I watch as his mouth turns down in a thoughtful frown. He knows I’m right. When I first felt the connection to Braden and saw the spiritual link that told everyone what we were, I felt like I had been cursed. I didn’t want it. The sight of the link was beautiful and enchanting, but it scared me to death. The fact that Braden could give me his Oath and give me that boost to my power constantly, even stronger than without it, seemed like an awful twist of fate at the time. Now, I’m beginning to think that his being a Guardian capable of giving me such an Oath in the first place, something not every set of Spiritual Companions can have, is not only a wonderful thing I crave, but no accident.
I don’t really believe in Fate in the sense of your life being predetermined and you can’t do anything to change it, but I have come to believe that a person might be set up to do something amazing if they only recognize the possibility and grab onto it. The possibilities have to be realistic, though. Fate, God, a magic mushroom, whoever sets these things up wouldn’t expect me to destroy something like the Guardians without giving me the tools I need to actually accomplish it. I cringe at the idea of Braden being a tool, but I know he wants to stop them as much as I do.
“What are we going to do, then?” Braden asks.
“I don’t know, but I promise I’ll find a way to give you back your talents.” There has to be something I can do.
“It’s too bad Mr. Walters is gone,” Braden says sadly. “He could find out things nobody else could. Maybe there’s something in his notes.”
“Maybe,” I say, but I don’t have a lot of hope. He was the one who gave me the idea to take Braden’s talents in the first place, but I know that isn’t why he mentioned the betrayal. He couldn’t have known what I would do. He told me to forget Braden. There is some other reason he reminded me of what my dad tried to do to me. I have no idea what that might be, though. Either way, at the rate Hope is blowing through his notes, we’ll know soon enough.
I start to suggest that maybe we should go over the transcribed notes I already have together, to see if there is something Braden will catch that we didn’t, when my empty stomach grumbles. It’s loud enough that Braden hears it and laughs.
“Hungry?” he asks.
“A little bit. Sorry. I came here right after school, and you have no food in your house … still,” I say. “Don’t you ever go grocery shopping?”
He smiles. “Hasn’t been my top priority lately. You want me to go get you something? It’s late, but I’m sure there’s still a few places open. Or, I’m more than happy to take you somewhere.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head and pulling closer to him, “I don’t want to go anywhere right now. I just want to stay with you, nobody else. I don’t want to leave, Braden.”
I know there’s no longer any real threat of the Guardians seeing us together like their used to be, but I’m not concerned about their prying eyes. If we were to run into Milo by some freak chance and he saw us together before I have the chance to talk to him, I couldn’t bear it. It will be horrible enough telling him what happened tonight and that I have made a decision I won’t go back on. I would never put him through finding out from anyone but me.
I made this choice, and I will have to accept the consequences for it. And I know that when I tell Milo, the ache I feel now will get so much worse. I will be forced to accept that the boy who befriended me when no one else would will never look at me with any kind of love again. I shiver as the depth of my decisions sinks in more deeply.
Braden feels my dimming mood and pulls me into his arms. “You’re thinking about Milo, aren’t you?”
I nod, the impending pain feeling so very near.
“Is there anything I can do?” he asks. “This is my fault, not yours. I pursued you even though I knew you were with Milo. I know it was wrong. I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve cause you and Milo. I wanted you so badly I made excuses for my choices, but I know that doesn’t make it right. You don’t have to face him tomorrow. It should be me. I deserve whatever he chooses to throw at me.”
I shake my head immediately. “No. This was my choice. There’s enough blame to bury me. I have to face him, but thank you for offering.”
This time, I’m the one kissing him. My hands pull him closer, and I can feel his heart beating faster, matching mine. A slow caress, our mouths drink in the possibilities. I never want to leave this moment, but Braden pulls back slowly. “It’s late. You should probably go home. I know you have a lot to deal with tomorrow,” he says softly.
My lips touch the curve of his neck. “I don’t want to leave.”
“You have to go, eventually.”
“No, I don’t.” I don’t want to be away from him for even a second.
“Yes,” he says firmly, “you do. You’re not staying here tonight, Libby.”
Surprised, I sit back and look at him. “What?”
“You heard me.”
“Two weeks ago you were the one trying to get me to let you stay, now you’re telling me I have to go home?” I’m not sure what to make of that.
“I knew you would never let me, Libby. I wouldn’t have suggested it if I thought you would actually say yes. I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m not saying you have to leave right now, but I’m not going to let you stay over.”
“But, I’m not ready to be away from you, and you want me to stay, too,” I argue.
A burst of desire makes me hopeful, but he tamps it down as soon as it surfaces. “Yes,” he admits, “but it doesn’t matter. You’re not staying. And don’t try to change my mind, or I’ll go back to avoiding you. I mean it.”
I know he can’t stay away from me any more than I can, now, but I can see him making sure we’re never alone. I cross my arms over my chest and put on some serious pout. Braden just smiles and pulls me up from the couch with him.
“Let’s go find you something to eat,” he says.
I’m starving, but eating this late is probably going to make me sick. And even though Braden does know how to cook pretty well, I don’t have a lot of confidence in what he’ll come up with. I’ve already looked through his cupboards. Having to get up off the couch makes my tired body groan. “I’d rather do something else.”
Braden glowers at me as he pulls me into the kitchen. “Libby …” he warns.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Really …?” He doesn’t believe me. He seems determined to make me something to eat as he starts searching through the fridge. I pull him back and wrap his arms around my waist.
“I don’t want to eat, Braden. I want to sleep. I’m exhausted. I haven’t gotten more than a couple of hours rest at night since you were taken.”
“All the more reason for you to go home, then,” he says, though he doesn’t seem that interested in letting go of me.
I rest my head against his chest and close my eyes. “Come with me.” The muscles of his chest bunch up automatically, and I add, “Like you did before. Everyone else is at the training house. You can take the extra bedroom. You know I can’t sleep without you, Braden.”
“That was just an effect of being Companions.”
“How do you know that? What does sleep have to with talents?” I ask. Hmm, I guess it could be the Naturalism, but I don’t bring that up. “I’m willing to test it out and see.”
“I bet,” Braden says, “but the answer is still no. And don’t try to use you being alone as an excuse, either. I was protecting you before. I can’t do that now.”
I sigh and lift my head to look at him. “Don’t sell yourself short, Braden.”
Actually, I was thinking the opposite—that he’s the one who needs my protection now—but I don’t really want to remind him of the whole “no talent” issue.
“I’m not coming.”
I smile and ask, “Can I at least borrow your car, then? It’s the next best thing to having you with me.”
“I’m surprised I rank above the car,” he says.
“Is that a yes?”
<
br /> He laughs. “Uh, not even close.”
“Then will you take me for a drive?” That should be safe enough. Milo is most likely at the training house. But he may leave for some reason and spot Braden’s car. I start to reconsider my request.
Braden pulls me into his arms more tightly. “You’re just using me for my car, aren’t you?”
The glint in his eyes is encouraging and my doubts melt away. That wasn’t a no. I’m going to change his mind yet. I don’t want him out of my sight, because I feel too good when he’s around, and because I have to keep him safe. My hands slide up his arms to the back of his neck. He leans down automatically and presses his cheek against mine.
“We can drive out to the base of the Sandias. Just let me stay with you a little longer,” I say, “and then you can take me home, okay?”
“Take you home? Your car’s here.” Again, not an outright no.
“So? Lance picks me up for school. I don’t need it,” I say. “I can pick it up tomorrow. Besides, you need to come by eventually. You left some of your stuff at my house, like your toothbrush.”
“I bought a new one.”
“Your laptop and your clothes.” Minus the blue striped shirt. I’m not giving that one back.
Braden gently grabs the hair at the nape of my neck and pulls back so I have to face him. “You’re trying to trick me into going home with you.”
“I promise I won’t ask you to stay.”
He watches my expression carefully. “You promise?”
I nod and feel his resistance melt away. The fingers tangled in my hair ease their grip and smooth down to my neck. His lips follow, pressing against my skin and turning my insides to jelly. “Go get in the car,” he whispers.
Spinning in his grip slowly, I grab his hands and tow him along behind me. He only lets go to grab his keys and put me in the car. I don’t notice the supple leather seats nearly as much as the feel of Braden’s hand slipping back into mine. Warmth spreads from my fingers to the rest of my body. It reminds me of how he used to make me feel, the fiery heat that blanketed me in an instant. As intense as that feeling was, though, I actually kind of like this better. It’s real. I don’t have to question its source.
My thumb sweeps back and forth across his hand. The city lights fade away as we leave Albuquerque. Through the window, I can see the stars topping the Sandia Mountains. Their light becomes the only illumination besides the twin beams of the headlights carving their way around the base of the mountains. My body sinks into the seat a little more, the silky leather and peace of being with Braden lulling me toward sleep. I don’t let myself succumb quite yet.
I curl toward Braden and lean my head against his shoulder. The smile on my lips grows when Braden turns and drops a kiss on the top of my head. Neither of us speaks as we drive. After the emotional chaos the last two weeks has been for both of us, this quiet drive doesn’t need any words. It has been torture not being able to feel Braden’s presence. That is the one part of being Companions that I miss more than anything. The added power is wonderful, something I think I’m going to need very desperately, but having a constant knowledge that Braden is safe and alive is such a precious gift. Being able to sense his emotions and feel his life force with my talents isn’t quite the same, but it’s better than nothing.
The road curves, and the car is once again facing the city lights. I can sense the slight sadness in Braden as our little trip starts winding toward its end. I would feel the same if Braden hadn’t been right earlier tonight. Instead, I hide my thoughts in the darkness of the car and watch the city grow before us. It’s well after one in the morning when Braden merges back onto the interstate. Not right away, but soon after, I let my eyes close, slow my breathing, and let Braden think I’ve fallen asleep.
He has to shift slightly to put the car into park when he reaches my house. I actually did fall asleep on the way home, but his movement isn’t enough to truly wake me. The peace he brings me has nothing to do with being Companions, and I can’t bring myself to let go of him yet. Braden’s whisper, calling my name softly, goes unanswered. In my sleepy state, all I can do is snuggle up against him more tightly. Through my haze, I can feel his momentary indecision, and then he gets out of the car and walks around to my side. He carries me to the front door and unlocks it with the key he never gave back after helping me move in, walking through the dark house to my bedroom.
I promised I wouldn’t ask him to stay, and I won’t. Inside my house, with me in his arms, I already know he’ll stay. Whether he thinks he can protect me or not, he wants to. He has to. And I have to do the same for him. The chance that I’ll give myself away is pretty strong, so the second my body touches the bed, I tap my Naturalism and drop myself into a deep, peaceful sleep. The last thought I have is of how wonderful it feels to have Braden touch me again.
Chapter 17
On the Brink
Alarm clocks have to be the worst sounding things on the planet. My usual rush to smack it into silence is stalled by the lingering sleep. A whole night of completely undisturbed sleep, I’ve never had that before in my life. An odd thought strikes me that I shouldn’t be feeling so good right now. Braden has stayed in the house with me before, and even though having him being close by makes me feel infinitely safer, he has to be touching me for the sleep thing to work. I suddenly become aware of the extra warmth pressing up against my back and open my eyes.
His fingers are twisted around mine, his face nestling against my hair. I turn over in shock and stare at him. Jostling him with my movement wakes him, though I don’t know how he wasn’t already awake with the blaring alarm right next to his head. He’s lying on top of the blankets and still wearing his running clothes from last night. Braden blinks a few times and lets go of me to turn off the alarm.
“Good grief, Libby, where did you get that thing? I don’t think I’ve ever hear a more awful alarm in my life.”
“I’m not much of a morning person. I need something extra loud and obnoxious to wake me up,” I say offhandedly. I have more important things on my mind. I pull his face next to mine and kiss him lightly. “You stayed.” I can’t believe he stayed.
For a moment, Braden looks slightly embarrassed, and then as if remembering something, his expression turns scolding. “You broke your promise.”
“I what?”
“You asked me to stay last night,” Braden says.
“I did not. I was asleep.” I made sure I was asleep before I could let myself ask him to stay.
Braden leans in and kisses my forehead. “You talk in your sleep.”
I shake my head in disbelief. Lance kept watch over me after I got over my spiritual block and couldn’t stop shaking from the bad reaction. Milo has even stayed with me at night at few times after I broke my ankle—the memory of those nights sending a shock of pain through me. I try not to focus on Milo right now, knowing seeing him later today will be difficult enough.
Neither of them has ever told me I talk in my sleep before. Although, they are both incredibly deep sleepers. I’m unsure of how to react to that news. If it were Milo telling me this, with everything I’ve kept from him at different times, I’d be panicking. With Braden, though, I can’t think of anything I could say that would get me in trouble. He knows my secrets. He knows I’m in love with him. Worry falls away, for the most part.
“What did I say?” I ask.
“Well, after I took your shoes off and put your blankets on you I sat down by you for a few minutes to make sure you weren’t going to wake back up. I wanted to see if you really would sleep better with me around,” he says.
I have to interrupt. “Which I did.”
He ignores my I told you so and continues. “After I was sure you were going to sleep all right, I got up to …” He pauses, and the guilty edge I saw earlier slips back onto his face. “You looked so peaceful and happy for once, I couldn’t leave, just like you knew I wouldn’t be able to.”
He was going to stay in the guest b
edroom. I smile when he tries to scowl at me.
“Anyway, I was about to leave when you called for me. I thought you were awake at first, but when you kept saying you were sorry again and again I realized you were still asleep. You wouldn’t stop until I laid down next to you. When you begged me not to leave, I couldn’t say no.” His expression is serious after talking about what I said, but his eyes fill with even deeper regret when he pauses. “Libby, you know I don’t blame you for taking my talents, right?”
I shrink against him a little as my doubt surfaces. “You were pretty angry last night,” I say quietly.
“I was angry, yes, but not at you, just at how things worked out. We were Companions, I loved you, I wanted to be your Guardian, and I thought all of that had been taken away. I was angry that my only choices had been killing you or living without you,” he says softly. “I couldn’t live with either option.”
I press my head against his chest as I consider what he might have done if he had managed to kill me. The idea of him killing himself over fulfilling his twisted Oath bothers me more than the idea of me actually being dead.
“I should have come to you sooner,” I say. “I was trying to give you time to heal, but I was only hurting you again.”
“Would you have been ready to see me sooner? Maybe we both needed the time.”
I sigh, thinking of how desperate I was to make Milo even consider forgiving me. I did everything he asked, except for not protecting Braden. I would have given Milo anything the last few weeks for a chance to save our relationship … except for abandoning Braden. “I think …” I swallow hard, ashamed and not ashamed at the same time to admit it. “I think seeing you again would have ended up the same no matter how soon I came or how long I waited.”
Hurting Milo like I have and losing will haunt me forever, but Braden was the one thing I could never give up for him. I think in my heart, I had already made my decision. My head just wasn’t ready to agree.
Darkening Chaos: Book Three of The Destroyer Trilogy Page 15
