Daddy By Default

by Nikki Benjamin

  As their breathing finally slowed, Gabriel eased off her and pulled the bedcovers up over them. Then, lying on his side, he cradled her close, not quite ready to let her go yet. Perfectly happy to stay right where she was, Madelyn curled into his embrace with a sigh of utter contentment.

  Never before had she felt so...complete. Always, there had been something lacking in her life. Now she knew that something had really been someone—someone to love with all her heart as she loved Gabriel Serrano.

  But did he feel the same about her? she wondered, watching the flickering firelight throw shadows around the room. He hadn’t said it in so many words, and when she had tried, he’d shushed her with a kiss. Yet why else would he have made love to her so tenderly?

  Because they had made love, not simply had sex. She believed that with ever fiber of her being. So what if he hadn’t actually said “I love you”? He had shown her how much she meant to him—

  “I owe you an apology,” he said, his deep voice cutting across her thoughts.

  Confused, she glanced up at him. He met her gaze steadily, his expression unreadable.

  “For what?” she asked.

  “For not only assuming you were Ethan’s mistress, but also flaunting it in your face. I had no right to denigrate you that way.”

  “You made a mistake—understandable enough,” she said, looking away. “And I didn’t really say anything to discourage you.”

  “You shouldn’t have had to defend yourself to me. I should have believed you when you told me you were only his assistant,” he insisted.

  “Please, Gabriel, don’t worry about it anymore.”

  “You’re an honest, decent person, Madelyn. I just want you to know that I know it. Despite the insinuations I made, I think, deep down inside, I always knew it.”

  Wordlessly, she stared into the distance, aware that she wasn’t quite as honest or as decent as Gabriel believed she was. She had kept something about her relationship with Ethan a secret. Something she should have revealed weeks ago. Something that could drastically change how Gabriel thought of her. Something that could end what had only just begun between them.

  “I wish I deserved such high praise, but I don’t,” she said at last.

  She rolled away from him and sat up, dragging the blanket up to cover her bare breasts.

  Frowning, Gabriel sat up, too.

  “What do you mean?” he asked, turning to face her.

  “Just what I said.” She risked a glance at him, then added, “I haven’t been completely honest with you about Ethan...about his...death.”

  “Are you telling me he died as a result of something other than the virus he contracted?”

  “I’m not sure. It’s possible the virus caused his death. But...” She paused, glancing at him again. “But it’s also possible he committed suicide.”

  “Suicide?” Gabriel repeated, his confusion evident.

  “He wasn’t quite as upbeat as I led you to believe those last few days on Roatán. He was unusually quiet, and as our departure drew closer, he became more and more withdrawn. He seemed so...sad. But when I questioned him about it, he insisted he was only tired. I wanted to believe him because...because it was just easier,” she admitted. “There was so much to do—finishing the photographs for Travel International, packing up our gear. I just wasn’t paying attention to the signals he was sending out. Otherwise, I would have known....

  “That last night...he asked me to stay with him. It was a running joke between us—he would hit on me and I’d tell him to get lost. But that night, he really needed me, and I just didn’t realize—”

  Covering her face with her hands, she began to weep. “I’m so sorry, Gabriel—”

  “Oh, Maddy, don’t cry,” he murmured, putting his arms around her and holding her close.

  “I was the only one there with him. If I’d just thought for half a minute, he might still be alive.”

  “But you said you only suspect he committed suicide. So that means you could be wrong, couldn’t you?”

  Sitting back, Gabriel took a tissue from the box on the nightstand and handed it to Madelyn. She accepted it gratefully, dabbed at her eyes and blew her nose.

  “Yes, but—” she began.

  “Did he leave a note?”

  “Well, no. But when I went through his things afterward I found an empty pill bottle. The last time I’d seen it, a couple of weeks earlier, it had been almost full of the capsules his doctor prescribed for pain. Ethan rarely took them. He claimed they made him woozy, and they did. Still, he insisted on keeping the prescription filled just in case he ever really needed them.

  “To empty the bottle that quickly, he would have had to have been using them regularly, and I would have noticed that.”

  “Even if he was using them at night to help him sleep? Even if, gradually, over time, he upped the dosage on his own because the original dosage wasn’t helping anymore?”

  “No, not necessarily,” Madelyn admitted.

  Looking away, she considered what Gabriel was suggesting. Ethan could very well have been using the pills at night without telling her. Which meant he could very well have overdosed by accident. Still...

  “I should have known,” she insisted.

  “Not if he didn’t want you to. Remember what you told me a few weeks ago? Ethan was an adult. He made his own choices, choices that, more often than not, were to his benefit. Whether he took the pills inadvertently or intentionally, ultimately he made the decision.

  “You did what you could for him, Madelyn. But he was dying a slow death, a debilitating death. Even if you’d stayed with him that last night, you would have only been postponing the inevitable. Ethan would have never come back here to live off my charity. Nor would he have allowed himself to be dependent on you for much longer. He was a proud man. He would have rather died first.”

  Gabriel took another tissue from the box and blotted the fresh tears trickling down her cheeks.

  “Stop blaming yourself, Maddy,” he pleaded softly. “That’s not what he would have wanted you to do. And it’s not what I want you to do, either. I want you to see yourself for the good person you truly are.”

  “Oh, Gabriel,” she murmured, going to him gladly when he reached out for her.

  She wanted to believe him. What he said made sense. And if he didn’t consider her at fault, then surely she hadn’t been.

  “You did the best you could with what you had.” Gabriel assured her, as if aware that she still had her doubts. “That’s all any of us can ask of ourselves.”

  Smoothing a hand over her hair, he bent and kissed her cheek, then shifted so that he could brush his lips across hers. With a ragged sigh, she gave herself up to him again, letting him soothe away the last of her sadness and regret.

  Whether Ethan had died of natural causes or by his own hand, she couldn’t bring him back. But she could honor him by making the most of the legacy he’d left her. A legacy that had less to do with part-ownership of a five-hundred-thousand-dollar house than it did with his half brother and a little boy named Brian.

  They were the reason Ethan had sent her here, she acknowledged with sudden understanding. They were his real gift to her. Ethan had known Gabriel and he had known her, and he must have realized that, given a chance, they would see in each other what he had seen in them, and admired, no matter how disdainfully he’d treated them.

  As Gabriel worked his magic, kissing her, touching her, Madelyn imagined Ethan looking down on them, smiling that sly smile of his. For just a moment, she smiled, too, sending him a whisper of thanks. Then she focused all her attention on Gabriel.

  Her hands in his hair, she tugged his head up.

  “I love you,” she murmured.

  Wordlessly, he met her gaze, then took her mouth in a deep, drugging kiss, shifting her under him, showing her, once more, just how much he needed her.

  Much later, when Madelyn mumbled drowsily about going back to the cottage, Gabriel insisted she stay with h
im until morning, and she agreed without the slightest hesitation. He checked on Brian, who was still sleeping soundly, set the clock for six, giving her more than enough time to get ready for school, then settled her beside him, an arm looped around her waist possessively.

  Feeling more at peace than she had in months, she slept deeply. And when she awoke, not only to the buzz of the alarm, but to the feathery touch of Gabriel’s lips on her shoulder, as well, she turned to him with an eagerness she couldn’t have hidden if she tried.

  It was closer to seven than six when Gabriel and she finally slipped out of the house and headed across to the cottage. He had refused to let her walk back alone despite her protests, and as she waited for him to unlock the door, she was glad that he had.

  She didn’t want what they had shared to seem furtive. Yet she knew they couldn’t be blatant about their sexual relationship for Brian’s sake, as well as their own. Gabriel, especially, could be hurt by rumors of misconduct. They would have to be circumspect until they had a chance to make some decisions about the future.

  Their future together, Madelyn thought, having no doubt that Gabriel’s intentions were honorable. Even if he still hadn’t said he loved her....

  “We can leave a little later than usual if you think you’ll need more time,” he said as he opened the door.

  “I’ll be ready by seven-thirty,” she assured him.

  “I didn’t mean to keep you quite so long—”

  “I’m glad you did.” Rising up on her toes, she kissed him on the nose. “Now, please, go back home before Millie pulls up and catches us out here.”

  “I’m not thrilled about having to leave you like this.”

  “Me, neither.”

  “Well, then, I guess we should do something about it fairly soon, shouldn’t we?”

  “As long as that something involves us being together, yes we should,” she agreed with a teasing grin.

  She couldn’t believe she was being so bold. But after last night, she saw no reason to hide her feelings from him any longer.

  “My plan exactly.”

  He stole a swift kiss. Then, with obvious reluctance, he turned and strode back across the courtyard.

  Madelyn stood in the doorway, watching him go, her heart filled with love. At last, aware that time was flying by, she headed into the cottage.

  She could hardly believe that her dream seemed to be coming true, after all. But deep down inside, along with her love, she had faith in Gabriel, as well.

  Faith that she meant as much to him as he meant to her, and that one day soon, he’d find the words to tell her.

  Chapter 10

  Almost two full weeks had passed since the Sunday night Gabriel first made love to Madelyn, weeks that had been among the best of his life. They had also been among the busiest he’d had in quite a while, and that was why he hadn’t yet had a chance to discuss marriage with her. While they had spent as much time together as possible, the right moment simply hadn’t presented itself.

  They had both been swamped with school-related work of one kind or another, including various extracurricular activities that first week. Also, Brian had been more demanding than usual of their time and attention as he gradually, and occasionally grudgingly, adjusted to life with one arm in a cast and sling.

  Bored and lonely after a week away from school, he had begged to have friends over all weekend, and although it had meant Gabriel and Madelyn would have to be on their best behavior—that is, sleeping separately—Gabriel had agreed. Then three days of regional meetings for junior and senior high school principals had taken him to Albuquerque the past week.

  However, as of three-thirty that afternoon, school was officially out for a week so students and teachers alike could enjoy Spring Break. And with Brian well enough to spend the night at Donny’s house, Gabriel and Madelyn could finally enjoy some much-needed time alone together. As they would now that their dinner with Henry Martin and his wife, Magda, was over, and they were almost home.

  Time to talk about the future. Time, too, to make slow, sweet love.

  Rather than assuage Gabriel’s desire for Madelyn, the odd moments when they’d been able to slip away together had left him wanting her all the more. And she still dominated his thoughts day and night. Had he not known himself better, he could have been tempted to believe he was besotted with her.

  She was so very lovely, and she had honored him deeply with the gift of her virginity. A gift he would cherish all the days of his life.

  Her honesty about Ethan had touched him, too. Telling him that his brother had possibly committed suicide hadn’t been easy for her. She had blamed herself, and had been afraid he would blame her, as well. Yet she’d had the integrity to reveal what she thought to be the truth, and the consequences be damned.

  Knowing Ethan as he did, Gabriel hadn’t thought for a moment that she’d been at fault. He had admired her all the more for the strength and courage she had displayed. And he had tried to dispel any doubts she had about her basic decency with what he considered some success.

  “Did you have a nice time?” he asked, glancing at her as he reached out and took her by the hand.

  They were nearing the house, driving in his truck, and he realized she had been as quiet as he since they had bid the Martins good-night. He wondered if the thoughts she had been thinking had been as heartening as his.

  “I had a wonderful time,” she admitted, favoring him with a winsome smile. “I’m so glad Henry suggested it. I really enjoyed meeting Magda. She can be so serious, but she also has a great sense of humor.”

  “Being married to Henry, she has to,” Gabriel said. “He’s really off-the-wall most of the time.”

  “We creative types usually are,” Madelyn teased. “Which probably explains why I’m so attracted to you. You can be serious, but you have a great sense of humor, too.”

  “You’re attracted to me, are you?” He grinned at her as he pulled into the driveway.

  “Oh, please. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed?”

  “Well, on a few occasions, a very few occasions, I’ve gotten that impression. But a little reminder would be nice.”

  “Your place or mine?” she asked, arching a delicate eyebrow.

  “Mine, I think. That’s where we left the dog, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, I do believe it is,” she agreed as they left the truck in the garage and walked across the courtyard.

  Since Brian and Buddy had become best friends during the week Brian was home from school, the little dog had been dividing his time between the house and cottage. However, he always spent the night wherever Madelyn would be so neither one of them ended up home alone.

  Tonight, Madelyn had brought Buddy over to the house before they left to meet Henry and his wife. Obviously, she had been thinking ahead to this part of the evening—the part they would be spending alone together—just as much as he had.

  The dog greeted them—actually, Madelyn—as if he had been left alone for two weeks instead of only two hours. Of course, Gabriel could understand how he felt. He, too, always seemed to want to kiss Madelyn senseless whenever they had been apart for any amount of time.

  Laughing, she put the dog down, then shooed him outside so he could take care of his business. Gabriel helped her out of her coat, stealing a quick kiss of his own, took off his coat, crossed to the counter and started to fill the coffeepot.

  There would be no better time for them to sit down and talk about the future. And once they had gotten that out of the way—

  “What are you doing?” Madelyn asked, her voice whisper soft as she came up behind him, put her arms around his waist and rubbed up against him in sensual invitation.

  “Making coffee,” he answered, though he set the pot down. “I wanted to talk—”

  “No,” she stated, rising up on her toes so she could nibble at the back of his neck.

  “No?”

  “I don’t want to talk now. I want to make love.”

 
Turning to face her, Gabriel put his hands on her shoulders, determined to remain firm in his decision that they get certain matters settled first. But one look at Madelyn’s sassy smile, one luscious taste of her tempting mouth, one touch of her teasingly provocative hands, and he surrendered to her wishes with a low groan.

  Pausing just long enough to let the dog in, then closet him in Brian’s room, Gabriel wasted little time getting Madelyn out of her black dress and into his bed. But then, with the whole night ahead of them, he slowed the pace considerably, doing a good deal of tempting and teasing of his own.

  He now knew exactly what she enjoyed most—long, slow kisses all over her delectable body, coupled with tenderly intimate touches—and he delighted as much in giving her what she wanted as he did receiving the darkly sensual, deeply sexual gratification she so willingly offered him in return.

  He marveled anew at how freely she gave of herself and how trustingly she came apart in his arms—once, then once again—until he finally yielded to his own breathtaking fulfillment with a shuddering moan.

  Afterward, Gabriel held Madelyn close, staring into the darkness as their breathing slowed and their bodies cooled. He wished he could see her face, but he hadn’t taken the time to switch on a lamp, much less light a fire in the fireplace.

  They would sleep soon, anyway, so they didn’t really need a light on. But there was wood on the grate, and the flickering flames would provide just the right atmosphere for the talk he was still set upon having with her.

  He eased away from her, shushing her protest with a kiss and a few words of explanation, lit the fire and returned gladly to the warmth of her open arms, all within a matter of minutes.

  “Now we’re going to talk,” he said, plumping up their pillows, then holding her close.

  “That sounded rather ominous,” she replied, glancing at him, the faintest hint of wariness evident in her eyes. “Is something wrong?”

  “Not at all.” He gave her a reassuring hug, and she relaxed against him once more. “I just wanted to be sure I had your attention.”