Daddy By Default

by Nikki Benjamin

  “He sold three more of my photographs,” she said, waving the check excitedly.

  “That’s really great,” Brian crowed.

  “Congratulations,” Gabriel added.

  Without thinking, he put an arm around her shoulders and gave her a proprietary hug, wanting her to know how pleased he was for her. Startled, she glanced up at him but didn’t move away. After a long moment, she relaxed and leaned against him as naturally as if she really did belong right there by his side.

  “This calls for a celebration,” she stated, folding the check and tucking it into the back pocket of her jeans. “How about ice-cream sodas at Woolworth’s—my treat?”

  “How about my treat?” Gabriel suggested.

  “But I’m the one who just got paid,” she teased.

  “You’re also the one who did a lot of hard work. Let me honor that by spoiling you just a little, okay?”

  “Put so gallantly, how could I refuse? But I must warn you, I intend to pig out.”

  “Me, too, Dad,” Brian said.

  “I guess that makes three of us, then,” Gabriel replied, not only surprised, but also very pleased when Madelyn slid her arm around his waist as they left the gallery.

  They did, indeed, indulge themselves on the tallest, richest, chocolate ice-cream sodas to be had at the store’s lunch counter while Buddy once again waited patiently just outside the door. Then they walked up Canyon Road, taking a more roundabout route back to the house as the sun began to dip toward the western horizon.

  Obviously intrigued by the play of sunlight and shadows, Madelyn uncapped the lens on her camera and, stopping at odd moments, proceeded to take several shots of Brian, followed by several more of Brian and Gabriel together.

  Wanting to try out his skill, Brian begged to take a couple of pictures of Madelyn and Gabriel. When the boy, grinning broadly, urged them to stand closer, Gabriel readily complied, putting his arm around her shoulders again. Then, since it only seemed natural that he offer to take some shots of Madelyn and Brian, he gladly did that, too.

  “They won’t be nearly as good as yours. Probably not even as good as Brian’s,” he said. “But I’d really like to have some prints of them—all of them.”

  “I’ll be more than happy to make them for you,” she promised.

  All too soon they arrived at the house. Gabriel wasn’t anxious to part company yet, but Madelyn and Brian both looked tired. And since he’d played all day, he knew he really ought to spend the evening catching up on schoolwork. Otherwise he was going to end up falling impossibly far behind.

  They’d had a pleasant afternoon together. Leaving it at that seemed the best thing to do. They would have lots of other opportunities to be together in the days and weeks ahead, with Brian, as well as on their own. He intended to see to it. But there was no sense looking overeager now.

  In fact, he’d probably be wise to get away with Brian tomorrow—just the two of them. They hadn’t been skiing in several weeks, and conditions at the Santa Fe Basin were excellent after the snowfall they’d had lately. They could get up early and stay all day.

  Putting a little distance between himself and Madelyn couldn’t possibly do any harm. As it was, they’d be seeing each other at school all next week, anyway. Then maybe next weekend they could plan an activity all together again. Or maybe he could arrange for Brian to spend Friday or Saturday night with a friend so he could have Madelyn all to himself.

  He would have to see what worked out best. In the meantime...

  Halting in the courtyard halfway between the house and the cottage, Gabriel handed Madelyn the portfolio he’d been carrying.

  “Thanks for inviting me along,” he said, smiling as he met her gaze. “I had a good time.”

  “Me, too,” Brian agreed as he unfastened Buddy’s leash and handed it to her, as well. “A really, really, good time.”

  “I’m glad you decided to come along.” She shifted uncertainly from one foot to another, seeming at a loss for what to say next. Finally she looked away as she added, “Well, I’d better go in. See you....”

  “Yeah, see you....”

  “Tomorrow?” Brian asked hopefully.

  “Probably not,” Gabriel stated briskly.

  Trying not to let himself be thrown off course by the longing he heard in his son’s voice—a longing he felt deep in his own heart, and if he wasn’t mistaken, saw in Madelyn’s eyes—he put a hand on his son’s shoulder and guided him toward the house.

  “But Dad—”

  “Good night, Madelyn,” he called out a little too loudly, hoping to override his son.

  “Good night, guys,” she replied, much more softly, almost sadly.

  Unable to stop himself, Gabriel glanced over his shoulder, but, head bowed, she was already letting herself into the cottage.

  Just as well, he told himself, as he hustled Brian through the French doors. Even though deep down inside he couldn’t really say he believed it was.

  In the two weeks following the Valentine’s dance and her Saturday afternoon with Gabriel and Brian, Madelyn began to feel as if she were riding a rather rickety roller coaster.

  Some days she would find herself thinking—as she had that Friday night and Saturday afternoon—that Gabriel’s interest in her went beyond the bounds normally dictated by simple friendship between two adults, one male and one female.

  He would slip an arm around her and hug her close, or catch her hand in his as they walked along on their way to one place or another, usually with Brian, and often even Buddy, in tow. Just like they were a family.

  Twice, too, when they had gone out to dinner together at his suggestion—without Brian—he had kissed her outside the cottage door with a passion unmistakable even to someone as inexperienced as she. A passion that had left her breathlessly wanting something more, something she hadn’t the confidence or the courage to ask for.

  Better to follow his lead. Especially when she had serious doubts as to how deserving of his admiration and affection she really was.

  She had done what she could for Ethan, but not as much as Gabriel seemed to give her credit for. Otherwise, Ethan would still be alive. Gabriel had a right to know that before they got any more involved than they already were.

  But would they be getting any more involved? Madelyn wondered as she mixed chemicals at the bathroom sink on a snowy Thursday night at the end of February.

  She had finally finished mounting and framing the photographs Henry had chosen for the gallery and was now ready to print the roll of film she and Brian and Gabriel had shot together that Saturday afternoon.

  Gabriel had sworn he wasn’t starting something he didn’t intend to finish. Yet each time they seemed to reach a new level of closeness, he backed off, treating her more like a good buddy than the love of his life.

  While he was still amiable and easygoing, Madelyn would sense that he was trying to maintain a certain distance between them, sometimes only for a day or two, sometimes longer. After including her in an outing with Brian or inviting her to dinner, he would keep to himself, saying little as they drove back and forth to school, and busying himself with other activities while Brian came to visit her at the cottage.

  Madelyn didn’t really blame him. He and Brian had been on their own for a long time. Having a third person around, even temporarily, had to take some getting used to. But she really wished he wouldn’t tease her with the possibility of happily-ever-after if that wasn’t what he had in mind.

  If he wanted sex without any strings attached, why didn’t he just say so? They were both adults, after all. And whether or not she chose to enter into that kind of relationship with him, at least she would know what was expected of her.

  Why give the impression that he was wooing her, then retreat as if he were afraid he was on the verge of making a big mistake?

  Probably because, in his more rational moments, he was, she thought as the first print—a close-up of Gabriel and Brian—came up in the developer.

&
nbsp; He had been badly hurt by his ex-wife’s involvement with Ethan, and here she was, supposedly fresh from what he obviously believed had been an intimate affair with the same man.

  From what Gabriel had said, ten years ago he hadn’t felt that in Lily’s eyes he measured up to his half brother. Quite possibly, he thought the same might very well prove true with her. And she simply didn’t have the knowledge or the expertise to convince him otherwise.

  She had only her virginity, and she simply wasn’t brave enough to blatantly advertise that asset. What if he laughed in her face incredulously? Or worse, what if he pitied her?

  Poor Madelyn, on the far side of twenty-something and never been touched.

  More than likely, he’d assume—wrongly so—that it was from lack of opportunity. Ethan hadn’t been the first to suggest a sexual liaison. But she had been waiting for the right man to entrust with her love. A man like Gabriel Serrano...

  Now that she had found him, it saddened her to think there was a good chance he’d consider her all wrong.

  By the time Madelyn finished printing two sets of the photographs—one for herself and one for Gabriel and Brian—it was past midnight. She tidied up the bathroom, then put on her coat and took Buddy out one last time.

  As the little dog snuffled around on the patch of snowcovered grass behind the garage, she gazed at the shadowed house, wondering where her relationship with Gabriel would eventually lead. She also wondered if she should stay around long enough to find out.

  She had seen his love for his son reflected in the photographs she’d developed. Her own fond feelings for the boy and his father were also equally evident. But in the photographs Brian had taken of her and Gabriel, she hadn’t been able to determine what he thought of her.

  Gabriel had had his arm around her and he’d been smiling happily enough. However, while she had been captured on film looking up at him with her heart in her eyes, he had been gazing off in the distance, as if he couldn’t have cared less that she was standing by his side.

  Watching as Gabriel’s obviously indifferent image materialized on the contact paper had been hard enough. Did she really want to hear him say that she would never mean anything to him?

  She had money coming in now. More than enough to pay rent on an apartment and buy groceries. And with Spring Break coming up in mid-March, she would have time to find another place to live. Then she could tell Gabriel she’d changed her mind about accepting Ethan’s bequest, and why.

  She would still see him at school, of course. But at least she wouldn’t be living in his back pocket. And any responsibility he felt for looking after her would finally be nullified, along with any indebtedness she’d allowed him to believe he had to her.

  If he wanted to see her socially after that, at least she would know it wasn’t simply out of force of habit.

  Having come to such a sensible conclusion, Madelyn was sure she’d sleep soundly. Instead, she tossed and turned restlessly. Finally she dozed off, only to be awakened too soon by the buzzing of her alarm clock.

  Not sure whether she wanted to lay her head down and cry or hurl her coffee cup against the wall, she somehow managed to wash, dress, take the dog out, gather her books and papers together, and meet Gabriel and Brian at the usual time. That they were both in high spirits, frolicking in the fresh snow as they waited for her to join them, only soured her mood all the more.

  She sat in the truck silently, staring out the side window as father and son bantered back and forth. She sensed Gabriel shooting her questioning glances, but she studiously ignored him. However, after they’d dropped Brian at the elementary school he finally mentioned her taciturn behavior.

  “You’re awfully quiet this morning,” he stated abruptly. “Something bothering you?”

  “Not really,” she responded, her tone waspish.

  “Doesn’t sound like it to me,” Gabriel murmured.

  “I was up late developing some photographs. Then I had a hard time falling asleep,” she admitted grudgingly. “When I finally did, the alarm went off and I guess I got up on the wrong side of the bed.”

  “Maybe you ought to take the day off,” he suggested kindly. “I’ll turn around at the next corner and take you back home.”

  “I’m not sick, just...crabby,” she insisted, trying to blink back the hot tears stinging her eyes. “But don’t worry. I promise not to take it out on the kids.”

  “I never thought you would,” he admonished as he reached over and gave her shoulder a reassuring pat. Then, hesitantly, he added, “I guess you’d rather forget about tonight, though.”

  She would, and yet she wouldn’t.

  This happened to be her week to host their Friday night get-together. Gabriel and Brian were supposed to come for dinner, and since she still didn’t have a television, Brian had suggested they play Monopoly afterward. In preparation, she had made a pot of stew. It was in the refrigerator, ready to pop in the oven when she got home. If they didn’t come for dinner, she’d be stuck with enough leftovers to last six months.

  Also, early tomorrow morning, Brian was going on an overnight camping trip with his Scout troop. Canceling tonight meant she wouldn’t get to spend any time with him, and probably Gabriel, as well, all weekend.

  “No, not really,” she replied, lightening her tone considerably as she risked a look in his direction. “I was looking forward to it. And I’m sure I’ll feel better by the end of the day, if only because it will also be the end of the school week.”

  “Well, if you change your mind, please tell me. I’m not sure what we’ll do about dinner, and we won’t have nearly as much fun playing Monopoly without you. But I suppose we’ll manage somehow,” he muttered woefully, though his dark eyes twinkled merrily when he met her gaze.

  She barely controlled the urge to slug him in the arm. He was doing it again. Being sweet and kind and funny after three days of curt nods and a few casual words. And she was lapping it up like a cat with a bowl of cream.

  Of course, she was also feeling one hundred percent better by the time they pulled into the school’s parking lot.

  No matter how she tried to harden her heart toward him, he still had that effect on her. All he had to do was act as if he cared about her, and she was putty in his hands.

  But not for much longer, she told herself. Sometime in the very near future, he probably wouldn’t care about her at all anymore. So why not enjoy it while she could?

  The day turned out to be no worse than most. On the ride home, she assured Gabriel she would be expecting him and Brian—who was at a precampout Scout meeting—at six o’clock as originally planned.

  She had time for a short nap before they arrived. Then, showered and dressed in faded jeans and a pullover sweater, she was almost feeling her old self again.

  While she fixed the salad, Brian and Gabriel pored over the prints she’d made for them, teasing each other about who had taken the best shots. They finally agreed she had, but Gabriel conceded his son was a close second.

  Madelyn wondered what he thought of the photographs of the two of them together. Unfortunately, she wasn’t close enough to get a glimpse of his expression as he studied them. She could only hope he hadn’t noticed how adoringly she’d been looking up at him.

  During dinner, Brian chattered nonstop about his camping trip. Normally, Gabriel, along with most of the other fathers, would be going along, too. But space in the rustic cabins where the troop would be staying was limited, so there was room for only the leader and coleaders. Thus, Brian was especially excited about going off on his own, more or less, for the first time.

  However, by the time they’d finished eating and cleaned up the kitchen, the boy was yawning and rubbing his eyes. When his father suggested they save Monopoly for another night, he readily agreed.

  “Hope you’re not too disappointed that we’re leaving so early,” Gabriel said, sending a smile Madelyn’s way as he slipped into his jacket.

  “Well, maybe just a little,” she tea
sed back, then clapped a hand over her mouth to cover a yawn of her own.

  “How about I make it up to you tomorrow night?” he suggested. “We’ll do something special.”

  “Like what?” she asked, her heart beating a little faster in eager anticipation.

  “I’m not sure yet, but I’ll think of something. Wear that pretty black dress of yours, why don’t you? And let me surprise you.”

  “All right,” she agreed, intrigued by the glimmer in his eyes.

  “I’ve got several things to do after I drop Brian off at his Scout leader’s house tomorrow. I’ll probably be gone most of the day. So why don’t we plan to leave about seven o’clock?”

  “I’ll be ready.”

  Saturday dawned bright and clear, but by late afternoon, heavy clouds had rolled in from the north, promising snow by early evening.

  Taking a break from working on lesson plans for the coming month, Madelyn stood by one of the windows, wondering how Brian was enjoying the camping trip. Probably quite a bit. Along with the other boys, she figured he was also hoping they’d get snowed in. Although the campground was less than two hours away, a heavy snowfall in the mountains tonight could make delaying the drive back until Monday necessary.

  She hadn’t caught so much as a glimpse of Gabriel all day. But then, he’d said he would be gone. And except for a noontime walk with Buddy, she’d been cooped up in the cottage.

  Now, however, she noticed that the lights were on in the house across the courtyard, though she was too far away to see if Gabriel was in the kitchen or breakfast room. Not that it would make any difference. She had no reason to go over there, and they weren’t due to leave on their mystery date for almost three hours yet.

  As she had on and off since they’d parted last night, Madelyn wondered what he had decided they would do. The Santa Fe Symphony Orchestra had a program at the Sweeney Center, and the new movie they’d talked about seeing was playing at the theater on San Francisco Street. Or perhaps Gabriel intended to take her to Albuquerque. If so, maybe they, too, would get snowed in, she thought.

  Madelyn wasn’t exactly sure how she would feel about that. But the fact that she caught herself smiling as she eyed the lowering clouds left her reasonably certain she wouldn’t be all that upset.