I think I’ve been confusing the two for quite a while. I don’t know, I guess it was easier to only see things from my perspective, but I remembered hearing the panic in his voice that night. I remembered the indecision and fear. It wasn’t a choice he made lightly.”

  “It wasn’t, I promise. And I… he told me he was going to the police after I delivered. But I was hysterical, begging him not to. He wanted to do the right thing—”

  I stepped forward and placed my hand on hers. “It’s okay.” And it was. It wouldn’t be better overnight. But my mother’s words really sank in.

  Calla shivered. And for the first time I realized she wasn’t as bundled up as I was. “You should head on home.” I nodded toward Iris’s house. “I’ll take care of her,” I promised. We shared easy smiles for the first time, and she squeezed my hand before handing me the lemon bars and walking toward her car.

  “I do love all of her,” I called after Calla. “I may not have trusted her in the beginning, but everything she’s about… how she goes out of her way to help people, I think it’s amazing. I think she’s completely unprecedented and unlike anyone I’ve ever met. Even the things that drive me crazy, I don’t want her changing them. She wouldn’t be her without them.

  “I love how she snorts whenever she watches an animal video on YouTube. I love her inability to bypass a musician on the street without pausing to dance and throw some money in their tip jar. I love her weird obsession with lemon bars. And I love that she wanted to give some random guy her kidney, even though I was a complete asshole.” I paused, tears filling my eyes. “It would be impossible for her to be anyone else’s because she’s mine. She has been since I pulled my head out of my ass long enough to recognize and accept it. She’s mine,” I repeated, saying it like a fact. Because that was exactly what it was.

  The sky was blue.

  The Earth was round.

  And Iris Chamberlain was mine.

  I’d just returned to the sofa with a glass of wine when someone knocked on the front door. I put the glass down and walked toward it, expecting it to be a neighbor asking for sugar or something random like that. And even though I wasn’t in the mood for anybody, I tried to paste on a smile.

  With a sigh I opened the door, smiling and preparing the lie that I was fine in case they asked about my slightly ruined makeup, when I stopped short. It wasn’t a neighbor on the other side.

  It was Nick.

  Honestly, the last person I’d expected. My heart felt like it was about to beat right out of my chest. I couldn’t remember a time I felt more nervous.

  “Hey.” He gave me an unsure smile, no dimples, as he rocked back on his feet.

  “H-hi,” I stuttered. My fingers were aching from the grip they had on my doorframe. “You’re… you’re here.”

  He nodded before his eyes moved to the room behind me. “Can I come in?”

  “Yes, of course, sorry.” I stepped back so quickly I tripped over the rug, and suddenly I was falling backward. I made an unintelligible shriek and closed my eyes, bracing myself for the inevitable impact with the wood floor.

  It never came. Instead, strong, warm, and familiar arms circled around my waist and stopped my momentum.

  My heart was still pounding fast and I hesitantly opened one eye at a time before peeking to the left of me, confirming what I already knew. I had to take a deep breath before I met his eyes.

  I was incredibly grateful for it the second our gazes met. He was looking at me with such warm affection I could feel it wrapping around me like a blanket on a cold winter night. I didn’t think I’d ever get that look again.

  He slowly righted us until I had my balance, but he didn’t let me go; if anything he held me tighter. One palm pressed against my lower back, while the other lingered. It was then I remembered briefly seeing a Tupperware container in his hand.

  “Breathe.” He chuckled softly as I let out the air I’d been keeping hostage.

  “Sorry. I’m n-nervous,” I blurted out.

  Nick frowned before lifting a hand and pushing back a piece of hair that had fallen. “I never want you to be nervous around me.”

  I nodded, but remained quiet. I couldn’t help it—I was nervous. I mean, how could I not be? The love of my life was standing in front of me and I had no idea what he came for.

  His arms loosened and I stepped out of his hold.

  “What’s in there?” I asked, nodding to the container.

  “Oh.” He gave me a sheepish grin before removing the lid. I couldn’t stop the tears that came to my eyes when I saw my mom’s lemon bars inside. Once she gave them to me at the house, I handed them off to Aster as he walked me to my car. I didn’t want to waste them when I knew I wasn’t going to eat them.

  Shaking my head, I lifted my gaze to his. “How did you…?”

  “I ran into Calla outside. She was bringing these over.” I hadn’t spoken to her before I left, and we’d said very little the whole day. It wasn’t a conscious decision. She was focusing on Mirielle and I was just trying to make it through the day. I was almost amazed I’d made it home, I was so out of it. It was one of those drives that I could hardly remember by the time I arrived home.

  “Calla said you left without having any.” He lifted the container and smiled. “I didn’t think it was physically possible for you to walk away from these.”

  I shrugged and wrapped my arms around my waist.

  “My stomach hurt.” His grin dropped with my confession.

  “What about now?” He held it out to me. I took the container, but still didn’t feel like eating any.

  “Thank you. Maybe later.” I gave him a small smile and put the Tupperware on the coffee table.

  We stood in awkward silence, our eyes fixed on one another while we said nothing. After a few moments, he crossed his arms and cleared his throat. “I got your gift. Thank you. It’s beautiful.”

  I nodded, my throat suddenly tight. “You’re welcome.”

  “And I read your card…”

  My gaze dropped and I looked toward the tree. Noticing an ornament was crooked, I moved to fix it. Despite my earlier hope that he would read it, now that I knew he had I felt incredibly vulnerable. Everything I wrote was the truth and I didn’t regret it. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t scared.

  “Your mom took that,” I said, still focusing on my task.

  “I figured. But I’m glad she did.”

  I lifted my eyes to his. He had a point. “I guess if she hadn’t you wouldn’t have reached out. So even though I’m a bit embarrassed—”

  “I would have,” he interrupted. “It might have taken me a little longer, and that would have sucked because we’ve already wasted so much time, but I would have reached out.”

  Turning toward him, I decided to bite the bullet. “When I confronted them and found out what they’d done…” I shook my head. “I couldn’t believe it. I was shocked. Horrified. Guilt-ridden. And about a hundred other things. But then I really began to think about it, and…” I trailed off, not knowing if this would make him hate me more.

  “I don’t know if Kent made the wrong choice. I don’t know if there was a right choice. Obviously I hate that you were left there. Obviously I wouldn’t have wanted anything to happen to you. But if they’d stayed? If he’d tried to get you out? My sister and her baby could have died… how can I say I wish he made a different call when the one he made kept all the people I love alive?” I shrugged again, and looked at Nick for an explanation. I genuinely wanted to know how you made a black-and-white situation out of all this gray I was swimming in. He was usually able to.

  Nick took a deep breath and looked toward my fireplace. “I don’t… I don’t know if there was one either,” he whispered. I froze, completely in shock. His gaze met mine.

  “I know
it was an accident. He tried to trust that someone would help me. I think Kent did the best he could with what he was given. It doesn’t mean I fully forgive him—I think that will take time. But you’re right. Maybe his intentions and the inevitable outcome have to count for more.”

  I thought for sure I was about to fall over.

  “You told me that you didn’t believe in grudges, that you believed in forgiveness,” he continued. I nodded. “I want to be that way. It’ll take time, but I already feel like I’ve gotten better since meeting you.”

  Nodding once more, I curled my hands into fists. The need to touch him was stronger than ever before, but I was still unsure where we stood.

  I crossed my arms across my chest and started talking. “I didn’t give you that kidney with any expectations. I just wanted to help, but I shouldn’t have lied to you. Even if I understood where they were coming from. I shouldn’t have kept it from you. Not even for a second—”

  “It’s okay.”

  I kept talking over him. “But I panicked when I realized what Kent had done. I didn’t know what to do. I was protecting them, but I was also protecting myself.” Nick’s eyes looked haunted, and I knew it was because I was becoming hysterical as I continued to explain, but now that I’d started I didn’t think I’d be able to stop. “I knew I’d—”

  He crossed the room and cut me off with a quick, sure kiss. His lips didn’t move, they merely rested against mine. It wasn’t a kiss of passion or desperation. It was just a reminder that he was there.

  He pulled back and cupped my cheeks. “Iris, breathe.” Nick looked sad as he pulled me in for a hug. “I’m not leaving.” I melted into him as I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face into his chest.

  “I’m sorry for freaking out like that. I’m not used to being the asshole.”

  Nick let out a surprised laugh as he pulled back. His eyebrows were high on his forehead as he grinned down at me. He looked at me with so much affection it made me dizzy with want. Shaking his head, he said, “I’ve never heard you swear before. You’ll never stop surprising me, will you?”

  I froze at the use of future tense.

  “Iris…”

  “Yeah?” I was surprised I could get the word out since I was holding my breath.

  “Lucky for us, I’m an expert on being an asshole. You’re not one.”

  I started laughing.

  Nick smiled.

  And everything fell back into place.

  We were both quiet as she led me to her bedroom. Iris let go of my hand and sat on the edge of her bed before slowly unbuttoning her shirt, each pull revealing smooth skin or white cotton. I swallowed before reaching behind my neck and quickly removing my own. Her hands worked on my belt as I bent down and unclasped her bra. She shivered as the air kissed her skin, and my eyes instantly zoned in on her nipples.

  With a smile, she shuffled backward and propped herself up on her elbows. I slowly climbed onto the bed until I was hovering above her. She tilted her head up, her face bare and beautiful, her brown hair falling sensuously over her shoulders and down her back. I straddled her, balancing on my knees as my hands softly cupped the back of her head and brought her closer. Her hair was soft and smelled like lavender. I pulled her toward me until our lips met. Our eyes were closed as we opened our mouths and our tongues tangled. It was soft and intimate, and quite possibly the most perfect kiss we’d ever shared.

  “Nick,” she whispered as my mouth traveled away from hers. My lips moved across her cheek until I reached the spot behind her ear.

  “Yes, dear?” I heard her breathy chuckle.

  “Saying dear reminds me of your mother.”

  I pulled back with a scowl. “I feel like this should be self-explanatory, but talking about my ma in bed is a complete turnoff.”

  “My bad,” she murmured as she tilted her head to give me more access to her neck. I pulled away and her eyes fluttered open. Moving my hands to her shoulders, I gently pushed her flat against the bed. My hands moved down her chest, and we both let out a content sigh as they found her breasts. One of the things Iris told me she loved was that I didn’t immediately go for the kill. I took my time, admiring and kneading. It wasn’t exactly a hardship to keep that up.

  Her hands went to my shoulders and she dug her nails into my bare skin.

  “Oh how I’ve missed you,” I whispered, my eyes dead set on her left nipple, which I was pinching between my fingers. Iris whimpered when I drew it into my mouth, softly sucking, while my other hand kneaded.

  “I don’t know how you survived,” she joked.

  “Hmmm?”

  She chuckled, breathy. “It had to be torture to go two weeks without a pair.”

  I frowned and pulled away.

  “I had been without ‘a pair’”—I felt my scowl deepen—“for a year. It’s not about that. It’s because they’re yours. I’ve missed yours.” My hands squeezed again. She opened her mouth to respond but I cut her off. “Now hush, we’re trying to get reacquainted.”

  “Not much has changed.” Her smile was soft as she gazed down at me, her fingers brushing the hair off my forehead.

  “I’ll be the judge of that. Besides, they look lonely.” I grinned.

  Iris’s laugh was so full of joy, she appeared weightless. “They missed you too.”

  “I’ll bet. Fucking gorgeous.” I dropped soft kisses until I was at her right nipple.

  “Don’t think I forgot about you.” I drew a reverent circle around it before sucking it into my mouth, a little harder than the other. She laughed when I continued to whisper sweet nothings to them. Her giggles quickly cut off as my bare chest brushed against hers, our nipples grazing. I hissed right before my mouth met hers in a gentle kiss.

  I pulled away, my eyes closed and my forehead resting against hers. Soft pants filled the space between us. “I missed you so much.”

  “Me too,” she whispered.

  I sealed our lips together again, groaning when her tongue slipped out and connected with mine. My hands wandered down and carefully removed her pants before I broke away to sit back and take off my own. She reached into her nightstand and grabbed a condom.

  My eyes were on her; she was panting and squirming as she waited for me to roll it on. Both of us moaned when I settled over her and slid inside.

  It had only been two weeks but it felt like so much longer. That was what missing someone did. Time slowed to a crawl, especially if you didn’t know when you’d be seeing them again.

  Iris wrapped her legs around me as I began a steady rhythm. I lifted myself up on one elbow, bringing my other hand to her neck, gently holding her in place. She bit her lip and her eyes fluttered closed as her head tipped back.

  “Iris,” I whispered until her gaze was back on me. “Keep them open.”

  Nodding, she fisted the sheets as I sped up. One hand came up and wrapped around my back, her nails digging into my skin. She whimpered when I pulled back to my knees and grabbed her hips, angling her so I could go deeper.

  “N-Nick. Oh God…”

  I brought one hand to her clit and began making fast, tight circles, while I continued thrusting into her. My groans competed with her moans as we got closer.

  And when we finally came minutes later, we did it together. Our bodies were wrapped around one another so tightly hardly any air passed between us. But between our labored pants, we had plenty.

  I’d collapsed against her, still giving her room to breathe, with my sweaty forehead resting against her shoulder.

  “Fuck,” I muttered before pulling back and kissing her once I caught my breath.

  “Yeah…” she agreed. “My hand just wasn’t the same.”

  My eyes widened as she grinned, playful and sexy all at once. Shaking my head, I kissed her again.

  “You really will keep surprising me, won’t you?” I asked against her lips. I didn’t give her a chance to respond before I took them again. It didn’t matter. I knew.

  Iris was
predictable in the fact that you never quite knew what she would do. All you really knew was that it was going to be amazing. She wasn’t merely one thing. She was like a kaleidoscope. There were so many different sides to her, and they were all beautiful.

  My body was exhausted, but my mind felt wide awake. Almost like I didn’t want to miss out on a single second of Iris’s company. I lay on my back, my legs kicked out in front of me, while Iris was draped across me, her arm slung over my stomach. My arm ran along her back and my hand was on her hip, holding her to me.

  There was one thing that was still bothering me, though.

  “Hey, Iris?” I whispered into the darkness.

  “Hmm?”

  “You’re the woman worth fighting for.” She froze for a second before slowly peeling herself away. Thankfully she kept herself connected, just giving herself enough room to look down at me.

  “In the card you said—”

  “I know.”

  “Can I ask why you thought you weren’t? I hate that you thought that, and that you were surprised when I showed up here. I hate that you didn’t know how much I love you… or how big of an idiot I am, with a tendency to shove my foot in my mouth.”

  She laughed at my attempt to lighten the mood. “That last one I knew.” Her smile faded a bit as she began drawing on my chest with her finger.

  “It just seemed a lot like Colleen.”

  I frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “You said that when you broke up with Colleen, you didn’t yell. You asked her for the truth and left. Just like you did with me.”

  Grabbing her hand, I weaved our fingers together. “It was different. I walked away from Colleen because I had nothing to say. When I walked away from you… I was hurt beyond belief, Iris. But I didn’t want to cause you any pain, and I thought if I stayed, I would have said something I’d regret. I didn’t walk away because I don’t care, I walked away because I did.” Iris still looked glum.

  “What is it?” I asked, giving her hand a shake.

  “I love you.” She said it simply and gave me one of her wide grins. “I realized I hadn’t said it yet. Not with the air cleared and you believing me. It feels good.”