The Long Way Home: A moving saga of lost family

by Whitmee, Jeanne

  *

  Leah looked at her watch as she walked down the long narrow lobby towards the reception desk. She was early. It was still only twenty past ten. Marie might not have arrived yet. Better wait at least until half-past before asking for her to be paged. She sat down in the reception area and pretended to read a magazine, eagerly looking up every time anyone came in or stepped out of the lift.

  Once she noticed a woman standing uncertainly by the desk. She was slightly built and fair-haired. It occurred to Leah that she bore more than a passing resemblance to Sally and her heart quickened in anticipation. But still she hesitated to approach her. As she watched, the woman looked at her watch and glanced around, then turned and walked off towards the coffee lounge.

  After waiting another ten minutes Leah went across to the reception desk and asked: ‘Could you page someone for me, please? I’m meant to be meeting her here at half-past ten but we haven’t met before and I don’t know what she looks like.’

  She gave her own name and Marie’s to the girl and a moment later the message was read out on the public address system.

  ‘Would Mrs Evans please come to the reception desk where Miss Leah Dobson is waiting for her?’

  She waited breathlessly, searching the faces of everyone who walked past. Then suddenly she turned and found herself face to face with the woman she had noticed earlier. So her instinct had been right. She opened her mouth to speak but found her voice had deserted her. Clearing her throat, she tried again.

  ‘Mrs — Mrs Evans? Marie?’

  ‘Leah!’ The blue eyes filled with sudden tears as the woman held out her arms. ‘Oh, Leah. It’s so lovely to see you at last.’

  The girl at the reception desk looked on with raised eyebrows. The girl had said they hadn’t met before, yet here they were, the two of them, embracing for all the world like mother and daughter. It was odd the things people said sometimes.

  *

  From her vantage point at the end of the lobby, just inside the door, Janet lowered her newspaper a couple of inches. Well, they’d met all right. It looked like an emotional reunion. If only she could hear what was being said. Her eyes narrowed. There was something about all this that rang a vague bell somewhere. It made the hairs on the back of her neck tingle with a strange anticipation. All her journalist’s instincts, coupled with her feminine intuition told her that she was on to something special. A bit more special than just a run of the mill human interest story. Maybe this one was worth probing deeper, doing some research on. If she found nothing — well, no harm done. It would still be an interesting story. On the other hand, if she was right and there was more to it, she might be on to a sensational winner.

  Chapter 19

  In the hotel coffee lounge Leah searched the face of the woman sitting opposite her, scrutinising every detail of her features. She had waited a lifetime for this moment. Leah found it faintly disturbing to see how incredibly like Sally Marie was, from the china blue eyes, fair hair and the slightly hesitant manner to the fine-boned, delicate build. She was well dressed and younger-looking than Leah had expected. In fact apart from the disappointing lack of resemblance to each other, they could almost have been taken for sisters.

  ‘Does Sarah know I’m coming?’ Marie asked.

  ‘No, although I did tell her I’d been trying to trace you. She’s still very ill, I’m afraid. I telephoned the hospital to ask if she could have two visitors this morning. They said yes, but to wait until after eleven. Something to do with the doctors’ rounds.’

  ‘I see.’ Marie looked doubtful. ‘But will she want to see me, do you think? Will it upset her?’

  ‘Why should it?’ But Leah was remembering Sally’s words. ‘One mother per lifetime is quite enough for me.’ For the first time she was having misgivings about what she was doing.

  ‘You haven’t told me yet what is wrong with Sally,’ Marie was saying. ‘What happened? Was she involved in an accident?’

  Leah swallowed hard. ‘No. Sally gave birth to a baby boy on Christmas Day.’

  ‘A baby?’

  ‘Yes. He was premature and very small. He’s still in an incubator at the moment, but he’s holding his own. Unfortunately Sally suffered some kind of complication some hours after the birth and they had to perform an emergency hysterectomy.’

  ‘Oh my God! Poor child.’ Marie paused and Leah could see her trying to come to terms with what she had just learned.

  ‘Is she married?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘I wish you’d told me all this before.’

  ‘Why? Would it have made any difference?’ Leah asked quickly.

  ‘No. It’s just that it’s so hard to take in all at once. I haven’t seen either of you since the day you were born. It seems so strange, sitting here with you — talking like this.’ Marie leaned forward. ‘I wish I knew more about Sarah,’ she said. ‘I feel so inadequate, knowing so little about my own daughter at a time like this.’

  About Sarah? Leah felt resentment stab at her. It was she, Leah, who’d tried so hard to find her mother. She who’d day-dreamed as a child about the mother she’d longed to know; who’d made up stories about her and yearned to solve the mystery that surrounded her. Sally hadn’t been the least bit interested in finding her real mother. She swallowed her resentment, telling herself she was being unreasonable. ‘I hardly know her myself,’ she said. ‘We’ve only met a couple of times. I gather that the people who adopted her were very protective, but I don’t know much more than that. All I do know is that she came up here to work without telling them she was pregnant. She hasn’t been home since, so they still don’t know.’

  ‘So they don’t know how ill she is?’ Marie looked shocked. ‘But surely you should have got in touch with them, not me.’

  Leah bit her lip. ‘I didn’t know what to do. Sally is adamant that they mustn’t know about the baby, you see. I had to talk to someone.’

  ‘Oh, my God.’ Marie’s colour drained and she fumbled in her handbag for a handkerchief.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Leah said. ‘I hope I haven’t upset you.’

  ‘These people who adopted her — what would they do if they knew? Would they have disowned her?’

  ‘Oh, no. They’ve been good parents. I think — I know she misses them a lot. I think it’s just that she feels she’s let them down.’

  ‘But they’ll have to know now, surely?’

  ‘No. She wants the baby to be adopted.’

  ‘I see.’ Marie sighed. ‘You really should have contacted her parents at once, Leah,’ she said. ‘She ought not to be making a decision like that alone.’ She shook her head. ‘Those poor people. If they knew, they’d be frantic. It’s not right.’

  Leah sighed. ‘I know. But it didn’t seem fair to go against her wishes. Especially when she’s lying there so helpless. I tried to ring Hannah Brown, but she’s away. Yesterday I suddenly felt overwhelmed by it all.’

  ‘So you rang me?’ Marie looked across the table at this young woman who, astonishingly, was her daughter. Sitting here like this, it seemed so unreal — almost dreamlike. She had a fleeting memory of the dark-haired, scrawny little baby who had screamed so furiously at birth. The tiny child she had held so briefly. And now, as she looked into the troubled eyes, she was reminded sharply of another face — of eyes and hair as dark as Leah’s and of another full, sensuous mouth that had promised to love but had lied and betrayed instead. Liam … She was so like him — the traitorous father she would never know. Marie’s heart contracted with a pain she had long since believed healed. She swallowed hard, her mouth and throat suddenly dry.

  ‘You intended that I should talk her out of her decision?’ she said awkwardly. ‘Leah — I can’t do that. Surely you must see that I can’t?’

  ‘No.’ Leah’s heart plummeted. She was on her own again. ‘I’m sorry. I suppose I shouldn’t have asked. It was just — there was no one else.’

  Marie’s heart ached for the girl. If only there was some way she
could help.

  Leah’s eyes were clouded with reminiscence. ‘I couldn’t help remembering, you see. It’s hard for a child to feel unwanted. I wasn’t adopted till I was seven. And then it was only by a bereaved couple — as a replacement for the child they’d lost. It was a nonstarter. I never came anywhere near to filling the gap for them.’ She looked up at Marie, her eyes huge and dark with remembering. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever really mattered to anyone — not as me, not as myself. That’s why it hurts so much to think of Sally’s baby being discarded like a — like some little unwanted mongrel puppy — never knowing who he is or what he did to deserve rejection.’ She looked at Marie, unable to keep the reproach out of her eyes. ‘I know that feeling all too well. It’s haunted me all my life.’

  ‘Me too,’ Marie said quietly.

  Leah looked up at her sharply.

  ‘Oh yes, Leah. I went through it too. I never knew who my parents were, never knew and can never hope to know. At the convent where I was brought up we weren’t allowed to ask such questions. It was considered presumptuous to assume that one was in any way important.’

  ‘Everyone’s entitled to an identity,’ Leah protested angrily.

  ‘We were told: Go out and make your own mark in the world.’ Marie sighed. ‘But they never warned us about those who’d stand in the way; the people who would betray and deceive. Who’d lie and cheat and let us take punishment for deeds we hadn’t done. They never prepared us for any of that.’

  Their eyes met and Leah felt her heart soften. There was so much she didn’t know about this woman. So much to learn, to discover and understand. Could either of them ever really make up to each other for what they had lost? And as for Sally … She bit her lip uncertainly. Marie was probably right. This wasn’t the right time for a reunion after all. And yet again, it was the perfect time. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said quietly. ‘I didn’t mean to reproach you. Your letter. I should have known.’

  Marie smiled. ‘No. I’m sorry. You’ll never know, Leah, how much I regretted letting you go. But I had no choice. No choice at all. One baby would have been difficult for a young girl alone in the world. But two … I’ve wondered about you both so often. There hasn’t been a single day that I haven’t prayed that you were both happy, and longed to see for myself how you’d grown up.’

  ‘Sally’s not alone like you were. She does have a choice,’ Leah said. ‘She has people who’d love and support her and the baby, if only she’d let them. But she’d rather give him away to a stranger.’

  ‘But you see, it’s her child,’ Marie said quietly. ‘It’s her life and her choice. No one can make it for her. However much they might want to.’

  Leah’s heart turned cold. Marie wasn’t going to help. She really wasn’t. In spite of everything they’d just said to each other, she was going to turn her back and walk away from this. She felt bitterly let down.

  ‘Well, let’s hope she comes out of it as well as you have,’ she said lightly. ‘Let’s hope she’ll be able to pick up the pieces and make her mark in the world just like you did — with no child to hinder her. You’d be the perfect role model for her with your successful business, and your marriage.’

  Marie’s heart sank, dismayed by the girl’s bitterness. ‘I tried very hard to make a go of both those things. Maybe at one stage I almost succeeded.’ She stopped. ‘But we’re not here to talk about me. Maybe one day I’ll tell you all about that, Leah — if you want to see me again, and if you’re interested enough to hear it. I’m afraid you’ll find that it’s not nearly as idyllic as you think.’

  ‘Will you come to the hospital with me? Will you at least see her?’

  An expression of regret crossed Marie’s face. ‘I think I’d better not,’ she said regretfully. ‘Not this time.’

  ‘I see.’ Leah stood up. ‘I’m sorry to have wasted your time. It’s my fault. I should have told you the truth on the phone, then you could have made some excuse not to come.’

  Marie ignored the barb. ‘If I hadn’t come today I wouldn’t have met you,’ she said quietly. ‘In spite of your disappointment in me, Leah, I wouldn’t have missed meeting you for the world.’

  She felt ashamed of her acid remark as the blue eyes held hers. ‘I — it’s been interesting meeting you too, Marie.’ She forced herself to look away, picking up her coat and bag as she fought down the sudden rush of mixed emotions. Straightening up, she turned to take a last look at the stranger who was her mother.

  ‘Well, goodbye then.’ Slinging the strap of her bag on to her shoulder, she turned and walked purposefully away, leaving Marie looking wistfully after her.

  When she arrived at the hospital she found that Sally already had a visitor. Hannah looked up as she came in.

  ‘Leah, I got back this morning and found your message on my answering machine. Sorry I wasn’t here when you needed me.’

  ‘That’s all right. It’s good to see you, Hannah.’ Leah was relieved to see that Sally looked a little better. Today she was propped up in bed, a little more colour in her cheeks. The drips and tubes had all been removed and there was a little more life in her eyes. Leah smiled at her.

  ‘You’re looking much better.’ She unwrapped the fruit she had brought and put it on the locker.

  ‘I feel it,’ Sally said. ‘Though when they had me out of bed this morning I was as weak as a kitten. My legs felt like jelly.’

  ‘It’ll take time,’ Hannah said. ‘Sally, have you thought where you’ll go when they discharge you?’

  “I’ll manage,’ she said dismissively. ‘I’ll be fine.’

  ‘But you won’t. You’ve just said you’re weak. When you come out of hospital you’ll discover just how weak you really are. You’ll need nursing for weeks yet. Will you let me get in touch with Mavis?’

  Sally’s eyes widened and her cheek flushed with anxiety. ‘No. Look, thanks, but I’d really rather you didn’t.’

  ‘I’m only facing facts, Sally. Someone has to,’ Hannah went on, pressing the point, if you don’t want to go home, maybe I could get you into a Council-run place for a while.’

  ‘No!’ Sally began to look panic-stricken. Leah turned to Hannah.

  ‘It’s all right. I’ll take care of her. She can come to me.’

  Hannah turned to her impatiently. ‘Be sensible, Leah. How can you? You haven’t even asked your landlord. Then there’s your job.’

  ‘Bill wouldn’t mind. As for my job, that’s not a problem. I’ve lost it.’

  ‘For heaven’s sake, be realistic, Leah.’ Hannah shook her head impatiently. ‘What you’re suggesting is just plain irresponsible. Apart from anything else, I really believe that Ken and Mavis Payne should be contacted. They’re bound to find out eventually and when they do they’re going to wonder why I’ve neglected to put them in the picture.’

  ‘Oh, well, if it’s your own squeaky clean image you’re worrying about …’ Sally winced with sudden pain and the hot colour drained abruptly from her cheeks. ‘Look, could you go now, both of you? I don’t want to discuss this any more.’

  In the corridor they looked at each other. Hannah groaned.

  ‘I handled that well, didn’t I? You’d think with all my years of experience … It’s just that she gets under my skin so with her stubbornness. Why won’t she face up to the fact that she needs someone to look after her?’

  ‘Hannah …’ Leah, interrupted her. ‘Look, I’ve got to talk to you. I think I might have made a serious mistake. I’ve done something really impulsive and stupid.’

  ‘Oh, dear.’ Hannah took her arm with a resigned sigh. ‘We’d better find somewhere to eat. Confessions always come easier on a full stomach, I find.’

  Facing Hannah over the formica-topped table of the nearest fast food place, Leah poured out the details of her disastrous meeting with Marie.

  ‘It was such a let-down, Hannah,’ she said. ‘I thought she was just the person to make Sally change her mind. She admits she’s always regretted giving us up, yet she wo
n’t lift a finger to stop Sally making the same mistake.’

  ‘How could she?’ Hannah’s face was stern. ‘Put yourself in her shoes, Leah. I daresay she feels she has no right to advise Sally. She gave up that right twenty years ago. As for Sally, she’s adamant about what’s right, so she’s not likely to take advice from a woman who is virtually a stranger. And quite honestly, in all fairness, it’s no one else’s business.’

  ‘You want to make her tell her parents though,’ Leah pointed out. ‘Isn’t that her business?’

  ‘Yes, it is. She’s an adult and it’s her decision. I have to respect it, I agree. But I’ve tried to persuade her to tell them for her own sake, and for theirs. They don’t deserve to be kept in the dark. I feel badly about the Paynes personally too. They asked me to sort this out for them. It puts me in an impossible position.’

  They looked at each other for a moment, then Leah said: ‘Marie wouldn’t even see Sally.’

  Hannah lifted her shoulders helplessly. ‘You can see her point, can’t you? Look, I’ll do what I can. Is she staying up over night? Do you know where she is?’

  ‘I met her at “The Greenway”,’ Leah said. ‘But she’s probably left there. By now she’s probably on her way back to her neatly ordered lifestyle in Dorset.’

  ‘That’s not quite fair, is it, Leah?’

  ‘What are we going to do, Hannah?’ she asked bleakly.

  ‘I wish I knew. I just wish to God I knew,’ Hannah said wearily. ‘I’m not worried about the baby. He’ll be all right. It’s Sally.’

  Leah’s dark eyes flashed. ‘Have you even seen the baby?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘I saw him born. I stayed with Sally right through the birth. I’ve been to see him in the special care unit. He looks so little, clinging to life up there, all by himself. He’s called Jamie. They wanted the chaplain to christen him so I named him. I wanted him to be real, you see. A person in his own right. Not just a few impersonal notes scribbled on a record card.’

  ‘Oh, Leah.’ Hannah touched her arm. ‘Don’t take it to heart so much. Things are so much better now than when you and Sally were born. His new parents will be matched perfectly to him and everything will be done to …’