by M. R. Joseph
The Barn is a bar in Princeton we’ve been coming to for years. Porter used to work here and still does when he’s home on break. Willow and I settle in a booth hidden from the bar area. I don’t intend on staying late. I just need to unwind.
I sip on my beer and Willow and I share some fries.
“So, how’s it going with the big guy?”
Obviously, talking about Cruz, I can’t help but to beam at her.
“Awesome. Just simply awesome.”
“I’m guessing all around. You know like side to side, up and down. Lots of up and down.”
She winks at me, and I choke a bit on my sip and laugh at her bluntness.
“Oh, come on, Har. It’s gotta be good, right? I mean looking the way he does and the way you do. I’m sorry but I wouldn’t mind being a fly on the wall to see some good old-fashioned hot fucking.”
“Willow Taylor. My God, do you have no shame?”
She ponders the question and munches on a fry.
“Um… Actually, no, I don’t.”
We laugh together and I ease back into the booth, kicking my heels off under the table.
“He’s fantastic, I will say that. But that’s all I’m going to say. Some things have to be left up to the imagination.”
She closes her eyes, sighs and rests her head in her hand as her elbow holds it up.
“Yea, imagination is good.” She looks dreamily at me and I do feel myself blush as I think about Cruz and what it feels like to make love to him. Passion is his middle name. It should be on his birth certificate or something.
“Wills? Are you ever not horned-up?”
She shakes her head. “No, not really. I’m in my sexual prime. Down there is buzzing twenty-four seven.” She points to her lady parts.
“Are you happy, Har?”
I nod, agreeing with her, but feeling the loneliness seep in.
“I am very happy. I miss him though. I didn’t think it would be this hard to be away from him. To have this long distance thing going on. I mean we talk every day and skype all the time, but it’s not the same.”
Willow finishes her beer and motions for the waitress to bring her another. She points to me as to ask if I need one.
“I’m good for now.”
“Do you love him, Har?”
“Yes. I do. I think I really do.”
“Do you think he loves you?”
Now there’s the question of the century. Does Raphael Cruz love me? Is he capable? Will he ever be capable?
“Does it feel the same with Cruz as it did with Knox?”
I chuckle at that thought.
“Not by a long shot. I was dumb and naïve. I’m wiser to it now. With Chad, I was in a constant state of worry. I knew that when he dropped me off for curfew he went off to some other girl. It happened all the time. I was just blind and didn’t see it for what it was.”
She points to me with a fry dangling from her fingers.
“Bullshit is what it was. He had you wrapped around his finger for so long. It was like you were in a trance or something. I tried to pull you out, but you weren’t having it.”
I know all this. She did try. She would tell me about his ‘extracurricular activities’, but I just didn’t listen or rather didn’t want to. We were the golden couple. The one that people envied. All the while it was a sham and I was the joke.
Hardy, har.
“Well, it’s all in the past. It is what it is. Telling Cruz what happened between us has helped me a lot. I’m only seeing Dr. Goldberg once a week now.”
She reaches over and pats my hand.
“I’m proud of you, Har. I really am. I have to give the dickcop some credit.”
“Oh, yea? What’s that?”
“He brought my best friend back to me, and for that I’ll be forever grateful.”
I was lost for a while, a long while. Withdrawing from my friends and pretending everything was fine on the outside with my family after it all happened. Willow stuck by me though. Good times or bad times, I know she’ll always be there.
We finish another beer and polish off the fries. We walk to our cars and before I get into mine Willow grabs me and hugs me.
“Har, you’re a lucky girl, you know that?”
I hug back not really understanding what she means. I look at her and search her face for the meaning of her statement.
“I mean, Har, you have finally found someone who makes you feel special, wanted and needed. Therefore you’re a lucky girl.” She releases me and smacks my butt as I get into my car.
“I’ll see you in the morning, unless you’re up late and can’t get up. You know you haven’t taken a sick day yet. Typical.”
She winks at me, gets in her car and drives away.
Why on earth would I take a sick day? I feel fine.
Driving home from The Barn through the streets of Princeton, I wonder what life would be like for me if I had gone through with my pregnancy. I’d have a baby to buy presents for, take him or her to see Santa and to wake up with on Christmas morning. Would Chad even have had anything to do with it? I’m guessing not. I’ve never really thought about what my life would have been like, especially this time of year. I really don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to be sad. What’s done is done and I’ll live with that guilt forever.
I turn down my street, my very festively decorated street and I’m searching for my dark, non-festive house… But I don’t see it. I drive a little farther down, slowly, and I stop in front of mine.
Lights.
Everywhere.
My whole house is outlined in bright colorful lights. The roof line, my windows, my tiny front porch. They’re everywhere. Plastic lit candy canes line my driveway and the small Japanese maple tree that sits in front of my house is adorned in the magical lights and decorated with the biggest Christmas balls I have ever seen. The four windows in the front have lighted wreaths hanging outside of them too. All I can do is stare at it. My jaw is actually dropped to the floor.
My dad sent someone over to do this, or maybe it was Craw.
I dial Daddy first. Picking up on the second ring he sounds so happy that it’s me calling.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Hi, Har! How are you sweetheart? So good to hear from you. What’s up?”
“Dad, did you send someone over to hang Christmas lights on my house?”
“No, honey I’m sorry I didn’t, but I feel bad now I hadn’t thought about that sooner.”
“No problem. Maybe Craw did it. I’ll give him a call.”
“Sweetie, you ok?”
“I’m fine, Dad.” He always knows when I’m a little down from the sound of my voice.
“Harlow Jeanne Hannum? Dad knows you all too well.”
I roll my eyes, but smile because he does know his daughter.
“I just miss Cruz, Dad. It’ll be another few weeks until we see each other. It’s hard.”
Dad sighs into the phone. “Sweetie, in all the years you were with Chad, you appeared happy… On the outside, but Mom and I knew you weren’t. I don’t really know what transpired between you two in order for you guys to breakup, nor do I want to know, that’s your business.”
Oh, Dad, if you only knew. You’d probably hate me, but you’ll never know.
“What I do know is that I’ve seen the light in your eyes return since you’ve been with Cruz. It’s a different look than you had with Chad. Maybe it has to do with the fact that you’re older, or maybe… No definitely, it’s because you’re in love with him.”
I blush because my dad is on the phone with me, and we are discussing my love life. Crazy, but sweet all at the same time. The most significant thing about this whole conversation is… He’s right. Cruz brought me back to life, albeit there may be some who tend to disagree. I am happy because he’s my savior.
“Wow. You’ve been doing your homework, haven’t you, Dad?”
He laughs in the phone. “No, it’s just a sharp observation that parents
make. I created you, my dear, and I know more than you think. You’ll see someday when you have kids of your own.”
I bite my lip and hold back the tears because that is a reality that will never be.
“Maybe someday, Dad. Well, I’m going to go and find out who my Christmas fairy is.”
“Ok, sweetie. I’ll let you go. Oh and Har?”
“Yea, Dad?”
“I just wanted to say that I think Cruz is a lucky guy.”
I grin. “And why’s that?”
“He has you. I’ll talk to you later. I love you.”
Too late for holding back the tears. My dad’s words seem to have brought them out.
“I love you too, Daddy.”
I hang up and shut my car off. I get out and my foot immediately goes into a pile of slushy snow. I should’ve worn my boots, damn it.
I close the car door and marvel at the spectacular light show that’s before me. Someone actually took the time to do this for me.
It couldn’t be. He’s working a twelve hour shift.
Approaching my house slowly, I don’t see his car as I look around my street. It would be impossible for him to be here, right? I stick my key in the front door and turn the lock and walk into a winter wonderland and a hot cop.
“Merry two weeks before Christmas, Turnip.”
I wish someone was here to take a picture of my face. Because I never would want to forget the way I look right now.
“How’d you… When did you… What are you doing… “ The rest of my sentence goes out the window because Cruz engulfs me in a hug and plants his sweet and sexy lips on mine.
He smells like peppermint and chocolate chip cookies, and so does my house for that matter. When he pulls away from me, he strokes my freckles and smiles.
“Thank God you didn’t come home earlier. Willow did a good job.”
“Wait, what!?”
“I called Willow a few days ago. She told me you were a little sad and stressed about the holidays, so right now my Sergeant thinks I’m raging mad with the stomach flu and I can’t get my face out of the toilet.”
Willow’s a sneaky bitch, but I love her anyway.
“So that’s why she got me out tonight. What time did you get here?”
He takes my hand and leads me into my living room. Before me stands the grandest of Christmas trees decorated with Christmas balls in the colors of red, green and silver. It’s magnificent.
I really don’t know what to say. I just stare at it and its beautiful display of lights and pine smelling branches.
“I got here right before you left for the day. I just parked down the street away from the direction you take from work and went to work like the busy little elf I am.”
Cruz comes up behind me and wraps his large, strong arms around my body and places soft kisses from my earlobe down my neck.
“Do you like it, Turnip?”
I stammer for words because there aren’t enough to express to him how thankful and grateful I am for this.
“I… I just don’t know what to say. It’s so beautiful. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful.”
Cruz turns me around as we stand in front of his masterpiece. The glow from the tree lights illuminates his face, and I silently thank God for this, for him.
“See that’s where you’re wrong.”
He cups my face, strokes his thumb over my lips, across my chin and to the bridge of my nose. He lightly kisses both my eyes, then the tip of my nose before meeting back to my eyes.
“What I’m holding in my hands is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
I feel the pink creep into my cheeks, and the tears drift down my face.
I look up at him adoringly.
“You make me so happy. Thank you.”
He pulls my body closer to his own, and he feels warm and safe to me. He’s just home to me.
His lips graze my earlobe and he whispers seductively, “Have you ever had sex under a Christmas tree before?”
I giggle as his stubbly chin tickles me while nuzzling my neck.
“I don’t believe I have but there’s a first time for everything, right?”
Everything about this man makes me feel like I’m on fire, especially the way he eases into my body like he’s savoring every inch of me. The glow from the tree lights makes the sweat from our bodies sparkle, and that’s how I feel inside, sparkly. It may sound a bit immature, but it’s the truth. My body reacts to his in ways I’ve only read about or dreamt about.
When he suckles my nipples and palms my breasts as they heave from the relentless pleasure, he surges into me. I swear if I didn’t hold back, my orgasm would take over, and I’d be lost and upset that it was over. With Cruz though, there’s no holding back. His tenderness and forcefulness is unlike anything I could have ever imagined. I never thought being with someone like this could do the things his body does to me. His lips heighten my release when he goes down on me, tasting me like I’m his last meal. Licking me, sucking me and his fingers invading all the sensitive areas he’s become so familiar with. He brings me to the hilt of pleasure over and over again. The way he grips my ass just to pull my center closer to his mouth, it would honestly take no more than that to make me come. Just seeing the top of his head, gripping onto his thick waves and watching him, watching me as he eats at me makes me feel like I could drift into another world, and sometimes I feel like I actually do. When he comes up for air and kisses me, I can taste myself on his lips and the thought of that used to make me feel uncomfortable, but with this man, there’s nothing hotter, nothing more erotic than the fact that my taste remains on the tongue of the man I love. God, the things he can do with that mouth of his.
It’s so intimate and hot all wrapped up in the only package I need this Christmas, and it’s him. Our bodies slap together with the cries and moans that I’m sure my neighbors can hear, but I don’t care. My wish is for it to always be like this. When we fuck, we fuck and I discover things I like more and more when we do. Cruz likes to experiment, and I’m opening up to the fact that I do too. When we make love, that’s a different story. Our high is being with each other, wrapped up in a tangled mess of lips, arms, legs and tongues.
Yes, when I come with him I see stars. I bask in the glory of our bodies intermittently coming to life. The desire when we are with each other is beyond any words I could possibly speak. People in movies make it look glamorous and dramatic and sometimes with the two of us, it is. Other times it’s nothing but sheer, mind-blowing, hot-as-fucking-hell, stick-a-cherry-on-top-of-the sundae and fuck-me-into-next-week kind of experience.
When we finish, Cruz reaches back and grabs a blanket off the sofa. He nestles his front against my back and wraps us up in it, and we revel in the beauty of the twinkling lights.
“That was unbelievable.”
“I’ll say,” he whispers as his big arms surround me.
“It’s been almost a month, baby.” He wiggles his eyebrows and beams up at me.
I’m very aware of how long it’s been. Phone sex only takes you so far. Nothing compares to the real thing.
“Thank you for this, Cruz. It’s so wonderful and special. My first Christmas tree in my very first home. I don’t know how to thank you.”
He kisses my cheek and sits up.
“No need to thank me, Turnip. But there’s more.”
I sit up clutching the blanket to my body.
“More? What more could you possibly do?”
He goes under the tree and retrieves two small boxes, and I look at his fine as all hell naked ass.
Oh, sweet lord, I only need that under my tree.
He turns to me smiling.
“Well, presents, of course, and stop looking at my ass.”
Busted.
I’m shocked and giddy all at the same time. I didn’t get a chance to get him anything yet, and now I feel embarrassed because of it.
“Oh, babe, I haven’t gotten you anything yet. I wasn’t expecting you till t
he twenty eighth.” Cruz hands me the first box, and I hesitate with it in my hands.
“Open it, Turnip. It doesn’t bite.”
I rip open the shiny paper to reveal a white, square box. I pop open the lid and take out the tissue paper on top, tossing it aside.
I pull out… A mug. Yes, a mug. It says ‘I heart cops’. I laugh.
“Oh, honey you shouldn’t have.”
He smiles at me. “Smart ass.”
“Look inside.”
I pull out a t-shirt that’s stuffed inside it.
Baby blue, like his eyes and I unroll it.
It says ‘Property of Sandy Cove Police Force’.
“You like it?” I hold it to my chest. I beam at him. My smile is so big. My cop. I’m property of Cruz.
“Of course I love it. It came from you.”
With a devilish grin and a raise of his eyebrows he tells me, “Now this is to be worn to bed every night by you when I’m not here, but when I am here I expect it to be worn sans panties. Got it?”
I nod. “Got it.”
I lean over and give him a lingering kiss.
“So perfect,” he whispers against my lips. “Open the other one.”
It’s a smaller box, long and rectangular in shape. I rip open the paper and inside is some kind of gift certificate.
“YMCA?”
He shakes his head and points to it.
“It’s for swim lessons.”
I’m amazed at his gift. It’s not diamonds. It’s not pearls. It’s not airline tickets for some exotic island destination. It’s something from the heart. Something I need, not what I want, and I think it’s the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received.
“It means a lot to you that I do this, huh?” and I know it does, I just need some clarification. He takes my hand and puts it to his lips. Kissing each finger, then reaching the palm of my hand.
“You are precious cargo my dear, and I want you safe. You mentioned it to me after the whole dipping the toes in the water thing so I thought it would be perfect.”
I reach up to stroke his perfect face, looking into his perfect eyes, feeling his perfect skin.
“It’s perfect. Like you.”
Our lips meet and Cruz gives me a kiss that should be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the hottest, most loving kiss.
