New Jersey Yankee In King Arthur's Court

by P McAuley, Robert

  “Well,” answered the priest, “yee be first here an’ yer welcome ta take a seat but the Wizard sayeth he work best by moonlight an’ that not be fer hours yet.”

  The heavy-set man looked at him with a smirk and answered, “The wizard? It be Arthur we seek, not a wizard.”

  One of the men went to the sword and gripped the handles. Sir Albert called out to him, “Gerard! Should ya remove the sword, I’ll smite thee and claim it as me own.”

  The man relaxed his grip, shrugged his shoulders and said, “Sir Albert. I have no thought ta be the man what removes the sword, as all who know yee feels that it be thine ta remove.”

  Satisfied with his answer, Sir Albert turned back to the priest. “So Priest. Tell me who be this wizard an’ doth it be him who brings this Arthur ta London ta be king?”

  “No, Sire. Methinks he just be a wizard who sees what the future holds an’ he saw Arthur remove yon sword and become king.”

  “Know yee who this wizard be?”

  The priest puffed up his chest and answered, “Surely I do! Why this very day we walked together through the streets of London inviting all ta see his magic this very evening. Did thou not hear of it?”

  “No! I-I, ah, we work at night an’ sleep days. But yee say this very evening the wizard will do magic here?”

  “Aye, this evening after full moon.”

  “An,” added the heavy man, “if this wizard saw this Arthur in his magic, doth that not mean he knows his face well?”

  The priest nodded affirmatively as he answered, “Yes!”

  “Then,” said the heavy man as he motioned his men to leave, “this evening we shall be back ta speak with him.”

  “Be yee here early ta get a good seat, Sir Knight. Fer all o’ London shall attend.” He watched as the three men left the church and he thought he heard the heavy one curse.

  Evening-meal was finished and extra logs were put on the fires outside of the city walls in hopes that they will still be burning when they returned. Jennie looked at Arty as he stood dressed in his best attire. With Jennie’s guidance and the girls’ knowledge of creating clothes from cloth, he looked like a figure straight from the pages of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. His outfit consisted of a tight-fitting dark blue top and breeches all trimmed n red piping. His boots were highly polished brown leather that almost reached his knees and on his head was a three-cornered blue and red cap with a long pheasant feather on the right side. Around his waist Arty wore a wide leather belt holding up a gold and black scabbard with a gold handled sword in it.

  “What do ya think, Jennie?”

  She stood there shaking her head with her hands clasped in front of her as she said, “Arthur, you look fantastic! You look . . . well, you look kingly.”

  “Yeah? Well, thanks. This is gonna be some night.”

  “Well,” she said sounding motherly. “I’m going to get dressed and don’t you go getting dirty.”

  “I promise.”

  She entered the tent and three of the girls followed carrying her garments. Thirty minutes later Triston tossed a log on the fire and it momentarily blazed at the same moment she left the tent.

  Arty stared as the light of the roaring fire illuminated the young woman. She wore a white and pale yellow, long dress with purple piping that pulled it all together. Using her design the girls had created long, white opera gloves that ended at her elbows. Draped around her waist was a wide-linked gold chain that hung low in the front and held a decorative scabbard with a silver handled dagger in it on her left side. Against the girls advice she wore her long blond hair down rather than in the upswept fashion of the day. It was parted down the center and she wore a garland of small white flowers on her head in a sort of crown. Her toes peeked out from beneath the hem of her dress and told all that she wore red, soft leather slippers with tiny knots of yellow thread sewn in a pattern of stars on them. As if to emphases her beauty, a log settled in the fire creating another momentary flare-up that looked as though someone had taken a picture of her.

  Arty, feeling the moment, stepped forward, took her hand and kneeled as he kissed it. He looked up into her eyes and said, “Jennie, will you be my Queen Guinevere when I become King?”

  The girls peeking at them from the tent held their collective breathes as they heard her say, “Yes, Arthur. Even should this not go as planned, I would be your wife.” He rose and they kissed by the light of the rising moon.

  The sound of feet broke the spell as out of the dark came the original Keansburg gang all dressed in clothes made for them by their girlfriends. They stopped in front of Arty’s tent and awaited his instructions.

  “Guys,” he said, “this is it! According to Merlin’s theory, tonight is the ‘make it or break it’ night, and I intend for us to ‘make it’. Do you all have the flour to toss into the torches?”

  Yeps and yeses told Arty that they did. “Now remember to get next to the torch I assigned you and the other guys in the sketch. Then when Merlin drops the flour and appears on the altar, that’s the signal for you to toss the flour into the torches flame.”

  “Will the flour put the torch out?” asked Percy.

  “No,” answered Arty. “He said it would just sort of flare up and burn in the air like a sparkler. But it will have a great effect on the locals.” He walked around them and offered his hand. As he shook them all, he said, “Guys, no matter what happens, it’s been great.”

  “Yo, Arty!” called out Lucas, “It’s been a better ride than being stuck at Hollin’s House an’ wearing those yellow tee-shirts.”

  “Yeah,” added Lance, “here we’re somebody and people like us for being us. Lucas is right, it’s been a great ride and I vote that we all stay together till the end of the ride.” He turned to the Keansburg gang and said, “All in favor?” A chorus of “Ayes” said it all.

  “Let’s go do this, guys,” said Arty as he led them to gather up the other groups.

  The moon was on the rise as Merlin and James arrived at the church. Merlin wore the greatcoat Harold had lent him and he had his long, gray hair tucked up under the leather hat once again. He decided as he dressed, Well, if this Sir Albert is looking for Arthur he might be looking for me too, and I certainly don’t want him stopping me now and messing up our timetable.

  He was happy to see that there were others entering the church early to get the better seats and they mingled with them as they entered. Outside of the church stood six men and Merlin saw that they were studying all who entered, and one was a heavy-set man directing the other five.

  Merlin drew a glance as he went into a hobble and leaned on the boy. This move threw away any suspicious look he may have gotten from the men. Once inside, they meandered around as all the men tried to remove the sword from the stone. When no one was looking at them, they slid behind the heavy, black tapestry of the altar. Merlin quickly removed his cover and stood tall as Merlin the Wizard. He and James then set up his magic-making toys and spent the rest of the time peeking through the separation of the tapestries. Soon there was standing room only and the priest stood in front of the first pew and addressed them.

  “Friends o’ London. I ask but two things. First, yee must stay as quiet as a church mouse as tis a magical event that take place here this very evenin’ an’ I must be able ta hear the spirits as they whisper ta me.” He held his hands high, as the church got quiet. “Second, any man may come up an’ try ta remove the sword from the stone, fer if ya do, ya be the King o’ England.”

  A long line of man of all ages lined up to try for the title of King of England. None could remove the sword and went back to their seats. Finally a heavy-set man came down the aisle swearing as he did. It was Sir Albert. He pushed away the last five men in the line and grabbed the sword’s handle with both hands. It was obvious he was drunk and one of the men he had pushed aside said so. He was grabbed by one of Albert’s goons and pushed back in his seat.

  “This sword be mine!” he screamed as he flus
hed red in the face. He pulled so hard that all around him gasped as he lifted the heavy stone a few inches and it fell back with a thud to the ground. The more he tried the more he puffed and panted until he slipped and fell on the floor. His friends tried to lift him but he would have none of that.

  “Leave me be! Dolts! Dolts all of yee.” He looked around seething at his misfortune.

  Merlin watched from his hiding place and said to himself, “Arty, Arty where are you? The timing is perfect for you to enter.”

  Suddenly the people parted and Merlin felt a sigh of relief, thinking it was Arty. But down the center of the church walked eighteen knights in full armor.

  Sir Albert tried to stand and engage them. “Ah! Fellow knights. Be yee here ta see me sworn in as King of England?”

  The first knight was the tallest knight Merlin had ever seen. He had a square firm jaw and a dark, well-trimmed mustache. He kneeled in front of the altar and the others lined up behind him in the aisle, followed his lead.

  They rose and the first knight looked at the disheveled man and said, “Sir Albert. Yee be a poor excuse ta be called a knight. Ya be known far an’ wide as a scoundrel and taker of women’s purses. Be yee ta the back o’ the church fer ya soil this holy place.”

  Sir Albert started to reach for his sword when the knight grabbed his forearm and said as he looked coldly in his eyes, “Careful, Sir Knight. Fer ya pick a fight ya shant win.”

  The heavy man pulled his arm away and stomped to the rear of the church as the first knight said while looking up at the altar, “If it be they will ta grant me the title o’ King of England, I shall be humble and honorable and defend England against her enemies.” He took the hilt of the sword in both hands and pulled straight up. The sword didn’t budge. He removed his hands, bowed to the altar and walked to the rear of the church.

  The next knight was slightly older but just as imposing as the first and he said something along the same lines as his predecessor before trying to remove the sword. He too failed and was followed by the third knight. Soon all of the eighteen knights tried and failed.

  Merlin watched as another six knights entered and did the same. This, he thought, is what knights are supposed to be like, not those sods that blundered into our group or that Albert character. He was impressed that each knight tried only once to remove the sword, unlike Sir Albert who was in and out all day as he tried to be king. He then spotted Arty pretty much in the center of the large crowd and when he looked at each torch he saw one of the guys in position. The crowd was quiet as they all waited for the promised coronation.

  Merlin rubbed his hands together and said to James, “It’s like I said, James, when the time is right you will know it.” He placed the boy at the small opening and said, “See? James, to be a good magician you must get the feel of the audience and know when ta make them wait and when ta go on before they become restless.” He stood up straight and said as he put his arms out wide, “And the time is now!” He swung around and said “Check me out young James.”

  The boy did his job well, making sure that all of the magicians ‘toys’ as he called them, were in the right place and easily accessible for the man to perform flawlessly. He gave Merlin the thumbs up and said, “Thou be checked an’ ready, Wizard Merlin.”

  Merlin knew that the dancing flames of the twenty torches threw flickering shadows around the large hall and, as he was wearing black and the tapestry was also black, he knew that the chance of anyone seeing his hand quickly pop through the opening for a second would be very small.

  He dropped two eggs full of flour while at the same time roared at the top of his lungs, “I am here!” The sudden shout mixed with the sound of the two eggs and the puff of flour followed by his sudden appearance on the stage got everyone’s attention and immediately the boys tossed the flour onto the open flames of the torches causing a sudden “Pfffftttt!” and a shower of sparks to appear almost in every section of the church. It was too much for many and a few fainted while others got down on their knees and prayed for forgiveness.

  Merlin’s long white arms seemed to stick completely out of their sleeves as he pointed a long, boney, very white finger at the various torches as they still sputtered and flickered with the burning powder.

  As planned, boys and girls situated throughout the large room started chanting, “Wizard Merlin! Wizard Merlin! Wizard Merlin!”

  He let them go on as others, not in their group, picked up the chant until he stopped them by once again raising his hands and shouting, “This day, people of London, a new king shall lead thee! A new leader who shall be righteous and yet strong. I and the priest of this very church saw it in the smoke at the appearance of the stone . . . the stone that holds the sword so tightly in it’s grasp that only a just and strong leader shall have the moral strength ta remove it.”

  “Where be this leader?” shouted Sir Albert from the rear.

  Merlin closed his eyes and put his index fingers to his temple and said, “Thy new leader be here with us.”

  “Show us!”

  Arty removed his hat and Merlin threw his hands in the air releasing the gray dove hidden in his sleeve. From the audience it seemed to come from out of thin air and the bird flew straight to Arty and landed on his head. Although it was for the few seeds he had placed there, the crowd saw it as an omen.

  “Art thou Arthur?” shouted Merlin.

  “I be Arthur, Wizard Merlin.”

  “Then, if thou be the Arthur of my dreams come and remove the sword from the stone.”

  Arrow flew up to the rafters as Arthur placed his hat back on his head and started forward. The church was quiet as he approached the altar when a surprisingly fast Sir Albert ran up and tackled him. Both fell to the floor as the big man had the advantage of attacking unexpectedly from the rear. Turmoil started as Arty tried to fight him off.

  “Who be yee ta come ta London an’ be king?” he shouted as he turned Arty on his back. The knights in the rear tried to get to them but the crowd was between them and a scream went up as the heavy knight drew his dagger and tried to stab Arty. He slashed in a downward move and cut Arty’s old wound open. Blood flowed as Arty grabbed Albert’s arm that held the dagger. The blood went into Arty’s eyes and he squinted to see his opponent. In a surge of fury the big man pulled his arm out of Arty’s grip and raised his dagger for the final stab. It was then that the big man’s steel helmet flew off along with a piece of his ear. He screamed and grabbed his ear as Arty slugged him on the jaw, which sent him reeling off of him.

  Arty rolled over holding his arm and slowly sat up as he saw the crowd kneeling with their heads down. He rolled over to his good arm so he could brace himself and get up when he saw why the crowd was kneeling. There stood Jennie with the sword from the stone in her hand and its blade was bloody.

  “Wh-wh-what’s happening?” she asked.

  “I dunno,” said Arty holding his arm.

  It started low at first then rose to a crescendo, “Long live the queen! Long live the queen! Long live the queen!”

  Some of the Keansburg gang finally got through the crowd and stood next to them. “Hey,” asked Lance in a low voice, “isn’t Arty supposed to be the king?”

  There was another sudden puff of smoke and Merlin was next to them. “Arty, do we want to disappear? I can get us out of here and we can restage this again.”

  Jennie just stood there stunned and on the verge of tears. “Arty, I-I-I’m so sorry. I messed it all up. But when I saw that fat slob try to stab you I had to do something so I just grabbed the sword and when it didn’t come out I remembered Merlin telling you how to do it, so I did it and hit that pig in the head.” She handed Arty the sword and collapsed in his arms. “Are you angry with me?”

  Arty smiled and said, “How can I be angry with the Queen of England? He dabbed her eyes dry and went on, “Especially when the queen saved my life.” A hand encased in steel appeared on her shoulder as the first knight said, “My queen, shall I send them away?”<
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  She turned and stammered as her eyebrows arched, “What? Send whom away? Them?” she said pointing at the guys, “No! They bee mine friends.”

  “If my lady insists, they be thy friends. But shouldst thou need help we be thy knights to use as thou wants.”

  She pointed at him and the other knights and asked, “You guys are my knights?”

  He did, as deep a bow as his armor would let him as he said, “Sir Boche, at thine service, my queen. My fellow knights and I have long awaited the next leader of England to swear our allegiance too.”

  “Aren’t you upset that I’m a woman?”

  “Methinks, my queen, that thee and thine friends have worked ingeniously by making the people o’ London think it be a man called Arthur who would be king so thou couldst draw out any assassins before ya remove the sword from the stone and proclaim thyself as Queen of England.”

  “Yeah,” said Arty holding his arm. “Pretty ingenious if I may say so myself.”

  Jennie looked at the crowded church and realized they still kneeled. She spoke, “Rise, my good people.” As they rose she walked over to the stone and while all watched pushed the sword back into the opening. She felt it click in place and turned to the crowd and said, “The great Wizard Merlin hath told all that a man called Arthur shall become King of England. As your Queen, I say to Arthur, ‘come join me and together we shall lead England to her rightful place in the world. A place where all people are free and equal with justice for one and all.’”

  She smiled as she pointed to the sword. “If thou canst remove yon sword from the stone I shall be Queen and yee, the King of England.”

  Arthur smiled at her as he kneeled down and kissed her hand. He looked up into her eyes and said for all to hear, “My queen. To spend my life with thee and lead England by thy side, be my desire.” Arty rose and walked to the stone. He gripped the sword’s handle and with a twist and a push down, he removed the sword as once again all kneeled. He took Jennie’s hand and they walked down the aisle with Sir Boche and his group following.