War Widow

by June Francis

‘Nor over the back,’ murmured Flora, closing her eyes against the sun. ‘If Father only knew that I lived next door to a house of ill-repute, he’d be worrying in case it was catching! D’you think she actually speaks Polish or Norwegian?’

  ‘She doesn’t have to, does she?’ said Hilda lazily. ‘Sex transcends the language barrier, little sister. All she has to do is point them in the right direction, open her legs and think of the money.’

  ‘Crudely put,’ responded Flora, pulling a face. ‘But I suppose that’s exactly what she does do. But she must do more than that with some of them because I’ve heard them talking into the night.’

  ‘They speak some English, soft pot.’ Hilda gave her a light punch. ‘But she can natter as much as she likes to the Yanks,’ she yawned. ‘Although in my book they like to do the talking.’

  ‘You’ve met some, have you?’

  ‘Who hasn’t in Liverpool?’ said Hilda casually. ‘And they have a good opinion of themselves. But they’re generous, and some are more than just mouths and trousers.’

  September came in and Flora decided that maybe now was the time to make a few changes in the running of the household.

  She watched Hilda putting on her coat the evening before the girls were due to start school, and said quietly, ‘D’you think you could get up early in the morning and light the fire for me?’

  Hilda’s hand stilled as it reached for her handbag. ‘Can’t George do it?’

  ‘They all start school in the morning. I’d like him to have a good rest. Besides he’s often done it during the holidays. It would give me a headstart on the day, Hilda.’ She watched her sister struggling for an excuse.

  ‘All right,’ she said finally with a heavy sigh. ‘I’ll do my best. Don’t wait up for me. I’ll probably be late in.’ And with that she closed the door behind her. Flora could not believe that it had been so easy, and her spirits felt a little lighter. It was good to think that when she got back from work in the morning, there would be a cup of tea ready and waiting.

  Flora turned the key in the latch and stepped into the lobby, but no sound of activity welcomed her. Anger stirred within her. It seemed that Hilda had forgotten her promise. Flora paused only to fling her coat over a chair before raking out the ashes. In a short time a fire was burning, and the kettle on. Seizing the piece of rag that served as a face cloth she went upstairs to the front room, illuminated by the early September light, and dragged back the covers on the double bed.

  Her sister gasped as Flora dripped cold water on her face. ‘You bitch!’ She wrestled blindly for the bedclothes. ‘I’ll kill you when I get my eyes open.’

  ‘You’re a lazy cow! I felt like murdering you when I came in this morning. I asked you to light the fire, but of course with all the late nights you’re keeping you can’t get out of bed.’ Flora’s angry voice quivered slightly as she looked down at her sister’s wet, sleepy face, and she had to swallow a giggle. ‘Lordy, missy, you look like a drowned rat.’

  Hilda pulled a face. ‘Very funny. I forgot. And it’s not just due to my coming in late. It’s her next door – gosh, you wonder where she gets the strength from. I think I’d have felt hammered into the bed by now. She’s no better than an old pro!’

  ‘Hilda,’ hissed Flora warningly, glancing in the direction of the girls’ bed. ‘Keep your voice down. And, anyway, it’s no excuse. She’s kept me awake many a night but I’ve got myself up. You’ve got to pull your weight. I’m tired when I come in.’

  ‘You can rest during the day said her sister sullenly. ‘I’m working full time.’ She wiped her face with a corner of the pink bedspread.

  Flora shook her head in disbelief. ‘How much rest d’you think I get? It shows how little you know about taking care of kids and a home. How much time d’you think it takes to keep this place clean and do the washing, shopping, and look after the girls?’

  Hilda shrugged and turned on her side, resting her pointed chin in one palm. ‘You’ll have more time now they’re going to school,’ she said sweetly.

  ‘I was thinking of getting myself a different job,’ said Flora emphatically. ‘It’s no fun having to be at work at four in the morning.’

  ‘Moan, moan,’ responded Hilda, giving a yawn. ‘You’ll manage somehow, Flo.’

  Exasperated, Flora stared at her. Hilda gazed back out of pale blue eyes that slanted up at the outer corners. She darkened her lashes with spit and soot, but now the soot was smudged. Her mouth curved in a bow-shape. ‘It was such fun last night,’ she said dreamily. ‘The lights have gone on all over Britain now and there’s as much fun to be had as during the war. I don’t intend staying single all my life, Flo. I want a husband – tall and handsome – who’ll take me away from all this.’ She waved a hand.

  ‘A husband, is it?’ Flora’s voice was disbelieving. ‘What about Viv’s father? Won’t he be coming home?’

  There was a silence, then Hilda laughed mirthlessly and gave her a glittering stare. ‘Oh, him! I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again.’

  ‘I thought you loved him,’ said Flora doubtfully. ‘The way you carried on.’

  Her sister dropped her eyes. ‘War does funny things to people, Flo. And time changes us all. Although it hasn’t altered you that much yet. You’re still so innocent in a way – so trusting. Sometimes I’ve wished I could be like you.’ For a moment her mouth drooped unhappily and then she laughed again, this time more cheerfully. ‘Now how about a cup of tea, Flo?’

  ‘Alright,’ said Flora slowly, wondering whether her sister had had news somehow that Viv’s father was dead, or whether it was that she had just not heard from him again after getting pregnant. ‘I should make you get it, but seeing as how I’m up … But you’ve got to rise and shine now. The girls start school today.’ She whipped back the covers so that they fell over the bottom of the bed. Her sister groaned but got up to search for her scattered clothing.

  ‘Why couldn’t Mam have waited?’ asked Vivien, staring up at Flora with mournful brown eyes.’

  ‘She had to go to work, love.’ Flora smoothed the child’s wayward curls. ‘But she said you looked smart.’

  Vivien’ wrinkled her neat nose, and a smile lighted her face. With her golden curls it caused her to appear altogether cherubic. ‘It’s nice having new clothes.’

  ‘We’re lucky, aren’t we, Mam?’ said Rosie, tossing her sandy pigtails.

  ‘Yes.’ Flora carefully licked a finger to wipe the jam from the corner of her daughter’s mouth. ‘The cardigans are courtesy of your dad.’ Only dire necessity had led her to unpick Tom’s blue jumper; it had pained her to do so. She had washed the wool and wound it round a bottle filled with hot water to uncrinkle the yarn. She felt as if she had closed a door on Tom and that upset her.

  ‘It’s lovely wool.’ Rosie stroked the cardigan lovingly. ‘I wish I’d known my dad.’

  ‘He wished he’d known you better.’ She forced a smile. ‘There’s a letter he wrote upstairs. When you’re older you can read it. He wrote it especially for you.’

  Rosie’s face brightened, but Vivien’s grew longer. ‘My dad never wrote me a letter – nor saw me.’

  Flora could think of nothing to say, so she just took their hands, wishing that she had never mentioned the letter. But she found herself wondering just who was Vivien’s father. Hilda had been very secretive about the whole thing when she had come to Flora after their father had slung her out. It had been a bad moment. Flora had been expecting herself and felt ill, but she had been unable to turn her sister away. Soldier, sailor, airman? Hilda had said only that he was in the forces.

  Flora placed the grey trousers she had been darning on the arm of the chair as the door opened to reveal Hilda. She focussed her tired eyes on her swaying figure. ‘What time’s this to be coming in?’ she asked with assumed mildness.

  ‘You shouldn’t have waited up.’ Hilda stumbled over her words and fell into the chair the other side of the fireplace.

  ‘You’re drunk,’ accused Fl
ora, getting up.

  ‘Only tiddly.’ Hilda giggled. ‘Have you ever had a cocktail, Flo?’

  ‘No.’ She whipped her sister’s scarlet felt hat off her head as Hilda slid down the chair. ‘How many have you had?’

  ‘Two too many. But it was worth it.’ Hilda closed her eyes. ‘Mind you, it was a near thing. He wanted to put my garters on for me.’ She stretched her legs towards the fire and lifted her skirts, revealing nylon clad thighs with home-made garters of elastic and pink rosettes. ‘Nice, aren’t they?’

  ‘Yes, but –’ Flora sat abruptly, her heart beating fast. ‘Did he touch you?’

  Hilda opened one eye wide and straightened herself. ‘It depends what you mean by touched.’ A slight smile curved her brightly painted mouth. ‘He’s a good kisser but there it stopped.’ She sighed and stretched. ‘I met a friend of his tonight, and he’s so handsome and rich – you wouldn’t believe it. And as there’s no future with Mike – although he’s fun – I just might take up Tony’s invitation.’ She dragged herself up and went to gaze in the mirror. She hummed a few bars of a dance tune as she blinked at her reflection. ‘Hell! My hair’s a mess.’ A hand forced it back from her unwrinkled forehead before going to her mouth. ‘And he’s smudged my lipstick.’ A smile lifted her lips. ‘I’ll miss him.’

  Flora stared at her sister. ‘D’you know what you’re doing?’ she demanded. ‘Aren’t you playing with fire going out with his friend?’ She was thinking of the past.

  Hilda wrinkled her nose and pouted at the mirror. ‘Mike is married. Tony isn’t.’

  ‘But you let this Mike kiss you?’

  Hilda laughed. ‘It’s hardly rape. You’re turning stodgy, Flo. It would do you good to get out.’

  ‘Chance would be a fine thing,’ she said coolly. ‘Who’d look after the kids if you’re gallivanting every night?’

  ‘All right, all right, forget it!’ Hilda flopped into a chair. ‘I suppose you wouldn’t go if you could anyway. You’re the type who thinks faithfulness goes beyond death, and all that.’ She closed her eyes and rested her head against the back of the chair. ‘You’re a fool, Flo. Men aren’t that true blue.’ She yawned.

  ‘And you’re selfish. It would help if you stayed in more at nights.’

  Hilda’s answer was a snore. For several minutes Flora stared angrily at her, waiting for some other reaction, but her sister only snored again, so she walked out of the room and up to bed, feeling dissatisfied because there was something unfinished about the whole conversation they had just had. What was her sister up to, and why did she have to make being faithful sound like a sin? She hoped that Hilda would sleep downstairs all night because at that moment she did not want her sleeping in her bed. The bed where she and Tom … She subdued the unsettling memories and feigned sleep as she heard Hilda’s footfalls on the stairs.

  Chapter Four

  Flora sat watching Hilda apply lipstick, determined to say what was on her mind – although it would probably be a waste of time, like everything else she had tried to say to her sister lately. ‘You and Father should settle your differences. It’s not right for families to be divided – especially when it’ll be Christmas soon.’

  ‘There’s plenty of time to Christmas yet.’ Hilda twirled a dark gold curl round her little finger. ‘But even so, who wants to spend Christmas across the table from Father? I’m planning something different – if my Yank pops the question.’

  ‘Your what?’ The sock she was darning fell from Flora’s limp fingers.

  Hilda’s hand stilled. ‘My Tony,’ she murmured, her eyes bright and amused as she gazed into the mirror and met her sister’s stare. ‘He’s so handsome and adoring, and not short of a bob or two. As I think I’ve mentioned to you before.’ She frowned as she smoothed the padded shoulders of the blue-patterned rayon frock, and gave a perceptible shiver.

  ‘You never mentioned no Yank before!’ Flora folded her arms across her breasts, and frowned. ‘You know what they’re after – only one thing.’

  ‘You know a few, do you?’ Hilda laughed as she swung round to take her winter coat from the hook on the door.

  ‘You know I don’t – but we’ve seen plenty going in to her next door. And I bumped into one once, and – the way he stripped me with his eyes was nobody’s business.’

  ‘Lovely, isn’t it?’ Hilda’s eyes danced. ‘But they’re not all the same. Tony’s different. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a virgin.’ Hilda’s smile vanished. ‘I’ve never had one of them before. They’ve been inclined to be all hands and mouths – as well as other things! Even Tom knew a thing or two at sixteen.’ She turned her head and looked at Flora. ‘There’s no need to look like that, dear sister. He was mine before he was yours. And one of you needed to know what it was all about. I’ve often wondered what it was like between you two. He was so alive and you were such a quiet little thing. But then, they say the quiet ones are the deep ones.’ Her eyes narrowed. ‘Are there hidden fires in you?’

  ‘What Tom and I did in bed was solely between him and me. And, anyway, we were talking Yanks. You haven’t been so clever in your life, big sister. D’you know what you’re doing now? He might be leading you on.’

  Hilda’s expression hardened. ‘You can guarantee there won’t be anything doing again till there’s a ring on my finger. I’m after a one way ticket to America, and tonight might be the night he pops the question. Then you won’t see me for dust, little sister.’

  ‘D’you love him at all?’ Her voice was scornful.

  ‘Love?’ Hilda’s smile was brittle. ‘Only you would ask that. What’s love to do with it? You pinched Tom while my back was turned.’

  ‘You were going out with somebody else,’ retorted Flora, dangerously sweet. ‘Two timing isn’t nice.’

  ‘Don’t preach morality to me, Flo.’ Her sister’s eyes flashed angrily as she opened the door. ‘Or I’ll tell you a thing or two that will shock the drawers off you. Don’t wait up.’

  ‘I don’t intend to!’ Flora swept past her, snatching up her coat as she went. She slammed the front door behind her and ran down the street.

  She began to calm down as the chill foggy air made itself felt, and slowed to a walk. Why did Hilda have to go on about Tom the way she did? It made Flora mad. Matters weren’t working out at all the way she had hoped when her sister came to stay, and at the moment Flora wished that Hilda would vanish into thin air. But she would have to go back and face her.

  If she had some money then the pictures would have been just the place for her to cool off and take her mind off things, as well as giving her a reason for staying out longer, but she had not thought to pick up her purse. Instead she walked twice round the block before going home.

  It was George who answered Flora’s hammering on the door. He rubbed sleepy eyes. ‘Where’ve you been, Mam?’

  ‘On a message to your grandad’s,’ she lied. ‘You should have let your aunty answer the door.’

  He yawned, padding up the lobby in front of her. ‘She’s not in.’

  ‘What!’ Flora pushed open the kitchen door and saw that he was telling the truth. Anger stirred within her again. ‘Go back to bed, son.’ He nodded and left her.

  She made herself a cup of tea and stoked up the fire, huddling close as tiny flames licked the coal, and tried to not care what her sister did. But she was still seething when she went to bed, and it was some time before sleep claimed her.

  ‘D’you want to know how my evening went?’ Hilda rested her chin on her hand.

  Flora did not answer, but spoke to George as she handed him and the girls a penny each. ‘Now straight to Sunday School, and don’t lose the money down a grid.’

  ‘Do I have to go?’ asked George with a long suffering air, pocketing his penny which he intended spending on some broken crisps.

  ‘Yes.’ She frowned. ‘You’ve got to take care of the girls. It’s a brother’s job.’

  ‘Viv’s my cousin.’

  ‘You know what I mean,’
she said quietly. He nodded and pushed the girls before him. Flora saw them out before returning to place the flat iron on the fire and spread a piece of sheeting on the table.

  ‘I’ll repeat my question,’ said her sister impatiently. ‘D’you want to know about my evening?’

  ‘Why should I be interested?’ asked Flora flatly. ‘What you do is your own business.’

  ‘You wouldn’t think so the way you go on. I believe you’re jealous.’ Hilda smiled. ‘You’re stuck in this place for life, and you’re jealous because I’m going to get away from it.’

  Flora gave her a look. ‘I’m not jealous,’ she murmured. ‘You have your life. I have mine.’

  ‘Yours isn’t much of a life.’

  ‘You could make it easier.’ She placed one of the girls’ frocks on the sheeting. ‘You could try doing some work around here for once. It would be good practice for if you do get married.’

  Hilda took out a packet of cigarettes and lit one with slow deliberation. ‘When I get married there’ll be no need for me to slave away like you. I’ll have somebody to do the housework and washing and stuff.’

  ‘Oh, aye? Tony’s that rich is he? Or do you only think it’ll be like that because of the movies?’ She wrapped a cloth round the handle of the iron, and spat on the bottom of it to test if it was hot enough.

  ‘Tony has money, dear sister.’

  ‘So you’ve told me. But men can exaggerate about some things.’

  Hilda frowned. ‘Tony didn’t tell me – Mike did. And why should he lie? You’re only saying it to get on my nerves.’ Flora smiled but remained silent. Hilda inhaled deeply. ‘I suppose you think it’s wrong to consider money important.’

  ‘It’s not everything.’

  ‘You can’t live just on love, Flo, and you damn well know it. Look at this place!’ Hilda’s disparaging glance swept the room.

  Her sister’s eyes glinted. ‘You don’t have to stay, but if you do I’d like the money you give me trebled. I can’t keep you and Viv on five shillings a week and you damn well know it! This isn’t a charity home.’ She threw a frock over the back of a chair and picked up another.