Ethan's Secret (James Madison Series Book 2)

by Patrick Hodges

  Greatest … guy … ever.

  Chapter 28

  ~ DAY 31 (Wed.) ~

  ETHAN

  I sat on the bleachers, looking down at the watch on my wrist. I remember thinking how cool it was when I first got it. A high-tech, government-issue tracking device, like something out of a spy movie or something. On the surface, it looked like an ordinary watch, but I knew better. Looking at it now, I wanted nothing more than to take it off and throw it in the nearest puddle. Maybe stomp on it, or attach it to a stray dog, I thought with a smile.

  I looked up to the sky, wondering if there was some satellite in orbit, with a multi-billion-dollar telescope pointed at me right now. With a naughty smirk, I thrust the middle finger of my right hand up to the sky. Wonder if I'll catch hell for that later.

  “Flipping off God? That's a no-no,” said Kelsey, who had quietly approached the bleachers from the side, out of my line of vision.

  I laughed. “You're probably right.”

  She took her spot next to me on the third tier, and we exchanged hugs and a brief kiss. This was our third straight recess period together, and it was the high point of my day. I told her yesterday that I'd been grounded indefinitely for going to the party, which was as believable a story as there was, I guess. Even if it was only half-true.

  Ever since Saturday, I'd thought over and over again about asking Kelsey to be my girlfriend. Officially, I mean. We were already hugging and kissing, so it seemed the logical thing to do. But how could I do that, knowing the inevitable breakup could happen at any moment? I had to keep pushing that thought to the darkest corners of my mind. I could only hope that she was cool with this arrangement, and not all hung up on attaching a label to the relationship we'd built.

  Watching Kelsey in Algebra class was difficult, almost painful. I had front-row seats for the daily battle of wills that Kelsey and her two friends were playing. Kelsey, Bryanna and April just sat, silently, not speaking, keeping their attention focused on Mr. McCann, trying their best not to acknowledge each other's existence. How does one do that, exactly? Girls can be so confusing.

  I'd done my best not to bring up the subject of her friends, and she'd noticed. In return, she'd kept her word and not asked me any more questions about my past, or my family. Instead, we just passed the time talking about casual things, things like music, movies or television. She'd just finished going on about her favorite fictional character, Sherlock Holmes, and how he'd influenced her whole childhood, when she smiled at me. “I have a surprise for you.”

  A surprise? Ooh! “What is it?”

  She reached down, unzipped her backpack, pulled out a thick, hardback book and handed it to me. I grinned as I read the cover: The Complete Sherlock Holmes, by Arthur Conan Doyle. “You're … giving this to me?”

  She made a face. “No, silly, I'm loaning it to you. I think you'll find it … interesting.”

  I'd heard of Sherlock Holmes, of course, but I'd never read any of the stories about him. I took the volume from her with a smile. “Thanks. This'll give me something to read while I'm under house arrest.”

  She laughed. I loved her laugh. “Oh, yeah, you snuck out to go to a party, you're a real gangster.”

  I laughed as well, and then an idea came to me. I reached down, unzipped my own backpack, and brought out my copy of Watership Down. Grinning, I held it out to her. “Come on. Fair exchange. You read mine, I'll read yours.”

  Nodding, she took the book from me. “How many times have you read this?”

  “Four,” I said, slipping Kelsey's book into my backpack.

  “It's that good?”

  “That, and it's the only book I have,” I replied, winking.

  She grinned. “And you're sure it has a happy ending?”

  “Positive,” I said. “You think I'd give it to you if it didn't?”

  We locked eyes briefly, and then she leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. “Thanks, Ethan.”

  “You're welcome. Um, Kelsey …” I trailed off.

  She looked at me curiously. “What?”

  “Would it be okay if I spent tomorrow and Friday hanging out with Baz and his friends during recess? I mean, I hate to ask, but … they're kinda my friends, and I like hanging out with them too. I mean, I don't want to leave you alone, but …” I trailed off again.

  She stared at me for a moment, and I wondered if she was going to get angry, like I was abandoning her or something. After a few moments, though, her face relaxed. “I understand. They're your friends too.”

  “I mean, I'll stay with you if you really need me to,” I stammered.

  She reached over and squeezed my hand. “It's okay, really.”

  I exhaled. Wow. Beautiful AND understanding. A rare combination.

  Then she leaned over, with a look of hilarious mock-seriousness on her face. “But if I catch you with Tawny DeBlasio, I'll kick you right in your happy place.”

  I laughed long and hard at this. She laughed too. AND a sense of humor. I hit the jackpot with her.

  After a few moments, my laughter subsided, and I reached over and clasped her hand in mine. I looked into her eyes and smiled. “You're something else, Kelsey.”

  She smiled right back, her most beautiful smile. “I'm a Callahan.”

  Chapter 29

  ~ DAY 32 (Thu.) ~

  KELSEY

  I walked toward the bleachers, pulling my hood up over my head to keep the rain out of my hair. It wasn't a hard rain, just a few scattered drops. Not enough to keep kids off the playground, but enough to take simple precautions. I made sure the backpack at my side was zipped up tight, and then took a seat. For the first time since seventh grade started, I was sitting on our bleachers alone.

  I was grateful that April was still sitting with me during lunch. Every day she seemed to heal from her breakup a little bit more, and it was good to see her focus on her schoolwork again. I couldn't even get mad at her for spending her recess periods in the library instead of with me.

  Algebra class was the worst. Even Mr. McCann's ridiculous attempts at humor couldn't overcome the awkwardness of sitting only a few feet away from Bree, who still refused to even look at me. April, sitting right in front of me, remained silent, refusing to take sides.

  It had been three days since Bree's meltdown, and if there was one thing I was sure of, it was that I wouldn't have made it through those three days without Ethan. The curiosity I once felt had been replaced by a simple need for companionship. But today, he would be spending recess with Baz. I wanted to be upset, but I couldn't really. They were best friends, and I'd been taking up all of Ethan's free time, free time he had a lot less of now that he'd been grounded.

  So today, with nothing else to do and no one to do it with, I found myself sitting on the bleachers, staring into space. Alone.

  I touched my face, and felt something wet. I wasn't even sure if it came from me or from the clouds overhead. And I didn't much care. The thought that it might be over for the four of us, that we might never get together as a group ever again, twisted my stomach into so many knots that I thought I was going to throw up.

  Lost in thought, I was startled when I heard a voice behind me. “Kelsey?”

  I turned my head and saw a girl wearing blue jeans and a dark blue windbreaker. She was fairly tall, with stringy black hair, a big nose, a dark complexion and very sad eyes. I blinked a couple of times, just to make sure it was really her. “Tonya?”

  “Hey,” she said nonchalantly. “I'm sorry to bother you.”

  A few years ago, I probably would have taken this remark as sarcasm, given all I'd heard from Bree and April about her, but I didn't detect any in her voice. Her posture wasn't an aggressive one: her shoulders were slumped, and her face was completely blank. “It's okay,” I finally said.

  “Mind if I sit down?”

  It occurred to me, just then, that Tonya tried to speak to Bree and April earlier this year, but they hadn't let her. I hated being alone, and I hoped that Tonya wasn't h
ere to start trouble again. That's the last thing I need right now. “No, go ahead,” I said.

  “Thanks.” She sat down on the same tier of the bleachers that I was on, but kept a respectful distance, about four feet away.

  We sat in awkward silence for a few moments, but then my curiosity got the better of me, as usual. “What can I do for you?”

  She stared into space as I was just doing. “I just want to talk. It's been a while since we've talked.”

  My brow furrowed. “Tonya, we've never talked. Except that one time in the girls' restroom.”

  She closed her eyes, and the tiniest of smiles crept over her face. “Oh, yeah, right,” she said softly. “We didn't exactly get off on the best of terms, did we?”

  I tensed up, anticipating trouble. “Is that what you want to talk about?”

  She turned to face me. “Kind of.”

  I sighed. “Look, Tonya, it was a long time ago, and I'm sorry it happened, okay? It's just that–”

  “I came here to thank you.”

  Uh … what? “Thank me? For punching you?”

  She nodded. “Yeah.”

  I had absolutely no idea how to respond to this. My mind raced for a few moments, but all I could come up with was a lame, “You're … welcome?”

  She smiled again, sensing my confusion. “Don't worry, I'm not here for revenge. That's who I was back then. But not anymore.”

  I relaxed a little bit, studying Tonya's face. There was no anger, no resentment at all. Just sadness. At that moment, I totally felt sorry for her. “What happened to you, Tonya?”

  She hung her head for a moment, and then went back to staring into space. “Back in second grade, I was a happy kid, just like everyone else. I had everything I could want: a great family, a great house, a lot of friends. But in third grade, everything changed.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “The economy collapsed. My dad lost his job as a financial analyst, and my mom had to go back to work to support me and my little brother Anthony. She had to work as a waitress, it was all she could get. It wasn't enough. My dad tried to get another job, but he couldn't. The only jobs that he was qualified for wouldn't hire him because he was too old. He tried for over a year.”

  “That sucks,” I said.

  “Yeah. We went through our savings, and we had to sell our cars just so we could keep us in our house and me in school. Months went by, and Dad got more and more depressed. And then he started … drinking.”

  I exhaled audibly. Oh, man. “Damn,” I whispered under my breath.

  She nodded. “He started coming home drunk. At first, it was only once in a while, but pretty soon, it was almost every night. He would come home, and he and Mom would scream at each other. It was awful.”

  “I can imagine.”

  “I was only eight years old when it started. Dad was just so … angry. He took his anger out on all of us. Sometimes he would even smack my mom around. Oh, he would sober up, and tell us how sorry he was, and how much he loved us, and we'd believe him. We wanted to believe him. And then it would happen all over again.”

  I edged closer to her. “I'm so sorry, Tonya.”

  She gave a silent nod. “This went on for two years. Dad would get angry, Mom would get angry, and I would get angry. All I had was anger. And I took that anger out on everyone around me. Third grade, fourth grade, I became a bully. A monster.

  “Then, right before fifth grade started for me, Dad got into a support group. We all hoped he'd straightened himself out, but … well, it didn't work out. He went right back to his barstool, and I went right back to treating everyone like crap.” She looked at me with an ironic smile. “And then you came along and knocked me on my ass.”

  I felt my lungs heaving with regret. “I always meant to apologize to you for that. But it's like you disappeared into thin air.”

  She nodded. “I did, pretty much.”

  “I was sure you'd try to get back at me.”

  “Oh, believe me, I thought about it,” she said, a hard edge tinging her voice. “I spent hours in my room, plotting your grisly murder in my head. That's who I was. I had traded in my friends for enemies. Instead of respect, I had fear. I thought that making people afraid of me would make me feel better. God, was I wrong.

  “After you … took me down, I had nothing. I was a joke. No one was afraid of me anymore. All I got after that were our classmates laughing at me, calling me 'chicken-butt' for running away. Even the two or three girls that I hung out with, you know, the other mean girls in the class, wouldn't have anything to do with me. And that's when … it happened.”

  “What?” I asked anxiously.

  “My dad came home from the bar again, drunk as always. He got into another shouting match with my mom, and then it got … bad. Really bad.”

  I closed my eyes, exhaling. Holy crap. I was terrified of what she was going to say next.

  “My mom tried to fight him off, but my dad knocked her out cold. But Mom had taught me what to do if that ever happened. I went to my brother's room and locked the door. Then I used my cell phone to dial 911.

  “After a few more minutes, Dad came looking for us. I was huddled in the corner of Anthony's room, holding him. We were both crying our eyes out. He screamed at us to open the door, but I wouldn't do it. So he kicked it in.”

  “Jesus,” I said, aghast.

  “I stood up, screaming at him to get out, to leave us alone. He grabbed me by my hair and threw me against the wall, but I just got back up again. I ran at him, trying to distract him so Anthony could run away. I was pretty strong for ten years old, but that fight didn't last long. He punched me in the face, and that was that.”

  I was numb. This story was like a nightmare. A real-life one. “I … don't know what to say, Tonya. What happened then?”

  “The cops came and arrested him before he could hurt Anthony, thank God. Mom filed for divorce and a restraining order the very next day. Dad was sent to prison for seven years. It took a lot of help from the government, and our family, but we made it through.”

  “I'm happy to hear that,” I said sincerely.

  “I was just so relieved it was over. It took a lot of therapy and counseling, but I finally got over my anger.” She looked at the ground. “But by then, it was too late for me. At this school, I mean. Everyone hated me, and they had every right to. Kids never forget, you know?”

  I nodded. “Why didn't you just transfer to another school? Start fresh somewhere else?”

  “Believe me, I thought about it. Mom asked me that over and over again. But for some reason, I didn't feel like I could leave. Not without trying to make things right again. That's one of the things I learned in therapy.”

  I lowered my head. “How's that going for you?”

  She chuckled. “It's okay, I guess. A few people have forgiven me. A lot more haven't. And a lot of people don't even remember me at all. But it's all right. I feel a lot better about myself now. I guess that's the most important thing.”

  I reached out and put my hand on top of hers. “I'm glad to hear that, Tonya. I really am.”

  She smiled. “All this time, I've been meaning to ask you … why'd you do it?”

  “What, hit you?”

  “Yeah.”

  I sighed. “Back at my old school in Denver, I had a friend that was being tormented by someone like you … um, like you used to be,” I said hesitantly. “I should've gotten involved, but I didn't, and I ended up losing her as a friend. I felt horrible about it.”

  “I'm sorry,” Tonya said.

  “And when I came here and saw you yelling at Bree and April, I just … lost it, I guess.”

  She nodded. “Well, I know it sounds funny, but it's probably the best thing that could have happened. I had so much anger inside me, it was only a matter of time before I started hurting other people, or myself. Physically, I mean. I was like this great big angry balloon, ready to pop. What you did … kind of let the air out of me, if you know what
I mean.”

  I squeezed her hand gently. “I'm happy it worked out for you.”

  “Thanks, Kelsey.” I saw a glimmer of happiness in her eyes, obviously relieved that we'd finally made peace. “You know, I see the four of you here all the time, just chatting away.”

  “We're best friends,” I said sadly.

  “I know. I get a little jealous sometimes … but seeing you guys together reminds me of what I lost because of my anger.” She looked in all directions. No one was near us, or looking our way. “Where are they, anyway?”

  I looked down at the ground. “We're all … going through some stuff,” I said. “We're kind of taking a break from each other.”

  “They'll be back,” she said.

  I just nodded.

  Overhead, the fifth-period bell rang. I stood up, and so did Tonya. Reaching down to pick up my backpack, I turned and faced her. “Thank you, Tonya. I enjoyed our talk.”

  Nodding, she leaned forward, wrapped her arms around me and gave me a big hug. This caught me a little by surprise, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I gently returned it. After a few seconds, she faced me again.

  “Why'd you do that?” I asked.

  She smiled, a very pleasant smile. “I don't know. You kinda looked like you needed it.”

  I smiled back. “Yeah, I think I did. Thanks a lot, Tonya. You're … really pretty cool, after all.”

  She cocked her head at me. “Well, don't get carried away. It's not like I have a crush on you or anything. See ya.” She turned, hopped off the bleachers, and walked toward the school buildings.

  Suddenly, images flashed like lightning through my head. Bree staring at me, holding my hand, hugging me. Bree getting sadder and angrier the closer I got to Ethan. Bree blowing up when I told her about my first kiss.

  Oh, my God …

  * * *

  When I got home, I lay down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I'd been mentally kicking myself all the way home.