Waiting On the Rain

by Caudia Connor

  On their way out, Ava paused with her hand on the door jam. “You know, you could hang some little information plates here. Just something simple like, bunk room or bunk room one, if the cabins are numbered. Or maybe a cute name for each one instead of a number.”

  He could kind of see it, being here in it with her. He could see kids actually using it. Benefitting from it. Ava made it feel like more than busy work for a man who had nothing else to do. She made it seem important.

  He led her out, passing the bathroom on the way to what was now his room. “The bathroom needs a lot of work. Just the basics in there now. Toilet, running water.”

  “Basic is good, from a blind standpoint. Simple. No rugs out in the middle to trip on.”

  “I’m trying to decide on tile in the bathroom or if I continue the wood.”

  “Different floorings are good. An easy way to instantly know where you are. Again, from a blind standpoint.”

  “That makes sense.”

  He continued on to his room, stopping for her to put her hand on the door frame. He’d noticed she liked to feel her way, get her bearings. “This will be the counselor’s room. It’s about the same size as the bunk room. Just big enough for a full bed which I have now. There’s a bedside table and a dresser, more cast offs from everyone getting married lately. I was thinking I could make some simple tables, add a dresser or close in a section over in the corner and make it a closet with shelves.”

  “You’re pretty handy.”

  “Just wood and nails mostly. Measuring and planning. Plus YouTube.”

  “I think it’s more than that. You have skill.”

  “I’m good with my hands.”

  * * *

  “Good with your hands, huh?” Ava huffed out a laugh at that and turned to face him, surprised when he was right there, so close.

  “Pretty good.”

  She felt those skilled hands slide onto her waist, felt his fingers tighten just the slightest bit when he pulled her in a little closer.

  “Ava.”

  He brought one hand up to her face, cupped her cheek, then combed his fingers through her hair from her face and all the way down to the ends.

  She teetered on the edge of what he might say as he ran his fingers through her hair again, and once more before catching her face.

  “I don’t know what’s going on, but I can’t get you out of my head. I tried.”

  She scoffed, started to turn but he held.

  “What? You don’t believe me?”

  “I don’t know whether I believe you or not. I don’t know if it matters.”

  “Why wouldn’t it matter?”

  “Because… Because…” Her hand flitted up to her hair, touched his hand there and dropped away. Because I never want to go there again. Because I don’t want to give you the chance to hurt me.

  It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him about her ex but what would be the point? If she told him she was divorced, he’d ask what happened, probably say he was sorry. And if he did, she was greatly afraid she’d do something stupid like cry.

  It was hard enough to have someone tell you you weren’t enough for them. But saying that to Luke? Telling him that and why? “Because you’re afraid?”

  “I’m not afraid,” she said too quickly. “I’m… careful.”

  “Cautious.”

  “Yes.” And she didn’t want Luke, or any man to say those things to her again. That he couldn’t get her out of his head, that she mattered. So why could she barely breathe when Luke said it?

  “Ava, I wasn’t planning to be with the woman you heard me talking to.”

  “It’s not just that.”

  “I know.” He pressed his cheek to hers, planted a kiss just below her ear. “I know.”

  Something snapped inside her, a desire and need for this man that overshadowed fear. She drew his face down and kissed him with more abandon than she’d ever felt. That seemed to give Luke the freedom to take what he wanted as well and their kiss exploded.

  Luke’s mouth was wild on hers, fierce and possessive. Ava felt herself turning, felt the edge of the mattress against the back her legs. Her head was spinning when her fog–kissed brain registered she was on her back, Luke over her. He grazed his teeth along her jaw, dragged his hot mouth down her throat. Found a spot just below her ear and spent some time there driving her crazy.

  She wanted him. She’d been so sure she’d never feel this again. And it’d been so long since she’d felt wanted. But Luke’s erection pressing like steel against her thigh said he did. He wanted her.

  She couldn’t think. It was all she could not to be swept away on the tide of passion Luke was raising in her. Her hands went up and around his shoulders.

  She felt the power there, the bunch and movement of muscles under his shirt. She ran her fingers into his hair, gripped the back of his head as if to hold him right there.

  He found her breast, gave teasing nips through her shirt and bra. She shivered when he slipped warm fingers under her sweater and she felt his rough hands sliding their way up her side.

  Then his lips left her throat and before she could think she felt them again on her bare stomach. He kissed her there, tasted, pushing her sweater up and out of his way as he went. The feverish assault on her senses was almost too much. Almost.

  She moaned his name when his tongue stroked across the slight slope of her breast. Her breath hitched when his lips closed over her nipple through the satin bra. She gasped, gripping his shoulders, feeling the tension in them, the bunch and flow of muscles.

  With a curse, he rose up, and with both hands, stripped her sweater up and over her head. Then, as if he didn’t have the patience to remove her bra fully, he tugged down the top edge, took her nipple into his mouth, sucked hard. She arched off the bed, gripping his head, silently begging for more.

  He moved to the other side as one hand slid down between her thighs. She closed her eyes, willing him to touch her where she needed it most. Her center pulsed and throbbed, until she was desperate for him to touch her there. When his hand went between her legs she sucked in a cry.

  He cupped her, pressed the heel of his hand in just the right spot. She lifted her hips, desperate for more, and he gave it. His mouth at her throat, his hand rocking, rocking.

  The blast of her ringtone beside the bed was ignored. Then it started again. The notes of the Star Wars Storm Troopers theme edged in to her haze. Her brother.

  “I should get it,” she murmured against Luke’s mouth now back on hers.

  It stopped and started again.

  “Shit. I have to get it.” She reached out. Luke leaned over her, pulled out the charging cord and put the phone in her hand.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey? What the hell, Ava? Where are you? Mom’s a wreck. We’ve been looking for you for hours.”

  “What?” Her heart was still pounding, her head still swimming. “I’m sorry. I’m fine.” I’m in a man’s bed. She sat up, losing that delicious, pulsing climax she’d been so close to.

  “Where are you?” Ryan demanded. “I’ll come get you.”

  “No. I’ll come home. Now.” She was already searching blindly for her sweater. “I’ll call Mom.”

  “No. I’ll tell her. Just come home.” The line went dead and she set her phone down on the bed.

  “Uh, oh,” Luke said, sitting up beside her.

  “Yeah. Shit. Shit.” She shook her head and covered her face, a nervous laugh escaping. She’d gone from a woman on the edge of ecstasy to helpless child in seconds. “My brother strikes again, huh?”

  “Hey. I get the family thing. God knows I get the brother thing.”

  With her face turned from his, she scooted to the edge of the bed and stood, wondering how the hell she was going to find her clothes. Damn it. She couldn’t even make grand exit. Couldn’t avoid Luke’s gradual withdrawal she knew would come, his easing back to avoid hurting her feelings.

  She swept her hand in an arc over the bed and
rapped her wrist on the wooden post. Shit. She shook it out.

  “Hey. Relax, okay? Let me help you.”

  “Don’t you know not to tell a woman to relax?” Truthfully, she did need to relax. She was an adult. Her parents knew she was fine now. No need to panic. But need or not, her heart was racing and not in a good way as it had just minutes before. Thank God she didn’t have to crawl over the floor searching for her underwear.

  “Ava.”

  “What? What?” She stopped, stared in the direction she thought he was. “I’m thirty–one Luke and I can’t even drive myself home. I can’t—”

  “Hey.” He took her face, pressed a kiss to her lips. “You drive pretty good.”

  She wanted to laugh, but felt more like crying.

  “Arms up,” Luke said.

  She felt her sweater brush her stomach as Luke lifted it then he pulled it down over her head. “I can dress myself.”

  “Yeah. Maybe I like doing it.” He let the back of his hand brush over her breast, back, and again. He straightened her sweater, spent more time than necessary getting it situated.

  When she was dressed she stood awkwardly beside the bed. “Well.” She bit her lip wishing she could make a hasty exit.

  “You know, Ava. I can see just fine and I have no idea what you’re thinking right now.” He slipped his hand around her neck, lifting her hair out and letting it fall down her back. “Is it just your parents or is it me?”

  “No,” she said after several seconds. “It’s not just my parents and it’s not you. It’s nothing to do with you.” She laid her palm on his chest, thinking how close she’d been to getting that shirt off, feeling his bare skin. “I like you, Luke. Maybe I’m afraid of just how much.”

  “Well, maybe that makes two of us.”

  24

  Gary leaned back in his ergonomically correct chair as Luke walked in. “Don’t you look slightly less morose,” Gary said, sliding his mug amongst piles of papers.

  “Good morning to you, too.” After three sessions, he had to admit the guy was growing on him.

  “Want coffee?”

  “No, thanks. I’ve had my quota of coffee for the day. Moved on to Diet Coke.” He raised his hand to show the plastic bottle of liquid caffeine.

  “So what are we talking about today?” Gary asked as Luke took his seat.

  “You tell me, Doc.”

  “Okay. Well… why don’t you tell me everything that’s happened since the last time I saw you?”

  “Okay.” Luke drew out the word as a million things passed through his mind. Ava’s lips. Ava’s eyes. The confidence and pride as she’d hit the center of the dart board. The men he wished he could bloody all over again. Her squeal of laughter, sitting in his lap, driving his truck.

  “Wow,” Gary said. “Based on your face I’d say you had a hell of past two weeks. Some good, some bad. I’d say it ended on a good note if I had to guess.”

  “Yeah. Maybe.”

  “Okay. Then why don’t you do more than think about it and say some of it out loud.”

  “Okay. I went on a family outing you could say.”

  “Voluntarily?

  “As a matter of fact. But don’t call me a success story yet. It would have caused me way more grief if I’d refused. But still, I should get points for that. Go ahead, write it in my file.” He pointed to Gary’s desk. “But then I beat the shit out of some people, so I guess I lose points. Maybe I come out even for the week.”

  The concern on Gray’s face was so grave, Luke almost laughed.

  “Did this happen on the outing?”

  “No. I made it through that fine. It was… later. A few days.” His hands balled into fists. “They deserved it.”

  Now Gary did find some paper to write on.

  “I’m going to have to make a note of this. You know that.”

  “Sure, go ahead. The cops came and everything, it was quite the scene. Oh!” Luke snapped his fingers and pointed at Gary. “And my brother Nick showed up from the FBI. You don’t want to miss that part.”

  Gary stared at him for a full minute. “I have to wonder why you’re telling me this, Luke? Or is there some reason I was going to find out?”

  “I don’t know about that.” Luke sat back, shrugged, smiled. “You asked me about my week. That came to mind.”

  “Okay, why don’t you back up and tell me the circumstances.”

  “Some assholes that don’t deserve to live were hassling someone. A woman.”

  “And you just happened along? A good Samaritan?”

  “I didn’t just happen. She called me.”

  Gary laid his pen down. “Then you knew the woman?”

  “Yes.”

  “Was she hurt?”

  “No.”

  “And the… assholes?”

  “I didn’t kill them, so they weren’t hurt as badly as they should have been.”

  “So you’re clear with the police?”

  “Yep. Clear as glass.”

  “You could have started with that.” Gary sighed. “How did you feel after? Or during?”

  “Mad.”

  “Out of control?”

  Luke thought about that. “No. I knew was I was doing. Where I was and who I was doing it to.”

  “Could you have stopped?”

  “I’m not sure. I didn’t want to. She’s blind, this woman. They had their hands on her, they—” He stopped, closed his eyes. When he opened them Gary was watching him over the rim of his mug.

  “So…” Gary said after another minute. “The police came, the perpetrators were arrested?”

  “Yes.”

  “And your brother?”

  “One of the perps was wanted in some FBI case. Or they wanted to talk to him.”

  “Wow. You saved the girl and helped the FBI at the same time.”

  Luke didn’t know what he’d expected from Gary, but it wasn’t that. “This doesn’t… concern you?”

  “Does it concern you?”

  Luke laughed. “How did I not know that would be your answer?” He shook his head.

  “No, it doesn’t concern me,” Gary said. “That’s my answer.”

  Luke looked down at his mostly healed knuckles and nodded slowly.

  “How about the woman? Did she have anything to do with the rest of your weekly reflections?”

  “Yes.”

  “Anything else you want to say about her?”

  “No.”

  “Okay. Fine. Keep the good stuff to yourself. Selfish, but fine.” Gary got up with his mug, took the silver thermos from the top of this file cabinet and poured himself a refill. “You sure you don’t want some?”

  “I’m sure.”

  Gary waited to speak again until he’d doctored his cup of Joe with sugar and sat back in his chair.

  It took so long Luke started thinking his next question was going to be a big one. He wasn’t disappointed.

  “You still think you made a mistake? Leaving the military?”

  “I never said it was a mistake.”

  “You said you weren’t sure or you didn’t know.”

  “Exactly. I don’t know. What do you think?” Luke asked, picking at a splinter in his thumb.

  “It doesn’t matter what I think.”

  “Oh, give it a rest Gary. Of course you want to tell me what you think. That maybe I should have thought it through, shouldn’t have left a life when I had no plan for another one.”

  “Is that what you think?”

  Luke closed his eyes against the headache pulsing over his left eye.

  “Okay, I’ll tell you what I think,” Gary finally said.

  “About damn time.”

  “I think you knew that you couldn’t know what kind of life you might have unless you left the life you were in. It’s difficult to see the clearing when you’re in the forest.”

  “So the Rangers was a forest and now I’m in a clearing? I gotta tell you, that not only sounds like a crock, but it sounds wrong. Be
ing an operator, a Ranger, was the clearest fucking thing I’ve ever done. It’s now that I’m in the forest. It’s now that I don’t know what I am.”

  “I think you do know, but it wouldn’t do any good for me to tell you. Have you thought any about the jobs we went over?”

  “Not too much. I’ve been pretty busy helping my sister. What about money?”

  “What about it?”

  “Do I have to make it?”

  “Well, most people do. Have you won the lottery? If so, I could start being a lot nicer.”

  “I have some money. I could invest it, move it around. I’ve got a brother-in-law who’s pretty good at that stuff. Anyway, what if I did something that didn’t make any money?”

  “You mean like volunteer work?”

  “God, no. Like building.”

  “Builders can make quite a bit of money.”

  “I mean building for my sister. She needs the help. I can do it or most of it. I’m good at it.”

  “You like it.”

  Luke shrugged.

  “It’s okay to admit you like it. It’s okay, even preferable to be happy in your work, in life.”

  And Gary knew that was perhaps the greatest hurdle. To accept and allow one’s self to be happy. “Satisfying work doesn’t always have to earn a lot of money, or any. Your sister runs a non–profit, right? And she’s productive, wouldn’t you say?”

  “Yeah.” And he thought of Ava. Her job. What she wanted to do, her goals. Her need to be in New York or Italy or wherever the hell she’d be a couple months from now.

  “Uh, oh,” Gary said. “Care to share your thoughts?”

  “No. Not really. And times up.”

  “No, it’s not. Not even close.”

  “I say it is. I’m picking up lunch for myself and my sister. Write that down.” With that, waved a goodbye to Gary and left.

  25

  As soon as Ava got in Luke’s truck she smelled it. Pastry. Chocolate. She sniffed, wanting more. “Have you been to a bakery?”

  “I have.”

  She reached out, felt the paper bag, but didn’t open it.

  “Go ahead. It’s for you.”

  “Are you serious?” But she was already diving in, pulling it out. “Oh, my gosh! It’s still warm! How did you get this?” She bit into the chocolate croissant, closed her eyes, and moaned.