“I shouldn’t have waited,” I say quietly, more to myself than Braden.
“If you had come sooner, I wouldn’t have missed your birthday,” Braden says. “I feel awful about that. You’ll have to let me make it up to you, Libby.”
My mind falls back to a request from Lance. “How about a double date this weekend with Lance?”
His face wrinkles up in a completely adorable fashion. He knows my history with Lance, and used to really dislike him for turning against the Guardians before he realized himself how corrupt they are, but his expression puzzles me. He knows Lance and I are only friends and he definitely doesn’t hold his allegiances against him anymore.
“What?”
“I was hoping to do something with just the two of us,” he says. “I don’t think Lance wants to be a third wheel, anyway.”
I laugh and shake my head. “I didn’t mean you, me, and Lance. I meant us and Lance and his date. He wants to ask Hope out, but she’s a little intense and he’s afraid she won’t go unless I come. And since I don’t want to be a third wheel, either, we’ll make it a double.”
He still doesn’t look convinced. I sit up next to him and put on my most puppy-eyed look.
“Please? Believe me, you and I will have plenty of alone time. One night with Lance and Hope isn’t too awful, is it?” I ask.
Braden sits up as well. “Not many guys would appreciate having to go on a double date with his girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend. And if the alone time you’re referring to is supposed to be a repeat of this,” he says, gesturing to him being in my bed, “think again, you little scoundrel. I knew you really needed some sleep. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have stayed. If I stay again, it will be in the guest bedroom.”
“You know Lance is just my friend, so stop whining, and you stayed because you wanted to and you know it,” I say, jabbing my finger against his chest. “And did you just call me your girlfriend?”
“Yes, I did. Do you have a problem with that?” His attempt at looking vaguely threatening doesn’t work. It just makes me want to pull him under the covers and kiss him until I can’t breathe.
I want to grin and revel in the title, but I say, “Not once I talk to Milo, I won’t.”
My hands start shaking at the thought. He is going to be so angry. He will tell me exactly how much I have hurt him, and I’ll force myself to stand there and take it, drink in the agony of my decision. I have made my choice, and I won’t go back on it for anything, but that doesn’t mean I look forward to the repercussions. My eyes close to hold my tears as memories of Milo assault me.
“Hey,” Braden says softly, taking my hands in his, “you don’t have to do this alone.”
“Yes, I do,” I say.
“I can …”
I shake my head at him. “You being there will only make Milo angrier. I have to face him myself.”
I can tell Braden does not like the idea of me facing Milo alone. He has seen Milo get angry talking about the Guardians. He batted down so many plans Milo presented because the risks he was willing to take to accomplish his goals were unacceptable. I kept Milo’s secret about the dead Seeker when I spoke to the board, but I told Braden everything. He saw the shudder of fear that ran through me when I described Milo’s expression as he fired. Braden must be thinking the same thing, because his head starts shaking even harder.
I press a hand against Braden’s cheek to stop him. “Milo won’t hurt me,” I say. “He’ll hate me, probably for the rest of his life, but he won’t hurt me.”
Only the conviction in my voice makes him relent.
I nod, thankful he won’t try to intercept me, and turn my thoughts to more mundane topics. “Thank you for staying, but now you need to get out so I can get ready for school.”
“Sure,” he says. “I’ll go get some breakfast ready.”
I wander over my closet looking for something to wear. I grab a black tank top and hoodie to go with a pair of dark jeans. I look at my selections and grimace. People are going to think I’ve turned Goth, but the colors suit my mood so I don’t put them back. I toss my clothes on my bed and turn to Braden, who still hasn’t left.
“I thought you were going to make me breakfast?”
“It’s hard to leave you,” he says seriously.
“It’s only a few minutes.”
He kisses me lightly. “I know.” His fingers trail down my skin as he lets go and walks toward the door.
I rush through my shower and head out to the kitchen in record time. The smell of pancakes and bacon does as much to hurry me as knowing Braden is waiting for me. I slip into a chair at the kitchen table just as he sets a plate down in my spot. The bananas and powdered sugar topping the stack of pancakes make me think of one of my favorite singers. His song about making banana pancakes always puts a smile on my face. It makes it a little easier for me to picture myself grown up and spending my weekends happily lounging around in my pajamas and eating breakfast with someone I love, with nothing else to worry about other than whether I have the right amount of syrup. I can almost pretend I’m there already.
Only the knowledge that Milo will be at school dampens my mood. I take a big bite, hoping they will help me stay at least a few steps above terrified and depressed. As soon as the fluffy pancakes hit my tongue, I smile at Braden. They’re delicious.
“Maybe there are some careers still available to me,” he says. “I could open a restaurant and be a chef somewhere. What do you think?”
“Definitely,” I agree, “but don’t go signing a lease quite yet. I’m going to figure out how to give you back your talents, Braden. We’re going to start tonight. There has to be some way to reverse the Serqet. I’ll figure it out.”
He nods, but doesn’t saying anything. His faith in me is astounding.
“What are you going to do today?” I ask. I wish he hadn’t lost his job as school Guardian. Getting to see him there was one of the few things that made school bearable. After the abuse I got yesterday from some of the more hostile students, and the agony waiting for me in the form of a furious Milo, I could use another friendly face.
“I, uh, thought I’d go by the training house, maybe. There’s probably something I can do, teach technique, or maybe help with the intel reports.”
He seems so unsure. I hate that. Braden is a born leader. He got Lance and Milo to behave and focus when nothing else could. He was always so in control of everything—well, except me—and now he’s hesitant about what he should do.
“Of course, Braden. Kayla has been having a hard time with her coordination. Her Speed keeps tripping her up. Lance has been handling most of the information we’ve collected, but he’s got school and his own training to worry about, too. There’s probably going to be too much for you to do once you get there.”
“Hmm, maybe I won’t go, then. I could always just stay here and watch some soaps. I know where you keep your secret chocolate stash, too,” he teases.
Braden sitting around doing nothing? That’s a laugh. Him taking a day off amounts to running through the Bosque, or something equally exhausting. “Whatever, you lazy bum. I’ll be at the training house right after school. If you want to see me, you’ll be there, too.”
The kiss he drops on my neck is followed by, “I do want to see you.”
“Then I’ll see you later,” I say, standing and turning into his arms. “And, seriously. Don’t touch my chocolate.”
He just gives me a devilish smile. I’m serious. He’s going to get it if he dips into my Godiva stockpile. When he tries to kiss me again, I hold him back and wait expectantly. Finally, he gives in and promises not to touch them.
“Have a good day, then. I love you, Libby.” Braden presses me against his chest and kisses me lightly.
In his arms, in this moment, I feel as if I have found the dream I have been looking for my entire life. We’re not off to work like we might be a few years from now, if I live that long. We’re standing in a borrowed house instead of one that is ours. We�
�ve just barely begun our relationship rather than the married couple I have pictured so many times. The children I don’t know if I’ll ever see are just a wish. But for a moment, I am in the arms of the man I love and never want to be apart from. We’re standing on the brink of a future that has not been laid out yet, no matter what anyone else thinks. I can feel the real possibility that everything will work out. Hope, happiness, optimism, feelings I so rarely feel swallow me entirely. I will remember this moment always.
“I love you, too, Braden.”
He smiles and kisses me one more time before a knock on the door interrupts us. Maybe the knock should make the moment shatter, but it doesn’t. Nothing can. I say a quick goodbye to Braden and meet Lance at the door. His own chipper attitude mirrors mine. About as much of a morning person as I usually am, it catches me off guard.
“Hey … what’s up?” I ask.
Lance motions to Braden’s car with a questioning look. “So, uh, have a good birthday?”
“The best,” I say knowing I don’t have to worry about him asking about just how good it was like he might have a year ago. He’d already know if things went that far. Ugh, I really need to figure out something to mask that for when things do go further than they did last night. Best not to think about that for now.
“That’s what I thought,” he says, grinning like a big dork. “First good night’s sleep I’ve had in months. Is he planning on staying every night? I could really use the rest.”
My smirk only eggs him on. He wants an answer. “That’s still under debate,” I say.
“Well, if my opinion counts, I vote that he stays.”
I smack his arm, and say, “It doesn’t, but I’ll mention it to Braden anyway. Now can we go to school? You know I can’t be late.”
Lance grabs my arm and stops me from dashing off to the car. His grip doesn’t hurt, but the way he’s holding me is firm and filled with anxiety. “Lance?”
“Look, Libby, I’m really happy you had a good birthday and made up with Braden. I really am, because you’re probably going to need some good thoughts to get you through today.”
“What are you talking about, Lance?” I know I’m going to have to face Milo and tell him once again that I have failed his trust and his heart, but Lance’s shouldn’t know anything about that yet. I worry that something terrible has happened.
“We found out where Drake has been hiding last night,” Lance says, “but that’s the good news. The bad news is that Milo tried to come see you last night, to tell you about Drake, and you weren’t here. After calling everyone in a panic, it didn’t take him long to figure out who you might be with. I guess he drove to Braden’s and saw your car … and you not in it. He’s pissed.”
My stomach relocates to my toes. I kept Braden from taking me out to get something to eat because I was worried about running into Milo. I wanted to tell him myself, not have him find out by surprise or gossip. My whole body constricts. The one small hope I had of our conversation not being completely crushing was that I was going to tell him, be honest, own up. I’ve lost that. “I was planning on telling him today. I didn’t want him to find out from anyone else but me” I say, feeling suddenly sick.
“Your luck never has been very good,” Lance says, “sorry. I know this is going to suck for you.”
Suck doesn’t even begin to describe it. This is so not going to be a good day. That pocketful of happiness is definitely going to come in handy later.
Chapter 18
Back to Lying
Not only do I have to avoid my ex-best friend, Jen, who’s trying to out me to the world as a psycho, and Blackwood, who I spotted roaming the hallways as soon as I got to school this morning, but now I have to avoid Milo, too. When I first met Milo, he was hiding from the Guardians, angry at his circumstances and parents, and determined to melt into the background. That was the guy I fell for, the one who worried about me constantly and was willing to risk his safety to be with me. So much has changed since then, between us and about us.
Over the past year, Milo has changed from the shaggy haired sweetheart I first met into something different. After I unlocked his talents, I hoped some of his anger at his parents and the Guardians would disappear. Unfortunately, it was only a few hours later that we found out his parents had lied to him about who he was and that the Guardians had thousands more like him locked up in the spirit world. This knowledge didn’t change Milo into a fury-ridden lunatic, but it did change him slowly into someone just different enough to make me worry. His obsession with destroying the Guardians has grown over the last year. The dead Seeker is proof of that
I am not that same girl from my Inquest, either. In some ways, I’ve grown stronger, accepting my purpose and destiny and charging forward, but I have changed in other ways too. Before my Inquest, I lied out of necessity to save my own life. Lying about Braden protected no one’s life, only my imagined righteousness. In the dark corners of my mind, I have always seen myself as someone only capable of hurting, but by accident and the cruelty of my fate. The pain I’ve caused Milo has more to do with my selfishness than anything else.
Neither of us are who we were a year ago, but we still have the same goal. Destroy the Guardians. My only hope as I walk in to school is that Milo will remember that and not abandon me completely.
I walk through my classes like a zombie, not really hearing or seeing anything. I am too focused on looking for signs of the people I am not ready to face.
I’m just walking through a school hallway, nothing exciting there, but knowing that Jen’s Concealment is cracking away, poking at me for information, makes me want to shiver every time I catch sight of her. After the pictures she took of me and Braden that almost ruined everything, my footsteps stall at the idea that she might have seen me last night. Could she have alerted Milo in some way? I’ve yet to confront her about the pictures, but if she was responsible for this, I will not let it go quietly. Blackwood doesn’t make another appearance, luckily. I was afraid he was going to try to pull me out today. That would save me from having to face Milo, but I really am not in the mood for him.
Halfway through my school day, I run out of places to hide. Perception is the one class Milo and I have together. If I don’t go in, I’ll be pinched for ditching. But so will Milo. I know he’s in there. I stand in front of the door questing out with my Perception to gauge the emotional temperature of the room. Average for the most part, except for the tightly wound ball of fury in the back corner where we usually sit. Milo is a master at hiding his emotions from me. If I can feel him now, it’s either because he wants me to, or because he’s so angry he can’t keep it all bottled up. Neither option is a good sign.
But I push the door open and step inside, anyway.
I hold my breath as I walk to my desk. He doesn’t look at me or respond in any way. I slide into my seat and sink into my chair. His frozen posture makes it clear we won’t be speaking to each other right now. He knows as well as I do that getting into an argument in the middle of class will get us both suspended. I look over at him for some indication of when, but his eyes stayed focused squarely in front of him. I spend the entire class staring at my desk.
When the bell rings, I glance over at Milo. He finally catches my gaze. The heat pouring off of him singes me. I stand still and bear it, silently asking if I should follow him. Shouldering his bag, Milo speeds out of the room. I don’t try to catch up. I slog through the rest of my classes and walk to Lance’s car after the last one. I half expected Milo to be waiting for me and lash into me as soon as we were out of the earshot of any teachers. Lance greets me with a sideways glance at Milo hunkering in his car. Oh.
I slide into the back seat of Lance’s car, leaving the front open for Hope. I guess Milo wants to do this at the training house. It’s more private than school, but the training house is where everyone I care most about will be. I tell myself Milo didn’t choose it because he knew that having to admit my failures and sins in front of everyone followin
g me will make my humiliation complete. I tell myself that, but I don’t believe it. I put my head down and block everything out as we leave the school.
The drive is much too short for my tastes. Maybe Milo’s too. He doesn’t get out of his car right away. I offer to make the first move. I get out of Lance’s car, motioning for him and Hope to take off.
I hold out my backpack to Lance and ask, “Don’t let Braden leave the house, got it?”
“Fine,” he says, “but I’m coming back out if I need to.”
“Just go. He’s not going to hurt me.”
Lance looks doubtful, but Hope grabbing his hand and yanking him toward the front door just about erases me from his mind. As soon as they disappear, Milo gets out of his car and walks over to me. “I know where you were last night,” he growls.
“I know you do, and I was going to tell you today, I swear.”
“How could you do that to me, Libby?”
“Milo, I’m so sorry. I had no intention of staying with Braden when I went to see him last night. I only went because …”
My voice trails off. Everything about Milo says he’s balanced on a knife’s edge right now. I realize telling him about the Socius may disintegrate the control he’s clinging to. If I had been able to tell him before, the information might have changed his mind, but now …. the only thing I have left to offer Milo is a fulfillment of his dream to erase the Guardians from existence. If he finds out about the Socius, and that my only chance at victory may be lost, he will lose it. Hate won’t be a strong enough word. I truly worry that if I tell him, that look I saw when he shot the Seeker will reappear, and he will hurt me, or worse.
“Because why?” Milo demands.
Lying got me into this mess, but I do it again. “Because after seeing what Drake did to that Guardian, I got scared he was going to do it to Braden. I went there after school yesterday to beg him to let us protect him full time.”
“I went by his house after midnight trying to find you. You were still there.”
“I know.”
Darkening Chaos: Book Three of The Destroyer Trilogy Page 16
