Time To Love Again

by Roseanne Dowell

  "NO! I am not giving in. I'll figure something out. These decorations are going up." Rose's voice echoed in the empty garage.

  She stood up from the step, looked for a hammer, picked up the Santa, and hit the switch for the garage door opener. A pair of legs vanished around the corner. Leaning the Santa against the garage, she sneaked around the side to find Sarah and one of her friends.

  "Hi," she hoped her voice sounded cheerful. "I was wondering– could you help me with something."

  Sarah turned to run and the little boy, hiding behind her, fell.

  "Please, don't go. I'm trying to put up my Christmas decorations, and I really do need help." Rose smiled, hoping to set them at ease.

  Sarah turned back, hesitant, cautious. "Your Christmas decorations?"

  Rose laughed at the surprise in Sarah's voice.

  Of course she's surprised. All the while they lived here, she had never decorated for any holiday. Didn't even pass out Halloween candy. Rose felt a stirring of guilt, what a grouch she had become.

  "Yes, Christmas decorations, come on I'll show you. Santa is right here next to the garage, but it's heavy and I can't handle him alone."

  The kids followed her. "Wow!" The little boy, Sarah called Jason, said as he stared at the large Santa sleigh.

  "So you'll help me?" Rose picked up the hammer and the kids backed up a step. "Can the two of you manage to bring that to the front yard?" She felt a pang of guilt at the fear she had instilled in them. "I think near the snowman will be a good place. What do you think?"

  Jason and Sarah picked up the Santa and trudged through the snow behind her. They held it while Rose tried to pound the stakes that would secure it into the frozen ground. Soon, Sarah's other friends gathered in the yard.

  Probably wondering what Sarah and Jason were doing with the grouchy old lady, Rose thought.

  Sarah introduced Billy and Jenny and the boys took a try at hammering the stakes, laughing and joking at their lack of strength. They were soon rolling in the snow and throwing snowballs. All except Sarah and Jason, who patiently held the sleigh as Rose took her turn with the hammer again.

  Stephen appeared around the corner of the garage.

  "Grandpa!"

  Rose's face burned, and she hoped the flush wouldn't be noticeable due to the cold and energy she expended pounding the stakes.

  "Looks like you could use some help."

  Rose took one of the proffered cups of hot chocolate he held, nodded, too out of breath to speak and held out the hammer.

  Stephen took the hammer and pounded the stakes into the ground with ease.

  "What's next?" he asked after he kissed her cheek.

  Sarah giggled while she and her friends ran to get the sleigh. They worked all morning decorating the house.

  Stephen even climbed the ladder and strung the lights across the front of the house. Rose was surprised they still worked after all those years. They sang carols while they worked and the kids, between throwing snowballs, added to the enjoyment of the day. It had been years since Rose had so much fun.

  With the last wreath hung, Rose picked up a snowball. While Stephen folded the ladder, she threw it at him.

  That's all they needed for the beginning of an all out snowball fight. The kids soon joined in laughing and falling in the snow. The snowball fight brought back a lot of good memories and feelings. Memories and feelings, Rose had hidden away far too long. Slipping and sliding, trying to dodge snowballs, Rose fell and found herself sitting in a mound of snow.

  The kids backed off. Rose saw the frightened looks on their faces when she let out a shriek at the unexpected fall.

  Stephen ran to see if she was hurt.

  When he stooped to check on her, Rose reached up and pulled him down into the snow next to her and threw a handful of snow at him.

  Sarah, the first to react, jumped on her grandfather, and soon all the kids piled on while Rose washed his face in the snow.

  Blustering and spluttering, Stephen managed to throw them off. He reached for Rose, and pushed her down into the snow. Poised over the top of her with a handful of snow, he stared into her eyes, bent down, dropped his hand to the ground and planted a kiss on her lips.

  A short whisper of a kiss that sent Rose's head reeling. She caught her breath. If the kids hadn't been there, she would have pulled his head down and kissed him the way she wanted to be kissed. A long passionate kiss. She wasn't sure how it happened, but suddenly she liked these feelings he aroused in her. Whatever it was, she wasn't sorry. She never felt more alive.

  She knew the minute Stephen pushed her down, he was going to kiss her. The way he looked at her. Time seemed to stand still, and they were the only ones around.

  Sarah brought her back to reality.

  "Grandpa!" Sarah squealed and danced around them. Jumping and dancing about, she hit her friends' arms and giggled. "See," she yelled, "see I told you Grandpa liked Mrs. Asbury. This is the second time he kissed her."

  Heat seared Rose's face. Stephen helped her up, grinning at her like the cat that swallowed the canary. He held her hand as she got her balance and stared into her eyes. His eyes sparkled with a glint of mischief.

  A warm sensation went through her from the bottom of her stomach. Her hand trembled, as he squeezed it in his own. She was falling for this man. She didn't want to, but she was. He's warm, caring, compassionate, and he did to her insides that only Frank had done before.

  One of the kids threw a snowball at them, breaking the spell.

  Rose turned, picked up a handful of snow, and recovered from the electric sparks that had passed between her and Stephen. Could she find happiness a second time? Trying to shake off feelings she hadn't experienced since first meeting Frank, she threw it at Jason. The snowball fight continued.

  About fifteen minutes later, exhausted, cold, and hungry, Rose looked at the small group. "Pizza's on me if everyone's parents agree." Three little sets of feet raced home to check with their parents. She looked at Stephen.

  "Feel like pizza?"

  Sarah jumped up and down. "Can we Grandpa, huh, can we?"

  Rose noticed the excitement and enthusiasm in Sarah's voice. She sounded just like any other eight-year old, excited and having fun. Her eyes sparkled above rosy cheeks. The sad look in her eyes gone for the time being.

  Stephen looked at Rose, smiled, nodded, and took her hand in his as they followed an excited Sarah to the garage. "First I'm going to go home and change out of these wet clothes. I'll be back in a few." He brushed a strand of hair off Rose's cheek.

  Even the slight touch of his hand set off sparks inside her.

  Sarah stripped off her snowsuit and hung it up while she waited for Rose to open the door.

  "Door's open when you come back." Rose yelled to Stephen. She shook the wet coats and hung them on hooks in the garage to dry, went inside and phoned in the order for pizza, put a pot of water on for hot chocolate, turned the television on for Sarah, and went to change into dry clothes.

  Catching her reflection the mirror and the blush in her cheeks, whether from the cold or her reaction to Stephen, she wasn't sure. Her brown eyes sparkled as she combed and curled her short brown hair. Gone were the streaks of gray. After applying a fresh coat of lipstick to her lips, she couldn't help but smile at the action she hadn't bothered with, except for special occasions, for two, maybe three years. The new look pleased her. She ran her hands down her waist to her hip. Not a bad figure for her age either. She had lost a lot of weight, and it certainly didn't hurt.

  Stephen, Jenny, and Billy arrived the same time as the pizza. Rose went to get her purse, but Stephen handed her the pizza and took out his wallet.

  "You didn't have to do that." Rose studied him when he came into the kitchen. She liked his slow easy smile. "It was supposed to be my treat."

  "I wanted to, don't worry about it." He came up behind her, cradled her in his arms, and nuzzled her neck. "Need help?"

  Help wasn't all she needed. She tried to sti
ll her trembling hands while she put pizza slices on plates. How could this man unnerve her so much? "You do this. I'll make the hot chocolate." She needed to put some distance between them. She liked the feel of his arms around her a little too much. But not now, there were too many little eyes around.

  Jason arrived a few minutes later, and they all sat around the table.

  It had been a long time since the kitchen housed so many people. Rose liked it. Liked the light mood while they ate their pizza. It brought back memories of other times her kitchen had been full of kids. She enjoyed the way everyone laughed and joked with each other. Enjoyed watching the kids tease each other.

  Sarah glanced at her, eyes gleaming, the hurt and vacant look gone. It did Rose's heart good to see her having fun and acting like a child.

  "So who wants to go to my attic and help carry down Christmas decorations?" she asked after they devoured the pizza.

  Four little pairs of hands raised, amidst cheers, shouts of I do's, and I'll helps.

  "First things first, we have to move the furniture around."

  They followed her into the living room eager to work. Stephen brought up the rear. Rose found her Christmas cassette tapes that had managed to escape the vandals and turned on the stereo, glad now Francis made her buy it. To the sounds of Jingle Bells, Deck the Halls and other happy Christmas songs, they rearranged the couch, tables, and chairs and cleared an area in front of the window for the tree. The kids helped bring the numerous boxes of Christmas ornaments and decorations down from the attic.

  Stephen assembled the artificial tree and strung the lights while she and the kids popped popcorn, and she taught them to string it. Stephen lit a fire in the fireplace and Rose felt warm, content, and happy for the first time in years. She was beginning to love this man. Was that a bad thing?

  She thought not.

  The kids loved the stories about some of the ornaments while they decorated the tree. "When my kids were little we always put the tree up the day after Thanksgiving," she told them. They seemed surprised to learn she had kids of her own.

  "They really have a low opinion of me don't they?" she asked Stephen.

  "Looks like it's changing now, though, doesn't it?" Stephen grinned at her, a humorous glint in his eyes.

  He rubbed her back while he spoke, and Rose didn't pull away. God, his hands felt good on her. She wanted to lean into him. Wanted to feel his arms around her again. Wherever these feelings came from, she didn't care. All she knew was that she liked it. Liked having a roomful of kids and a man by her side. Too long, she lived alone in misery and pain. Too long, she allowed herself to be separated from the world around her.

  No more.

  Now she wanted to be part of it again. Wanted to love again. She looked at Stephen. She wanted this man to love her.

  * * *

  You're making progress old man. Stephen liked the change in Rose as she helped the kids decorate the tree. Someone must have waved a magic wand and suddenly transformed her into a fairy princess. Her laughter and smile were contagious. Even the kids enjoyed the difference. He longed to take her in his arms and kiss her, but that would have to wait until they were alone. She wouldn't resist anymore. He'd seen the desire in her eyes. She looked so alive, so happy. Whatever caused the change, he hoped it continued. Thought it would. She had finally come out of her shell. Whatever the reason, she finally realized life was meant to be lived. "I'll get more hot chocolate," he said. Yep, life was going to be good.

  * * *

  Rose stood next to Stephen and watched the kids finish decorating the tree. He put his arm around her and pulled her close. She leaned into him and put her head on his shoulder, relishing the warmth of his body. She enjoyed the security of his arms. For the first time in a long time she felt safe. Warm. Secure.

  Loved.

  Strange as that seemed, she did feel loved. It emitted from Stephen's arms to his eyes. He bent down and brushed his lips over hers. The kiss sent a bolt of excitement through her. A shiver ran up her spine. The kiss sparked the same reaction in her as the first time Frank kissed her.

  Could she let herself go a second time?

  She looked up into Stephen's eyes. A tear glistened in her own. Everyone was right, she needed someone, had been alone too long. Stephen hugged her tighter and kissed her again.

  Rose could get lost in his arms, in his kiss. Wanted to get lost for the first time in years. She had forgotten how good a man's arms felt around her. How exciting a kiss could be. And Stephen definitely excited her. She wanted him almost as much as she wanted Frank the first time. How could she feel the same way about two men? After Frank died, she didn't think anyone could make her feel this way again. Somehow Stephen had. No, she'd never love him the way she loved Frank. Her husband was her first love, after all. But it felt right with Stephen.

  And she wanted so much more.

  Someone tugged on her arm. She pulled her mouth from Stephen's, opened her eyes and looked down. Sarah grinned up at her, holding a glass blown ornament.

  "Ms. Asbury, is there a story behind this one?"

  "This is a very special ornament. It belonged to my mother and it's very, very old." Rose bent down, took the ornament, and twirled it. "When I was a child, my brother, sister, and I used to say an angel lived in this house. See how the windows sparkle in the light?" She handed it back to Sarah. "Give it a very special place on the tree."

  Tears filled her eyes at the memory of her youth and for the lost days spent wallowing in self-pity. She turned back to Stephen for reassurance and the tender look in his eyes spoke volumes.

  The desire to be in his arms filled Rose with longing, but that would have to wait for a better time. This was a man with much to offer. She was ready to move on. After his kiss, she knew he desired her as much as she wanted him.

  Stephen looked at his watch. "Okay, kids time to go home." Sarah needed to get her shower and get into bed. "School tomorrow."

  The kids groaned.

  "I hate to leave," he said. "But my first responsibility lies with Sarah, and she does have school tomorrow. Besides, the other kids have curfews."

  He brushed his finger lightly over Rose's cheek as he caressed her with his eyes. She wanted him to stay, but understood. He motioned Sarah to the door. "Go get your snowsuit on."

  The sparks flew between them as Stephen gazed into her eyes, they both wanted more. The kiss had sent an electrical shock through her, and she wanted to be in his arms again– needed the feel of his body pressed close to hers. Wanted to feel the sparks again. It had been a long time since a man made her feel like this. She reached up and brushed the hair from his eyes, speaking volumes through her own– was she sending him a message? She was ready for the next level.

  Sarah came back and danced about, impatient to leave. "Come on, Grandpa. It's getting hot with my snowsuit on."

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Sarah's mood changed the minute they left Rose's. Stephen wished she'd talk to him. Obviously, she was unhappy that her parents were gone, and he couldn't blame her for that. But there seemed to be something else and he couldn't reach out to her. He'd talk to Rose about her tomorrow. She understood kids better than he did.

  He smiled as he remembered the way Rose looked at him, the desire in her eyes. He had done it. He had cracked that tough reserve. Now to convince her to spend Christmas with him and Sarah. He'd have to shop for a special gift for her. He'd already gotten her a pair of new leather gloves and a silk scarf, but now he wanted something special, maybe jewelry.

  Chapter Thirty

  Rose watched Stephen and Sarah until the darkness of the yard swallowed them. Stephen promised he'd see her tomorrow. Her heart danced as she looked at the tree lights and decorations.

  There were only a five days until Christmas, but finally she felt the spirit of the holiday. Tomorrow she wanted to shop and get something special for Stephen and Sarah. Too bad she'd sent the usual money to her kids and grandkids, not putting any thought into a gift.
Now she wished for more time. Shopping for the perfect gifts used to give her so much pleasure. This year, she planned to ask Stephen and Sarah to dinner. It had been so long since anyone had spent Christmas with her.

  "And whose fault is that?" Emma asked. "You're the one that declined all the invitations."

  Shaking off Emma's voice, Rose sat down to make a list of things she needed. She could hardly wait. She wanted this relationship with Stephen. Wanted it to go far beyond friendship. After the way he kissed her, she knew it was possible. She was ready now.

  Maybe they had plans for Christmas. Why did she assume because they helped with Christmas decorations that she was suddenly the center of their lives?