by Maren Smith
“You’d do that for me?” I ask, my jangled nerves soothed a bit already.
“Of course. And so would Kane if you’d let him, but let’s table that until you feel like yourself again.”
“Okay. Roxy? Thank you.”
“Anytime, doll. We can deal with the rest of this tomorrow.”
The next morning, I have a massive headache from crying so much. Roxy’s presence was so comforting—she stayed up with me until I fell asleep, then got up and made us both breakfast, then made sure I was showered and put together and feeling okay before she took off for an appointment. And I am feeling okay—as okay as I can, knowing I still have a lot to clean up with Kane. Roxy texted him and told him to come over at noon.
At exactly twelve o’clock, Kane arrives. I open the door, feeling sheepish.
He steps in, and all I want is to fall back into his arms, but I also don’t deserve to. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
He takes my hand, watching my face. “Is this okay?” he asks.
I nod. “Yes.”
“Let’s sit down, Noelle.”
We settle on the sofa and it feels awful that he sits a foot or two away from me, but he’s probably simply being respectful.
“Roxy told me you slept and ate. That’s good,” he starts. “We need to talk about what happened last night. First, I want to take some responsibility for my part in it. I should have been more stern with you when you weren’t in control of yourself. I allowed an unsafe incident to take place when I let you run away from an environment I could control. I apologize for that and I won’t do it again. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
I’m shaking so hard. “You’re right. I was a total brat, and that’s not me, but…no, there aren’t any excuses. But I do have reasons.”
“Yeah, you do. I know why it’s so hard for you to trust, but if you can’t trust me, we have nothing—no power play, no relationship. And part of that trust is allowing me to be human enough to pause sometimes, Daddy Dom or not. Sometimes that pause will be because I’m a responsible Dom, like last night. You ran so fast, you didn’t give me a moment to think, or to finish what I needed to say.”
I look up at him. His dark brows are drawn.
“What did you need to say?”
“The first instinct to kick in was the Dom who lives by the rules of Safe, Sane and Consensual, by Risk Aware Consensual Kink. And those rules say we don’t discuss anything serious when you’re in subspace, or even more, in little space, kitten space. Or when I’m too much in Top space. I was trying to figure out how to handle it, and it felt too damn important to manage on the fly. I was thinking of ways to bring you down first. I should have let you in on my thought process. But you shouldn’t have run.”
“You’re right. And I’m so sorry. I am. But I’m…I’m still upset. I’m trying to get past it, but I don’t know where to begin.”
He takes my chin in his hand. “You begin by working through it with me. By handing over your trust. By trusting me in a way that isn’t so fragile. I understand you went through hell, that Patrick made you feel like you weren’t good enough, that he made it hard for you to offer trust to a man. But I’m not him, and it’s time you saw that. Do you?”
“I’m trying.”
He lets out a long sigh. “Look Noelle, either you do or you don’t. And if you don’t, then maybe I should go now, before either of us gets any deeper.”
“Daddy, no!” I push myself into his arms, and he holds onto me.
“Noelle,” he says, his voice a quiet murmur. “I want to be with you so damn badly, but not on those terms. It’s not fair to either of us—to me because I’ve earned your trust, or to you because if I stay while you’re so full of doubt, you’ll never see how things could be any different. If I can’t help you through the hard stuff, if you have nothing to learn from me, then I’m not your Daddy. I’m just another guy you got kinky with.”
“No, please don’t say that.”
A sob escapes my lips, and he pulls me upright so he can look into my eyes.
“Baby, that isn’t how I feel. Not at all. You are so special to me. But I need to make sure I’m doing right by you. And I can’t do that if your walls are up forever. At some point, you need to let them down.”
“I know. And I have been, I swear it. I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t thinking of how badly I’d hurt you, or myself. And you’re right about Patrick. I have to put him behind me. I have to begin to really heal. And I think I can, if you’re by my side. I’m so sorry. And I do trust you. It’s me I don’t quite trust. But I do want to be with you, more than anything.”
A shadow passes over his beautiful eyes, and my throat goes tight.
“I want that too, baby. That’s why I’m here.”
“Thank you. For coming after me, for allowing me some time to get my head back on straight. I am so, so sorry for behaving like a child. Little space or not, there’s no excuse. I gave myself permission to leave, to say the things I said. I allowed Patrick’s abuse to damage me, then I took that damage out on you. But I want to find more constructive ways to work through it. I promise I do. And I really think…” I have to stop, to swallow the enormous lump in my throat. “I think I can only do this with you.”
He’s watching me, the colors in his eyes dancing. He holds me tight against his solid chest and I’m shivering in his arms, but oh, God, he feels so good.
“Noelle? There’s something else we have to get clear right now,” he says, pulling back to hold me at arm’s length.
“What’s that?”
“I need to tell you that I love you. I love you so damn much, baby. My baby. And if you want to try this with me, I’m all in. But no more running away.”
“I won’t, not ever again. But Daddy, you love me?” The tears are running down my cheeks, but there isn’t a damn thing I can do.
He cups my face in his big hands, his gaze locked on mine. “I do. I love you so much I can’t even begin to explain it.”
I start to shake my head but he leans in and kisses me, his mouth commanding mine. And I feel so safe and loved. Loved! Like I never have been before.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him once more when I have a chance to catch my breath. “I trust you more than any man I’ve ever known, and I know when I fall, you’ll be there to catch me. To guide me when I need it. That you’ll be my rock.”
He goes stern again, but his eyes twinkle when he says, “You realize having a Dom as your rock won’t always be fun for you.”
My breath catches as excitement zings through me. How does he do this to me?
I recover enough to give him a look from under my lashes. “As long as it’s fun for you, Daddy…”
He throws back his head and laughs. “My sweet girl, I will be your rock, every damn day. I love you, Nono,” he adds as he leans in to kiss my face: my cheeks, my damp eyelids, and finally my mouth once more.
It’s the sweetest of kisses, our bodies surging together as he opens my lips with his, and our tongues meet, twine, as we tell each other once more, silently, that we love each other.
My head is spinning, my body lighting up for him, as it always does. It’s love and desire, both in such heart-rending, explosive amounts, I don’t know if my body can contain it. It doesn’t seem possible.
Finally he pulls back. “Will you come back to my house with me? I have something special I need to give to you.”
“I don’t need another present right now. All I need is you.”
“This is a part of me, Kitten. It’ll make sense when you see it.”
“Okay. Let me go wash my face first.”
I get up and splash my face, dry it on a towel, dab on some moisturizer and a little pink lip gloss, feeling a bit more like myself. I’m gone for less than five minutes, but it already feels like too long to be out of his arms.
His car is parked in front of my building, and he puts me in, handling me like a china doll. I don’t mind. My head is in a floaty space now, somewhere betwee
n the little and the adult me, but it feels safe because he’s here with me, watching over me.
The drive is quick. He parks and leads me inside and into his bedroom, where he sits me on the side of the big bed.
“You doing okay, baby girl?”
“Yes, I’m good. So much better.”
“So am I,” he agrees, brushing my lips with his.
“Do I need to change into one of my dresses? Or my kitten ears?”
“To be honest, I’d originally thought so when I got what I have for you, but now…no, now, I just want you to be you, with all of those pieces integrated. I think that’s where your mind is right now, yes?”
“Yes,” I agree. “I think those traces of little and kitten will always be a part of me, especially when I’m with you. But they are integrating, and I can separate it out when I need to, like when I’m at work, or with my friends.”
“That’s good, baby. Really great.” He tucks my hair behind my ear, his loving gaze on mine. “You are amazing, you know that?”
His words make me warm all over, and some of it is desire, of course, but mostly it’s emotion right now. I’m also blushing like mad, but being with my Daddy, I’ve sort of gotten used to that.
“Daddy? You had something for me?”
He chuckles. “Always eager, little one. Yes, I do. Stay right there.”
He turns and goes to his closet, coming back with a sleek silvery-gray box tied with a matching satin ribbon, and puts it in my hands.
“What is it?”
“Open it, baby, and see for yourself.”
I pull on the ribbon, and the slippery satin comes apart in my hands. It’s so pretty—of course I immediately want to keep it to wear in my hair, or to use as a bow for one of my stuffies.
I lift the box top, and inside is a pale-gray felt bag. I look up at Daddy.
“Go on. Open it, Kitten.”
I open the bag slowly, feeling as if there’s some magic in this moment. I reach inside and pull out the most beautiful collar I’ve ever seen. It’s the narrowest band of rose gold, the clasp held together with a screw. A tiny heart-shaped charm hangs from the clasp.
Tears pool in my eyes, and my heart is hammering so hard I can barely breathe.
I look back up at him. “Daddy? Is this what I think it is?”
“Yes, baby girl. Do you like it?”
“I love it, Daddy, so much! But I need you tell me what it means to you.”
He gets down on his knees next to the bed, his hands on my face. “Baby girl, if you accept this collar, it means you really do belong to me, body, heart and soul. And I’ll belong to you just as much. It’s a day collar, baby, one you can wear all the time, so you know who you belong to, who holds your heart, even when you’re not with me. It’s a commitment from both of us, each to the other. That’s why it has to be a slave collar. The bond has to be unbreakable. Because that’s what I want ours to be.”
“Oh, Daddy!”
I throw my arms around his neck, holding on tight, sniffling into his neck and breathing in the male scent of him, the scent of strength and desire and trust and protection. That’s what his scent is to me. That’s what he is to me.
“Tell me what this means, Nono. Will you accept it? Will you be mine, truly and forever?”
I pull back to look at his handsome face.
My Daddy. Mine.
“Yes. I am already yours, down to my bones. But to take that deeper? Yes, please. Yes! I love you so much, Daddy. “
“And I love you, my little one.” He kisses me lips softly. “My baby girl,” he murmurs before he kisses my neck. “My one and only Kitten.”
He kisses my cheeks, over and over, then his mouth moves down as he pulls my shirt over my head. He kisses my breasts, stopping to swirl his tongue across both nipples until they’re hard and darkening. Sensation is like silk, like water, flowing from everywhere he touches me through my system, my pussy going hot and wet.
He helps me wriggle out of my jeans.
“This is how I needed you to be before I put your collar on, little love—wearing nothing until you wear my collar. Will you kneel on the bed for me?”
“Yes, Daddy,” I answer, my pulse thudding in my veins.
It’s excitement and need and love, and it’s warm and inviting and I never want to feel anything else. I kneel for him while he reaches into the box and pulls out a tiny screwdriver. He very carefully loosens the screw, and the metal ends come apart.
“Lift your hair, Kitten.”
I happily do as I’m told, and he slips the collar around my neck, then leans over me to screw it back together.
“You can wear the charm in front, or at the back of your neck if you’re working or need to make it less obvious,” he tells me as he tightens the screw. “Okay, hair down.”
I drop my hair, and even though I haven’t seen how it looks on me, I already feel different. I hold my head high, my shoulders back, so, so proud to be his!
“It looks beautiful on you, Kitten. You’re so damn beautiful, every single inch of you. I never want you to doubt that again.”
“I won’t anymore. You’ve helped me with that. I never want you to doubt that I trust you to love me and take care of me.”
“I’m glad. Because you really are the most beautiful girl in the whole world. Come here, baby.”
He stands next to the bed and I rise up on my knees to lace my arms around his neck as he kisses me, hard this time, a kiss full of passion. He kisses me and kisses me, until my entire body is begging to be touched.
“Please, Daddy. Give me what you know I want. What I need.”
“And what’s that, baby girl?”
“I need you to touch your little girl. To own my body the way you do my heart. To make me know it.”
With a primal grin, he tears his shirt over his head, then kicks his way out of his jeans. Then he’s on me, pushing me down on the bed, holding me there with one strong hand on my hip while he explores my body with the other. His touch is alternately gentle and rough, tender and full of raging animal desire. And under it all is the love that permeates my system, flowing between us.
His body on mine is heavy, but I love it, love his skin against mine, the weight of him holding me down. But tonight I need something different.
“Daddy? I need to ask you something.”
“You can ask me anything you want, especially right now, sweet girl.”
“I want to take you in my mouth. I want to bring you pleasure. I know you’ve held that back for reasons your little girl doesn’t need to know. But tonight is different. Please say yes.”
“Anything, my baby.”
He gets up and settles back on his knees, and I scramble to get on mine before him. His hard cock is standing proud, and it’s so beautiful, even looking at it makes my mouth water. I bend over it and touch my lips to the tip, gently kissing it, worshipping it the way he deserves, and in the way that gives me the greatest pleasure.
I try to wrap my hand around it, but it’s so thick, my fingers don’t touch. Still, I love the weight of that heavy shaft in my hand, and my pussy clenches as I remember what extreme pleasure it brings me. With that in mind, I wet my lips and take him into my mouth, and oh my God, he tastes like heaven! My mouth stretches as I take him deeper, and immediately I nearly choke. I slow down, take a deep breath, then start again, and soon my throat opens to accommodate the object of my desire.
I hear my Daddy’s panting breath, and when I swirl my tongue over the tip, dipping into the hole, he lets out a groan that’s as hot to me as if he’d touched me. My pussy is already dripping wet, and I need his hands on me, his beautiful mouth. But I need to make him feel good even more.
I can’t swallow all of him, no matter how hard I try, so I wrap my hand around the thick base and stroke as I pull my lips up and down on the shaft. He’s groaning, and I can feel his pulse beating so fast in the veins of his cock against my tongue. I love that I’m making him feel good—my sweet Daddy who
loves me.
When I suck harder, grazing him with my teeth, his hands go into my hair, pulling tight, and he begins to fuck my face. It makes me choke a little, and my eyes are streaming with tears. I’m careful to breathe through my nose, but he’s so big. And just when I don’t think I can take anymore, he comes, spurting down my throat, and it’s hot and wet and salty and sweet, all at the same time.
I try to swallow it down, but there’s so much that when he pulls out, some of it runs down my chin.
He’s smiling down at me. “Here, baby girl, let me wipe that up.” And he does with his discarded shirt.
“That was incredible, my sweet girl. You’re so, so good to Daddy. Now it’s your turn.”
He pushes me down on the bed and gets between my thighs, his mouth going to work on my already-dripping pussy. He licks my clit, my slit, pushes his tongue inside, then goes back to my clit and sucks and nibbles and licks until I’m squirming, out of control. I’m overloading on pleasure, and I can’t think anymore—I can only feel, and it’s all good. So, so good. His hands are all over me: caressing my breasts, pinching my nipples. Then he pushes his fingers inside me, pumping at my g-spot, and suddenly I’m coming and squirting and crying out as my body shatters like glass—pleasure is that keen, that sharp, that exquisite.
“Daddy…Daddy, oh! Oh my God!”
Then nothing but guttural groans come out as I keep squirting all over his hand, his mouth. The liquid slips down my thighs, pooling on the bed beneath me as I shiver, and as I come harder, squirt harder, my body is jerking so hard, and there’s nothing I can do. I’m powerless against this drowning tide of pleasure. And I love it.
Finally the spasms ebb a bit, enough that I can curl into a trembling ball, and Daddy takes me in his arms.
He whispers, “You are amazing, Kitten. So incredible. God, the way you come for Daddy. It’s a gift. I couldn’t ask for anything more.”
He kisses my hair, my hot cheeks, my hands, then my lips, over and over.
He pulls back to ask, “Baby girl? Tell me I’ll never have to do without you.”
I cup his face in my hands. “Of course not, silly. You’re my Daddy. Mine. Just like I’m your girl. Just like you told me. It’s what I want, and never even knew I wanted. Needed. And it’s better than anything I could have ever imagined.”
