Fifteen and Change

by Max Howard

  The Nest

  is a mouse heaven. A little house made of a pizza box tucked on a warm, dry shelf. Napkin bed. Soda bottle lid for a water dish. Even a tiny pizza, special baked. Crust the size of a quarter. Dot of sauce. Extra cheese.

  WHO DID THIS?

  CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH You’ll get us shut down by the health department, Scott yells. Still chewing, he knocks the mouse house off the shelf. Stomps it. Yeah, who did this? Mary echoes, shakes the mouse. Stop, you’ll break its spine! Olivia cries. Put it in a to-go cup. I’ll release it into the wild.

  I Spread a Circle of Sauce

  on a fresh round of dough and wonder who made the mouse house. Who kept a pet at work? Timothy loves nature, is a careful worker. He could make a perfect tiny pizza. Or Dylan. His thin beard looks like a mouse’s whiskers. Olivia cried. Hannah is so quiet. Who knows what she could do?

  Snap!

  In the middle of the night, I hear a SNAP! It wakes me up. Then it’s quiet, just normal sounds. The heater, Paul’s snore, chunky as cottage cheese. I go back to sleep.

  Breakfast

  Paul tricks Mom. Finds a dead mouse in one of the traps. That explains the snap. Drops it in her coffee. She takes a sip and her lips touch fur. Dead fur. A cold tail. She screams. Paul laughs. I have $500 in the ceiling.

  The Snow Looks Like Shooting Stars

  Olivia says. The outside world is white and wild. But inside the pizza ovens are so hot. Olivia wears a tank top. Shows off her rose tattoo. I slide breadsticks out of the oven. Say, Hey, Olivia. Breadsticks and roses? She laughs. It feels like shooting stars.

  I’m Frozen Up to the Eyeballs

  Waiting alone for the bus. Suddenly a black BMW SUV pulls over. The tinted window slides down. It’s Olivia at the wheel. Get in, Zekers. I’m giving you a ride home.

  I Don’t Feel Invisible

  in the BMW. I feel bulletproof. Like a powerful beast. Leather seats. Purring engine. Sleek and fast, we pass McDonald’s, Payday Loans, the motel where Mom works. Sleek and fast, it’s like we own the world. We killed it. We crushed it. It’s ours.

  Don’t Tell Anyone About This, OK?

  I don’t want Dylan or Scott to know this car is mine, says Olivia. That’s why I always park it down the block. My parents bought it. They have money. It’s awkward. If it were up to me, I’d drive a Prius.

  Cold Picnic, Hot Chocolate

  At lunch I pull the earflaps down on my cap, go to the park, climb to the top of my tree. It’s freezing cold and I only have a banana. But when I climb down, someone’s left me a hot chocolate. Who? The cocoa’s so warm, the cup melted a circle in the snow.

  Christmas Then, Christmas Now

  In Blue Way, we used to drive out to a Christmas tree farm on the lake. Blasts of wind blew snow across the ice. It was always snowing in the Christmas woods. Now Mom and I walk to the Rite Aid parking lot. I feel bad for the cut pine trees. Leaning up against a camper. Breathing in car fumes. Plastic bags and old candy wrappers dancing at their feet.

  Christmas at Work

  Scott wears a red Santa hat. Says, Yeah right! when Dylan asks about a Christmas bonus. Then the hat goes missing. Scott searches the girls’ purses. But he doesn’t notice when Bud walks in from a delivery wearing it. With his long white beard, Bud just naturally looks like Santa.

  My Dad

  sends me a $50 bill. Just that. No card. Just Merry Christmas, Z in blue ink on the cash. Not Zekers. Not even Zeke. Just Z. I want to tear the money into tiny pieces. Throw them in the snow. Instead I put the $50 in the ceiling.

  Olivia, Can I Ask You a Question?

  She has flour on her shirt. A dab of red sauce on her forehead. Red lipstick. Was it your mouse? She laughs. I was going to ask you the same thing, Zekers.

  Mary Has a Bad Cough

  It sounds like she swallowed a goose. Honk honk honk But who can afford a sick day? She has three kids so she always has a cold. When she makes pizza her cough blows the cheese shreds everywhere. Like a broken snow globe.

  Hannah’s Superpower

  She’s small and quiet, but she can turn a hunk of dough into a perfect pizza round in less than 30 seconds. That’s faster than me. Faster than Timothy. Faster than Dylan. Faster than Mary. Even Scott tried to beat her. When he lost, he gave her a coupon for free breadsticks.

  The Best Thing About Winter

  is riding shotgun in Olivia’s black BMW. It rides so smooth it seems to float over the snowy streets, over the potholes, home to Paul’s apartment. When I get home, I take off my shoes. Tiptoe so Mom doesn’t notice I’m home late.

  Olivia Asks Me Questions

  Would you rather eat skinny snake poop or make out with your math teacher in front of everyone? Which do you like best: sweet or salty? oceans or mountains? What is best to have: power or love? Love.

  Hannah Goes Wild

  She’s so quiet. Dark hair falling over her eyes. No one notices her take a bottle of Sprite from the cooler and shake it up. Dylan walks in. Hannah unscrews the cap, blasts him with fizz, saying, Congratulations!!! He got his first college acceptance. We all clap. Until Mary says, This is time theft, guys. Get back to work.

  Mom Finally Opened My Report Card

  after letting it sit and sit under the bills and get syrup on it. So now she cares. Now she wants to know why I’m always gone. Where I go. What I do. If I’m on drugs. Paul pins me up against the fridge, squishes me with his belly. Listen, you little son of a britch. Don’t. You. Upset. Her.

  Smiling Pizza

  On Fridays Timothy makes a pepperoni smiley face pizza because on weekends he sees his daughter. She’s eight. Once Hannah carved a green pepper nose, stuck it in the middle of the pie. It made the pizza look almost human.

  When I Get Home

  Paul and Mom have their paws in my dresser drawer. We wouldn’t have to snoop, Mom says, if you would just tell me where you go. Who drives you in that fancy car?

  I Want to Tell Mom I Have a Job

  She’d be proud. But I don’t want Paul to get my money. Zekers, I’m asking you a question! Mom yells. Shut up, britch, I snap. The worst part is: Mom shuts up. In werewolf movies it hurts when the beast breaks through the man’s human skin. But turning into Paul doesn’t feel like anything at all. I feel like Paul and it’s like nothing.

  On Monday

  Timothy says his daughter didn’t want to eat that pizza with the green pepper nose. She wanted to sleep with it in her bed. Hannah smiles. Bounces on her tiptoes, happy. I wish I could turn up the volume on their happiness. It’s like music my werewolf heart can barely hear

  Olivia’s Secret

  The BMW purrs. Bun warmer? says Olivia, pressing a button for seat heat. I wonder for the millionth time: If Olivia is so rich, why does she work at Casa de Pizza? It’s like she can read minds. Zekers, do you want to know a secret? I’m salting in.

  Salting In

  is when someone gets a job at a place just to stir things up. Help people. Organize. Fight for: better wages, sick days, health insurance. It’s like being a spy. A secret agent, except without cool gadgets and with trash duty.

  Work Party at Olivia’s House

  The house used to be fancy 100 years ago. Now it’s a wreck, a filthy nest for 12 college kids. They’re all salting in at fast food places. The furniture’s all been stolen from lawns and dumpsters. Olivia hops up on a stained couch, yells, Welcome! I invited you here tonight because what’s happening at Casa de Pizza ain’t right!

  What’s Wrong with Casa De Pizza

  Low pay. No sick days. No health insurance. Scott will cut your hours if you call in sick or bug him. Plus he drops mushrooms down the girls’ shirts. Says, Why don’t you like me? I’m a fungi! Get it? he says. Fun guy?

  Olivia the Firefly

  Olivia glows floats sings. We make the pizza. We turn flour and tomatoes into money. We have the power. Without us, there’s no pizza. If we stick together, we can do anything. We can win. They’re paying $15 an hour now in Seattle. Why not
here?

  If I’d Been Making $15 an Hour

  this whole time, I’d already be home in Blue Way. Driving my car across the center of the lake where it’s frozen thick. I’d pull up next to my dad’s ice shanty. We’d sit inside, fish through a hole in the ice. Fried panfish is better than pizza.

  If Mom Made $15 an Hour

  cleaning, maybe she would never have felt stuck with Paul in the first place. Never would say, But Zekers, where else we gonna go?

  Zekers, You In?

  Olivia asks. Fifteen dollars an hour? HELL YES! I say. My voice is so loud I almost jump. I catch sight of myself in the dirty glass above the fireplace. Have I gotten taller?

  You Don’t Know What You’re Asking

  Dylan stands up, kicks the rug with the toe of his boot. If Scott finds out we’re asking for more money, he’ll fire us. Unlike you, Olivia, I need this job if I’m gonna pay for school.

  It’s Illegal

  to fire you for joining a union, Olivia says. That doesn’t mean Scott won’t try. It just means he won’t win. Win? says Timothy. I don’t want to win. I want to feed my kid. My heart is pounding so loud I can barely hear him. I want to win. For once. So bad.

  Wild Creature

  I leave Olivia’s party feeling like a vampire in a movie. Strong. Changed. The world outside sparkles. Every branch on every tree looks sharp. The snowflakes fall, wet and fat. I can see the tiny crystal shapes. I’m in the city but I feel like a wild creature prowling the woods.

  Inside the House

  everything is blurry: Mom’s eye makeup. (She’s crying.) The kitchen table. (There’s milk spilled all over it.) Mom’s arms. (A purple blur of finger marks where Paul shook her.) Even I feel blurry. My spine feels melty. My legs, too. I have to sit down. There’s milk on the chair.

  Wet Pants

  It’s not how I want to see Paul. With a stain like I peed myself on my pants. He’s whistling. Grabbing a pudding cup from the fridge while the milk drips off the table. He acts like he doesn’t see me.

  Mom, Let’s Get Out of Here!

  I say. She hides behind a tissue, acts like she doesn’t hear me. I go to my room, check the ceiling. I have $1,290. It’s not enough. I need more NOW. No time to fight for better pay someday. No time to win one just to win one. I need money now.

  Olivia Smiles at Me

  but I ignore her. Walk right past the prep area past the ovens back to Scott’s office. Olivia is so surprised she drips pizza sauce on the counter. Scott, I say. I need more hours. I need more money. CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH OK, says Scott. It’ll have to be under the table though, because you’re not eighteen.

  Valentine’s Day, Part One

  Mary coughs. Blood flies out, makes a red splat on the white counter. Scott stands there, crunching. Says, Yuck, throat pizza! Clean it up. Get a bleach rag. Mary’s face looks like a bleach rag. Damp and gray. Bud comes in, takes five pizzas out for delivery.

  Bread and Roses

  I spent $15. Three red roses. One white loaf of Wonderbread. I hide them in my backpack. Stick my backpack in the walk-in cooler while I work to keep the roses fresh.

  Valentine’s Day, Part Two

  My backpack’s full of bread and roses. I play with the zipper while Olivia drives me home. She pulls over near Paul’s apartment, puts the BMW in park. (She never does that.) Turns off the engine. Unbuckles her seatbelt. Looks at me. I can feel my heart in my whole body.

  I’m Just Worried About You, Zekers

  Olivia says. Is everything OK? Why haven’t you been coming to the fifteen-dollar-an-hour organizing meetings? She sounds like Mom. Questions, questions. I squeeze my backpack so hard a thorn from a rose inside pricks me. I just changed my mind, I say. I leave without giving Olivia anything.

  At First I Think the House Is on Fire

  Then I see it’s just candles. Led Zeppelin and candles. They’re crowded on the coffee table, lined up along the back of the couch. The smoke alarm’s screaming. I smell frozen pizza burning. Mom’s laughing. Paul’s swinging her around. Her feet fly out, knock a candle onto a red pillow.

  Valentine’s Day, Part Three

  Paul sings about stairways and heaven, spinning Mom around the room. I stamp the fire out of the pillow. Zekers! Mom screams. We’re getting married! Paul proposed. They whirl. Dangerous, candlelit. I take the pizza out. It’s burned black. I open the window, fan the smoke.

  Roses and Bling

  The flowers wilt in my backpack. Mom’s rock scratches my nose when she shoves her ring in my face. Isn’t it beautiful? I feel like a princess. See? It’s princess cut. My favorite! I don’t know much about diamonds. But I know this wedding is a bad idea.

  At School, I Pretend I’m Sick

  so I can use the office phone to call Dad. It’s a long shot, but maybe he can stop this wedding or ask me to live with him. A woman answers, says, I just got this number. I don’t know your dad. Sorry. When I hang up, the secretary says, Honey, you look green, and sends me to the nurse.

  Mom’s Diamond Ring

  was so spiky it poked a hole in her glove at work. All the other motel maids saw the sparkle. They stole wine and chocolates from the Honeymoon Suite cupboard. Sang, Here comes the bride. I felt so beautiful, Mom says.

  Olivia Makes a New Friend

  When Hannah draws something on the inside of a pizza box, Olivia says, Oh my god, Hannah, you’re the best. They both go quiet when Bud comes in. He scoops up some pizzas to deliver. His white beard is stained yellow from his pipe. His freezer is maybe full of dead bodies.

  You Want to Make Some Money

  Don’t you, kid? Scott says, crunching. Take all Mary’s hours. You’ll work cash under the table to get around the kiddie labor laws. I think about Mary’s whipping ponytail and red coughs. What about Mary? I ask. Scott shrugs. Mary missed a shift. So I’m cutting all her hours this week.

  I Am Spinning Dough into a Crust

  when Mary shows up in her uniform ready to work. Tossing her ponytail. Yelling: Dylan! Get a broom! Scott snaps his fingers, yells with his mouth full: Mary! I told you you’re 86’d. This is the kid’s shift now. He’s working for you all this week. Kid, show Mary the door.

  Throwing Mary Out

  I wipe my flour hands on my apron. Watch my shoes walking behind Mary’s shoes out the front door. She lights a smoke. Her hands shake. Even her ponytail shakes. I just stand there shivering. Wanting to say I’m sorry. But before I can, she says, It’s not your problem.

  My Problem

  is Olivia’s silence when she drives me home. My problem is Mom wiggling her fingers like butterfly wings, showing off her ring. My problem is Paul being Paul. My problem is Dad being totally AWOL. Completely disappearing, maybe forever. My problem is money. A mom who doesn’t want to go back to Blue Way.

  My Birthday

  Mom writes 15 in grape jelly on my toast. Promises to cook me a special supper. I already have plans, I tell her. Even though my plans are just to throw some dough with Olivia at Casa. Mom wiggles her eyebrows: Zekers, are you meeting a girl? Yes, I say. Not exactly lying.

  An Old Man Orders a Tower

  of King Meat pizzas. Olivia counts out his change: That’s thirteen, fourteen, fifteen aaaaand change. The man traps her hands with his. Pulls her halfway across the counter. Kisses her neck like an old octopus. Scott just stands there crunching. I just stand there letting the mop drip.

  Payday

  is huge. I made $210.75 in cash because I took Mary’s shifts. I stand on tiptoes on my bed. Tilt the ceiling tiles. Reach inside to add to my stash of cash. But my hands touch empty air. I feel around in the tall darkness. But it’s gone. My money is gone.

  Mom’s Diamond Winks

  in a pool of soap suds next to the sink. Mom, I say. Did you or Paul take my money? She says, Why would you say a thing like that? But she hides the ring with the sponge. She won’t look at me. So I know. They did it. Took my money. Bought a ring.

  Paul Doesn’t Get Mad

  Just peels th
in strips of string cheese, drips them into his mouth. Way I see it, he says. It’s my house. So everything in it belongs to me. He unpeels another white cheese stick. Says, It’s impossible for me to steal anything from anyone who lives here.