New Jersey Yankee In King Arthur's Court

by P McAuley, Robert

  “It be heavy, Wizard Merlin. But we placed it on a stout wagon.”

  Merlin looked pleased and the boy did a deep bow and left the tent.

  Arty squatted down next to the stone and joined Merlin in running his hand along the surface of the stone until he reached the sword’s handle. “Merlin, what’s next?”

  “Give it a yank, Arthur. Try to remove it from the stone.”

  Arty stood and gripped the handle with both hands as he spread his feet apart for leverage. “Here goes.” He pulled up on the sword and grunted at the same time. Nothing happened and Arty and Jennie looked at Merlin who looked back with a smile on his face.

  “It doesn’t work!” Arty said.

  “Oh, but it does!” answered Merlin as he rubbed his hands together. “At least, part one works.”

  “Part one?” asked Arty and Jennie in unison.

  “Yep, part one. That’s the part where nobody else can remove the sword from the stone. Now we go on to part two.” Merlin paced a few steps and asked, “Arthur, have you ever replaced a tail light on a car?”

  “Sure, I helped Mr. Grinnel replace his tail light, stupidly thinking that maybe I’d get some extra meat at dinner. Why?”

  “Well, if you remember, you had to push the bulb into the socket and turn it once to the right to lock it in place.”

  “Yeah,” said Arty shaking his head. “Now that you say that, I remember.”

  “Well think of the sword as the light bulb. To place it in the stone you push it in and turn it to the right and it locks in place. To pull it out of the stone, you must first turn it to the left and then push it down before pulling it up and out.”

  Arty stood and gripped the sword’s handle again and followed Merlin’s instructions. “Okay, turn to the left and push down and then pull it out!” He stumbled back holding the gleaming sword in his hands. “Wow! It worked, Merlin. You’re a genius!”

  “Well, not a genius, just an ex-automobile mechanic.”

  Jennie gave him a kiss on his cheek as she said, “What else were you?”

  The magician shrugged his shoulders and scratched his head as he said with a grin, “As I remember, I’ll tell you.”

  A sudden shout from one of the lookouts in a tree got their attention.

  “Lets go see what it is this time,” said Arty as they left the tent in a hurry.

  “Riders comin’ along yon road,” said Ron as they joined the group behind the bushes.

  Arty peeked out and saw a cloud of dust rising from the dusty road. “Boy,” he said to Bruno and Triston who were to his left. “That dust cloud tells me that there are a lot of riders coming.” He thought fast and said, “Pass the word, everyone hide and let them pass.”

  As practiced, some of the gang put dirt on the fires. Arty had them keep loose dirt close to the fires because he knew that pouring water on the flames would cause a plume of smoke to point them out. The entire gang lay as close to the ground as they could, for concealment.

  Ron scampered over to Arty and whispered, “Sire, tis bad news I bring ta thee. They be knights an’ they be many.”

  “Shoot!” said Arty as he shook his head.”

  “Dost thou say shoot?” asked a perplexed Ron. “Shall we shoot our arrows at them, sire?”

  “No!” answered Arty quickly. “No, I don’t mean shoot arrows, I mean . . . well, I mean, darn, Ron it’s just an expression. That’s all.”

  “Sire,” said Ron with a sigh in his voice, “thine expressions greatly perplex me at times.”

  Arty patted him on his back. “I’m sorry, Ron. I’ll try to remember. Meanwhile let’s just sit tight.”

  “Shall we sit up then, sire?”

  “No.” said Arty biting his lip, “I mean, just stay still, that’s all.”

  “Fine, sire. I shall.”

  Bruno whispered, “Arty, I count eleven of them and they’re armed to the teeth with lances and everything.”

  Arty’s heart pounded as they stopped almost in front of him. He whispered to Jennie, “If it hits the fan, Jennie, I want you to run. Got it?”

  “No,” she answered through clenched teeth, “My place is right here with you and the gang.” Arty’s response was cut off by a voice from the knight who was in the lead.

  “Hallo! Be yee in yon thickets?”

  He went on when he didn’t get an answer, “Be thou in yon thickets, I ask?”

  He was answered by silence. Another knight trotted up next to him and said something Arty couldn’t hear. The first knight shouted out, “I ask, dost ya be in yon thickets? Answer me of I shall enter.”

  Arty stood and zipped up his jacket as he lit a cigarette. The suddenness of his appearance startled the knight and he turned his head toward him.

  “Yeah?” asked Arty, “what do you want?”

  The knight lifted his visor and the face of a teenaged boy appeared with a smile. “Be thou Arthur?”

  “I am Arthur. Who wants to know?”

  “We do, sire.”

  Arty squinted as he took a drag on his cigarette and looked up at the knight. “Why? You looking for trouble or somethin’?”

  The knight suddenly got off his horse and kneeled in front of Arty. The other knights quickly followed him.

  A shocked and very happy Arty stood silent as the first knight said, “Sire! We hath come from Surry ta be with ya. Would ya have us?”

  Arty clipped the lit end of his cigarette and answered, “But are ya knights looking for yer pages?”

  “No, sire,” he said with a grin. “We be pages who, upon hearing of yee, took our master’s armor and horses as they slept.”

  “But why?” asked Arty as he shrugged his shoulders.

  “To be with ya, sire. We know of thy doings an’ would join ya, if yee wouldst have us. Are yee not Arthur?”

  “I am Arthur.”

  “An’ soon ta be King Arthur?” he asked still on one knee.

  Rather then answer that question Arthur walked to him and said, “Rise and join us. Who be yee, friend?”

  “I, sire, am Ronald,” he looked around at the crowd now filling the road and side of the hill. The crowd came down and greeted them. Soon they helped them remove their armor and lead their horses away to be fed.

  “Boy,” said Merlin. “Ya just never know who’s gonna come down that road. Do ya?”

  “I’m sure glad they were not what they seemed to be,” said Arty as he stuffed the clipped cigarette back in the pack.

  Jennie said with a smile, “Merlin, I don’t know if we are re-enacting history or creating history, but that boy knew of King Arthur.”

  “King Arthur! Guess the word gets around fast,” said Merlin. “Now we have to make it happen.”

  “So, Merlin. Once again I ask, what’s next?”

  “The tournament starts in five days. I think we should leave for London in two days. That’ll give us enough time to set the stone up and let some of the locals try to remove it. And, instead of arriving with so many people, I think we should start sending groups there tomorrow morning. This way we can stagger their start times and as there are hundreds of people camping outside of the city walls, our gangs won’t be noticed.”

  “Sounds good to me. When do I remove the sword from the stone?”

  “I’m not sure yet, but I think we’ll know that when the time comes. Meanwhile we use the time to create our weapons of fright.”

  That evening as they were cleaning up after the evening-meal, Percy was drying a wooden pate. Noticing that there was a ridge around the edge to stop any gravy from running off, He walked to within twenty feet of Arty and Jennie as they sat with a bunch of the Keansburg gang. “Yo, Arty.” He shouted. “Catch this.” He turned the wooden plate upside down and tossed it to Arty. The plate spun like a Frisbee as it came at him and he caught it and tossed it to Bruno who tossed it to Jennie.

  She was about to toss it to Lance when she looked at it and said to Arty, “Arty, imagine if we had a few hundred of these and painted some o
f them white, some yellow and some red. Then if some superstitious bad guys attacked us, we just toss them over their heads. Sort of unleashing the beast’s of Hades at them.”

  “Wow!’ said Arty looking first at the Frisbee then at Jennie. “Beautiful!”

  “Yeah,” she answered, “Not bad, huh?”

  Arty smiled and said, “Oh yeah! And so is the Frisbee.”

  Later by the light of the fires Jennie had the artists painting her designs on the plates. She smiled every now and then as she remembered Arty’s remark. He thinks I’m beautiful.

  The next day, after morning-meal, Jennie had the entire group split up into ten groups of twenty-five teenagers in each.

  “Hey, gang,” she said standing on top of a tree stump as she addressed them. “Listen up. I’m going to assign each of your groups a time to leave for London, and when you get there camp outside of the walls. As each group arrives, don’t let on that you all know each other. When we are ready to let the people of London know about us we will send you the word and let you know when and where we will meet up. Okay?”

  A roar of “Yays” told Jennie they understood and one hour later the first group departed singing and rapping as they went.

  The original Keansburg guys went down to the horse riding area to get some more lessons and, as it was mid-day mealtime, they ate there sitting in a circle.

  Merlin prodded Arty and said, “Arthur, look about. This could be the first meeting of the Knights of the Round Table.”

  Arty looked at the group and nodded. “Boy, Merlin. We sure came a long way from the museum. Right?”

  “Right,” answered the tall, gray haired man as he stuck his knife in a piece of beef. “I only hope that my theory is correct, Arthur.”

  “Well, it’s too late to stop the ball rolling now, Merlin,” he looked at the group and as he saw them looking back silently at him, Arty felt he needed to say something.

  He rose and said, “Guys, I must ask you all a question. Are we better off here or back at Hollin’s House with the Grinnels?” He raised his hand and stop them from answering as he went on, “Here, we don’t have to wear the yellow shirt with the Home’s name on it, letting everyone know that we live in an orphanage. Here, we eat and can have seconds. Here we can play without worrying about making too much noise as the Grinnels watch TV. Here, the townies like and hang with us. Her,” he looked at Jennie, “we kinda have girlfriends. Here, we ride horses and not have to just look at the townies as they ride along the horse path. Here we can shoot arrows, fish, hunt, play and sing without anyone shouting at us.” He walked slowly around the circle of his friends as he went on. “Listen, guys. I don’t know what’s gonna happen to us but as we all know, Merlin’s theory seems to be working out. And, if it does, then life for us shouldn’t be too bad at all. I mean, if I get to pull that sword outta the stone before anyone else does and I make king, well, you guys are my right-hand peeps and we get to live in a castle and all.” He ended up back at his spot between Jennie and Merlin as he ended his talk. “But, no matter what, this I promise you guys: If I don’t make king and we need to live in a regular house or something, we’ll never, ever have to wear yellow tee-shirts again. But, don’t get rid of them because every now and then we need to look at them so we remember where we come from and what we all went through” He sat as they all suddenly stood and applauded with shouts of, “Arthur Rules! Arthur Rules!” Jennie put her arm through his and said in a voice only he could hear. “Arthur, no matter what happens, you are my king.”

  “And you, my sweet Jennie are my queen.”

  Merlin smiled, as he knew this was reality and not a theory. He stood and raised his cup of cider and said, “I propose a toast to King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table and his Queen.” They all joined his toast.

  Two days later the last of the group had departed and Merlin, James, Arty, Jennie and the original Keansburg gang started out on the road to London. With them was the wagon that carried the sword and stone covered with hay.

  Merlin wanted to enter London at sunrise to avoid the crowds so the small group camped on a hill overlooking the gates of the city the night before. From their vantage point they watched as people of every type passed through the city gates. Outside of the gates there were hundreds of campfires and they wondered which of them belonged to their new friends. Arty heard the rustlings of the original Keansburg gang as all seemed to have a hard time sleeping that night. It dawned on him that if he could hear them that meant he was also having a hard time sleeping. He looked up at the stars and whispered to himself, “Hey mom and dad. Could you kinda watch out fer me and the gang?” Just this once.” A shooting star went overhead and he finally fell asleep.

  The birds were up before the sun and Merlin took advantage of the extra time by donning his black outfit and placing his magic toys in its sleeves, pockets, cape and other hidden compartments. He watched, as the rest of the group got ready for the last leg of their trip.

  Arty approached him munching on cold chicken. “Good morning, Merlin. What’s the plan of the day?”

  “I think the best way to go about this is for me and young James to enter the city on the wagon. All of you follow from a distance in groups of four or five so you don’t attract attention.” He pointed at a steeple a little ways past the gates and said, “That’s the church where we have to place the stone. What I thought we would do is, James and I will enter the city and go to the church and see if there’s anyone around. You guys follow me and if there is someone there, I’ll try to distract them with wizardry while you put the stone in the church.’

  “Just anywhere in the church?”

  “Well,” answered the wizard as he scratched his head in thought, “as close to the altar as possible. I mean, if you can’t, then just put it anywhere. But, if you could place it in front of the altar it would give a more powerful effect.”

  “Where do we meet up with you, Merlin?”

  “After you put the stone in the church, leave the city and join the others outside the gates. When I finalize the plan I’ll have James find you. Good?”

  “Sounds good to me, good luck.”

  “Good luck to you too. Now I say, let’s be on our way.”

  They broke the gang up into three groups and as Merlin and James started out on the wagon, Arty, Jennie, Bruno and Garret followed them. After them came the rest of the gang split into two groups.

  Merlin was pleased as he passed through the open gates, as the streets were almost empty. Almost, because the sound of the wagon wheels awakened beggars who quickly scampered to their favorite begging spots.

  Merlin pointed to the road that led to the left and up a slight incline. “Today, young James. We go to church.”

  “Will we visit father, Wizard Merlin?”

  “Yes, we will. As I promised your father, I will make sure thou sees him as often as possible.”

  The wagon protested as they rode up the hill and Merlin thought, Just a little bit more and part two of my theory starts. He did a casual look over his shoulder and spotted the rest following at a distance.

  The road leveled out and they pulled up in front of the big, double wooden doors of the church. “Wait here, James, and I shall see if anyone be here.” He went up the steps and was relieved when the door swung open as he pushed on it. He looked in to see a short, pudgy man dressed in a brown robe and sandals staring back at him.

  “Zounds!” said the startled man. “This be the very first time I unlatched the doors ta find some soul what wants ta enter so early in the day.”

  “Ah,” said Merlin as he removed his hat. “Kind priest, might I enter and pray fer me soul?”

  “Surely! Enter and sit in a pew and pray as ya wish, friend.” The priest squinted and said as recognition set in, “Friend. Wouldst thou be the mighty Wizard Merlin who did magic in this very church, days back?”

  “I am, father. And I shall be right back an pray.” He ran out the door and once out of the priest’s sight, wa
ved to Arty and the gang who loitered discretely down the street. As arty started coming Merlin said to James, “James, tell Arthur to place the stone whilst I’m attending to the priest.” He ran back in before the priest came out.

  “Father,” he said holding the man’s arm as he led him to the front of the church. “Might I be so honored as ta have ya pray with me?”

  “My good wizard. I be most proud ta pray with yee. Shall we sit here?” He pointed to one of the benches facing the altar.

  “Father,” he said as he pointed to the tower three floors above them. “I would much love ta pray up there.”

  “Up there?” asked the pudgy man with arched eyebrows. “Friend Wizard. The spirit wouldst hear us from here as well as from way up in yonder tower.”

  Merlin opened his hand and showed him some coins as he said, “Father, I wouldst give thy church an offering if I could but pray in yon tower with yee, for tis me belief that the closer I be ta the spirit the better he hears me prayers.”

  The man was torn between the many stairs and the coins at first, but the coins won and he held out his hand and said as he collected them, “Friend Wizard. If bein’ in yon tower pleases ya, then I say yes, let us go up these many steps fer thine soul.” He led the way panting and puffing and when they were finally on the third and final landing he sat on a small bench as he wiped his brow. “Please, friend Wizard. Feel free ta say yer prayers as will I.”

  Both men sat with heads bowed for a few minutes and suddenly Merlin looked up at the sky, stood, and with raise arms said, “What? What is it ya be tellin’ me, Great Spirit?” The priest looked at him with his mouth open.

  “Ya want me ta tell this fine priest somethin’?”

  The priest looked at him with bewilderment on his chubby face. “Th-th-the spirit speaks ta ya about me?”

  “Yes,” said Merlin as he turned and laid a hand on the man’s shoulder. “The spirit says yee be a fine man an’ he needs ta give ya a message.”