Waiting On the Rain

by Caudia Connor

  He ran is finger over the sheet. To him it felt like someone had glued tiny gravel all over a sheet of paper. “You can read this?”

  “Yes. Obviously.”

  “Sorry. That wasn’t a question, just a…” He had a million questions. How did she learn it? How long did it take? Questions she probably got all the time. “Could you teach me?”

  “You want to learn how to read in Braille?”

  “I don’t think I’ll live that long. Just tell me how it works.”

  “Okay. It’s a grid system, each cell has six positions, two across and three down. The first letters of the alphabet are made up by changing around the top four positions. Then by adding the bottom row, you can make the rest.”

  “So everything is spelled out? Letter for letter?”

  “That would be level one. There’s a more advanced short hand. Combinations and contractions for words, other short cuts to decrease the length of a document.”

  “Very cool. It’s like invisible ink and you’re the only one who can see it.”

  “I guess. I like the way you say see it. Because I do see, I just do it with my hands instead of my eyes.”

  He smiled, put the papers down on the desk and put his hands on her waist.

  “Thanks for coming,” she said, running her hands up his chest until she held his face and drew him down for a kiss.

  It was short and incredibly sweet and even so, it had his blood heating. “I like how you do that,” he said.

  “You like how I kiss?”

  “That too, but I like how you take my face.”

  She smiled. “I do that so I can find you, make sure I hit the mark I’m aiming for.”

  “Doesn’t matter why,” he said, his arms banding around her. “I just like it.”

  * * *

  They returned to the kitchen and Ryan offered to show Luke the deck he’d helped his dad add on the back. He’d gone about it under the guise of asking for advice. Luke had a feeling he was about to get some advice of the brotherly kind.

  Luke went out ahead of Ryan. He took in the roughly ten by twenty-foot deck. It was pretty straight forward and didn’t look at all new. Ryan came out, leaned his forearms on the deck railing.

  “The deck looks good to me,” Luke said. “Feels solid. Level.”

  “Yeah. It’s good. Wasn’t too hard.”

  An awkward moment passed between them and Luke got the distinct feeling Ryan had come out here to give him the don’t hurt my little sister or else warning. Luke understood that and was happy to let him say it, but he wasn’t going to open the door for him.

  “She was a warrior growing up,” Ryan finally said.

  Not at all what he’d expected and Luke looked over at the man.

  “So strong, so damned determined. Everything and anything. And it didn’t matter, nothing was going to stop her.”

  “She told me about the baseball.”

  Ryan groaned and his face looked pained. “That was awful. Seeing her face bloody was worse than the punishment I got. Anyway…” Ryan leaned his forearms on the iron railing. “I guess I’ve worried about her more since her divorce.”

  Luke straightened. That was news to him. All the times they’d talked and she hadn’t mentioned it.

  “You didn’t know. Well.” Ryan, dropped his chin to his chest and slowly shook his head. “I’ve stepped in it now, might as well keep going. Look, to say she wouldn’t appreciate this would be an understatement, but… he did a real number on her.” Ryan shifted, the set of his jaw harboring a lot of anger. “He came here, my wife and I went up there. I didn’t think he was such an asshole.”

  Luke watched Ryan’s fingers tighten around the glass in his hand. “But he was.”

  “Yep.” Ryan took a drink, then slowly turned his head, blue eyes, darker and not as clear as Ava’s stared at him. “I hope you’re not an asshole.”

  So do I, Luke thought. And somehow, for maybe the first time, he didn’t think he was.

  After the cake was served and the handful of birthday presents opened, he led Ava through the cool night air to his truck.

  “Well that was fun,” Ava said, pulling her seatbelt across her. Her face was tight as she dropped her head back against the head rest.

  Luke started the truck, put it in drive. “It was fun. Sorry for spilling the beans. I didn’t intend to.”

  “I know. It’s okay. You covered it pretty well.” She blew out a long breath. “I think I talked my mom off the ledge. For now.”

  When they stopped at the next light, Luke looked at her profile. “But they’ll use it to pressure you into not going back.”

  “Maybe. Doesn’t matter. They have plenty of ammo. What did you and Ryan talk about? And please don’t say me.”

  “Okay. I won’t say it.”

  “Good grief. Did you guys draw swords? Have a standoff over my virtue?”

  “Nah. It wasn’t all that bad. He actually… Well—”

  “What?”

  It was right there, this need to confront her. To ask her why she hadn’t told him she’d been married. “I was just going to say he handled things with a lot more finesse than I did in the same situation.”

  “Ahh…” Hannah mentioned something about overbearing brothers. “I thought she meant Nick. I didn’t think she was talking about you.”

  “Well, let’s just be clear. Nick was the worst. But I… I had my own moment. But we had our reasons for not trusting McKinney. Anyway—”

  “Oh, no. You started down this path. What did you do?”

  He made a face she couldn’t see.

  “Did you hit him?” Her face swung around to his. “You did, didn’t you? Oh, my gosh. You actually fought him.” She laughed. “What is it with you guys?”

  “We look after our baby sisters. It’s code.”

  “It’s code.” She scoffed. “More likely you’re all just a bunch of head-butting rams.”

  He laughed along with her but what Ryan had told him weighed heavily.

  What had happened? Maybe it was none of his business but she’d been hurt, damn it. If Ryan had it right, and Luke had no reason to think he didn’t, Ava had been hurt. And didn’t that have something to do with him? With them? Had he hurt her physically? His hands tightened on the wheel at the thought.

  Had she left him? Kicked him out? Had he left her? Broken her heart? He couldn’t imagine anyone walking away from her.

  It wasn’t that he was bothered by it, but he wanted her to tell him. To let him in.

  “So whatever he said wasn’t too terrible? Luke?”

  They stopped at a light and he looked at her, looking at him, saw the question in her eyes with a hint of worry.

  “Nah. Just the basic threats a big brother gives the man who’s…” Dating his sister? Sleeping with his sister? Falling in love with his sister?

  “Seeing his sister?” Ava offered.

  “Exactly.” He turned up the song on the radio, another country tune.

  “I’m so completely stuffed,” Ava said, as they pulled up in front of the cabin. “Why did you let me have two pieces of cake?”

  “Am I supposed to answer that?”

  “No and I don’t think I can concentrate on braille right now. Okay if we do it later?”

  “Sure.” He parked in front of the cabin, turned off the engine but made no move to get out. When Ava did, he stayed her with a hand on her arm. If they went in, they’d end up in bed and as much as he wanted that, he needed to get the out of the way first.

  “Ava, I have to ask you something.”

  “Okay. You want to do it here?” she asked when he remained silent.

  “Yeah.” He took her hand, thinking this was harder than he’d thought but he was in it now. What if she said she was still in love with him? That wasn’t something he’d considered. The possibility forced him to face some uncomfortable feelings.

  “Luke?”

  “Okay. So here’s the thing. I wasn’t going to ask. I thought, nah, sh
e’ll tell me if she wants me to know, but…”

  “What?”

  “Something your brother told me, and you can tell me it’s none of my business, but…”

  “But what? What is it?”

  “He told me you’d been married.”

  29

  Fighting for calm, Ava closed her eyes, slowly shook her head. “He had no right to tell you that.”

  “Maybe not. What I’m wondering is why you didn’t tell me.”

  “Why would I?”

  “Why would you? Seriously?”

  “Seriously.” Ava sucked in a breath and turned so she wasn’t facing him anymore. She pressed a hand to her stomach. “It didn’t work out. Why does it matter?”

  “Why? Because it’s a part of who you are? Because we’re sleeping together? Because I care about you? There’s a few,” he shot. “Take your pick.”

  Ava wasn’t being fair and she knew it. But damn it, she hadn’t wanted him to know and right at this minute she welcomed the anger, the indignation.

  “Did he tell you why? That Blake was blind and after he got his sight back he decided he didn’t want to be with me anymore? Because I was too much trouble? Did Ryan tell you that he didn’t want to be married to a blind person?”

  When Luke didn’t answer, she went on, turning to him, a smile trembling on her lips. “I’m sure you’ve heard the expression ‘love is blind,’ well, turns out it’s true.”

  “Why are you making a joke about it?”

  “It was a joke! I was a joke because I never saw it coming. Is that what you want to know?” She waved her hand like she could wave it away. “It was over a year ago, and really, it was over long before the papers were signed.” She reached for the door handle.

  “Is it? Is it over? I think you owe me that much, because if you’re still hung up on him, if that’s why you need a change and Italy and—”

  “What? No! No.” She let go of the door handle and turned back to him. “That’s not it. That’s…” She closed her eyes, pressed her fingers against them. “I didn’t want to air my dirty laundry.”

  “Sounds like it was his dirty laundry, not yours.”

  “I guess it seemed like he got mine dirty by association. You know what they say. It’s not just one person. It takes two.”

  “I don’t believe that. What if I married serial killer? Would that be half my fault?”

  She stared across the truck. “Well, that was a weird place to go.”

  “Sorry. I just watched the Ted Bundy thing and it happens. And for the record, those women could see, and they didn’t see it. And even though you didn’t ask, I’m forty–two and I’ve managed to slip around, avoid and evade any serious sort of relationship with a woman. I figured I always would. You’re making me rethink.”

  “Luke.” Ava shook her head because she honestly didn’t know what to do with this man and how he made her feel.

  “Just tell me why,” he said more gently.

  “Because the man I thought loved me decided I was too disabled to spend his life with. Or maybe it was just that as soon as he could see me, he…” She raised her hand, let it fall. It still hurt, Ava thought, just to say it. Not because it was Blake, but it hurt, not being wanted.

  “You don’t really believe that,” Luke said, touching her cheek. “Not the disabled crap or the other. You’re too damn smart for that, Ava.”

  “I don’t have to believe it,” she lifted her face toward his. “I just have to remember.”

  “Oh, baby.” He drew her hand to his lips. “Come on. Let’s go inside.”

  “No. We should finish it. Just because I don’t have feelings for him anymore doesn’t mean I can forget it. It doesn’t mean I just forget the hurt. And I’m not looking to feel that again, I’m really not.”

  “Well,” he said, still holding her hand. “That’s a problem because I know I’m falling in love with you.”

  “You… Don’t—Don’t say that. You can’t.”

  “I can and I am. And I can see that shocks you which tells me I need to work on my communication skills. It also maybe makes you want to run which makes me wonder why you’d be so opposed to hearing that.”

  * * *

  Her heart was pounding in her throat and she wanted to run. To just get out of this truck and run from the pain his words could bring somewhere down the road. She tried to pull her hand away but he didn’t let her go.

  She shook her head. Wanted to say, please don’t make me fall in love with you. “You don’t. If you’re thinking about a future with me, you’d be asking for a lifetime of frustration and trust me, it would get old. The novelty wears off.”

  “Did you just refer to yourself as a fucking novelty? You could give me and yourself more credit than that.”

  She hadn’t expected the anger. Or the hurt she heard under it, and shook her head again. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  “Ava, your ex obviously had a problem. And it was his problem, not yours. But I don’t care about him. I care about you. I see you.”

  “But I don’t see you,” she said. “And maybe that’s the problem, will always be my problem. Because how can I trust, really trust if I can’t see?”

  “I don’t know, Ava. I don’t know.” His thumb rubbed over the back of her hand. “But for someone who’s brave enough to step off, literally, into the unknown every single day, I think you’ll figure it out.”

  “And if I don’t? I don’t know if I can have sex with you, sleep with you, and then go back to New York like it was nothing. I don’t think I’m the fling type. And see?” she said before he could respond. “Even now I don’t know if you’re smiling or frowning, if you’re frantically looking for an exit, trying to think of a way to untangle yourself. I can’t see if your face shocked or amused.”

  “I’m not shocked,” he said, taking one of her hands and laying it on his cheek, just over the edge of his lips. He took her other hand and held it to his chest just over his heart. “I’m not amused. And I don’t know that I’d categorize this as a fling. A fling implies you can take it or leave it and that’s not how I feel when it comes to you.” He guided her fingers over his lips, turned her hand and pressed a kiss there. “You can feel this, trust this.”

  “And if I can’t?” Her lips trembled. So did her heart. “Because if I’m honest Luke, I don’t know if I can or if I even want to.”

  “Ava,” Luke started.

  “I don’t want to want you,” Ava said, cutting off whatever he might say. “I don’t want to need you. Does that make sense?”

  “Yeah. It does. But how about we work on the want to for now?” He leaned in, kissed each cheek, then her lips. “And we tackle the rest later?”

  Ava started to say something else but Luke was kissing her, drawing her in inch by inch. Even with the console between them, maybe because of it, she suddenly just wanted to be closer. Wanted to lean on him, be comforted. Once again Luke had taken it. She hadn’t exactly thrown it out there, the news of her ex, but he’d handled. More than handled it.

  He thought he was in love with her? She shivered at the idea of ever believing in that again. And she wouldn’t dwell on it. She couldn’t dwell on anything with Luke’s mouth making love to hers, his hands sliding up and into her hair.

  He held the back of her head with one hand, deepened the kiss, and something inside her opened and she didn’t have the strength to stop it. His scent filled her, swamped her and pulled her under as his lips cruised along her throat while his fingers traveled seductively over her breast.

  “Let’s go inside,” he said.

  “Let’s.”

  “It’s dark,” Luke said, as he carried her across the cabin back to his bed. “Just the smallest bit of moonlight.”

  It was something he’d started doing, describing what he saw, what he didn’t see. His mouth hovered a breath from hers. “I can see the outline of you, a hint of shadows.”

  Luke laid her on his bed and came over her. Before she could r
each for him, he snaked his quick and clever hand up and under her lightweight sweater.

  “Mmm. Are these the moves you were telling me about?”

  “Some of them. But I’ve got new moves just for you.” He leaned in, brushed his lips over hers, retreated, then brushed again.

  “You don’t need to see for this, Ava,” he said, lifting his head. “You don’t need to see me. Just feel me. Feel me touching you.”

  No. She didn’t need to see for this. She was feeling everything. The hot smooth skin of shoulders, his back. The man and the muscle. How was she supposed to form a coherent thought when this man, vibrating with strength, gently ran his rough hands over every inch of her body? While he touched, kissed, and stroked, all the while telling her what he saw and all the ways he wanted to touch her.

  It was a slow, skillful seduction and different than others kisses they’d shared. This kiss was knowing what was coming. Knowing what he did to her body, what he could make her feel. Knowing what their joining would be. It aroused her as much as it scared her. But little by little, the arousal overtook everything else. Her need to get closer, to touch him, to feel him inside her.

  “Get it off,” she demanded and frantically tugged at his shirt.

  He stripped it over his head and she sighed as her hands raced over him. His shoulders, his back. All that power and strength. Just for her. At least for now, it was just for her.

  Laughing, they struggled to get off each of their jeans. Tugging, bumping hips and hands, and eventually going over the edge to land with a thump on the floor.

  “Ouch,” he said, landing under her and rapping his elbow on the night stand in the process.

  “Thank goodness for the rug.”

  “Yeah. Not feeling so thankful for the table here.”

  “Aww. Poor, baby.” She nibbled at his throat, glided her hands down his chest, his abs. She stroked his erection still caught under the fabric of his jeans and smiled when he groaned.

  As if she weighed nothing, he lifted her up, flipped their positions so that he was on top. He wouldn’t rush, Luke thought. Not this time. Tapping into whatever patience he’d developed, all the skill he possessed, he would use both tonight. He would take it slow until they both lost themselves in each other.