Darkening Chaos: Book Three of The Destroyer Trilogy

by DelSheree Gladden

  I laugh at the absurdity of the situation. “Lance, I turn seventeen in two weeks. That means I may only have a year left to live, and you’re worried about my relationship problems. It seems so stupid, doesn’t it?” My humor doesn’t last. He can feel the pain welling up inside of me and tries to stall it.

  “You never did do things the easy way, Libby. Remember the time you got your kite stuck in a tree at the park? I told you to go get your dad and ask him to get a ladder or something. You decided climbing up to get it would be faster. It wasn’t, and you fell out and broke your arm.” He frowns at me, and says, “I’m not forgetting that you have bigger problems than whether or not you just lost Braden, and whether saving Braden’s life just cost you Milo. I just know that you are going to be distracted by it. And I’m well aware of the clock counting down on your life. I intend on seeing you live past your eighteenth birthday, but I’m going to need a little help.”

  “What do you want me to do, Lance? Forget them both, demand they stop hating me so I can concentrate?” I would do the second one if I thought it would actually work. The first one, I already know it won’t.

  “No,” Lance says, “but I am asking you to give yourself a break. You lied to Milo because he would have gotten himself killed if you hadn’t. You stripped Braden of, basically, his whole identity because the only other option was killing him. You did what you had to do. Accept it. Deal with it. And stop focusing on it. Maybe Milo will put aside his anger and come rushing in like the love-sick hero he used to be. Maybe he won’t.

  “Maybe Braden will realize he’s being an idiot about this, maybe he won’t. Either way, the balls are in their courts. You have to let them make the choice. Give them some time. Maybe if you do, you’ll figure out what you want, too. But even if you don’t, you have more important things to think about right now, like staying alive. If you get yourself killed because you’re crying about one of them, it’s really not going to matter what they think of you. You’ll be dead. So, put it in your back pocket and get back to work, okay?”

  I have to say I’m a little stunned by all of that. He’s changed so much over the last year. The sometimes arrogant, petty attitude that kept him and Milo at each other’s throats for the longest time has completely disappeared. So has his immaturity and self-absorbed qualities that always made it impossible for him to pick up on my needs and emotions. Football and fast cars used to be only slightly less important to him than me.

  Where did this mature, wise, thoughtful young man come from? Maybe losing your friends and mentors, going up against the brotherhood you once idolized, watching friends die and knowing it could happen again at any time just doesn’t leave any room for anything else. He has sacrificed so much for me, but I know he did it willingly and I love him for it.

  “Thanks, Lance,” is all I need to say.

  He smiles and tweaks my nose with a playful grin. I smile at him. He hasn’t lost all his boyishness. Lance motions to something behind me, and says, “I gathered up the stuff he left here this morning. Figured you wouldn’t want it lying around where people might start asking questions.”

  “Thanks,” I say as I stare at Braden’s overnight bag, laptop, and toothbrush. As I stare at the bag, I can’t help wondering if the blue striped shirt I love so much is in there. Trying not to think about it too hard, I turn back to Lance.

  He can see the question in my eyes, but waits for me to ask it.

  “Lance, you wanted me to choose Braden before because of our link, because of the extra power it would give me,” I say, my voice rough with emotion, “but all of that’s gone now. He has no talents. I couldn’t feel the link anymore. Do you still think he’s the better one for me? And what about Milo? I love him, but what he did today really scared me. All I could think about was how often you’ve told me he’s dangerous.”

  Lance pulls me back into a hug with a sigh. “I don’t know, Libby. You know how I feel about Milo, but if you really love and trust him, I’ll stand behind your choice. As for Braden, you know I like him, but I also respect him and trust him. You’re the only one who can answer your questions about how you really feel about him, but at least now you have the chance to find out if you truly love him without anything else interfering. Maybe now you’ll actually have a fair chance at figuring it out. If he’ll ever speak to you again, that is.”

  Chapter 10

  This One Thing

  It has been three days since the catastrophic rescue attempt. In those three days, we have identified over two dozen Seekers creeping around the compound. Finding a weak spot in their routines will take a while longer, but everyone is working hard.

  In those same three days, Milo has spoken a combined total of less than five words to me. When he handed out the schedule for watching the compound, there was a noticeable lack of me and him ever partnering up. I have tried to take Lance’s advice and not let it get to me, but I’m quickly finding that impossible. Making my focusing abilities even worse is the fact that Daniel has not been able to talk to Braden. He won’t answer calls or open the door. He sits alone at his house completely unprotected. Not knowing whether or not he is safe is killing me.

  I was determined to give Milo whatever space and time he needed from me, but after three days of silence and worry I can’t take it anymore. If he truly hates me and will never forgive me, I need to know. And I need to do something about Braden.

  Walking up to Milo’s house makes my hands shake. I do something when I reach the door that I have not done in a very long time. I ring the doorbell. His car is in the driveway, so I know he’s home, but it seems to take ten years for him to reach the door. When he pulls it open, his dark eyes take me in with surprise.

  “Why did you ring the bell?” he asks.

  “I wasn’t sure if I was still welcome here,” I say honestly.

  A mixture of frustration and sadness plays on his features.

  “If you want me to go,” I say, “I will. I just wanted to talk to you.”

  “About what?”

  I take a deep breath. “About us.”

  It takes a very long time for Milo to answer. When he does, he says, “Fine. Come in.”

  He leaves the door open and walks toward the living room rather than waiting for me. It’s not the best sign, but at least he let me in. I cross the threshold and close the door slowly. As I walk toward the living room, I try to prepare myself for his rejection. I won’t blame him or hate him. I know what I’ve done. Whatever he decides, I just need to hear it so I can move on, either with him or without him, regardless of how much that would hurt. When I enter the room, Milo is sitting on the arm chair instead of one of the couches. My breathing starts to speed up. He doesn’t want me too close to him.

  I sit down on the edge of the couch. When Milo speaks, the bite in his voice makes me flinch.

  “What do you want to talk about?”

  I press my hands together to calm their shaking. “Milo, I know you’re angry with me right now. You have every right to be. I made huge mistakes. I can admit that.”

  Milo grunts at my admission, but doesn’t say anything.

  “I lied to you about Braden from the very beginning. I won’t make any excuses about why. I should have trusted you. When I did tell you about him, you disagreed with trusting him. I accepted his help regardless of what you said. I know I should have at least given you another chance to discuss it with me. I didn’t have to go behind your back. And …” I have to stop and blink back tears. “And I knew how I felt about Braden from the beginning, but I still allowed myself to be around him. Sometimes it was unavoidable, but there were plenty of other times I could have walked away and I didn’t.”

  “How many other times?” Milo demands.

  I look up at him, surprised by his question. Does he really want me to tell him every time I was with Braden when I didn’t expressly have to be? I don’t think I could even catalog something like that. He refuses to look away, and neither can I. He needs an answer. I owe him
an answer, so I try.

  “Most of the time, it was just training I could have done with someone else, times when everyone else had gone home but I lingered to be around him longer. Sometimes Braden would show up places, or be around school, and I could have left, but didn’t.”

  “What about the other times?” he asks, no softer than before.

  My chin starts quivering. “The day Saia died and you went to work with Casey, Braden showed up right after you left. We just talked outside for a while, and then something he said gave me the idea of trying to get through his Guardian promise.”

  Milo’s body tenses, his muscles bulging under the strain. “You told me you got the prophecy from him the next day after school.”

  “I didn’t want you to think I said it was okay for you to go with Casey because I knew Braden was coming. I promise I had no idea he had followed us to the motel.”

  Milo’s eyes narrow. My heart breaks as I realize he doesn’t believe me. He glares at me for several more seconds before managing to slip another few words past his clenched jaw. “When else?”

  My eyes drop. I can’t bear to look at him when I tell him. “When you went to Ohio …” My breath catches in my chest, and I have to pause to compose myself. “I went to see my dad, and Braden was waiting at my car when I came back. He offered to stay with me, for protection … and because he wanted to. I wanted to tell him no, but I couldn’t. We went out to Bosque Del Apache and spent the day hiking. When he took me home …”

  All control abandons me. Tears run down my face with abandon.

  “When he took you home, what?” Milo almost yells.

  “He didn’t leave,” I say, but I rush to continue. “But he stayed on the couch, I promise! He was afraid to leave me alone in the new house. Nothing happened.”

  “Nothing happened?” Milo demands. “Braden spent the night with you, but nothing happened?” His voice rises with each word, fierce and angry by the end of the sentence. I shrink into the couch, wishing I could disappear entirely.

  “Milo, I didn’t sleep with him,” I say quietly. “I can prove it if I have to, but I’m begging you to trust me on at least this one thing. I have wanted you to be my first since we met. That hasn’t changed.”

  I risk looking up at him. He is still pissed beyond belief, but there is a hint of faltering. For a few moments, I am sure he’ll either demand I prove I didn’t have sex with Braden, or tell me to go to Hell. I brace myself. My entire body is trembling quietly as I wait for him to banish me from his heart. When his shoulders drop and his head falls into his hands I don’t know what to think. He looks up, and I flinch, sure he’s ready to be rid of me.

  “Do you still love me?” he asks with tortured eyes.

  My own eyes widen. “Of course I do, Milo! I’ve never stopped loving you.”

  “But you love Braden, too?”

  I won’t lie, no matter how much it kills me, though my voice is small when I answer. “Yes.”

  “Then where does that leave us?” he asks.

  “It leaves me here, begging for your forgiveness, willing to do whatever it takes to earn it,” I say firmly.

  He looks over at me. His eyes pierce me, body and soul. Dropping all blocks, I let him taste my shame and guilt, my honest desire to hold onto our love. He feels my sudden vulnerability and takes full advantage. I flinch when his power and the force of his anger and hurt invade me, but do nothing to block it. I never meant to hurt him. I love Braden, but I can’t give up what I had with Milo for something I’m not sure is real, and at this point will most likely never get the chance to test. I gave myself to Milo before I ever met Braden.

  Finally, Milo’s power withdraws. I open my eyes and force myself to meet his eyes. Less cold than before, there is still very little warmth in them. “I don’t want to lose you either,” Milo says, “but you can’t see Braden again, ever. I refuse to feel like I have to look over my shoulder constantly to make sure the two of you aren’t sneaking off somewhere. If you really want to be with me, then be with me.”

  This one condition threatens to break my heart. Every sweet moment with Braden, the peace and happiness his touch brings me, the gentle draw of his lips against mine, they all beg me not to agree. My memories of him burst into full and vivid light. Slowly, painfully, I push them back down into the recesses of my mind where they belong. My head nods before I can form the words.

  “Okay,” I choke out. “I’ll stay away from Braden.”

  Milo looks mildly surprised I made the concession, but he nods as well. “Fine. Okay.”

  There is no sudden return of affection or warmth. I didn’t expect Milo to sweep me into his arms like a fairy tale prince reclaiming his lost love. I’m not foolish enough for that. It’s a start, and I am so grateful for it.

  But I had more than one reason for coming here today. I’m not sure I can utter the other one. It may break everything I’ve just accomplished. I don’t think I can live with myself if my cowardice costs Braden his life. I have just agreed to stay away from him, but that doesn’t erase my love.

  “Milo,” I say shakily, “I need to talk to you about one other thing.”

  My tone seems to alert him. His jaw tightens again. “What?”

  “I know you hate him. I know you wish I would have killed him. But I didn’t.”

  I don’t have to say his name. Milo knows exactly who I’m talking about. His fists ball up and his anger slithers toward me.

  “He needs to be protected.”

  “I don’t care whether he lives or dies,” Milo says.

  “But I do.”

  Milo’s mouth opens, whether to argue or accuse, I don’t know. I cut him off before he can say anything with a raised hand. I need to say this, get it out, or I will hate myself forever. I can’t let Braden die.

  “I promised I won’t go near him, but I won’t sit back and let the Guardians kill him. Regardless of what happened between me and him, Braden helped us, Milo. Without his help, we never would have gotten the Ciphers out. I can understand if you want to forget you ever met him, but I can’t do that. He risked everything to free the Ciphers, and he lost. He deserves our protection for that, no matter what personal feelings demand.”

  “I am not putting anyone else at risk for that man!” Milo bellows.

  “He would have done it for anyone of us, even you,” I say. “I’m asking you because I know it can’t be me. My promise aside, I can’t be around him without wanting more. I know my weaknesses, and Braden is one of them. I can’t be the one to protect him, so I’m asking you.”

  Milo shakes his head slowly.

  “Milo, please. I love you. I want you. I will do whatever you ask of me to prove that. I know this is hard. I hate that I have to ask, but I am. I’ll give myself to you heart and soul, but in order to do that I need this one thing. I need to know that Braden is safe, and I can walk away from him. I just need to be sure I won’t cause the death of another person I love. I have so much blood on my hands already. Please just give me this one thing and I will never ask for anything else from you but to be by your side.”

  I am begging, pleading with everything I have. I can give up all the joy being around Braden gives me. I can give up the bliss kissing him inspires. Even the peace, the caress of his spirit, the absolute devotion. I can give it all up for Milo if I can only know Braden will be safe and have the chance to find happiness again.

  The agony of this one request pours out of me with every second I wait for Milo’s response. His lips part and I hold my breath.

  “Braden’s life isn’t my concern,” Milo says stiffly. “I won’t waste a single resource protecting him, and neither will you.”

  Chapter 11

  Specter

  Guilt seems to be my constant companion lately. I promised Milo I would stay away from Braden. I shift in the seat of a borrowed car. I couldn’t bring my Bronco because he would recognize it. I promised Milo, but I tried to explain how much I needed his help. I knew asking him to help
me protect Braden was a very long shot. In a perfect world, I would never have to ask something so difficult of him. This isn’t a perfect world. Far from it actually.

  I did my best to pass this duty off, but with training, watching the compound, and tracking Seekers all over town, I couldn’t get Braden covered every second with only Lance, Daniel, and Dean willing to pitch in. I stare down the street at Braden’s townhouse with equal desire for him to stay inside forever where I can’t see him, and for him to walk out in plain view. It’s heartbreaking to not be able to talk to him. Even if he does come out, I still intend to keep my promise to Milo as much as I can. I won’t approach him, won’t try to speak to him. I just need to keep him safe.

  The three days between Braden attacking me and talking to Milo were torture. I kept away from Braden’s house entirely. Daniel spares every free minute he can watching over his adopted grandson, but with how much the new Ciphers have to train, it isn’t enough. He offered to try and change his schedule, but I wouldn’t let him. Milo would have asked questions. Lance and Dean pitch in at night whenever they can, but they are both in school during the day. Which leaves only me.

  I have a lot more free time during the day, for the time being, since I’m still waiting on my appeal hearing to let me back into high school. I tried to find anyone else to fill this gap, but the risk of drawing in any more people and alerting Milo wasn’t worth it. So I sit here, staring down Braden’s street, watching for even the smallest hint of Guardian approach.

  Braden hasn’t bothered to leave his house yet, but he’ll have to eventually, and that will be the perfect time for Blackwood to come after him. I wait for that moment, fearing it as well. It’s been a long week.

  I was at Braden’s house the night before he was taken, playing—and not playing—at making Blackwood think Braden was trying to seduce me so he could figure out what I was planning. I remember looking for a snack that night and finding very little. I remember other things about that night, too, things I should being trying to forget. I shake away those kinds of thoughts.