Heller’s Decision

by JD Nixon

  “Did he die?” It sounded a caring question, but his tone was unmistakably dispassionate as if he didn’t care one way or another if Malefic had or not. He was merely curious.

  “Not yet. I don’t know how bad it was. Malefic was holding my shoulders when it happened. That Reverend could have shot me too. I had to stand in front of him to stop him shooting Malefic again, but it was no use. He did it anyway.”

  “Don’t ever put yourself in danger like that again, my sweet,” he scolded gently, leading me outside to the kitchenette and washing my hands free of blood for me. He dampened some paper towel and wiped some spots of blood from my face and neck. “You’re not experienced at disarming people with guns.”

  “Maybe I should be? I seem to come into contact with them a lot.”

  “No, that is not the path I hope for you.”

  I looked into his eyes, puzzled by that statement. His eyes gave me no clue and although I saw warmth and concern in them, there were other, deeper, emotions more difficult to decipher. He hugged me tightly and kissed my forehead.

  “Go have a shower and change out of those clothes. That will make you feel better.” He leaned down to whisper in my ear. “I will come to help you wash yourself, if you like.”

  I smiled reluctantly. “I think I can manage by myself, Mr One-Track-Mind.”

  He smacked my butt lightly as I left, immediately provoking Niq to complain yet again about any contact between Heller and me that even slightly alluded to our sexual relationship. I left them with Heller gently teasing, Niq heatedly denying he would ever feel that way about girls and that it was a nauseating prospect to even consider. Daniel watched them bicker in amusement, and it was wonderful to see the ghost of his smile. I stood at the door for a moment, witnessing the touching family moment, my heart bursting with the love I felt for these three guys, so glad that I was part of this little family. And it was with a much lighter heart that I went to my flat for a shower.

  After I’d scrubbed myself three times and washed my hair twice, I finally felt as if I’d removed some of the horror of the day. With nothing to do for the rest of the day, and not wanting to sit around brooding over the ugliness I’d witnessed, I sauntered back down to the office to ask Niq if he wanted to visit the shopping centre with me. He eagerly agreed, making me feel a little guilty that it had been so long since I’d had time to do that with him.

  “Danny?” I asked hesitantly. “Do you want to come with us too?”

  The residual smile he still wore dulled to nothing. He looked down at his hands, as if ashamed. “I-I don’t know if I can, Tilly.”

  I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and leaned down to kiss his cheek. “I’ll . . .” I looked over at Niq. “We’ll look after you.”

  His eyes beseeched me when they met mine. “I just don’t know if I can leave here.”

  Heller came out of his office and leaned on his doorway, his arms crossed, listening.

  Daniel turned to him. “What do you think, Heller?”

  “I don’t think you’re ready, my dearest boy. But the decision is yours, as always.” He threw me a significant glance. “Matilda will respect whatever you decide.”

  I squeezed his shoulders. “Of course I will.”

  He thought about it for a minute. “I think I’ll pass, Tilly. I hope you don’t mind.”

  I hugged him again. “You have to do what is right for you, Danny. Do you want us to bring you back anything?”

  “No, thanks.”

  “I’m going to bring back tons of stuff,” said Niq, almost bouncing up and down with excitement. “There are so many things I want that I’m too impatient to wait for the mail to deliver.”

  “Go easy on my credit card, Niq,” Heller warned mildly. “You’ve been buying a lot of merchandise online lately.”

  “Aw, Heller, but I need all that stuff. My life wouldn’t be complete without it.” He gave Heller a dose of his winning smile and big eyes.

  “Oh, brother,” I said, rolling mine. “Give the boy an Oscar.”

  “Child, what you need is to make sure your school work is up-to-date.”

  “Aw, Heller! Don’t be boring. I promise I’ll finish it tonight. I really, really, really want to go to the shopping centre with Tilly. She never has any time to take me there anymore.”

  Geez, pile on the guilt, kid!

  “Why are you home early anyway?” asked Daniel. “Did you get fired again?”

  “I didn’t get fired from Heller’s. I was suspended,” I reminded him with great dignity. “And I’m pretty sure Trent hasn’t fired me.”

  “You don’t know?”

  “To be honest, I’m too scared to ring him to find out. I’m about fifty percent sure I still have a job there.”

  “Your belongings are probably sitting out on the curb.”

  I pouted at him.

  Heller sighed with tolerant exasperation. “Daniel, don’t tease Matilda. She’s had a difficult day.” He slid his arm around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. “Let’s make sure it doesn’t become any more difficult, hmm?”

  “Nothing’s going to happen. You worry too much,” I said with forced breeziness, heading for the stairs. “Come on, Niq. Let’s get out of here.”

  Chapter 22

  And as if fate had decided that I’d had enough excitement for one day, nothing did happen. Niq and I shopped, though in reality I was more of a pack-mule for Niq’s mountain of shopping. I reminded him on several occasions of Heller’s warning about him overusing the credit card.

  “Tilly,” he pleaded, “but I really need this . . . (book, anime comic, pair of jeans, DVD) . . . It will be the last thing, I promise.” But then along came another last thing and another and another. And I realised one thing about myself – I couldn’t say no to my sweet boy, so I let him buy whatever he wanted. He’d had a bad start to life and maybe this was some sort of psychological response to the neglect and poverty he’d suffered. Or maybe the kid just loved to shop. I was no psychologist, so . . . whatever.

  At a small coffee shop, I’d given in again and let him order a chocolate milk shake and a cinnamon muffin, even though I knew Heller wouldn’t approve. Never mind, I thought. Niq would probably stay at Daniel’s place tonight, so he would bear the consequences of his forthcoming sugar high. If I were lucky, Heller wouldn’t even find out about it, though I knew that was a vain wish. Heller knew everything that went on in his business and his home.

  Well, almost everything. He didn’t know about the vial of love potion I’d secreted in one of my kitchen cupboards, the last place he’d ever look. Thinking of it made me giggle, so I told Niq about it, probably not a smart move considering the kid’s propensity for blurting out truths at inconvenient moments. He sat, goggled-eyed at my description of Malefic and the Cybelians and their potions.

  “Are you going to use it?” he asked.

  “Nah. I don’t think so. I just want to put all that magic nonsense behind me because it was such a horrible day. And I only bought it because I felt sorry for that woman.”

  He was quiet for a while, munching on his muffin. “Tilly?”

  “Yes, sweetie?”

  “Now that you and Heller are all mushy and everything, do you think you’ll get married and have a baby?”

  “I can’t have any babies, sweetie. You know that. And as for getting married, I don’t think so. I don’t really think that’s part of Heller’s plan for his life.”

  “So you’re just going to be his girlfriend forever?”

  I didn’t want to raise his hopes – or mine. “I don’t know, Niq. Probably not. Heller will probably move on to someone else one day.” Or a multitude of someone elses.

  “But why would he do that when he has you?”

  Oh boy! “Niq,” I started carefully, “Sometimes relationships aren’t equal. One person cares more about the other. The other person might decide to end the relationship and move on because they don’t care as much. Do you understand?”

&nb
sp; “Yes, but that’s not fair. If Heller does that to you, I’m going to hate him. And I’m going to tell him I hate him.” His chin lifted defiantly.

  “Niq, you’re not going to hate him. That’s just the way life is. Yes, it’s very painful and hard to get over, but you can’t force people to love you.”

  “Why not? When I get a girlfriend, I’m going to force her to love me. I’m going to buy her things so she does.”

  “But then you’ll never know if she loves you or just the things you buy her. Do you see? Relationships are complicated and sometimes your heart will be broken.”

  He stood. “Let’s go. I don’t want to be here anymore.”

  And just when I thought fate would be gentle with me, we ran into Will and Penny out shopping. Will pushed a fancy, expensive pram where his baby daughter sprawled, fast asleep. After what had already happened today, I really could have done without the encounter.

  “Tilly!” Will hailed as I tried to scurry past, my head turned in the opposite direction, pretending I was looking at the merchandise on display in a shop and that I hadn’t seen them.

  Niq and I were forced to stop. “Will. Penny. How nice to see you,” I said with shameful insincerity and a fake expression of surprise.

  “You’re looking great. Really good,” Will said, a completely inappropriate comment to say to another woman while he was with his wife. But to be truthful, Penny seemed to be struggling to lose the weight she’d gained during her pregnancy. Will also had put on some kilos since I’d last seen him. Married life was making him comfortable. Not that I could point the finger, considering my own unwanted extra kilograms, which I’d still not managed to shift.

  I didn’t respond, but instead looked into the pram at the slumbering baby. All I could see was her head poking through the blanket, her mop of brown curly hair already promising her resemblance to her father. “She’s beautiful. So tiny. What’s her name?”

  “Amelia,” Will said proudly, doting love making his face goofy.

  “She’s very beautiful,” I repeated.

  “The most beautiful baby in the world,” Will said.

  Penny placed her hand on her belly. “Can you believe we’re pregnant again?”

  “Already?” I blurted out, then tried to cover up my rudeness. “I’ve heard that’s a good way of having your children. Close together like that.”

  “It’s Will’s fault,” she giggled. “He just loves being a father so much he didn’t want to wait too long for our next. Did you, darling?”

  “That’s just . . . just . . . wonderful. Congratulations,” I spluttered. “We won’t hold you up. Niq and I were just . . .” My memory completely failed me about what we’d been doing.

  “Going home, Tilly,” Niq helpfully reminded.

  “That’s right.” I held up the many bags I carried. “We’re all shopped out. Better hurry home before we spend any more money.”

  Will’s face fell. “Oh, that’s a shame. I thought you might like to join us for a coffee or something. To catch up.”

  Penny’s tone grew a little sharper. “Darling, she said they have to go.” Her smile was even more insincere than mine had been when Will called my name. “So nice to see you again, um . . . um . . .”

  “Tilly,” I said, equally sharp.

  “Sorry. Must have baby brain.” She laid her hand on my forearm and squeezed. I pulled my arm away. Someone who couldn’t even remember my name didn’t get to touch me with such familiarity.

  “See you later,” I said without further chitchat, indicating to Niq to leave.

  “Bye, Tilly. Hope to catch up soon,” Will said, sounding a little wistful. Over my dead body, I thought, hurrying Niq away.

  “Geez, why did he have to notice us? I thought we’d get past him safely,” I complained.

  “Are you okay?” Niq asked, showing some fairly adult compassion.

  “I’m okay.”

  “Do you miss him?”

  I thought about it for a moment. “No. I don’t, Niq. I have no regrets about my relationship with Will breaking up.”

  “Can you forgive him for being such an arsehole to you?”

  “Hey you! Watch your language. Heller wouldn’t like to hear you talking like that.”

  His grin was irresistible. “I know. That’s why I said it when he wasn’t here.”

  “Niq! Just remember not to ever say it around him.” I wanted to ruffle his hair, but my hands were full with bags. Though he realised my incapability, he still stepped sideways away from my reach, recognising my intent. “But to answer your question, I’m not sure. I’m definitely over him, but it was still an appalling way to treat someone, especially your own girlfriend, so I can’t really forgive that. I only hope he treats his wife better.”

  Niq shrugged as if the whole topic now bored him. On the drive home, he chatted animatedly and continuously about the online game that consumed his free time at the moment. At one point, he accidentally let slip the name of a girl. I immediately jumped on that.

  “You’re not still in contact with that ‘girl’, I hope? Heller told you to keep your distance until he finishes his investigations.”

  Niq sulked. “He’s taking forever. Anyway, she’s real. I know she is.”

  “It takes a while to properly investigate people, sweetie. What Heller’s people are doing probably isn’t even legal, so they have to cover their tracks. I’m sure he’s working on it as fast as he can. You just have to be patient.”

  “I can’t just ignore her. What am I supposed to say to her – I can’t talk to you until my father works out if you’re a girl or not? That’s stupid and makes me sound like a kid.”

  “You are a kid.” We drove in silence for a while. “Do you really think of Heller as your father?”

  He shrugged. “What else am I supposed to call him? It’s too complicated to explain to anyone.”

  “Niq.” I reached over to grab his hand and he let me take it. “Do you remember how Danny’s always told us how awful and rebellious he was with Heller when he was your age?” Niq nodded, his eyes lowered to our grasped hands. “I think you’re feeling a little rebellious too. Heller imposes a lot of rules and restrictions on all of us and sometimes it’s difficult to see his thinking behind them. Even I’ve had a few disagreements with him over that.” Niq shot me a sceptical glance. I laughed. “Okay, I’ve probably had more fights with him about his rules than all of you put together. But, do you know what? I know it’s coming from a good place, no matter how hard it is to see that sometimes.”

  “I know,” he said softly, casting a glance over his shoulder at the back seat full of bags. “I know he loves me and I love him more than just about anyone except you. I wouldn’t be here without Heller.”

  We squeezed each other’s hand. “Promise me you’ll respect his wishes.”

  “I promise.”

  I pulled him towards me and kissed his forehead, our car cutting a swathe to the right into an oncoming lane of traffic as I did.

  “Shit!” I brought my attention back to the road. I jerked the steering wheel to straighten the car’s path back into our lane, just in time for a car to zoom past us in the opposite direction, its horn blaring. My heart beat a rapid rhythm and Niq paled, bracing his arms against the dashboard. “Oh God. I’m sorry, sweetie. I’m so sorry.”

  “I had a flashback, Tilly. To right before . . .” His voice trembled a little, his breathing heavier.

  “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I really am.”

  We were a very subdued pair climbing the stairs back at the Warehouse. And of course we had to run into Heller bounding down the stairs at his usual energetic pace. He reared to a halt on seeing us.

  “What happened?”

  I didn’t want to say anything, not only because I dreaded the inevitable reaming that would follow, but also because I knew he’d refuse to let me drive Niq anywhere again. In fact, he’d probably refuse to let me drive again at all.

  The silence stretched uncomfortably.<
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  “Tell me,” he insisted. Niq and I glanced at each other.

  “Tilly ran into her ex-boyfriend and his wife and baby at the shopping centre. His wife was kind of rude to her.”

  “I hope you didn’t let that upset you, my sweet. Those people no longer mean anything to you.”

  My eyes flicked sideways to Niq again before I spoke. I shouldn’t encourage him to lie to Heller, but nothing had actually happened from what I’d done, but everything would happen if Heller found out about it. And none of it good.

  I made my choice. “I know. I shouldn’t let it bother me. They took me by surprise. I honestly tried to avoid them.”

  “Put it out of your mind. You have better things to think about. Speaking of which, I will be late home tonight. I have to meet an international client who’s just flown into town.” He placed his index finger under my chin and raised my head. He smiled. “Do wait up for me.”

  I forced a smile onto my lips and nodded, breathing out in relief when he disappeared down the stairs. Not mentioning what had just occurred, I put my arm around Niq’s thin shoulders.

  “Come on, kiddo. Let’s go to my place and unpack everything you’ve bought. At least we took Heller’s mind off how much of his money you spent today.”

  We spent the next half-hour admiring his new things. Judging the time to now be a respectable one for a tipple, I poured myself a glass of wine and sipped it with pleasure, enjoying its relaxing properties. All the tension from the day slipped away as I sat back, entertained by the fashion parade Niq gave me featuring all his new clothes.

  Daniel joined us later, having worked back at the office for a while, and I made them dinner. The simple process of preparing and cooking a meal for people I loved and who I knew would appreciate it, helped me forget the awfulness of the day even further. And though they forced me to watch another gruesome, corpse-splattered movie – which I calculated I only actually watched about ten minutes of, after deducting the time I spent with my head buried in a pillow – I felt the memories of Malefic thankfully fading away.