by Maren Smith
“This is literally the favor no one asked you for and isn’t very nice of a favor when you mix it with name-calling.”
She refused to respond and only stared at me, waiting out my answer.
“Yes. I said yes. I’m coming back in two weeks to help him with his lock-in and he offered to let me stay with him since I’m not ready for another weekend with Mama so soon.”
“Stay with him at his home? Damn, you can move fast when you want to, huh?”
Chapter Four
Malik
After giving me grief for several days, Craig finally agreed to make himself scarce this weekend. I wanted Asa to feel comfortable about staying with me. It was easy for Craig to swap shifts or call one of his dates for an extended weekend. I gave the place a cleaning that even my mother would find acceptable and stocked my fridge so I would have a lot of options for Asa.
Now, at the community center, I was pacing back and forth from the kitchen area to the large space we were using for intake and bedding, waiting for him to arrive. There were forty cots set up and volunteers moving about. I made multiple rounds and then I was focused on the door for the last fifteen minutes. He was late. We’d texted back and forth a couple of times and I knew what time to expect him, yet he wasn’t here. I refused to be crazy or overbearing by calling him repeatedly. He didn’t need that. However, I did look at my phone, willing it to ring or vibrate with a text message.
I was looking down at it when he walked up to me.
“Sorry, I’m so late. There was random construction two exits before mine and I had to detour through two towns. Anyway, I should have pulled off to call or message, but I didn’t think it would be this long.”
“Take a breath. We are just getting everyone settled in. We’re going to go next door for the first group meeting once everyone has had a chance to use the facilities. Where are your things?”
“I actually left them in the car. I wasn’t really sure how things were set up.” He took a look around and scanned the space. “You got a nice turnout.”
“Yeah. I wish we could have taken in more. It’s a start though. Come on, I’ll show you around and introduce you to the other volunteers.”
I kept sneaking looks at him and couldn’t hold back any longer. “I’m very glad you’re here, Asa.”
“Me too.”
A night like this should have left me exhausted, but it was the most pumped and energized day I’d had in a long time. The place was settling down for the night. Most of the men were sleeping. Others were reading by the mini-flashlights we had given out and a small group was in the corner still chatting. There were only five overnight volunteers and even they were done cleaning and resetting for breakfast. As I walked around the space, I came to the kitchen door again.
I couldn’t hear the music, but I watched Asa swaying to some beat as he worked over the three-bin sink. He was scraping, rinsing, washing, and disinfecting in the industrial kitchen by himself. Lord forgive my lack of control. Walking up behind him I stood close and leaned down over his shoulder.
“I never knew doing dishes could be so much fun.”
In his abrupt turnaround, I got a face full of sudsy water. That was when I saw him pull the earplugs down to dangle at his chest.
“Oh, my goodness. I am so sorry. I didn’t see those. I just thought you were enjoying your own internal beat.”
“No. No, I’m sorry. I am always a bit jumpy and I’m sure you remember I’m a bit clumsy.”
“Why do you do that?”
“What?”
“Jokingly put yourself down a little. You should stop that. You end up speaking
negativity over your life. Sorry, sometimes I can get a little preachy. It comes with the job.”
“No, you were like that long before you became a preacher.”
“Oh, no. That bad, huh?” It was easy to relax and laugh with him, even laugh at myself.
“No. It wasn’t bad at all. I appreciated your positivity and affirmations.”
“Yikes, I forgot about all the affirmation posters that were in my office.”
“Can I tell you a secret?
My hair was wet and so was the front of my shirt, but I leaned on the edge of the sink and
waited for him to share. He mimicked my stance. I was ready to hear any secrets he wanted to spill.
“I memorized all of them and transferred them into a notebook. I still have it. They
helped.”
It definitely wasn’t the secret I hoped to hear, but I was glad that he was feeling
comfortable and talking. It was much better than his flight response, which seemed to kick in around me constantly. “I can’t imagine how, but it is nice to hear.”
“Someday, when we have more time, I’ll tell you. Right now, you should probably change out of that wet shirt. Do you have something dry to put on?”
He wasn’t wrong, but I sure didn’t want to break this spell. Nothing outside of this kitchen mattered at the moment. It was like we were the only ones in the entire space.
“Um, no. It’s okay though.”
“If you help me finish up here, we can run down to the laundry room and use the dryer.”
“I’m happy to help and I bet it’ll be dried on its own by the time we’re finished. So, what are you listening to? It looked like a dance party for one.
“Yeah, I love dance music. I’m used to listening to it on my headphones and dancing alone. My mama only allowed Christian music to be played in the house out loud. You know how it is? Language. Sex. Sin.”
Our hands touched in the middle sink and the spoons he was holding dropped back inside the rinse water.
“I really don’t know what it’s like. My parents weren’t terribly over the top or strict when it came to music. My mother was religious, but my father never set foot in a church. He was more spiritual than religious. It was a nice balance. So, we listened to all kinds of music. Mom and Dad were both really good dancers too. I’d catch them dancing around sometimes. Like anniversaries and birthdays. It was sweet. I hope to have that with my husband someday.”
“I’ve never met my father.”
That was an unexpected revelation. I’d known his mom was a single mother from being a counselor, but I had assumed she was a widow or divorced.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be, it's not a big deal. That sounds cold, I know, but I can’t miss what I never had.”
“No judgment. I promise.”
We were done and the outer room was completely dark when I looked through. I used the kitchen towel I used to dry my hands to mop up the rest of the water around my head and ran it down my shirt, before I draped it over the edge of the sink. Asa was just watching me.
“It looks like everyone is asleep.”
“Should we go dry your shirt?”
“No, it’ll be fine. Are you tired?”
“No. I’m not sure I’d sleep well in a large open space, anyway. I brought something to read.”
“It didn’t look like you ate much during dinner. Are you feeling okay?”
“You’re going to think I’m a terrible person.”
“I doubt that.”
“I’m weird about communal eating. I don’t do buffets either. Everyone was walking by and breathing over everything. Oh, my goodness. I can’t believe I’m telling you this.”
“I always want you to tell me the truth, Asa.” He looked at the hand I had resting on his shoulder and I could see a little red creeping into his cheeks. If he’d been a few shades darker, it might not have shown through. As it was, he broke eye contact and busied himself with wiping down the counter again unnecessarily.
“Well, you have to eat. So, I’m going to put together my specialty.”
“You have a specialty? I hope it’s better than mine. The only thing I can do is microwave from frozen or reheat leftovers.”
“It’s better than that I guarantee you.”
Chapter Five
Asa
Malik Creswell was making me dinner. It was a lot less romantic than my fantasies, yet more prodigious because it was real. Watching him from the metal countertop I was sitting on, I couldn’t help being mesmerized as he put together stuff he found in the center refrigerator to make me an omelet. The only other person to ever cook for me was my mama.
“You like things with a little spice or no?”
“Spicy is fine. Thank you for doing this. It really isn’t necessary.”
“You worked hard tonight, plus you made the drive special to help. An omelet is the least I can do.”
“I can’t believe I’m here and you’re cooking for me. This is crazy.”
“Not crazy or magical. Just an omelet. I promise to take you for something better tomorrow night after we get wrapped up here. As long as you promise not to bail on me at the last minute again.”
Malik turned and looked at me with this knowing look. He remembered. Then the mortification took over. He must have seen the horror of the memory and my embarrassment about my behavior because he turned off the burner and walked over to me.
“No need to be embarrassed. I shouldn’t have put you on the spot.”
“You didn’t. I was glad you asked. I was even looking forward to it. I guess I panicked.”
“Food first and then more conversation. Omelets aren’t good cold.”
He went around to finish putting things together. Bringing over one plate and two forks Malik hopped up on the metal counter with me and put the plate between us.
“Dig in. Let me know how I did.”
I took a big forkful and the satisfying moan I let out must’ve told him all he needed to know. The man could cook. I went in for a second taste immediately. My hunger was greater than I realized. It probably had something to do with me skipping a real lunch. Keeping food down got harder the closer I got to being face to face with him again.
“Slow down. I can whip up another one if you’re still hungry after.”
“Sorry. I didn’t realize how hungry I was, I guess. Please, have some. You made it.”
“I didn’t want to put my fork in and lose a hand.”
His laughter was contagious. We were both laughing and every time he put his fork near the plate I reached in to tap his away with my own.
Being with him was easy. It was the exact opposite of every forced encounter I’d made in the clubs and online when satisfying my carnal needs was my main objective. I knew it could be different and better, but I had no idea I’d have the chance at better with Malik. People don’t get their walking, talking fantasies come to life and make them dinner.
“Behave yourself or no dessert,” he said, forcing a stern look which only made me laugh harder.
“How do I know you have a dessert worth being good for? I haven’t seen anything tempting yet.”
“Oh, so you’re into temptation.”
“I’ve been known to be persuaded with chocolate.”
“Sin and a sweet tooth. Sounds like the title of something scandalous.”
“The story of my life.”
“I’d read it, or maybe watch it on the big screen. Asa, are you dreaming of having your name up in lights?”
“Yeah, that’s not me. Not that much has changed. I still prefer to be in the background. I’m more the assistant coach than the star athlete.”
“Sometimes the assistant coach helps to build the star athlete up. There are no small parts on the team.”
“But there are less visible ones.”
“I know you like to fade into the scenery, so no one sees you, but Asa I see you.”
Suddenly the plate between us was empty and moved to the side. Malik slid across the counter and pressed his side up next to mine. We sat in silence for a few minutes. I didn’t know if he was waiting for me to say something or drumming up the courage to say something to me. I had to say something. If I didn’t, I might not get another chance. I could always trust Malik and I didn’t feel any different now.
“Malik, I have another secret. Only one other person on the planet has ever heard me say it out loud.”
“You can tell me anything, Asa.”
“I’m going to sound like a foolish little kid, I know, but I had a huge crush on you when I was in high school.”
He didn’t comment right away. The quiet lull between us wasn’t awkward, but it was full to bursting with anticipation. My panic was starting to rise. Maybe I remembered that dinner invitation differently. Maybe it wasn’t an invitation at all. He was probably being nice to the awkward college kid who still looked like he needed a friend. But he called me memorable. Why would he say that? The feeling that I had to get out of there was starting to get overwhelming. I jumped down from the counter and started to move away. When his hand reached out and caught my wrist I froze.
“I’m sorry. That must weird you out. No one wants to think about a stupid kid and their crush from forever ago. Forget I said anything.”
“Asa, stop. Turn around and look at me.” His voice had dropped and taken on that commanding tone he used on the courts. I stopped moving.
“I’m flattered. Honestly. You were a kid with a crush six years ago, but you are not that kid now. That isn’t who I see in front of me. Do you know what I see when I look at you?”
My heart was in my throat. My pulse was racing, and I was glad he was holding my wrist and not my hand. I could feel the moisture beading up on my palms. I didn’t take my eyes off him, though, when I shook my head no to his question so gently it was almost imperceptible.
“No, don’t shake your head. Really think about it and tell me what you think I see when I’m looking at you right now?”
“I honestly don’t know. I… I know… I know what I wish you saw.”
Malik had both of my hands now. I wish he couldn’t feel how my nerves were literally seeping out of my body. He pulled me in and I felt surrounded by him. The deep scrutiny didn’t go away. His eyes never left mine and I could see that he wanted to hear whatever I had to say, no matter how ridiculous it sounded.
“What do you wish I could see, Asa?”
“An equal. An adult. Someone who is a person they might want to be with.”
“Oh, my sweet, sweet Asa.”
There was no way this was real life. I was as stiff as a board because my body and brain were no longer operating as one. When I felt his hand on my head gently pushing it against his chest, I took a deep breath and inhaled his essence. It took a moment, but I finally brought my arms up to circle his waist. No amount of secret sex had been as intimate as this moment in this community center kitchen. I took in a few more deep breaths before putting my hands on his chest. All I could do was stare. He put his hands on either side of my head and leaned down placing the sweetest kiss I’ve ever gotten on my lips. By all measures, it would be considered chaste, but for me, it made a dormant passion of burning unrequited love stir up like a swirl of dry leaves in the fall breeze.
“I see all of those things in you, my Asa.”
“You haven’t seen me in over a year. How can you see that? How can you see me as yours?”
“When I saw you here, in that gym a year and a half ago, I couldn’t believe how much you had changed. You were no longer a scrawny kid. You were committed, confident, and surer of yourself than you ever were in high school. I absolutely saw someone I wanted to know better and help get to the next level of whatever he wanted to do. I saw you, Asa, even though it felt like you couldn’t see yourself.”
“I don’t see those things. I question everything, every day, especially about who I am. No one except Bess knows I’m gay and no one in my life will accept it. Every time I act on it, I feel like a liar and a fraud.”
“You are not a fraud. There isn’t one way to be gay or to be a man or even to be a minister. I know I’ve said this before and I preached on it a few weeks ago, but I’m willing to remind you every day if that’s what it takes. You deserve to live your life authentically and to love whoever you
want.”
“That’s really sweet, but I’d rather you convinced me with another kiss.”
“There’s that confidence. I guess you can bring it out when you want.”
All I could do was look at him and wait. If this was a dream or a once in the lifetime fluke, I didn’t want to waste time talking. I was in Malik Creswell’s arms and I didn’t want this to become another lost opportunity. Our eyes locked, and I moved in as close as I could. I prayed he would reciprocate.
Chapter Six
Malik
Looking into his eyes, I knew how much Asa wanted this too. I had to take a moment to appreciate my blessings. I could literally see the possibilities before us. No matter how long it took I planned on convincing this beautiful boy how much I wanted him and how wonderful he was in every way.
Leaning down, I pressed my lips to his, gently. They were supple and soft and better than I had imagined. I loved that he didn’t have any facial hair. As I caressed his smooth cheek, I wondered what it would feel like to caress other parts of him and if he was just as smooth everywhere else. Keeping things easy, I lightly took his bottom lip and pulled back slowly. The nip made him moan and with our bodies pressed closely together I felt his shivers roll through him. He opened to me and plastered himself to me even more, so that we fused together. Sliding my tongue in, I knew we were well matched. There was no wrestling for control. His openness and surrender made me want to give him all of me. His hands were still on my chest as I massaged the back of his head to the nape of his neck. We didn’t need to rush this. It was about savoring the moment. His hands moved up my chest until his arms were around my neck, and the moaning that came from him had my dick taking a real interest in our activities. It would be impossible for either of us to ignore it if things continued. I needed to slow down.
Pulling away, I kissed down the side of his neck before I spoke. “We should probably stop.” His eyes had a sadness to them that made me kiss him again. “It’s not because I want to. Believe me. But this is not a good look if someone wanders in here.”
