Remember My Love

by Elise Dee Beraru

  "So, have you figured out how I can get him back?"

  "That's just the problem. The man you describe as Brian Strange is the kind of husband any woman might want. I don't think it's Blair Carroll you want back. Blair hasn't been that kind of a man since he was eighteen or so. My brother is a nasty, mean-spirited, woman-hater who hasn't even taken the trouble to meet his own son yet. I'm not sure I'd live with him for more than a day or two if it weren't already my home."

  "I've seen this," Adele concurred, "and it frightens me, but I have to believe the man I fell in love with and married is in there somewhere waiting for someone to help him get out again. I want that someone to be me."

  "It isn't likely to be anyone else," Stephen said. "The only woman in San Francisco Blair was ever serious about married his business rival about a year ago. Joshua's mother was a casual affair whom Blair barely remembered when her lawyer wrote to us advising Blair he had a son by her. I've seen no evidence since he's been back in town that he's had anything to do with any woman. Then again, he was wearing a horseshoe nail ring on his left ring finger. He conjectured that he might have married during the lost years, but he cannot remember."

  "But he was married--is married. To me," Adele protested, her voice thick with agony. She held up her left hand. "I'm wearing the same kind of wedding band. In all the fittings he's never noticed or remarked about it. It's like I'm invisible. Half the time he asks me for my name again, as if I'm not important enough for him to bother to remember." She dropped her head in her hands. "What am I supposed to do?"

  "Believe me, Adele," Stephen said, "he remembers your name. It's his way of creating a distance between himself and the world. He started doing it when he first started running Carroll Enterprises because it set people off balance enough to forget that they were dealing with an eighteen-year-old. It's become a habit."

  "One he didn't use in Wyoming. Of course, we didn't see many people."

  Susannah put in, "Stephen, don't you think we've got to do something to get them close together as often as possible so maybe he falls in love with her again. It worked the first time."

  "How are we going to do that? He's got all the clothes he'll ever need and I'm hardly part of your social circle," added Adele with a sigh. "Besides, he thinks women are stupid, useless creatures. He accused me of prattling. I had to find a dictionary and look it up. It means idle, useless chatter. I wouldn't know how to prattle if I tried."

  Stephen brightened. "Blair may have all the clothes he needs, but Josh doesn't."

  "Huh?"

  "Joshua showed up yesterday with barely a change of underwear. He's going to need an entire wardrobe--as you say, befitting his new social circle. And I know just what tailor shop is going to get the commission--and what tailor's assistant."

  Adele frowned. "Nobody buys clothing for children from a custom tailor shop like Donelli."

  "You do if you're a Carroll and nothing is too good for your son. At least that's the approach I'll take with him. Blair doesn't know a thing about children. The last child he had anything to do with raising was me, and that was a long time ago."

  "He was always good with Bea," Susannah said.

  "With your help, Stephen, at least I'll have a chance." Adele felt more hopeful than she had in weeks.

  Susannah raised her teacup. "A toast--to the plan."

  "What plan?" asked Adele. "We don't have a plan."

  "We'll just have to figure it out as we go along, like I did after I found the quilt in the hayloft. We can do it!" Susannah threw her arms around Stephen's neck and kissed him on the mouth. He returned her kiss, slipping his arms around her and pressing her close to his white shirtfront. He began to take command of the kiss, plunging his tongue deep into her willing mouth. She responded with gusto. For a moment they were oblivious to where they were.

  "In my official capacity as chaperon, may I remind you that you'd be better off finding a more secluded place for that. And I'd better not find any blankets where they don't belong," she added, feeling a flush suffuse her as she realized now how Susannah had discovered that she and Brian were lovers.

  Stephen and Susannah broke apart. "Where did you learn to kiss like that?" he asked breathlessly.

  "From watching your brother," Susannah replied.

  Stephen laughed and said, "I wouldn't have thought he had it in him."

  "You'd be surprised," Adele remarked.

  STEPHEN DID manage to convince Blair to hire Donelli to outfit Joshua, but when Adele came for fittings, Blair was never there, even on the weekend. Blair gave no reason for avoiding Adele, but he still managed to be absent. He told himself it was because it was not important enough a task for him to supervise personally, but a nagging voice inside him told him over and over that he was lying.

  Adele did manage to fall instantly in love with Joshua, who seemed all alone in the big house. She saw the wariness in his eyes when Blair was mentioned and the love when Stephen's name came up. Adele tried to convince the little boy that his father would come to care for him given time.

  "How will he ever care for me if he never talks to me?" Joshua protested.

  "He's just not used to having a little boy around. A lot of men are uncomfortable around small children. You just have to show him that you are a polite, well-behaved boy and he'll come around. It's probably because he hasn't seen you grow up. You're as much a stranger to him as he is to you. He doesn't know how to behave."

  "But Uncle Stephen talks to me and plays with me and he wasn't used to me. He isn't even my father."

  "Maybe your father will take lessons from your Uncle Stephen."

  It was a big maybe. Blair Carroll was not the physical man he had been in Wyoming. He never touched or allowed himself to be touched unless it was absolutely necessary. He was a brittle as a dried leaf. Adele wondered if deep down he was afraid that if anyone got inside him he would shatter like so much blown glass.

  The governess Blair had hired was a humorless soul who insisted that too much attention was being paid to dressing a six-year-old. While Adele actually agreed with her, she wished the woman would declare it more gently.

  Stephen was the only person in the house who treated Joshua like a human being with feelings. Stephen was the only one who would let Joshua talk about his mother. The boy confided to Adele that he almost never saw his father. The very few times Joshua was in Blair's presence it was made very clear that the name Cherry Leval was not to be mentioned within his earshot. The governess was of the school that the surest way to get over grief was to act as if it did not exist. That this approach was ineffective for adults and even more damaging to children would never have occurred to the governess.

  Adele promised to talk to Blair about it, but she didn't see him herself. Stephen told her that Blair was working eighteen hour days as if he was trying to make up for two years of absence in a few months.

  "MR. VAN DUSEN, I'm sorry, but I can't check the alterations properly if you don't stand still."

  Adele gritted her teeth as her fingers clenched around her measuring tape. Van Dusen might be one of the wealthiest man in San Francisco, but the portly, middle-aged man was a continuing trial to her. It was bad enough to have to fend off his suggestive comments, but he smelled of a heavy cologne he used to mask the odors of tobacco and unwashed skin so much she was almost nauseated to stand near him.

  Van Dusen took a step forward, forcing her to take a step back toward the wall of fabric bolts.

  "You don't have to be a seamstress, Adele...."

  "Mrs. Strange."

  "Mrs. Strange with no Mr. Strange, I'm sure. I could set you up in a nice little house."

  She took another step backward. The man had her trapped against the shelving. He had a sixth sense when Donelli would be out of the shop. "I'm not interested in being anything except Signor Donelli's assistant."

  Van Dusen reached up to stroke her cheek with the back of his hand. She cringed inside at his nearness. "You're so beautiful, Adele. I'm sure
you know how to make a man really happy."

  "Please, Mr. Van Dusen, let me go." Adele's voice quavered. "I'm married. You're married. I love my husband. I'm sure you love your wife."

  "That harpy?" He held her chin. Adele tried to push him away and turn her head, but he was stronger than she was. He bent his head towards as she tried to scream, and muffled the scream with the start of a sloppy, kiss. She pounded at him with her fists as his other hand cupped her breast, squeezing none too gently.

  Adele saw red, then black around the edges. She felt his tongue inside her mouth and in a moment of defiance she bit down hard.

  Van Dusen pulled back. "Damn, you bitch." He reached back to slap her as Adele fell to her knees, breathing hard.

  A moment later he was gone. Adele looked up to see the broad-shouldered, towering figure of Blair Carroll holding the shorter, fatter man by his coat collar.

  "The lady said no."

  "They always say no at first, Carroll," Van Dusen countered. "They usually come around."

  Adele looked into the stormy eyes of her husband. She could see rage and arrogant indignation.

  Blair pushed the older man toward the door. "This lady won't `come around' to you or anyone else. I can't tell you to leave and never come back, but only because I respect Donelli and his right to do business. If I ever hear that you've forced your affections on Mrs. Strange again, so help me, I'll ruin you."

  "Ruin me?" a red-faced Van Dusen spit out.

  Blair's eyebrow rose. "You think I can't do it? Think again. All it would take are a few well-chosen words. Now, get out of my sight."

  "The clothes I came here in...."

  "My coachman will deliver them to you later."

  Van Dusen glared towards Adele, who had regained a standing position. "Don't think this is over, Mrs. Strange."

  "As far as the lady is concerned, it's over," Blair growled back as Adele stood silently.

  Conceding defeat, Van Dusen turned and walked out of the shop.

  Blair turned back to Adele. She stood, back to the fabric shelves, her arms wrapped around herself, visibly shaking, her face noticeably pale. Blair approached her.

  "Are you all right, Mrs. Strange?"

  Adele nodded stiffly. "I will be. Thank you."

  "Has he done that before?"

  Adele shrugged. "Not quite so aggressively, but he's not the only one. I reckon they think a working woman is fair game...I better fold his suit so your coachman can deliver it."

  Blair had a peculiar look on his face. But just as quickly it fled. He closed his eyes for a moment.

  Adele approached him. "Are you all right, Mr. Carroll?"

  "Yes, just for a moment...never mind. Get the clothes."

  Adele disappeared into the dressing room. She appeared a few moments later with two paper-wrapped, string-tied parcels.

  She handed each in turn to Blair. "Mr. Van Dusen's clothes...Joshua's finished clothes."

  "Joshua's?"

  "Some of the clothes for your son that I've finished. That is why you came in here today, wasn't it?"

  Blair shook his head as if to clear it. "Yes, of course, thank you. It was on my way." He turned to go.

  "Mr. Carroll?"

  "Yes, Mrs. Strange?"

  "Thank you. It's been quite a while since anyone was protective of me. Why did you do it?"

  Blair frowned. "I don't know. I really don't know."

  IN MID-FEBRUARY, Adele came into work after her lunch break to see a woman whose bearing identified her as a leading doyenne of Nob Hill Society talking haughtily to Donelli. She wondered whose wife this woman was. Ever since the episode with Horace Van Dusen, she had been even more cautious of defusing the suggestive comments made by so many of the customers. This was so commonplace; she realized how isolated she had been from the rest of the world all her life.

  It made her grateful that, despite their obvious attraction, Stephen was acting like a gentleman with Susannah, only giving her the attention she was willing to accept, not forcing unwanted attention.

  The grand lady pointed her umbrella in Adele's direction. "Deal with it, Signor Donelli," she declared as she stormed out of the shop.

  "What was that about, Mr. Donelli?"

  Donelli's dark face was deadly serious. "Come into the workroom, Adele," he responded. "We need to talk."

  Adele suddenly felt cold. She walked in and sat down, shaking with uncertainty.

  "Mrs. Van Dusen tells me you are flirting with her husband...."

  Mrs. Van Dusen.

  "It's not true. Mr. Van Dusen very nearly had his way with me on the showroom floor and was about to slap me for resisting him if Blair Carroll hadn't come in when he did. I just do my job. I tell them I'm married. I am always completely businesslike, but I can't do my job without touching clients and asking them how the garment fits or feels. I don't give them permission to touch me back. You've got to believe me. I don't encourage them at all."

  "I believe you, but this city is like a small town. The wives of my other clients will believe harpies like Mrs. Van Dusen. I've received a number of visits from these women and their henpecked husbands telling me if I don't hire a male assistant in your place they will take their custom elsewhere."

  "But that's so unfair."

  "Adele, you're the best assistant I've ever had, but I can't survive strictly on the custom of Blair and Stephan Carroll and the Barbary Coast saloon owners who couldn't care less for society gossip. My business is predicated on being a society tailor. I'm going to have to let you go, effective today."

  Adele was in tears. "What am I going to do?"

  "I will write you a letter of reference. I'm sure you can get a job with a good dressmaker. It's infinitely safer."

  "If that's the case, I'd be better off back in Wyoming. At home I owed nobody and only the elements were my enemies. Why should I have to make dresses for the very women who've cost me my job?"

  Donelli walked over to the worktable. "This is the only other thing I can do. Take the patterns and all the fabric and notions for the clothing for the little Carroll boy. You finish this commission keep the payment for yourself. I'll pay you a week's wages in lieu of severance pay. By the time you finish and collect, maybe something else will turn up."

  Donelli began to wrap things up.

  "Adele, tell me the truth about something," he began again.

  "About what?"

  "I've been trying to put this together since Christmas. This order for the Carroll boy: I know it came from Stephen Carroll, but none of my clients order clothing for children this young from me. I'm far too expensive for garments that will be outgrown in a few months. I've seen the way you look at Blair Carroll when you think nobody is looking. Is he your Mr. Strange? I promise it won't go beyond these walls."

  Adele nodded dismally. "But he doesn't remember me or any part of our life together. To him it's as if it never happened."

  "If he's legally your husband, why do you have to work at all? The Carrolls have been one of the richest families in California for over twenty years. According to the law in this state you're entitled to half of everything he earns."

  "You've known Blair Carroll a long time, haven't you, Mr. Donelli?"

  "Yes. Ten years I've been his tailor."

  "What is his opinion of women? It's pretty low, isn't it?"

  Donelli agreed.

  "Now, can you see me walking up to the Blair Carroll you know and saying, `Excuse me, sir, you barely know me, but we've been married for almost two years and we have a baby girl you don't remember.' He'd think I was some kind of fortune hunter. He'd resent my presence. He'd hate me for putting him in such an awkward position. Undoubtedly he would do his legal duty by me, but I've seen how he does his duty by his son and I wouldn't wish such emotional neglect on a rabid dog. I have some pride. I've been working all my life. I don't need or want his money unless I have the man I married to go with it." Adele paused, embarrassed at her outburst. "I'd better leave now. I appreciate your g
iving me this commission. I know you aren't obligated to me in any way after so few months of employment."

  Adele took the package Donelli wrapped, along with her smock and sewing kit and left the shop. She went upstairs to her room and threw herself on the bed and cried for more than an hour before she fell into a disturbed slumber.

  She came fully awake suddenly. It was after five and darkening outside.

  "Stephen. I've got to talk to Stephen. He'll know what to do," she said aloud.

  Susannah was on the front stairs coming in as Adele rushed out. "Take care of Beatrice. I'll be back soon."

  "Wait a minute, Sissy. Where are you going?"

  "Up the Hill," she said, "I've got to talk to Stephen," she finished as she hopped on the cable car.

  "Sissy, come back!" Susannah called after her. "Stephen will be here in less than an hour."

  But Adele was already beyond earshot.

  It was more than an hour before Adele got to the bottom of Nob Hill and walked up California Street to the Carroll mansion. Jennings answered the door.

  "Please tell Mr. Stephen that Mrs. Strange needs to speak to him. It's very important," Adele requested, breathless both from nerves and the incline.

  A familiar voice from the staircase replied, "Stephen's not here, Mrs. Strange. I don't expect him until late."

  It was Blair. He had obviously just come from the office. He was still fully dressed in a blue-black cashmere frock coat, trousers and vest. His blue paisley tie was in stark contrast to his snow-white shirtfront. Adele knew the suit. She had put practically every stitch lovingly in place. Its cut emphasized his musculature and great height.

  He looked so intimidating and yet so handsome that emotion overcame Adele, who collapsed in tears in the doorway.

  Blair was down the stairs in seconds. Brushing aside the astonished Jennings, he picked Adele up as if she weighed nothing and carried her into the parlor, setting her down on the settee. He walked over to the gas jets and lit up the parlor and then sat down beside her. He barely touched Adele to gain her attention when she collapsed against his chest, sobbing uncontrollably.