CONDITION – Book One: A Medical Miracle

by Alec Birri

  He put a hand on her shoulder but it was shrugged off. Tracy stood up. ‘It’s the same old story. You get what you want, when you want it, and sod my feelings and needs.’

  Adams tried, but just couldn’t bring himself to say what he knew she wanted to hear. ‘Darling, it’s not like that – you know how much I care about you.’

  Tracy stopped. ‘Care? Don’t you mean something else? You “care” for patients or the elderly – you’re meant to feel something completely different towards someone you seriously intend spending the rest of your life with.’

  He didn’t respond. She persisted.

  ‘Go on then. Say it. You know what I want to hear.’

  The doctor avoided her gaze and looked down at the floor in silence. She shook her head, finished dressing, and walked over to the door.

  ‘Do you know what? I feel sorry for you and do you want to know why? Because with all the incredible things being done in this hospital, you could be anything you want, but without a wife and family to love and be loved by, you’ll just end up a sad old man, dying alone.’

  Adams pictured the scene. That’s going to happen to us all anyway, he thought to himself.

  Tracy employed a more sympathetic but just as steadfast tone. ‘Darling, I’m pushing thirty and you’re the wrong side of forty – if this relationship is going to mean anything, then it has to move to the next stage.’ Her eyes welled. ‘If you don’t want that, then I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to find someone who does.’ She unlocked the door and left.

  The doctor’s office seemed emptier than her leaving would have suggested and he became despondent. Tracy was right, of course. At the very least, all living species were supposed to replace themselves at some stage, but he knew he could no more spend the rest of his life with the same woman than practise in the same hospital or drive the same car.

  Maybe there was something wrong with him? Millions of other men seemed to manage monogamy okay. The trouble was, millions of married men also cheated on their wives and, as silly as ‘a life governed by a strict series of moral disciplinary codes’ sounded, it wouldn’t let him do that. The result? A succession of monogamous relationships that never went anywhere.

  He wasn’t worried about her leaving him. He was always the one who both ended and initiated his relationships and in the same way – when a new opportunity or model came along. He knew it seemed shallow and heartless, but he couldn’t help the way he was.

  It couldn’t go on forever, of course – it was only a matter of time before women started doing the same to him, so something had to give. Adams thought fondly of Tracy. She really would make an ideal wife and mother. If a potion existed to make him fall in love with her as much as she was with him, he would take it.

  Chapter Five

  ‘Ah! The prodigal son returns!’

  After his refusal to take the red pill, Dan thought he probably deserved Gary’s greeting. Tracy parked the wheelchair opposite him in silence, which was unusual for her. She’d seemed preoccupied with something on their way to the conservatory, but Dan thought it best not to pry. Her walk away was just as stilted. He called her back.

  ‘Tracy? Any chance of a cup of tea?’

  Her reply made him question if it would be safe to drink.

  ‘Of course, Dan. Anything you want, Dan. After all, isn’t that what we women are for? To give men what they want, just for the pleasure of having served them?’ She walked away.

  Gary became confused. ‘What was that all about?’

  Dan was just as perplexed. ‘Beats me. Time of the month?’

  ‘Nah, there’ll be a man involved somewhere. Anyway, glad to see you took my advice at last. How does it feel to be back in the land of the living?’

  Dan looked around the conservatory at his fellow inmates, who still appeared to be about his age – just not the one he thought he was. ‘I suppose it depends on what you mean by “living”. We’re all stuck in a hospital at the moment.’

  Gary smiled, which didn’t look right to Dan – being miserable suited him better. ‘Yeah, but not for long. Not once Professor Savage has finished performing his magic.’

  ‘Who’s Professor Savage?’

  Gary gave a look as if Dan had been born yesterday, which in many respects, he had. ‘Only the person who’s saved your life, that’s all.’

  Dan glanced at the other patients again. ‘Is a ninety-six-year-old’s life worth saving?’

  Gary remained upbeat. ‘Of course it is.’ He leaned towards Dan. ‘You’re a mere boy – most of us here are centenarians.’ He pointed. ‘Alice will be a hundred and eleven soon.’

  She smiled and waved. Dan grinned and nodded back. He guessed whatever this Professor Savage did for a living had worked on her too. The doll was nowhere to be seen, so he assumed that, like him, she was also now aware of her actual age. She looked every minute of it, though. Dan grimaced at the recollection of her face decaying. He still couldn’t get over how he’d mistaken her for a little girl, horribly burnt by fire.

  ‘How old are you, then?’

  Gary’s smile turned to a toothy grin, which suited him even less. ‘One-hundred and five!’ he said proudly.

  Dan thought he looked every second of that too, but was amazed at how positive he was with the idea – like a whole different person. Dan regarded the scars on Gary’s head. ‘So, does the professor’s magic cure depression as well as amnesia? Up until yesterday, I thought of nothing but suicide.’

  Gary became serious. ‘That’s because you stopped taking the red pill.’ He sat back in his chair. ‘The treatment does a lot more than cure dementia – it opens your eyes.’

  Dan was about to ask what he meant by that when Tracy arrived back with the tea. Some of it spilt as the cups were slapped down onto the table. She made a swift exit before either of them could say anything. Dan scraped his cup against its saucer and took a sip. He sucked his teeth and put it back into the puddle.

  ‘What do you mean by “opens your eyes”?’

  Gary checked to see who else might be listening, and for a second Dan thought he was going to tell him to mind his own business again, but he didn’t. He did lean forward, though.

  ‘Let’s just say that whatever you thought was right about yourself before will turn out to be completely wrong.’ The annoying smile reappeared.

  Dan sighed. ‘Well, that’s obvious. Up until yesterday, I thought I was a thirty-six-year-old pilot in the RAF, but now it’s as plain as day I’m a ninety-six-year-old retired one.’

  ‘You don’t understand. That’s just your history. I’m talking about the way you used to think.’

  Dan tried to understand what he was getting at. He looked at Tracy.

  ‘Well, I lusted after a certain nurse a few days ago, but that’s because I thought I was a red-blooded young man back in 1966 and those breasts of hers would definitely have appealed back then. Now I’ve been brought back kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century, my thoughts towards her have changed completely – more paternal now. In fact, if it is a man who’s upset her, I’d like to meet him so I can punch him on the nose, like any caring father would.’

  ‘No, you wouldn’t.’ Gary seemed to think he knew him better. ‘The red pill or, rather, the surgery and drugs, won’t let you. You don’t know it yet, but it will come. Your mind has been altered in more ways than one and all for the better – you’re much more relaxed about things now.’

  Dan could see he wasn’t the only one whose treatment had yet to be completed. ‘It’s just the soporific nature of the drugs, Gary. Once the trial is over, you’ll stop being so damn positive about things and be back to your same old miserable self.’ Dan smiled for a change. ‘Which will make us both very happy.’

  ‘Okay then, let’s talk about the politics of social class.’

  Da
n sighed again and tried to catch Tracy’s eye.

  ‘You and I are poles apart when it comes to that and the old me had a huge chip on his shoulder about it, but not now – I honestly couldn’t give a damn.’

  She spotted Dan and he motioned for her to extract him from Gary’s ramblings as soon as possible. Whatever drugs he was on were either kicking in or wearing off, and Dan didn’t want to be around to find out which. Tracy made her way over while Gary went on.

  ‘It’s amazing; I can’t believe how much I used to detest everything about you and your kind. I firmly believed the entire corrupt and self-serving system needed bringing down, and the sooner you were all put up against a wall and shot, the better.’

  Tracy released the brakes on Dan’s wheelchair. Gary grabbed his arm. ‘If someone had told me a week ago that I would not only know my place but be perfectly happy to be in it, I would have killed them.’ He let go, flopped back in his chair, and sobbed. ‘You’ve no idea how happy I am now.’

  Tracy pulled Dan away just as Gary appeared to cry himself to sleep.

  ‘Is that going to happen to me?’ Dan was beginning to think there were side-effects to the treatment that had yet to be explained.

  Whatever preoccupied Tracy was still there. ‘What do you mean going to? Seriously planning to take your own life for the past couple of days is rational behaviour, I suppose?’

  Dan took the point, but the change in Gary still bothered him. ‘I know, but that was because I wasn’t taking my medication but I am now. Will I soon be rambling like a madman too?’

  Tracy became more professional. ‘Dan. At the risk of repeating myself, you’re taking part in a clinical trial. Trials produce both expected and unexpected results, and it’s my duty to report on both. If I see something in your behaviour which fits either description or you wish me to pass something on to he who must be obeyed, then that’s exactly what I’ll do.’

  How Tracy referred to Adams didn’t go unnoticed. Dan narrowed his view of her and she responded by moving behind the wheelchair to avoid it. She began pushing him back to his room.

  The return journey was as quiet as the one out, but this time Dan knew why. He still thought it best not to be nosey, though – until they got back to his room and he saw how sad she looked. He wanted to hug her like a granddaughter, but didn’t think it appropriate. He thought it wise not to mention Doctor Adams by name either.

  ‘The bastard’s not worth it, Tracy – you can do much better.’ He clenched his fists, which hurt him of course. ‘I knew there was a good reason why I’ve never liked him.’

  Tracy sat down and let the tears go. Dan decided to put his arm around her after all.

  ‘There, there. It’s okay – shhh. A beautiful young girl like you – someone much more deserving is bound to come along soon.’

  Tracy seemed to appreciate the concern more than the solution. ‘What is it about men, Dan? Why can’t they see something that’s so obvious to us women?’

  Dan thought about the day he first fell in love with Claire. ‘I’m afraid you’re asking the wrong person, Tracy.’ He recounted how he met and eventually married his Cinderella. It made Tracy cry all the more.

  ‘That’s so romantic. Seventy-seven years together – you must really miss her.’

  He certainly did, and more than Dan was prepared to admit. The significance of waking up and realising he could only remember the first twenty-two years of their life was just beginning to register.

  He turned his attention back to Tracy. ‘There are plenty of good men out there – you just have to be patient.’

  She gave him a look. ‘Yes, there are – and just as obsessed with big boobs.’

  Dan blushed and took his arm away. ‘Well, that was me back in sixty-six, I’m afraid. Didn’t make me stray from my Claire, though, and she was as flat as a board.’

  Tracy laughed and took out a tissue to dry her eyes. She forced a smile. ‘Do you know, he was the only man to look me straight in the eye when I first arrived here, and when I realised he was also the sweet young guy who used to read me bedtime stories when I was a little girl – well, that was it. What woman wouldn’t fall in love with a good-looking doctor there and then?’

  Dan had to admit there did seem a certain inevitability to it.

  Tracy got her emotions under control and stood up to leave. She gestured towards Dan. ‘What Professor Savage has done for you and everyone else in this place is amazing, but you’d think he’d do something else useful while he’s at it – like make men think more like women.’

  Chapter Six

  Alex passed her eyes over the visitors’ gallery in the House of Commons. It was busier than usual, which made it difficult to pick out individuals, but he would be there – along with all the other medical experts keen to see history being made.

  The Voluntary Euthanasia Bill had just been debated, and when it became apparent that the will of the House couldn’t be decided there and then, the Speaker was left with no choice but to call for a vote. Alex pushed the control on her wheelchair and made her way to the Aye Lobby.

  Her fellow Members of Parliament parted to give her space as she exited the chamber, but with one of the most controversial bills ever to come before the House to be decided, the Whips had made sure everyone was there, which meant she had little choice but to allow her personal space to become invaded.

  Someone took hold of the handles to the back of her wheelchair. It was annoying but, given the situation, Alex decided not to make too much of a fuss.

  ‘I’m quite all right, thank you. I don’t require any special treatment.’

  The pressure on the handles didn’t relent and the unknown transgressor bent down to whisper in her ear. ‘Ah, but you’re so very special to me, Ms Salib.’

  Savage’s breath reeked of cigars and Alex turned her head away in disgust.

  ‘What are you doing here? You’re not a member!’

  In a less noisy environment the other MPs might have noticed her distress, but they were too busy discussing their own voting intentions. Alex attempted to get away by accelerating, but the chair refused to move. She pushed the control forward more, but the wheels slipped on the carpet. The professor pushed down on the handles and turned her to face the entrance to the No Lobby. He then placed his cheek against hers, which disgusted her even more.

  ‘Now, are we sure we’re making the right decision? What if voting “yes” to euthanasia simply enables those with evil intent to persuade the terminally ill to end their lives early?’

  Alex tried moving her face away, but his cheek pressed harder. Bristles dug into her skin. She began to fear the agreement they’d reached in his club had some kind of Faustian element to it. Alex became more determined than ever to put an end to his sick practices.

  ‘It’s voluntary euthanasia and it takes power away from the twisted self-interests of inbreds like you and gives it back to the people.’

  Something touched the back of her head and Alex tried not to be sick as the tips of his fingers spread evenly over her scalp. Savage turned to face her as if to ponder the grey matter within.

  ‘Really? I’ll remember that as I help the people exercise their power.’

  The professor took his hand away and stood back up. The space between the two voting lobbies had cleared and clerks prepared to close the doors. Alex needed to be through one of them if she was going to be allowed to vote. Her wheelchair was turned back towards the Aye Lobby and released. She slammed the control forward and entered the voting chamber just as the doors closed behind.

  ‘Stop teasing the new girl, er, trans-whatsit thingy, or whatever she’s decided to call herself today.’

  Alex took her place in the queue and Savage compared it to the line in the No Lobby.

  ‘Just looking after our interests, Toby. One day, great leaders like
the Honourable Alexandra Salib MP will be important to us all.’ He glanced at the statue of Baroness Thatcher. ‘Very important to us all.’

  Chapter Seven

  ‘Just swipe the screen, Dad – try not to press it.’

  Dan tried again, but trembling fingers caused the image to resize instead.

  ‘Damn these hands!’

  Lucy took the iPad back from him. ‘It’s okay, you’ve only just taken your tablets. They’ll be fine in ten minutes. I can do it for you in the meantime.’

  The next picture appeared – the cast from a school pantomime, dated 1944. Lucy’s mother had centre stage, of course, and Dan grinned.

  ‘Ah, there’s my beautiful girl.’ He stopped smiling when he saw the prince standing next to her. ‘Ritchie Parkes – bastard.’

  Lucy grinned instead.

  ‘Talk about ideas above his station – thought he was a real prince when he put that stupid costume on. He wasn’t so charming once I’d put chilli powder down his tights, I can tell you.’

  His daughter tittered.

  ‘Cinderella might have fallen for royalty in the fairy tale, but after watching him constantly rubbing his balls on the opening night, she soon went for yours truly instead.’

  Lucy laughed and pretended to admonish him. ‘Dad, that’s a horrible thing to do!’

  Her father affected indignation in return. ‘Well, he was annoying.’ Dan motioned for her to swipe to the next picture. ‘We renamed him “Itchy Parts” after that.’

  Lucy broke into a fit of hysterics and had to put the tablet down. She appeared to need time to recover, so Dan picked up the iPad to see if he could continue the trip down memory lane himself. The tremors were easing, but his hands still shook and the next image in the sequence appeared more by luck than judgement.

  It was another promotional shot of Cinderella – a solo of Claire this time. He smiled at the memories it brought back. He tried to touch her hair, but ended up zooming into the sash she was wearing instead. Another attempt had the shot panning to the right. He tutted and put the pad back down on his lap. Dan nudged his daughter.